Heist School
When something they love is taken from them, the guys go undercover at a high school to investigate.
NAME HIM.- YEAH.
- YES, BUT IT'S GOTTO BE SOMETHING HARD.
IT IS BADASS.- YEAH, VERY BADASS.
- HELLO, "CEE LO GREEN."
- OOH, I LIKE THAT.
WHAT ABOUT "IVAN DRAGO-N,"
LIKE THE GUY WHO HADTHE SINISTER FLATTOP?
- "REPTAR," RIGHT?FROM RUGRATS.
THAT'S BADASS, DUDE.- YEAH.
- THAT WAS SUCH A TOMMY MOVEBY ME BY NAMING HIM THAT.
IT'S SO TOMMY.- WAIT.
SHOULD I GET A FLATTOP?
- I REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU GUYSAREN'T HEARING ME.
I CAME UPWITH THE PERFECT NAME.
IT'S "CEE LO GREEN."HE HAS THOSE--
THOSE SHORT, T-REX ARMS,AND, I MEAN, HE'S A THUG.
HE WAS IN GOODIE MOB.
- SO THAT'S A "NO"ON THE FLATTOP?
- HEY, [bleep] THE DRAGONS!
- WHAT?- HEY, HEY, HEY!
WATCH YOUR MOUTH!THIS IS A FAMILY NEIGHBORHOOD!
- YEAH![bleep] YOU, DICKHEAD!
- YEAH, YOU GOT A PROBLEMWITH REPTAR,
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME!
- DID YOU SEE THAT POSEURWITH THE SKATEBOARD?
[Adam laughs, Anders scoffs]
- HEY, SKATEBOARDER DUDE,WHY DON'T YOU, UH,
FIND A REAL IDENTITY?'CAUSE YOU'RE LYING TO YOURSELF.
- I'M A TAXPAYER!WHAT ARE YOU?
A SAX PLAYER IN THE BAND,YOU IDIOT?
- OH, GET 'EM.
- YEAH, PROBABLY.THAT'S A COOL INSTRUMENT.
- NERD!- NERD!
- LET'S, UH--LET'S FINISHDRINKING SOME BEERS,
BECAUSE THE SWEETEST REVENGEIS LIVING WELL.
DARIUS RUCKER SAID IT,SO YOU KNOW IT'S REAL.
- I MISS DARIUS RUCKER.- YOU'RE RIGHT.
LET'S COOL OUR GUNS.- LOVE THAT SONG.
HE WAS IN BUSH, RIGHT?- I THINK NOT.
- WHAT DO YOU SAYWE FINISH THESE BEERS
AND, UH,CELEBRATE AT THE BAR?
- I LIKE IT.- I LIKE THAT IDEA.
DIBS ON YOUR HAIR GEL, DUDE.
- OUR DRAGONIS GONNA SEAL THE DEAL,
CEE LO GREEN STYLE.
- YEAH, DEFINITELY.BUT HIS NAME'S REPTAR.
- BUT IT'S ACTUALLYCEE LO GREEN.
- DON'T MAKE MESWING ON YOU, BRO.
- YEAH.- OH, YOU'RE GONNA SWING ON ME?
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.- I'LL SWING ON--
- OKAY,EVERYONE'S A TOUGH GUY!
EVERYBODY'S A TOUGH GUY!- SWING ON YOU, BRO.
- HOW ABOUT I SWINGRIGHT OVER THE TOP?
- KIYA! KIYA!
- WATCH IT, BRO.
I GOT THE MEANEST UPPERCUTIN FREAKING CUCAMONGA.
- [retching]- LET IT ALL OUT, LITTLE GUY.
OH, NICE!GOOD DISTANCE.
GOOD WORK, BUD.PROUD OF YOU.
DERS!DERS, WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
- WHAT'S UP?WE GOING TO THE BAR?
- THEY'RE ROBBING US!- OH, MY GOD. WHAT?
- NO! CEE LO!
- I GOT TO GET A PHOTO.I'M GONNA GET THE PLATES.
- COMING FOR YOU!- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- DERS!- WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- DERS, GRAB!- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- HELP! GRAB ME.DON'T LET GO!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?- DON'T LET GO!
- I GOT YOU.I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
- REPTAR!
- I GOT A PICTURE.- DID YOU TAKE IT FOR ME?
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.- REPTAR!
- OH, DAMN IT.THE CAMERA WAS THE WRONG WAY.
- REPTAR!- OH, MY GOSH.
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE THAT GUY
WHO WAS RAPING HIS KIDSIN THE BASEMENT IN AUSTRIA.
- I KNOW. I KNOW.IT'S THE EYEBROWS.
- [grunts]
- [sighs]CAMERA WAS BACKWARDS.
[laughter]
- NO DOUBT.NO DOUBT. DEFINITELY.
WHAT UP, DOGS?YEAH, MAN.
WHAT'S UP?I'M ADAM DEMAMP.
I JUST TRANSFERREDFROM THE OTHER SCHOOL
THAT'S PRETTY FAR AWAYFROM HERE.
UM...LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME.
I TRAIN WITH KETTLE BELLSAND MY FAVORITE MOVIES
ARE NOTORIOUS AND BLOW,
SO I'M, LIKE, A--JUST REAL.
I'M SO--A REAL DUDELIKE YOU GUYS.
- HEY, WHAT'S UP,DUDES, BABE?
- WHOA.YOU'RE QUAID FRANKLIN.
YOU'RE SO GOODAT FOOTBALL, DUDE.
I READ THIS WHOLE PAPERABOUT YOU.
14 TOUCHDOWNS,2,238 YARDS.
HE'S GOING TO NEBRASKANEXT YEAR.
IT'S--YOU'RE THE MAN, DUDE.
- YEAH, WHO ARE YOU?
- [laughs]
I'M--I'M ADAM DEMAMP.
I JUST INTRODUCED MYSELF,BUT...
THEY USED TO CALL MEMEAT MOUNTAIN IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- YO, DUDES.
THERE'S THIS NERD INTHE BATHROOM THAT'S TRYING TO,
LIKE--I DON'T KNOW--[bleep] DUDES OR SOMETHING.
- THAT'S ONE THINGTHAT I HATE--NERDS!
RIGHT?UGH!
LET'S GO POUND THIS NERD!
QUAID, LET'S GO POUNDTHIS NERD--
ME AND YOU, BRO!
BASH BROS!BASH BROS!
LET'S GO, QUAID AND ADAM!
[chanting]LET'S GO, WOLVES.
LET'S GO!
- HEY, MAN,HOW COME YOU'RE HERE?
ME?I WAS STEALING, MAN.
GOT CAUGHT UP STEALING STATUES.
YOU EVER STEAL STATUES, MAN?
YOU EVER STEAL,LIKE, A, UH--
A DRAGON STATUE?
- EXCUSE ME.- HUH?
- PLEASE BE QUIET.THANK YOU.
- MAN, I DIDN'T EVENDO ANYTHING.
DANG!OKAY?
- THAT'S IT.YOU KNOW, SHAWN-DERS--
- WHAT?- THAT'S IT.
WE'RE GOING TO THE OFFICE.- OKAY.
- GIVE ME YOUR I.D.LET'S SEE IT.
- YOU KNOW ANYTHINGABOUT A STOLEN STATUE?
- WE'RE GOING TO THE OFFICE.- MAN, STOP. GET OFF ME, DUDE!
- HOW ABOUT WE GIVEYOUR PARENTS A CALL?
- WHAT? OKAY, WAIT, WAIT.STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP.
I'M NOT SHAWN-DERS, OKAY?
- [chanting]LET'S GO, WOLVES!
LET'S GO--OH!
WRONG GUY.THAT'S--
WE SHOULD GO CHECKANOTHER BATHROOM.
- NO, NO, NO.THAT'S HIM.
AND IT'S TIMETO WHUP HIS ASS.
- NO!
OR HEAR ME OUT.
WE COULD REALLY PUNISHTHIS PERV...
AAAAND...
GIVE HIM A SWIRLY.
- ALL RIGHT.- YEAH!
- I JUST WASHED MY HAIR.
COME ON.HOLD ON.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
I LIVE HERE.YOU DON'T.
MIGHT HAVE TO SWING ON A FOOL.
- GONNA DOUBLE UP ON A GUY.
- WHOA.
PARTY'S CLOSED, BOYS.
- QUAID, WHAT UP, DUDE?IT'S DEMAMP.
BASH BROS.REMEMBER THAT FROM EARLIER?
- YOU CAN'T COME IN.
- HEY, WHERE YOU WANT METO PUT THESE BEERS?
- AH, WHEREVER, DUDE.
BUT, UH, STAY OUTOF THE FRONT BEDROOM.
DEANDRE'S BANGINGLEILA STRACHAN IN THERE.
DUDE, CHICK'S ON PACE TO BANGEVERYONE TONIGHT, YOU KNOW?
- I CAN SMELLTHE COOCHIE ALREADY.
- OH, WHERE'D HE LEARN THAT?
- IN MY--IN THE FRONT BEDROOM?
THAT'S--THAT'S MY BEDROOM.THAT'S AWESOME.
- THAT'S COOL, DUDE.- THAT'S COOL.
- OKAY, I GET IT.YOU TOOK OVER OUR HOUSE.
VERY GOOD.GOOD JOB.
BUT WHERE'STHE DRAGON STATUE AND--
[paintball gun fires]
AH! OW! OW!
[grunts]
- YOU'RE NOT GETTING IN.
[ominous music]
♪
- THAT IS IT.I'M CALLING THE COPS.
NOBODY SMOKES IN MY HOUSE.
OW! OW!DON'T, PLEASE! OW!
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SET US UP.WE DROVE OUT TO THAT HOUSE.
- HA HA.THAT'S AWESOME.
DID YOU SAY HITO PRINCIPAL SENN?
- [scoffs] YOU WISH.OW!
OH!
THAT WASN'T EVEN A--WASN'T--
- HERE'S THE DEAL.
YOU CALL THE COPS,AND WE'LL BE BACK HERE
EVERY WEEKENDFOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.
WE'LL PASS IT DOWNFROM CLASS TO CLASS
LIKE A TRADITIONOR SOME GAY [bleep] LIKE THAT,
OR YOU GET LOST,LET US PARTY TONIGHT,
AND WE'LL CALL THINGS EVEN.
- WHAT ABOUT OUR STATUE?
- [sighs]
BAD NEWS.
[chain saw buzzing]
[all cheering]
HE'S TOTALLY DECAPITATED.- OUCH.
- ALL RIGHT.
UH, HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
SINCE WE RUINED YOUR STATUE,
I'LL LET YOU BROS PARTY.
- THANK YOU.- ALL RIGHT, YEAH.
- HOWEVER, COUPLE OF RULES--
HEAD TO THE BACKAND STAY THERE.
BEER ONLY,AND DON'T TALK TO ASHLEY.
SHE BELONGS TO AJ.
- I BET SHE'S HOT.I BET SHE'S HOT.
- AND IF YOU DECIDETO GROW SOME BALLS
AND BREAK MY RULES,
MY HOMEY WILL LIGHT YOU UP.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.- COOL.
- ALL RIGHT, COOL.- WE GOT IT. WE GOT IT.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.- ALL RIGHT.
FIVE BUCKS A CUP.
- LIKE--OH, OKAY.
PLUS TAX OR WHATEVER?- WHAT? NO.
