Model Kombat

  • 10/11/2011

Adam's desire to become a professional model puts the guys at a crossroads.

HEY.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOWTHAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.

I'M HERE FOR YOU.

- HAVE YOU MADEANY SALES TODAY?

- OOH, YOU ARE ANGRY.I LIKE THAT.

IF I GOT DIVORCED, I'D PROBABLYBE PRETTY ANGRY, TOO.

FIRST I'D HAVE TO GET MARRIED,BUT THEN...

- OH.- IF I DID DIVORCE--

YOU NEED...

TO GET BACK ON THE MAN-HORSE,RIGHT?

'CAUSE I THINK I KNOWA CERTAIN HORSE-MAN

THAT MIGHT WANT TO TAKE YOU OUTFOR A TROT.

- ARE YOU SERIOUSLYHITTING ON ME RIGHT NOW?

- [horse whinny]NAY.

NO, I'M NOT.

THAT WAS MY HORSE IMPRESSIONSAYING NO.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW,WHAT KIND OF DUDES ARE YOU INTO?

- THESE.

I WANT A HOT-AS-BALLSMALE MODEL.

- ARE YOU ONLINE DATING?

- I NEED TO HIRE A MODEL

FOR THE COMPANY WEBSITE,YOU DUMMY.

- IS THAT RIGHT?

YOU CAN'T SAY THINGSLIKE THAT.

- THIS IS RIDICULOUS, OKAY?

I'M NOT SAYING THAT SHE HASA LOOSE BUTTHOLE.

I'M SAYING THAT SHE ISLOOSE BUTTHOLE.

YOU'RE BEING SO LOOSEOF A BUTTHOLE.

IS ENGLISH NOTYOUR FIRST LANGUAGE?

- HIYA, DICK.

HOW OFTEN ARE YOU JACKING OFFON MY LAPTOP?

- OKAY, DERS,I'M IN THE MIDDLE

OF A BUSINESS MEETINGWITH MY AGENT.

AND A LOT OF TIMES.SORRY.

- DAMN IT, JUST GIVE ME A SHIRT

OUT OF YOUR BAG.

- COME ON,YOU'RE RUINING THIS.

[sexy dance music]- ♪ ARE YOU READY FOR THIS

♪ ARE YOU READY FOR THIS

♪ ARE YOU READY FOR THIS

♪ ARE YOU READY FOR THIS,ARE YOU READY FOR THIS ♪

- HERE YOU GO.

AS I WAS SAYING,

BUTTHOLE, WHEN USED PROPERLYIN A SENTENCE--

- WHO THE [bleep] ARE YOU?

- ME?- YES.

- I'M NO ONE, OKAY?I'M NOT PART OF THIS SADNESS.

ADAM, WE'RE LEAVING.

- WE HAVEN'T EVEN HAD A CHANCETO CHANGE THE WORLD YET.

I'M KYLE WALSH.

I HANDLE TALENT.

- HI.- HEY, DERS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO WAITIN THE CAR, BUD?

- LET ME PREFACE THISBY SAYING

I'M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL.

PERSONALLY, I THINK THEY'RERUINING THIS INDUSTRY.

THAT BEING SAID,

YOU ARE THE SEXIESTPIECE OF ASS

I'VE SEEN IN MONTHS,MY FRIEND.

OH, YES.DO YOU MODEL?

- IN FACT, I MODEL.A LOT.

AND MY BLACK FRIEND ONLINECALLS ME THE WHITE TYRESE,

AS IN BECKFORD,AS IN B--AS IN--

- GIBSON.- AS IN GIBSON.

- LOOK AT THAT CORN-FED BODY.- TYRESE GIBSON.

- BEEFY.IN ALL THE RIGHT WAYS.

- THANK YOU?

- WHAT, DID YOU GROW UPPITCHING HAY?

EATING THREE SQUARES?

FLIPPING OVER BIG ROCKS,

LOOKING FOR LITTLEROLY-POLIES, HUH?

- I DIDN'T.- NO, HE DID. THAT'S--

- THAT'S TOTALLY WRONG.

- HEY, DERS,IF YOU RUIN THIS FOR ME,

I'M GONNA RUIN YOUR FACE

HARDER THAN I RUINEDYOUR COMPUTER.

- KYLE, WHERE DO I SIGN?- OH!

- I DON'T KNOW.THE GUY SAID I WAS A NATURAL.

WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

BUT I GUESS HE'S GOTA FEW GIGS

LINED UP FOR ME,

AND WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES.

IT JUST SEEMSKIND OF SILLY, YOU KNOW?

IT'S MODELING.

- YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL BONESTRUCTURE.

- THANK YOU, JET SET.IT'S--

[footsteps approach]- OH.

- OH, HEY, ALICE.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOUABOUT THE WEBSITE.

SEE, I HAD A LITTLE SNAFUWITH THE HARD DRIVE.

- WOW, WHAT'S THIS?- AND, UH--

NO, THIS IS NOTHING.

UM, LIKE I WAS SAYING,MY LAPTOP CRAPPED OUT, AND--

- THESE ARE PROFESSIONAL,RIGHT?

YOU ACTUALLY LOOKPRETTY DECENT.

- DECENTLY UGLY.SHOTS FIRED.

- ALL RIGHT, ANYWAY,JUST GIVE ME A FEW DAYS.

I'LL GET THE WEBSITEBACK PRONTO.

- NO, NO, NO.YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT.

I'M JUST GONNA HIRE SOMEONE WHOKNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

YOU--YOU'RE A FACE, HOLMVIK.

NOT A WEBSITE DESIGNER.

WE'RE GONNA USE YOUFOR OUR MODEL.

- NO! BUT YOU SAID YOU WANTEDTO USE A PROFESSIONAL,

AND HE'S NOT A PROFESSIONAL,

BUT YOU SAID YOU WANTEDTO USE A PROFESSIONAL,

BUT HE'S NOT A PROFESSIONAL.

- ADAM'S KIND OF MAKING SENSERIGHT NOW.

I MEAN, I PUT A LOT OF HARD WORKINTO THAT WEBSITE.

THERE'S GONNA BE A WHOLEINTERACTIVE MENU.

I'M MORE THAN A FACE.I DON'T--

- I'M ALL FACE.

LOOK.

- OH, MY--OKAY, LOOK.

ANDERS, I AM ASKING YOUTO DO THIS, OKAY?

TOMORROW AFTERNOON.WILL YOU BE THERE?

- I'LL DO WHAT'S BESTFOR THE COMPANY.

- YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

IMAGINE ME.

TANK TOP, OILED,WEARING--

- DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOUMY HONEST OPINION?

- YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME BLUSH.

- IF YOU CEASED TO EXIST,

IT WOULDN'T MATTERTO ME.

- I RESPECT YOUR OPINION,BUT JUST KNOW THIS:

MY FACE...

- [groaning]

SORRY.

HUH!

OH, HO, HO.

MAMA LIKES.

[groaning]GONNA...SQUEEZE IT...

- HEY, NOT BAD, NOT BAD.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

- UH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M JUST TRYING TO GETINTO FIGHTING SHAPE,

TRYING TO GET A CLAUDE-O-GRAPH,

SO MAYBE PUMP SOME IRON,

AND IF YOU GOT ANY STEROIDS

THAT WON'T SHRINK MY GOODS.

- WELL, YOU GOT RAW POWER.

SOLID TECHNIQUE.

THE THING TO WORK ONWITH AMATEURS

IS USUALLY THE MENTAL PARTOF THE GAME.

- OKAY, WOW.

LOOKS LIKE I'M TALKINGTO AN EXPERIENCED WARRIOR HERE.

- I USED TO BOX IN THE ARMY.

LISTEN, YOU NEEDTO VISUALIZE, KID.

SEE YOUR HAND GOINGRIGHT THROUGH THE OPPONENT.

- YEAH, SURE.RIGHT THROUGH THE OPPONENT.

UH-HUH.

- NO, NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO, KID.

YOU GOT TO SEE IT FIRST.

- I SEE IT.IT'S LIKE AN ALBINO MIKE TYSON.

- UH-UH, NO, NO, NO.- I SEE IT.

- NOT WITH THIS.

[whispering]YOU GOTTA SEE IT WITH THIS.

- ALL RIGHT.

- WHOA!WHAT HAPPENED?

- [whispering]GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCE.

- AGH! WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?

- WHAT DO YOU THINKI'M DOING, HUH?

I'M DESTROYINGTHAT PRETTY FACE OF YOURS

SO YOU DON'T MODEL AND LET ALICESUCK ON YOUR THING.

- ADAM, I AM NOT TRYINGTO SLEEP WITH ALICE.

- SO YOU WOULDN'T LET HER SUCKON YOUR THING.

- OF COURSE I WOULD LET HER--- THERE YOU GO.

- WOULD YOU NOT LET HER SUCKON YOURS?

- NO, I WANT HER TO SUCKON MY THING.

THAT'S MY THING!

YOU--YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LETHER SUCK ON YOUR THING.

- WOULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN?I AM TRYING TO CONCENTRATE.

I AM TWO MATCHES AWAYFROM CRACKING THE LEADER BOARD.

- OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.

- STUPID IDIOT!- HEY!

- WHAT THE--WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ADAM?!

DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLEGO BLIND

FROM PIZZA SHRAPNEL?

- DERS, IF YOU SHOW UPAT THAT PHOTO SHOOT,

I'M GONNA--[growls]

I'M GONNA--[grunts]- GUESS WHAT?

YOU'RE ON LOCKDOWN.GO TO YOUR ROOM.

- GET THIS GUY,TRYING TO AUTHORIZE A LOCKDOWN

WITHOUT A HOUSE MEETING.

- FINE, I'M CALLINGA HOUSE MEETING--HOUSE MEETING.

- NO, YOU CAN'T CALLA HOUSE MEETING RIGHT NOW.

- ALL IN FAVOR OF AUTHORIZINGA LOCKDOWN ON ADAM, SAY AYE.

- YOU CAN'T--- AYE.

- NAY.NO, I SAID NAY, THOUGH.

- NOPE.- SORRY, BRO.

- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?- SOLITARY CONFINEMENT.

- FINE, I DON'T CARE.CALL A HOUSE MEETING

WITHOUT HOUSE RULES,AND THEN IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT MATTERS, THOUGH?

PROBABLY A LOT TO YOU.

YOU DON'T GET TO PLAYMY PLAYSTATION ALL NIGHT LONG.

- ADAM, YOU'RE BEING IRRATIONAL.STOP IT.

YOU'RE NOT THIS KIND OF GUY.

HEY, I HAVE TWO MATCHESTILL A CLAUDE-O-GRAPH.

- REVENGE IS A DISHBEST SERVED COLD,

SO ENJOY YOUR COLD REVENGE DISH.

- GIVE ME THAT.GIVE ME--

- YOU GET OUT.- GIVE ME IT, ADAM.

[strained voice]GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT!

- HANG ON, HANG ON.LET ME GET THIS.

ADAM!

- GET HIM OUT.- ADAM, OPEN THIS DOOR!

- GET HIM OUT, ANDERS.- I CAN'T.

- [screaming]GIVE ME THE PLAYSTATION!

- COME ON.- DON'T DO THIS TO ME, ADAM!

- COME ON, BIG GUY.

- NO, I'M BREAKINGTHE DOOR DOWN.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?- I'M BREAKING THE DOOR DOWN.

- NO--- MOVE!

- JEEZ, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?- MOOOOVE!

- YOU CAN'T BREAK IT, BLAKE.IT'S WALNUT.

- TAKE A WALK, DERS.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO KICKYOUR ASS.

- OKAY, ADAM,THIS IS SO DUMB, ALL RIGHT?

I'D LIKE TO GETTO THIS PHOTO SHOOT ON TIME.

TRY BEING A PACIFIST.

- OH, I'LL BE A PACIFIST.

I'LL PASS MY FISTTHROUGH YOUR FACE.

- THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

- OH, ISN'T IT?

IS THAT POSSIBLE?- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M SERIOUS.- IS THIS POSSIBLE?

[horn blaring]

[dramatic chord]

- DROPPED 30 SPOTSIN THE RANKINGS...

BECAUSE OF YOU.

YEAH, CLAUDE-O-GRAPH'S GONE.

FEEL LIKE I THREW AWAYMY WHOLE EARLY 20s.

FOR NOTHING!- THAT SUCKS FOR YOU.

BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

IT'S ABOUT ME AND THIS CHUMP!

- NO, ADAM,YOU'RE NOT FIGHTING DERS.

YOU'RE FIGHTING ME.

[whispering]GOOD LUCK.

Loading...