May 4, 2016 - Meghan Markle

  • 05/04/2016

Ted Cruz drops out of the presidential race, and Larry discusses Donald Trump's status as the GOP's presumptive nominee with Meghan Markle, Ricky Velez and Franchesca Ramsey.

Thank you very much.

Welcome to The Nightly Show. Thank you so much.

What a great crowd.

I am your host, Larry Wilmore.

So nice to be here.

Uh, before I get started,just want a quick shut-out

to my friend Dee Dee-- tellAllen to get better real soon.

All right, Allen?I love both you guys. All right.

So, let's get rightto our coverage

of yesterday'sbig Indiana primary, you guys.

That's right--time to see what's happening

with the Unblackening.

That was funny'cause there was one "Woo!".

Thank you.I appreciate that.

Some people appreciateThe Unblackening.

I don't know if we shouldappreciate that.

Well, Trump pretty much,uh, wrapped up

the Republican nominationlast night, you guys. It's true.

And the gravitas of thesituation was perfectly captured

by America'sleading political news team.

So take it away,Diamond and Silk.

(singsongy):He won Indiana, he won Indiana.

-Yes.-Trump just won Indiana.

-Boom.-Give me a T!

You got that T, you got that T.

Give me a R.

You got that R, you got that R.

Give me a U.

You got that U, you got that U.

Give me a M!

You got that M, you got that M.

Give me a vomit bucket.

(cheering, applause)

Now, Indiana was a stateTed Cruz had to win.

So, after Trump's victory,Cruz was forced

to do some soul-searching.Or, more accurately,

Cruz had to do some searchingin the vast empty space

where a soul should be.

-(audience groans)-And...

And that, of course, is whenTed Cruz called it quits.

We are suspending our campaign.

Together, we left it allon the field in Indiana.

Now, of course, "the field"is what Ted Cruz refers to

as a basketball court.

It's the field.The field.

Now, during his speechlast night, Ted Cruz

delivered a heartfelt messageto Carly Fiorina.

To Carly Fiorina, who has been

an incredible,phenomenal running mate.

Yes, she wasa phenomenal running mate

for the entire144 hours and 32 minutes

she was on the ticket.

She could haveleft her car running,

for Christ's sakes, right?

It's ridiculous.

All right, here nowto give us his perspective

on what went wrongwith the campaign

is Cruz-Fiorina strategistChad Estrada.

-(cheering, applause)-Hey, Larry.

Hey, Chad.

Thanks for having me.

Uh, it's a sad, sad dayLawrence, it's sad, you know?

Uh, yeah, I'm sure it is.Uh, so, immediately after

Carly Fiorina wasput on the ticket, Ted Cruz

went on to have, like,his worst week of the campaign,

culminating in hisdropping out of the race.

So, you tell me,what went wrong?

I have no idea.I don't. I don't get it.

We drew up a kick-ass strategy

which Carly followed to a T,and boom-- nothing.

Whole goddamn thing (bleep)the bed. (bleep) the bed.

Poop everywhere.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.So, wait, this past week

went exactly as planned?

Hell, yeah.

Well, he-here's what we toldLyin' Ted to...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

The Cruz campaign calls himLyin' Ted as well?

Oh, God, yeah.That guy's a sociopath.

-We call him Lyin' Ted.-Oh.

Anywho, here's what I told him.

Let's pick a running matefor a failing campaign

from a campaignthat's already failed.

Right?Makes sense.

Mm...That doesn't sound smart.

Second part of my plan:

make Carly'sfirst public appearance

as awkward as possible.

♪ I know two girls

♪ That I just adore

♪ I'm so happy

♪ I can see them more

Ooh!

She's killing it.Play that back. Play that back.

Uh, no, no, no, no, no.Don't play it back.

Don't play it back.Um, I don't think

that's the definitionof "killing it".

It-it seems like you're makinghorrible choices over there.

You say horrible.We say genius.

Like this move I came up with.

You told herto fall off the stage?

-That's a terrible thing to do.-Yes. Yes, I did.

We're going for thatJennifer Lawrence thing,

where you fall and you getmore popular, you know?

Everybody thinks it's cute.

Okay, first of all,that was, like, three years ago.

No one remembers that,all right?

-Everybody remembers that.-Second of all,

it's a terrible idea.

Hey, do you haveany experience doing this?

Larry, I've beendoing this for years.

Who do you thinktold McCain to pick Palin?

-Really? -They're stilltalking about it.

-I'm a legend, okay?-Okay, I think

for the wrong reasons, though.

All right, I understandwhy this happened now.

All right, I got to go, Larry.I can't stick around

for too much longer. Uh,the Sanders campaign needs me.

And I think it's timewe start playing up

-the age bit a little bit.And I'll... -No, no, no.

I don't think you should dothat. Okay, good luck with, uh,

with that.Chad Estrada, everyone.

-Gotcha, buddy. Gotcha.-(cheering, applause)

All right.

Now...

So, last night,uh, several of Cruz's

reprehensible traitswere on full display.

Look at the hugCruz gave his wife.

Damn, Ted Cruz.

I mean, we know...

I mean, you knowyour war on women

is supposed to bea metaphor, right?

Okay, now, look...Now, everybody's been

replaying this elbow momentsince it happened, but, guys,

what you may not have noticedis the look of horror

on Heidi's facewhen Ted, like,

leaned in to kiss her.Check it out.

To my amazing wife, Heidi...

(distorted speaking)

Ugh. She's like...

Right? She's like,"Hold on.

"I agreed to marry you.

"I didn't say anythingabout kissing.

Ugh."

And Heidi Cruzalso endured a-a, like,

a not-so-subtle coughing fit.

-Growing up in a working-classfamily... -(coughing)

Our American freedomswere not lost.

-I love you, Mom.-(coughing)

I don't... It seems like Heidi'sallergic to her husband, right?

In fact-- this is true,this is true--

we actually uncovered some audiofor that. Check it out.

Growing up in a working-classfamily...

(coughs): Help me.

Our American freedomswere not lost.

(coughs): Stranger danger.

-I love you, mom.-(coughs): Zodiac Killer.

But... but for thosewho are s...

I think she said"Zodiac Killer."

I'm pretty sure.

But for those who are surprised

by this family valuescandidate's mistreatment

of his family... Guys, thisis true-- here are some recaps

depicting Ted Cruz'srelationship with his daughters.

This is not made up.

I wanted to get a hugfrom Caroline,

and Caroline did like sheusually does-- she runs away.

Ow!

Mwah.

If my daughter C-Catherine,the five-year-old,

says somethingthat she knows to be false,

she gets a spanking.

In my household,

when a child behaves that way,

they get a spanking.

Jesus.

I now wish Ted Cruz had won,

if only so his daughterscould get

some Secret Service protection.

(sighs) So in the wakeof this loss in Indiana,

our hearts go outto the Cruz family,

who now, tragically,have to spend actual time

with their father.

But I have to say...No, I have to say

I will miss Ted Cruz, you guys,

not so much for who he wasbut for who he looked like.

Um, I mean, on a given day,

he could looklike Grandpa Munster.

Uh, next day, he looks likeKevin from The Office. Right?

Then the next day,it's that lady from Maury

who was trying to find outwho the daddy was.

Right? Right, right?And then another day

he looks like that guy inthe background of the Death Star

in Return of the Jedi.

And then on another day, youcould swear he was a blobfish.

But on most days,he just looked like himself,

the Zodiac Killer.

We're gonna miss you,Senator Cruz.

Oh, and that Kasich guydropped out, too.

-We'll be right back.-(cheering and applause)

All right! Welcome back!

So, Donald Trump is thepresumptive Republican nominee,

and lots of people are wondering

if anythingor anyone can stop him.

So to help us wrap our brainsaround things

we can't comprehend, it's timefor another dash of Black Magic.

Now, in the past,when we've done this segment,

there's been a lot of-- um, howshould I say-- black reacting.

Okay? Now, what that is,that's when black people

see magic tricksand then they lose their minds.

All right?You've heard of this, right?

It even happenedon David Blaine.

Let's show that clip againso people know.

Open it. Open it.

(shouting, laughter)

Right? That's black reacting.

So tonight,I'm not going to do the trick.

And you're in for a treat.So please welcome

a very special guest,world-class

sleight-of-hand artist,Eric Jones, everybody!

(cheering and applause)

-Larry, how are you?-Nice to see you.

Uh, so, now, we still haveour contributors here,

who, I won't lie,have black-reacted in the past.

-You have, you guys. You have.Okay? -Yeah. -Yeah.

But I'm gonna stand hereand prove to you guys

that you don't haveto black-react, okay?

-Okay. -All right.And Rory's here, too.

Okay, now, so, Eric, uh,

the only candidate leftin the race is Trump, okay?

He only needs,like, uh, 190 delegates

to clinch the nomination.So are there any tricks

up the Republicans' sleevesto keep Trump off the ticket?

Well, Larry, uh,you first have to understand

-the phenomena that is Trump.-Mm-hmm.

'Causeas a Republican delegate...

-or a Republican candidate, um,-Right.

he just hasn't beenon anyone's radar.

-Right. -It's almost as if,almost as if he appeared...

out of nowhere.

-Oh, oh, oh! Oh! Okay!All right! Okay! -Oh! Whoa.

-Okay. I'm okay. (panting)-Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. That's impressive.

That's impressive.I-I don't know how you did that.

But see? I'm not black-reacting.

I'm highly rational right nowbecause I believe in science,

okay? We're not all scaredof the devil, all right?

Contributors, how you doing?

-He's the devil. -Uh-uh.-He's not the devil.

-Yes, he is.-Not the devil. No.

Okay, Eric, so let's get backto Trump, okay?

Um, is there...is there any chance?

Is-is there any hope?And once again,

uh, I'm not gonna black-react.So-so show us.

-Okay, well,he does have a majority -Okay.

-of the, uh, delegates. Now...-Okay. All right.

-And here's the interestingthing... -Okay.

And so the delegateseveryone thought would go

-to one candidate end up goingto Trump. -Right, right, right.

Uh, but the other candidates,they tried this

and they-they tried that.They tried being sane.

-Mm-hmm. -Um,they tried being... -Oh!

-Okay! Okay.-You know, they tried being,

-uh, combative.-(shudders)

-They even tried beingreligious. -Yeah.

-But no matter what,he kept winning, -Mm-hmm.

and all of the delegatesended up...

-on his side.-(shouting, screaming)

(grunting)

Hell no. Hold me back.

-Hold me back! -Breathe.Just breathe. Just breathe.

-Okay. I'm cool. I'm cool.-Breathe.

-I'm cool. I'm cool. Okay.-Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

-Okay. -Get back here. Guys...I'm okay. I didn't black-react.

I didn't. I didn't.Even though I wanted to,

I wouldn't...Guys, I'm just weirded out

that Trump may actually bethe nominee.

-That's why I reacted.-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

-Trump's gonna be the...-No, no, no.

-(shouting)-Oh, no, Rory.

Rory, stop. Stop. Rory, stop.

I-I apologize, everyone.We just had a white react.

I'm sorry. I just didn't knowit was official.

-I apologize.-It's okay. No, it's not true.

Okay, so, Eric, back to Trump.

Okay, with everyone else outof the race,

um, all the Republicans can dois unveil a big surprise

at the convention.Uh, the ghost of Ronald Reagan?

No. No,Reagan's spirit is too fragile

-for a grueling pace like...-Okay. True. Right, right,

right. All right, I agree.Okay... Oh!

And trickle-down economicsknocks out the working-class

white male vote right there,right?

Okay, what about Paul Ryan?Now, he could swoop in

and get a massive amountof delegates, right?

-Well, he could do that,but if they think -Okay.

they're being manipulatedby the party, then, boom,

-the big surprise happens...-Okay.

(shouting, screaming)

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no. He's the devil.He's the devil!

-It's just a magic trick.-He's the devil! He's the devil!

Get thee behind me, Satan!This has been Black Magic!

Give it up for Eric Jones,everybody!

Even though he's the devil!

You're the devil, man!

How do you do that (bleep)?Aah!

(shouting)

No...!

Welcome back!(chuckles)

I'm here with my panel.First up,

Nightly Show contributorRicky Velez.

(cheering and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorFranchesca Ramsey.

(cheering and applause)

And she stars in the show Suits,

which returns to USAthis summer,

and she's the global ambassadorfor World Vision,

-actress Meghan Markle,everybody. -Hi. Thank you.

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShow usingthe hashtag #Tonightly.

Okay, so I wantedto show you guys.

This is the coverof The Daily New today.

It laments the demiseof the Republican Party.

-Mm-hmm.-Okay?

I personally disagree with this.

This would have been true,like, a month ago.

RAMSEY:Mm-hmm.

But now,I think the cover should be,

like, a baby elephant coming outof its mama with Trump hair.

-You know?-(laughter)

Or it could look like this.All right?

-Whole different thing. -RAMSEY:Oh, no. -(audience groaning)

WILMORE: I thinkthat's what it is, like, and

today, Kasich dropped out.

Cruz dropped out last night.

I didn't think the Zodiac Killerwould last this long.

Uh, but that all makesyesterday different than today,

because we're nowin a Trump reality, you guys.

-MARKLE: Yeah.-There's no more denial.

We are in acceptance mode.

My question is, how is thisTrump train going to be stopped?

Oh, my God,I need all hands on deck.

Everyone... America, you needto get your (bleep) together!

-Break the glass!-(applause and cheering)

AMBER Alert!

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-Red Alert!

Everyone go downto the basement!

-I mean, like, I amfreaking out. -MARKLE: Yeah.

-I'm, like, really,really scared. -WILMORE: Yeah.

And I don't knowhow we're gonna stop this,

-but we need to start thinkingseriously. -I thought it up.

I know how to stop it.We just got to make

the doorknobsat the White House too big

so his little handcan't open it.

(laughter, applause)

Little Trump hand not being ableto get inside the White House.

-That'll fix (bleep).-Right.

Just try to take the oath ofoffice, and he can't get

-his hand in the bible.-RAMSEY: Can't get his hand in.

-MARKLE: It's really the momentthat I go,

"We film Suits in Toronto, andI might just stay in Canada."

-WILMORE: Uh-oh. -Right? I mean,come on. Like, if that's really

-the reality that we're talkingabout... -WILMORE: Uh-huh.

Come on, that is a game changerin terms of how

we move in the world.

Not all of us have showsthat film out in Canada.

-Oh, all right.-Oh. Oh, man.

-Some of us film in New York!-(laughter) -WILMORE: I like...

VELEZ: I was saying he betterbuild that wall to keep me in.

-(bleep) -MARKLE: Oh, man!-WILMORE: No.

WILMORE:But here's the thing. I think...

A lot of people thought

he was gonna fracturethe Republican Party.

I think he unites it nowbecause they all hate Hillary.

Let's be honest about that.

And now all of his arrowsare pointed that way.

Doesn't that unifythe Republican Party?

RAMSEY:I have seen some people...

some Republicans saying

that they might actually votefor Hillary

-because they don't like him.-MARKLE: Mm-hmm.

-I think he is very polarizing.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And I think that a lot of peopleare, rightfully, scared.

And so I really hopethat people pull it together...

-VELEZ: I hope. Right. -becauseyou can't be ambivalent.

WILMORE: Mm-hmm. Yeah.I think john McCain said

-he wouldn't vote for him,right? -Mm-hmm.

Do you believe him, or...?

-Well... -VELEZ: Yeah, I mean,everybody's, like...

-Just, like, "Mm."-WILMORE: That was like...

"That's what he said, Larry."

-Well, the thing is, like,that's what he said. -Right.

But the thing about the otherpart of it, too, is, like...

-WILMORE: Uh-huh. -...yes,of course, Trump is divisive.

-Think about just female votersalone, right? -WILMORE: Yeah.

I mean, like,I think it was in 2012.

Like, the Republican Party lostthe female vote by 12 points.

-That's a huge number.-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

And withas misogynistic as Trump is

-and so vocal about it...-WILMORE: right.

...that's a huge chunk of it.You're not just voting

-for a woman if it's Hillary...-Mm-hmm.

...just because she's a woman,

but certainly becauseTrump has made it easy to

-see that you don't reallywant... -WILMORE: Right.

...that kind of worldthat he's painting for us.

But I mean, we just watched avideo of two women being like,

"Let me get a "T," let me getan "R." Like, I mean...

-(laughter)-Yeah.

So, like, that argument doesn'treally hold water anymore...

WILMORE:I know.

-...because people really do(bleep) with Trump.

Yeah, I don't know why.I don't know what's going on.

-WILMORE: Yeah.-RAMSEY: Yeah.

I think that's what happenswhen you eat too much fast food.

-(laughter) -That's whatI think. -That's it.

-Yeah? -I think that's whatfast food's doing to America.

-Yeah. -Yeah.-(laughing): Oh. It's sad.

'Cause what you said.It doesn't seem

-to have an effect onso many people. -VELEZ: No.

-Isn't it crazy, though?-I agree with you.

I don't what's... what...

-VELEZ: That was withblack women. -WILMORE: Yeah.

-No. I know. I know. I know.-MARKLE: But just two of them.

RAMSEY: Listen, all your skinfolk ain't your kinfolk.

'Cause they are...That is the truth.

-WILMORE: Yeah. Yeah.-MARKLE: Yeah.

You would think they would havesome common sense,

-but self-hate is real.-WILMORE: Yeah.

Okay, so, what do you think isthe best way...?

If Hillary is the nominee--

it looks likeshe's going to be the nominee--

what's the best wayto attack Trump?

'Cause none of this stuffworked.

She got to attack Trump

like Eminem attacked himselfin the last scene of 8 Mile.

-WILMORE: Okay.-(laughter and groaning)

He just goes out there and callshimself trailer park trash

and admits everything he's donewrong, and we're like...

-WILMORE: That's whatshe should do? -I mean, man...

-I think that Hillary needs tobe super direct with him, -Mm.

and say, "Explain to me

"exactly how you'regonna take down ISIS.

"You know what,actually, explain it to me

like I'm a woman,just like I'm dumb."

-Oh.-Because his whole thing is that

he looks down on women, so justgo straight for the jugular

and say, "Explain it to melike I am so stupid,"

-because he doesn't... -He wouldnot catch the irony of that.

But telling Hillaryto keep it straight

is, like, the biggest(bleep) joke I've ever heard.

I just mean in the sense that,like, he speaks

-Right. -in these biggeneralities, so say to him,

"Actually explain to mewhat you're going to do,"

-Right. -because that'swhen he's gonna, I think,

would fall apart, becausehe doesn't actually have a plan.

WILMORE:Do you think... do you think

Hillary needs Bernie's support,or-or is it...

is it just her against Trump?

Does she need to rallyall those people, or...?

I don't... look,I don't think at this point

it's necessary--I think at a certain point,

-yes, it's gonna have to happen,but, like, -Uh-huh.

do we need to getall hands on deck at this point?

Hillary is in a reallystrong position right now.

Just look at how much she's...

had in donationsfor her campaign.

Like, I think Trump's raised,what, like...

twelve, twenty million,something like that.

She's raised two hundredand something million

-from supporters. -But she lostto Bernie last night.

Yes, I know, but look,it wasn't that vast...

It was close. But shestill has so much headway.

RAMSEY: I think thatthe big concern for me is...

WILMORE: I know. Still, peopleare still feeling the Bern.

Well, and that's the thing is,there... and listen,

there's nothing wrong with that,but I'm seeing a lot of people

say that they are not goingto vote if Hillary...

if she gets the nomination,

-and that really scares me.-WILMORE: Even against Trump,

you think peopleare gonna do that?

I've seen too many peoplesaying that,

-Wow. -and it really pissesme off, because it's, like,

if you go to a shoe storeand they don't have your shoe,

-Right. -you don't burnthe (bleep) store down.

-(laughter, whooping)-You know what I mean?

Some of us would still liketo buy a sensible flat

for the spring.

So, like, can we pleasestill have a shoe store?

Like, seriously, some peopleare gonna have to suck it up

come November, and I justdon't want to see people

-Right. -throw their vote awaybecause...

Bernie didn't getthe nomination.

I just think that that's stupid.

-Yeah. -Yeah, of course... Imean, that's crazy if you think

that it's really goingto put people in a position

where they don't feelmobilized to vote at all.

-Uh-huh.-I mean, yeah, you're right...

You're right as well.Obviously Bernie has brought..

-I was right first, though,right? -You were right first.

You win.Bernie brought so many,

especially young votersto the table, right?

So how is that going to parlayitself in terms of Hillary?

-I don't know. -Do you thinkthey will jump over

and embrace Hillary fully?

Do you thinkthat's gonna happen, Ricky?

-Those younger voters?-To jump over to Hillary?

I... Come on, man,I don't know what's going on

with this (bleep) no more.

-I'm so confused.-Uh-huh.

You got Trump running for--this is a reality TV star

-Right.-running for president,

and we're supposedto be okay about it.

Like, this is wild.

Like, I-I...I don't know what to do.

I really don't.I don't know who I'm voting for.

-Mm-hmm. -Like, I'm just...Election Day's coming,

I might... take more drugsthan usual that day, man.

(laughter, whooping)

I might have to sleepthrough that one, you know?

Yeah. So it'll be just liketoday, is what you're saying.

-Yeah!-Right.

All right, we'll seewhat's gonna happen.

We'll be right back.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

If you live in the New York City area

or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to attend an upcoming taping of The Nightly Show.

Go to thenightlyshow.com/tickets.

-(cheering, applause)-Okay, thanks to my panelists,

Ricky Velez, Franchesca Ramseyand Meghan Markle.

Special thanks to Eric Jonesfor being here.

-(cheering, applause)-Okay, so...

we're almost out of time,but before we go,

I'm gonna keep it 100.

-♪ -One hunnit for you guys.

Tonight's question from anaudience member named Malcolm.

All right, let's take a look.

Hi, Larry.If you had to choose between...

for the next four years,being Bill Cosby's lawyer

or Donald Trump'svice president,

which one would you choose?Keep it 100.

Um...

that's pretty easy.

I will be Bill Cosby's lawyer,

and I'll bethe worst lawyer ever.

-Oh! Good, good, good!Very good! -(laughter)

Th-Thank you. Thank you.Thanks for watching.

Good Nightly, everybody.Give me a harder one!

Challenge me! Challenge me!

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

MAN: Ooh, sorry.