In this episode, my new spider will be on this show. I will celebrate from a distance. Then, my feature for high-net-worth viewers: Colbert Platinum. It's a good way to pass the time while you're waiting for your inheritance. And my guest is Kevin Costner. I assume the interview will go $50 million over budget. You know what they say: if it ain't broke, let me at it. This is The Colbert Report.