Journey to the Center of Twayne

  • Season 2, Ep 213
  • 03/14/2012

A Lilliputian arsonist escapes Mark's custody and finds an unlikely hiding place in Twayne's nose.

- OF WHAT DO YOU THINK,LESBIAN HAIR?

- I ALWAYS WANTEDTO HELP THOSE IN NEED,

BUT NOW I THINKMAYBE GRIMES IS RIGHT.

MAYBE COUNSELINGIS ALL JUST BULL POO.

- DA, DA, DA, DA,DA, DA, DA, DA, DA.

THERE IS MUCH PAIN IN YOU,LESBIAN HAIR.

YOU MUST JOURNEY TO THE SPECIALPLACE TO EXERCISE THESE DEMONS.

- THIS LOOKS LIKE A SWEAT GLAND.

AH!

- LET YOUR MINDGO WHERE IT WILL.

- HEY, I DON'T THINKTHERE'S MUCH OXYGEN IN HERE.

HELP!

- MMM.

- [gasps]

- EVEN THOUGH THIS IS

A DEHYDRATION-INDUCEDHALLUCINATION,

IT STILL MAKES YOU KIND OF GAY.

- AH!

- HEY, MARK,WHILE YOU'RE INSIDE MY BODY,

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FIGURE OUTWHY I FART SO MUCH?

I UPPED MY FIBER INTAKE,BUT IT ISN'T WORKING.

[screams]

- OH, YOU CAN'T GIVE UP ON ME,MARK.

- I DON'T WANT TO.

BUT I NEED TO KNOW HOWTO GET THROUGH TO YOU, JERRY.

- I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU,

BUT I'M A FIGMENTOF YOUR OWN PSYCHE.

THAT'S WHY MY JUNKIS CALLIE'S FACE.

- OKAY, THIS ISTOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

HALLUCINATION OVER.

- HELP ME, MARK LILLY.

YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE.

- [grunts]

[coughs]

I CAN STILL SAVE JERRY.

IT'S MY DESTINY.

- WHO GIVES A CRAP?

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

I'D LIKE YOU TO BE MY BEST MANAND MY SPIRIT ANIMAL.

IT'S A WALLABY.

- YOU KNOW WE'REGONNA HAVE TO LEAVE HERE

IN THREE DAYS/HOURS?

- CAN'T YOU JUST LET MEEXPERIENCE HAPPINESS

FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE?

ONCE I SHRINK US IN THE MOONBUGGY

WE'RE GONNA NEEDA CRAP-LOAD OF FIREPOWER

TO BRING JERRY DOWN.

- I NEED YOU TO KEEP DIGGINGFOR MORE INFORMATION

ON JERRY'S BACKGROUND.

- I'LL DO YOUR DIRTY WORK,AFTER A QUICK WANK.

- LOOK, I'D CONSIDER ITA PERSONAL FAVOR

IF YOU WENT WITH HIM.

SOMETIMES THOSE QUICK WANKS,

THEY CAN TURN INTO WANK-A-THONS.

- UGH.

- [groans]

- THE SHRINKING SPELLLASTS EIGHT HOURS.

SO WE'LL HAVE TO GET OUT BEFOREWE GROW BACK TO NORMAL SIZE

OR IT'S--GAH--FOR TWAYNE.

- WAIT, TONIGHT'S MY BIG DATE.

AND WHAT DID THAT THINGWITH YOUR HAND MEAN?

[shimmering tone]

TRY TO LEAVE A SMALL FOOTPRINT.

[sniffs]

AH...AH...

CHOO!

- SNOT STORM!

HANG ON!

- TWAYNE'S GULLET.

JERRY HAD TO GO DOWN THERE.

- GOOD THING I BROUGHT THE WINCHTO LOWER US DOWN.

LET'S HAMMER INTHAT TETHERING SPIKE.

- [grunts][Twayne screams]

- THAT'S RIGHT,HAMMER IT IN NICE AND HARD.

- [grunts]

[Twayne screams]

- JESUS, IT IS HOT IN HERE.

- EVERY DEMON'S INSIDESARE UNIQUE.

TWAYNE SEEMS TO HAVEHIS OWN SUN.

BY MY CALCULATIONS,

ONE HOUR OF TIME OUTSIDE TWAYNE

EQUALS ONE DAY INSIDE TWAYNE.

SO WE HAVE EIGHT TWAYNE DAYSBEFORE HE HAVE TO GET OUT.

- SHUT YOUR INFORMATION HOLE.

LET'S HIKE UP THE GALL BLADDER

TO GET THE LAY OF THE LAND.

- AH!- A NET!

WHAT'S A NET DOING DOWN HERE?

- [groans]

- GREETINGS, FRIENDS.

WE MEAN YOU NO HARM.

- [gibberish]

- CLASSIC TWAYNE.

WELCOME TO THE DUNGEON

WHERE WE PUT ALL OURUN-INTEGRATABLE CRIMINALS.

- THINK ABOUT ME AT NIGHT.[laughs]

[spits]

- NO SPITTING, DICKHEAD.

YOU GOT A LITTLE, UH,SPOOGE ON YOUR FACE.

HERE'S YOUR NEW CLIENT.

I'M OFFICIALLY RELEASING HIMINTO YOUR CUSTODY.

- HELLO, JERRY.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT YOU'RE VERYIMPORTANT TO ME.

- I SEE THE HEALING'SALREADY BEGUN.

[laughs]

- I BELIEVE A LOT OF YOUARE ALREADY FAMILIAR

WITH OUR NEWEST MEMBER.

SO WELCOME BACK, JERRY.

- UH, TEACHER,PERMISSION TO SQUISH JERRY.

- NOBODY'S SQUISHING ANYONE.

- YEAH, WELL,I'LL BE SURE TO LOOK UP

YOUR LITTLE NEPHEW BLAGONEXT TIME I'M IN ZAGREB.

- NO, BLAGO JUST ACCEPTEDTO BALLET BARN OF CROATIA.

- NOTHING'S GOING TO HAPPENTO BLAGO.

JERRY IS JUSTBLOWING OFF SOME STEAM.

MUST BE HARD TO BE SO SMALLIN SUCH A BIG WORLD.

- I LOVE BEING SMALL.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAHOW BIG ASSES LOOK TO ME?

- BUT THERE HAS TO BESOME REASON YOU'RE THIS ANGRY.

- YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S FUN.

GET MAD, EVERYONE.[laughs]

IT'S BETTER THAN SEX.

[glass shatters]- [grunts]

- HE'S RIGHT.THAT IS A RUSH.

- [screams]

[both grunt]

- [moans]FISH FURY!

IT FEELS SO GOODTO LET THIS OUT!

- BIG SURPRISE.

JERRY STARTED A RIOT.

- YOU WANT TO GOBACK TO THE DUNGEON.

I HEAR THAT PENIS GUYIS LOOKING FOR A CELL MATE.

HE EMAILED ME.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,YOU WIN.

I'LL TALK TO YOU

IF YOU TAKE METO THE YANKEE GAME.

- BASEBALL FAN, HUH?

- OH, SURE, TAKETHE HARDENED CRIMINAL TO A GAME.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR BUDDY GRIMES

WOULD ENJOY A DAYAT THE BALLPARK SOMETIME.

MUST BE NICE TO SEE PORTIAAGAIN.

- HOW DO YOU KNOWHER STRIPPER NAME?

HAVE YOUR HANDSBEEN ON HER TITS?

I'LL KILL YOU!

- HOW I KNOW WHO SHE ISISN'T IMPORTANT.

WHAT IS IMPORTANTIS WHY YOU RISKED EVERYTHING

TO SEE HER AGAIN.

- HUH?

I FELL FOR HER BEFORE I MET HER.

SHE WROTE ME IN PRISON.

FILTHY, PERVERTED PROSE.

AS SOON AS I GOT OUT, I WENTSTRAIGHT TO THE BOOB FACTORY.

SHE ALMOST KILLEDME WITH THOSE LAP DANCES.

SHE LOVED BASEBALL,

SO WE WENT TO A YANKEE GAMEFOR OUR FIRST DATE.

WELL, ACTUALLY,I'M THE BASEBALL FAN.

SHE JUST WANTEDTO BANG DEREK JETER.

I WENT STRAIGHT FOR HER.

I ONLY ASKEDTHAT SHE STOP STRIPPING.

BUT THEN ONE NIGHT, SHE CAMEHOME IN THAT WHORE UNIFORM.

SHE SAID SHE'DBEEN OUT WITH THE GIRLS,

BUT I DUSTED HER ASSFOR FINGERPRINTS.

I STOPPED COUNTINGAFTER DISCOVERING

THE 20TH DIFFERENT SET.

I KNEW THENSHE'D NEVER GIVE UP THE POLE.

THAT WAS THE END OF GOOD JERRY.

WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT SHECHANGED FOR THAT LOSER TWAYNE,

IT DROVE ME CRAZY.

I MEAN, WHY NOT FOR ME?

- DID YOU EVER THINKMAYBE SHE HASN'T CHANGED?

- HUH?

SHE JUST RIPPED HIM OFF.

SHE'S PULLIN' A CON.

- SHE TAKES ADVANTAGEOF VULNERABLE MEN, JERRY.

SHE DID THE SAME TO YOU.

YOU'RE SO ANGRY AT THE WORLDBECAUSE OF YOUR SIZE.

BUT THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLEOUT THERE WILLING TO EMBRACE

A HEIGHT-CHALLENGEDINSECT AMERICAN.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

AND I DESERVE BETTER THAN HER.

YOU DID IT, MR. LILLY.THANK YOU.

I'LL, OF COURSE,TURN MYSELF IN NOW.

AH-OW!

- GRIMES!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

- MAN, ANYONE WHO SAYS REVENGEIS AN EMPTY EXPERIENCE

DOESN'T KNOWWHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- BLAH!

- I FEEL GREAT.

- THANKS FOR CARING, MARK.

YOU'RE A GOOD COUNSELOR.

AND I'M DEAD.

- GUESS I WAS WRONG.

YOUR JOB ISN'TCOMPLETE BULL[bleep].

- THANKS, GRIMES.

NOW, IF YOU WOULD,

PLEASE HELP ME BURY HIMIN TWAYNE'S SINUS CAVITY.

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