Tuesday, December 16, 2014

  • 12/16/2014

Wil Wheaton, Brooke Van Poppelen and Kevin Pereira watch Tommy Lee Jones's strange Japanese commercial, list #SciFiBands and come up with cringe-inducing holiday phrases.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

[ APPLAUSE ]

THE DAILY DOT RECENTLY POSTED AGALLERY OF THE BEST PHOTOS FROM

THE WHITE HOUSE'S FLICKERACCOUNT.

LET ME GO AHEAD AND MANAGE YOUREXPECTATIONS.

NUNFORTUNATELY, NO JOE BIDENSIDEBOOB.

I'M SORRY.

>> IT DIDN'T PEAK OUT OF THEBOTTOM OF HIS TEE SHIRT.

>> Chris: NO. NO. NO. NO LITTLEJOE DOWN.

HELLO, VICE VICE PRESIDENT.

[LAUGHING]

>> Chris: BUT, THERE IS ANADORABLE SHOT OF THE POTUS

ON WHAT WAS APPARENTLY A JUICYPHONE CALL, RIGHT THERE.

[LAUGHING]

>> Chris: COMEDIANS, WHAT NEWSDID OBAMA JUST GET WHEN THE

PHOTO WAS TAKEN, KEVIN PEREIRA.

>> I THINK HE FOUND OUT PUTINSWIPED RIGHT.

HE REALLY LIKES ME.

HE HEARTS ME.

>> WHATCHA THINKIN' ABOUT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT DRONESTUFF.

>> Chris: HUFFINGTON POST IS THEON-LINE POST WHERE HARD NEWS AND

CUTTING EDGE OPINION PIECESLIVEN ALONGSIDE THE WORLD'S

FINEST NEAR NIP SLIP GALLERIES.

THEY HAVE PUBLISHED HOLIDAY GIFTGUIDE FOR ARTISTICALLY INCLINED

THAT FEATURED ONE SUPER BONKERSITEM FROM WAY OUT IN LEFT FIELD.

WHAT WAS THE ITEM IN QUESTION?

A, A 2015 CALENDAR FEATURINGNUDE ARTISTS IN PANDA HATS?

B, A BEDAZZLING KIT FOR YOURGENITALS ENDORSED BY FORMER

MEMEBERS OF EN VOUGE.

NO YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET IT.

[LAUGHING]

C, PROGRESSIVE SANTA CLAUS DOLLTHAT TELLS KID IT'S NOT NAUGHTY

TO EXPLORE THEIR SEXUALITY.

WILL.

>> I WANT IT TO BE A BE DAZZLINGKIT FOR MY GENITALS SO MUCH.

BECAUSE IT'S EASY TO RECREATEPIXEL ART WITH A BE DAZZLER.

>> Chris: I KNOW.

I KNOW.

I HATE TO SHATTER YOUR HOLIDAYDREAMS BUT THE CORRECT ANSWER IS

A.

THE 2015 CALENDAR FEATURINGNUDISTS.

>> NO, MAKE IT MY THING, GOD!

MAKE IT MY THING.

>> Chris: EVERY SO OFTENAMERICAN ACTORS PERFORM CASH

GRABS, WHICH IS A TERM FORCOMMERCIALS THAT THEY DO THAT

SECRETLY AIR IN JAPAN.

BUT NOW NOT TO SECRETLY BECAUSETHE INTERNET.

THE LATEST AT THE TOP OF THEREDDIT WAS AN ENTRY FROM

AMERICAN TREASURE ANDPERENNIAL GRUMP TOMMY LEE JONES.

SUSS THIS OUT.

>> Chris: ALRIGHT.

WHAT IS THAT A COMMERCIAL FOR?

WILL.

>> (SPEAKING IN JAPANESE)

WHICH IS A JAPANESE FETISH VIDEOSAD BUSINESSMEN WHO CAN ONLY GET

OFF BY WATCHING TOMMY LEE JOANSCREAM AT SCHOOL GIRLS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWARS.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: NOW THIS IS VERYSPECIAL.

BECAUSE THIS VIDEO WAS TRENDINGON REDDIT THIS WEEK FEATURING

OUR VERY OWN WILL WHEATON.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Chris: SO ADORABLE.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> THE OFTEN WAY DOWN LOW.

MAKE IT SO.

MAKE IT SO.

MAKE IT SO.

BUT IF YOU.

>> REALLY.

>> SHUT UP WESLEY.

[LAUGHING]

>> YES.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> IF I COULD, IF I COULD HAVE AMOMENT.

>> Chris: YES, WIL.

>> A MOMENT TO ADDRESS THEINTERNET.

YES, I HAVE SEEN IT.

YES, TWITTER.

YES, FACEBOOK, YES, TUMBLR.

YES, EMAIL. YES, PINTEREST. YES,ELL. I'VE SEEN IT.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SEND IT TOME.

HAHAHA, I HAVE SEEN IT!

THANK YOU!

>> Chris: SO, WITH THAT IN HONOROF OUR TREKY FRIENDS

UNLIKEY MUSICAL TALENT,TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS

#SCIFIBANDS. #SCIFIBANDS.

SO EXAMPLES MIGHT BE, BATTLESTAR METICALLA.

OR U2D2.

OR GNARLS SAGAN.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO.

WIL WHEATON.

>> MEGADEATH STAR.

>> Chris: POINTS.

BROOKE.

>> PLANET OF THE DRAKES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> SCRYLLEX-WINGS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

KEVIN AGAIN.

>> THE CLASH OF THE TITANS.

>> Chris: POINTS!

WIL.

>> CASTLE RUN DMC.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

SO GOOD.

WIL.

>> TO SERVE MEN AT WORK.

Chris: YES, POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> STEPHEN HAWKINGS OF LEON.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WIL.

>> MOS EYESLY BROTHERS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> ORPHANED BLACK EYED PEAS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

ONE TIME, ONE TIME.

BROOKE.

>> THE GROOTS.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

WHEATON.

>> JEFFERSON STAR TREK THE NEXTGENERATION.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE CRYINGGAME, THE CRYING GAME.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> I'M GOOD AT THIS.

THIS IS WHERE IT TURNS OUT IHAVE A DICK.

>> OH.

[LAUGHING]

YES.

>> Chris: THE TERRIFIC SITE ANDPUBLISHED A BOOK CALLED

REASONSMYSONISCRYING.COMCOMPILES COLLECTIONS OF

PICTURES SUBMITTED PARENTS OFTHEIR KIDS HAVING A NERVOUS

BREAKDOWN AND AN IRRATIONALEXPLICATION TO WHY IT'S

HAPPENING. FOR EXAMPLE, THISLITTLE ANGLE.

ACCORDING TO HER MOM, SHE'SCRYING BECAUSE SHE SAYS I

WOULDN'T OPEN THE STRING CHEESEFOR HER. IT WAS A TAMPON.

[LAUGHING]

>> Chris: THE LITTLE ONES.

DON'T GROW UP SO FAST.

IRRATIONAL CRYING AND TAMPONSWILL COME SOON ENOUGH.

COMEDIANS, I WILL SHOW YOU AREAL PHOTO OF A REAL KID.

FOR 250 POINTS GIVE ME YOUR BESTGUEST AS TO WHY THEY'RE CRYING.

HOW 'BOUT THIS WILL GUY.

LOOK AT THIS PEANUT.

WHAT'S GOING ON THERE, KEV.

>> CLEARLY THAT BABY IS OUT OFCOCAINE.

HE'S HAVING A ROUGH NIGHT.

>> OH, WELL HE --

>> I MEAN HE HAS, HE HAS TO GETTO WILL WHEATON'S CHRISTMAS

PARTY. OF COURSE HE --

>> MOM I HAVE BEEN UP FOR 36HOURS.

>> Chris: WILL.

>> GORDON RAMSEY TOLD HIM HE'S ATOOLENTED LITTLE [BEEP] --

>> Chris: OH. POINTS.

[LAUGHING]

>> YOU THINK YOU'RE MAKINGMELON THERE, YOU'RE [BEEP]

MENTAL.

THIS IS WHAT THE ACTUAL ANSWERIS.

HE SNEEZED INTO THE FLOUR.

PRETTY CLOSE TO KEVIN'S.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE THIS.

THIS BABY HIPSTER.

THIS BABY HIPSTER.

GOD DAMN IT. PEREIRA.

>> I THINK HIS INSTAGRAM ONLYGOT FIVE LIKES.

>> OH, MAN.

>> IT WAS A REALLY ARTSYPHOTO OF SMASHED PEAS.

>> Chris: YUP.

>> MAYBE WILL WHEATONSNAPPED AT HIM FOR SENDING A

STAR TREK VIDEO.

>> Chris: YUP.

KID GOTTA LEARN.

>> I [BEEP] TOLD YOU LAST TIME.YOU LITTLE [BEEP].

>> I FEEL FOR THIS KID.

HE'S LIKE I WANTED TO GO ON THEWEEZER CRUISE.

>> Chris: ALRIGHT.

THE REAL ANSWER IS, I FLUSHED MYPOOP BEFORE I COULD LOOK AT IT.

SO WAY WORST THAN ANYTHING WESAID.

>> I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT.

>> CHRIS: WHAT WORSE. OK, LASTONE.

THIS STRUGGLING LITTLE FELLA.

>> AHHH.

Chris: HE'S TRY TOWING MAKEIT WORK.

TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK.

WIL.

>> HE'S [BEEP] REVERSE COWGIRL.

[LAUGHING]

>> IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,DEEP CUTS.

DEEP CUTS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Chris: EVERY ENTERTAINER HASPROJECTS THEY WISH THEY COULD

SCRATCH OFF THE RESUME.

THANKS TO YOUTUBE YOUR LESS THANDIGNIFIED CAREER CHOICES HANG IN

THE AIR LIKE THE GRIM REAPER'SFART CLOUD.

THIS IS EVEN THE CASE FOREMMY-NOMINATED FAKE GAME SHOWS.

>> HI I'M CHRIS HARDWICK AND IAM DANGEROUSLY OVER-STIMULATED.

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO WITNESS MAYBE THE HOTTEST SHIPMATES

EVER RECORDED.

DARREL AND MAGGIE ARE JUSTSUCH A PAIR.

I'LL LET DARRELL EXPLAIN WHAT IMEAN.

>> I LOVE USING TOYS FOR SEX.

>> Chris: YA, I WOULD LIKE TOPOINT OUT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

MAGGIE AND DARYL LONG BEFORE THEWALKING DEAD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Chris: I'M IN GOOD COMPANY.

EVEN OUR MORE MOST BE LOVEDFICTIONAL CHARACTERS HAVE SOME

BIZARRE BLOTCHES ON THEIR WORKHISTORY.

I'M GOING TO NAME A FAMOUSCHARACTER, AND FOR 250 POINTS,

WHICH EMBARASSMENT THEY WEREACTUALLY INVOLVED IN.

FIRST ONE: BATMAN, SPIDER MANAND CAPTAIN AMERICA.

TEAMED UP TO SHOW A MIDDLE AGEWOMEN SHE'S STILL SEXUAL OR TO

TWERK AT A CHILD'S BIRTHDAYPARTY.

KEVIN.

>> THEY TWERKED AT A CHILD'SBIRTHDAY PARTY, RIGHT?

OF COURSE THEY DID.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, LET'S FINDOUT.

>> WHO IS THAT?

AHHH.

[LAUGHING]

>> I LOVE THEY'RE LIKE, YEAH,HE'S TWERKING.

NO GET PARAMEDICS HE'S HAVING ASEIZURE.

>> Chris: OKAY, LAST ONE.

SUPER MAN CAMPAIGN COMMERCIALFOR RICHARD NIXON OR A BOLLYWOOD

MUSICAL.

WIL WHEATON.

>> PLEASE BE A BOLLYWOODMUSICAL.

>> CHRIS: I HOPE SO. LET'S FINDOUT.

>> I'M WITH YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE][ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: LOOK AT THAT.

>> MY GOSH.

Chris: OH, UMMMUUMMMM.

MARVEL AND DC WOULD NOT BETOGETHER IN THE SAME MOVIE,

BESIDES THE FACT THAT SONY OWNSTHE RIGHT TO SPIDER-MAN, SO

THAT'S NOT EVEN MARVEL ANYMORE.

SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS.

>> OH BOY.

>> MEANWHILE ON THE SET OF@MIDNIGHT CHRIS HARDWICK HAS A

MELT DOWN.

AS WE COME TO OUR NEXT GAME,CRINGEWORTHY: HOLIDAY EDITION.

THIS IS A VERY FUN GAME THAT WEDISCOVERED.

ORGINATED FROM REDDIT USER BOXOF KANGAROOS, AND THE RULES ARE

SIMPLE. YOU SAY THREE WORDSINNOCUOUS ON THEIR OWN,

BUT SAID TOGETHER, MAKE USCRINGE.

FOR EVERY CRINGE, YOU WILL GETPOINTS.

AND THIS TIME YOU WILL BE DOINGTHAT IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT.

AN EXAMPLE OF THIS WOULDBE: SANTA, SWEATY, SACK.

OR OOKIE, HANUKKAH, COOKIE WOULDBE --

>> YOU MADE ME CRINGE.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

GOOD.

>> Chris: I'M GONNA PUT 60SECONDS ON THE CLOCK STARTING

NO AND GO.

WIL WHEATON.

>> MALL, SANTA, ERECTION.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KEVIN.

>> GINGER BREAD, HOUSE, ARREST.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WILL.

>> SANTA, EGGNOG, BATH.

>> Chris: POINTS.

BROOKE.

>> WRAPPING, DIVORCE, PAPERS.

>> Chris: KEVIN.

>> I GOT SANTA, CAN'T, BREATH.

>> Chris: POINTS. WIL.

>> MRS. CLAUS CAMELTOE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

BROOKE.

>> JACK, OFF, FROST.

>> Chris: YEP, POINTS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]