Monday, June 23, 2014

  • 06/23/2014

"Jason Nash Is Married" stars Busy Philipps, Andy Daly and Jason Nash learn about a photogenic lawbreaker, #RuinAVideoGameCharacter and come up with ways to stop a wedding.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNET

HEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

FROM CHRIS BROWN TO FREE JAHAR,IT'S CLEAR THAT SOME WOMEN

CAN'T RESIST A BAD BOY,PROVING IT DOESN'T REALLY

MATTER WHAT SOMEONE DOES ASLONG AS THEY'RE [BLEEP]

ENOUGH.

DESPITE A CRIMINAL RECORDTHAT INCLUDES CORPORAL

INJURY TO A CHILD AND STREETTERRORISM, JEREMY MEEKS BECAME

AN INTERNET HEART THROB WHEN HISDREAMY MUGSHOT WAS PUT ONLINE

SEE, SEE. BLEEP]ABLE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BUSTTHAT GUY.

THIS INSTANTLY INSPIREDHUNDREDS OF MEMES LIKE THIS

ONE.

THERE IS THAT ONE.

HE'S GOT PIERCING EYES ANDSTABBY HANDS.

COMEDIANS WHICH PIECE OFJEREMY MEEKS MERCH IS NOT SOLD

ON ETSY. A, THIS TOO HOT FORJAIL T-SHIRT.

B, THIS JEREMY MEEKS iPHONECASE.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> OR, C, THIS COFFEE MUGREADING THE MEEKS SHALL

INHERIT MY VAGINA.

(LAUGHTER)>> YES JASON NASH.

>> B

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS THECOFFEE MUG.

THE MEEKS SHALL INHERIT MYVAGINA.

>> I KNEW IT WASN'T BBECAUSE I ALREADY ORDERED

THAT.

>> OKAY, GOOD.

SO FOR BONUS POINTS PLEASELIST THE SEXY CHARGES WOULD

YOU EXPECT TO SEE ON JEREMYMEEKS' RAP SHEET. BUSY PHILLIPS

>> BREAKING AND ENTERINGYOUR VAGINA.

YES, POINTS.

>> WELL, WAIT, I HOPE HEDOESN'T BREAK IT.

>> WELL, MIGHT NOT BE A BADTHING.

I LIKE THE WAY THAT COFFEEMUG IS DESIGNED SO THE IMAGE

IS FACING YOU WHILE YOU'REDRINKING COFFEE.

>> THIS ONE IS FOR ME.

>> WHAT ELSE WOULD HE BE INJAIL FOR, ANDY DALY.

>> ARMED HEARTTHROBBERY.

>> YEAH, OH NICE, I LIKE THAT.

POINTS. THAT CHARGE DOESN'T HURTANYBODY. JASON NASH.

>> CONTRIBUTING TO THEWETNESS OF PANTIES.

>> I HATE THAT, I HATE IT SOMUCH.

>> POINTS.

>> I HATE THE WORD PANTIES.

>> OH YOU DO?>> YEAH.

>> THAT WORD CONTRIBUTING,GROSS.

>> ALL RIGHT, SPEAKING OF(BLEEP)ING, THE ELECTRIC

DAISY CARNIVAL HAPPENED OVERTHE WEEKEND.

NOW, IF ARE YOU NOT FAMILIARWITH IS ONE OF THE WORLD'S

BIGGEST ELECTRONIC MUSICFESTIVALS WHERE THE WHITEST

WHITE GATHER TO DRESS LIKEWOODLAND CREATURES WITH COKE

PROBLEMS AND DANCE TO MUSIC THATSOUNDS LIKE DIAL-UP MODEMS.

>> SURPRISE, THESE GOOFYPARENT-DISAPPOINTERS LIKE

PUTTING UP PICTURES OF THEIRATTENTION-STARVED FAILINGS ON

INSTAGRAM, SO INSTAGRAM ISLITTERED WITH EDC PICTURES.

WHICH ONE OF THESE PICTURES GOTMOST LIKES.

A, THIS PATRIOTIC UNICORN.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> YUP, THAT'S A FANNIE PACK.

(LAUGHTER)>> B, THESE CREEPY EVEN FOR

FURIES, FURIES.

GOD DAMMIT!

>> NO WAY.

>> DUDE, THEY'RE [BLEEP]CLOWN FURRIES.

>> TERRIFYING.

>> NOT ENOUGH HASHTAGS THERE.

>> REALLY, NOT ENOUGH -->> SID AND MARTY KROFFT

LOOK AT THOSE AND GO, THAT'STOO [BLEEP] UP, MAN.

(LAUGHTER)>> C, THIS DICK PIC

>> C.

>> GUYS EVEN TICKLE PICTURES OF BALLS, THEY CAN'T

EVEN HELP --.

>> JASON NASH, WHAT.>> C.

>> YOU THINK IT'S C. LET'S FINDOUT.

>> OH, I'M SUPRISED.

>> IT'S THE WEIRD MURDER CLOWNFURRIES. FOR BONUS POINTS WHAT

ARE SOME DISEASES YOU CAN ONLYCONTRACT AT THE ELECTRIC

DAISY CARNIVAL. BUSY.

>> PROBABLY JUST LIKE, CONSTANTUNENDING SEIZURES.

>> LIKE FOREVER SEIZURES.

>> ANDY.

>> I HEARD A LOT OF PEOPLEGOT HUGA HOOP HIPS.

>> OK, POINTS. POINTS. JASON?

>> MOLLY RINGWALD.>> OH THAT'S GREAT. POINTS.

IT'S NOW TIME FORTONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS.

(APPLAUSE)>> THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME

TO BELIEVE THE DAY IS THE23rd ANNIVERSARY OF PARKER'S

LOVE AFFAIR WITH SONIC THEHEDGEHOG.

SONIC HAS BECOME A STABLE OFFAN ART LIKE THIS AMAZING

PICTURE OF A MUTATED SONICPEEING IN A DIAPER.

FROM THE BAD SONIC FAN ARTTUMBLR.

>> THAT IS A PICTURE FROMEDC.

>> I'LL GIVE JASON NASH 100POINTS FOR THAT.

>> LIKE SO MUCH FAN ART ISDONE TO SONIC TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS RUIN A VIDEO GAMECHARACTER.

(APPLAUSE)

>> EXAMPLES MIGHT BE HONKYKONG, OR SACKMAN OR HUMAN

CENTIPEDE OR MIKE TYSON'SANYTHING.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

>> FRESH PRINCE OF PERSIA.

>> YES, OH SO GOOD. POINTS.JASON.

>>> JOAN RIVERS TOMB RAIDER.

>> HALOKITTY.

>> GOOD, POINTS. TV'S ANDY DALY.

>> LAURA KRAFT MACARONI ANDCHEESE RAIDER.

YEAH GOOD POINTS. GOOD SPIN ONTHAT ONE. JASON NASH.

>> WRECK-IT RALPHIE MAY.

>> WOW, GOOD ONE, POINTS. ANDYDALY.

SEXUAL-HARASSMENT SUIT LARRY,INSTEAD OF LEISURESUIT LARRY.

>> OH MY GOD, LEISURESUIT LARRY?

OH SO GOOD, POINT FORCE THATREFERENCE. YES BUSY.

>> SUPERMARIO LOPEZ.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.

WAIT A MINUTE, I FEEL LIKEMARIO LOPEZ IS SUPERMARIO

LOPEZ.

THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER SEETHEM IN THE SAME ROOM.

>> BRUCE SPRINGSTEIN AND THEE STREET BAND BANDICOOT.

>> I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS. ANDYDALY.

>> BAND OF BROTHERS-ICOOTS.

WHAT THE TFM.WHAT THE TFM.

(APPLAUSE)SO TOTAL FRAT MOVE.COM HAS A

WALL WHERE YOU LET YOU POSTTOTAL FRAT MOVES, OR TFMS.

SURPRISE, HALF OF WHICH INVOLVEROOFIES. I WILL ASK YOU TO READ

A TFM AND YOU'RE GOING TO FILLIN BLANK.

IF I LIKE IT BETTER THAN THE ONETHE FRAT DUDE POSTED, POINTS.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE.

>> INSISTING ON FINISHING BLANKBEFORE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.

TFM. ANDY DALY.

>> AN ENLIGHTENING DIALOGUEON EARLY 20th CENTURY

IMPRESSIONISMS.

>> LET'S SEE SEE WHAT THEACTUAL ANSWER IS.

>> YOUR BEER, YEAH, VERYCLOSE, POINTS, ANDY DALY.

THESE ARE COLLEGE STUDENTS, YES?

>> YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW, THESEARE ACADEMICS.

>> I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

>> NEXT ONE HOTEL SECURITYASKING TO YOU BLANK, TFM.

>> PUT YOUR PENIS BACK INYOUR DRESS.

>> SO GOOD.

>> I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOUPOINTS.

I DON'T GIVE A [BLEEP] WHAT THEREAL ANSWER IS. THE REAL ANSWER

HAPPENS TO BE ASKING YOU TOPUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON.

>> SO CLOSE.

>> ALMOST THE SAME THING.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

>> SAYING BLANK AS YOU HAND HERA HALF FULL UNATTENDED DRINK

YOU FOUND. TFM. JAOSN NASH.

>> QUICK, DRINK THIS.

>> LET'S FIND OUT THE REALANSWER.

>> SAYING I BOUGHT YOU ADRINK, VERY CLOSE.

JASON NASH, POINTS. LAST ONE.

>> PUTTING MORE EFFORT INTOGETTING HER OUT OF BED IN

THE MORNING THAN YOU DIDBLANK. TFM, ANDY DALY.

>> MAKING A BED OUT OFSWEATSHIRTS AND BEER CANS.

>> LET'S SEE WHAT THE REALANSWER IS.

>> THAN YOU DID GETTING HERIN.

TFM POINTS TO ANDY DALY FORTHAT ONE.

WEIRD INDIE GAMES

NOW, IF YOU'RE A GAMER BUT YOUDON'T WANT TO SUPPORT BIG

CONSOLE BY BUYING THE LATESTMADDEN OR HALO, THERE'S

TONS OF WEIRD UNIQUE INDIEGAMES MADE BY DEDICATED

ARTISANS WHO HAVE PASSION ANDDEDICATION AND TONS AND TONS OF

MARIJUANA. SO CONTESTANTS, I'MGOING TO GIVE YOU

TWO DESCRIPTIONS AND WHICHIS THE ACTUAL GAME.

>> FIRST ONE, MOUNT YOUR FRIENDSGRUNTING MUSCELMEN WITH

HUGE PENISES DOG PILE ON A GOATOR SWORD COLLECTOR, YOU PLAY

AS A HEAVY METAL FAN WHOCOLLECTS SWORDS EVEN THOUGH YOUR

GIRLFRIEND TELLS YOU IT IS AWASTE OF MONEY.

>> THE REAL SHOW IS MOUNT YOURFRIEND.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> OH(LAUGHTER)

>> WHAT IS HAPPENING WITHTHE PENIS.

(APPLAUSE)>> GOT TO BE HONEST, I KIND

OF WANT TO PLAY THAT.

>> THAT POOR SHEEP.

>> HE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME,HE'S MEDITATING.

>> THOSE ARE NOT REALFRIENDS.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

A RUSSIAN GAME WHERE YOUPLAY A DUMPSTER BABY WHO

STEALS VODKA FOR PROSTITUTES.

>> OR HURRY! ENSCONCE THEWOMEN! AN ITALIAN GAME

WHERE YOU MUST HIDE THEPRIME MINISTER'S MISTRESSES

FROM THE PAPARAZZI. ANDY DALY.

>> IT'S GOT TO BE DIMITROVASTREET BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH

THAT IS A BIG WORD NONE OFTHESE PEOPLE KNOW ENSCONCE.

LET'S FIND OUT.

>> DRIMITROVA STREET.

(APPLAUSE)

>> THAT IS LITERALLY THEMOST HORRIFYING THING I

THINK I'VE EVER SEEN.

>> I NOW HAVE A GREAT RESPECTFOR MAINSTREAM VIDEO GAMES.

>> THE LAST ONE.

OLD YELLER SIMULATOR 3,000,YOUR BELOVED DOG HAS RABIES AND

YOU PUT THEM DOWN WITH AGRENADE LAUNCHER, OR BABY MAKER

EXTREME, A SHOOTER WHEREPREGNANT WOMEN ROCKET BABIES

OUT OF THEIR VAGINAS. YES, BUSY.

>> I'M SOMEWHAT OF A BABYMAKER EXTREME SO I WILL GO

WITH THAT ONE.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> BABY MAKER EXTREME.

>> YEAH!

>> THAT IS ALMOST EXACTLYNOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN

I GAVE BIRTH.

>> BECAUSE I ALWAYS WONDERWAD ANGRY BIRDS WOULD BE

LIKE WITH FETUSES.

OH NO YOU DON'T. FOR THEJASON NASH IS MARRIED PANEL, WE

SEARCHED THE WIKI HOW HOW TOSTOP A WEDDING GIVES YOU 16

STEPS THAT INCLUDE, AVOIDDRAMATIC SCENES IF POSSIBLE

BECAUSE I'M SURE THERE IS ANUNDRAMATIC WAY TO TELL TWO

PEOPLE THAT THEY'RE MAKINGA GIANT MISTAKE THAT WILL

COST THEM TENS OF THOUSANDSOF DOLLARS.

THIS IS A PRETTY HAPPYPICTURE.

WOW.

>> HEY GUYS.

>> THERE IS SOMETHING WEWANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

>> I GUESS IF YOU LETSOMEONE ELSE BELOW YOU THAT

WOULD STOP A WEDDING.

(APPLAUSE)

>> I WANT YOU TO SHOUT OUTOBJECTIONS THAT WOULD STOP A

WEDDING.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

IF ANYONE OBJECTS TO THISWEDDING, LET THEM SPEAK NOW!

>> HEY, I THINK THE STRIPPER INTHE CAKE IS DEAD.

>> POINTS.

>> WHY WOULD THEY HAVE ACAKE STRIPPER AT A WEDDING.

>> WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THEISLAND!

(APPLAUSE)>> POINTS.

>> STOP THE WEDDING, SHE HASAN AMERICAN EXCHANGE

STUDENT TRAPPED IN HER VAGINA.

>> THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHENYOU BRING A GIANT MARBLE

BRIDE BACK FROM GERMANY. POINTS.TV'S ANDY DALY.

>> STOP THE WEDDING GAYMARRIAGE HAS RENDERED

STRAIGHT MARRIAGEMEANINGLESS.

THAT WOULD DO IT.

>> POINTS. JASON.

>> GOD IS BULL [BLEEP]. THISWHOLE THING IS BULL [BLEEP].

>> POINTS. BUSY PHILLIPS.

>> HAVE YOU SEEN ROBINTHICKE'S NEW VIDEO, HE WANTS

YOU BACK!

>> POINTS FOR BUSY PHILIPS.

>> STOP THE WEDDING I AMFROM THE FUTURE AND IT WILL

ALL BE RICH IF WE KILL THEGROOM.

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