A thief makes off with a cardboard cutout of Larry, and Tom Papa, Mike Yard and Jordan Carlos discuss a Yelp employee's complaint about her low entry-level salary.
Oh, my God!Thank you very much!
Thank you. Oh, please be seated.
Thank you so much.
Thank... Oh, thank you.
You guys, man.It's you guys.
Okay, please,please be seated.
No. Thank you.Welcome to The Nightly Show.
What a great crowd, man!
-(applause and cheering)-Great crowd tonight.
-(hooting) -Oh, you guys...Right back at you.
-I appreciate it.-(laughter)
When people are makingthe animal noise,
you know you are connected.
-"Woo-woo, Larry! Woo-woo!"-(laughter)
-Woo! -Woo!-I am Larry Wilmore.
Oh, guys, okay,before we get started tonight,
I have to share somethingwith you.
This is 100% true.I'm not making this up.
Okay, every night, after theshow, the the audience leaves
through our audienceholding area.
You guys know what it is.
Let's show it.Can we show that?
Okay, all right,pretty fancy, right?
And as you can see, there'sa full-size cardboard cutout
of your host, Larry Wilmore,
in there for people to takepictures with, you know?
Nothing gets the 'Gram likesrolling in like a picture
with a cardboard TV host in awindowless concrete box, right?
-(whooping)-Got it. Okay.
Last night,something funny happened
when the audience wasclearing out after the show.
Take a look.
See that guy?
Okay,there's the cardboard Larry.
-(applause) -Wait, wait!Look outside! Look outside!
-(applause and cheering)-MAN: Yeah!
Seriously?You have to be kidding me.
(cheers and applause)
He just took the (bleep)!
I mean, I've never hadmy identity stolen, you guys.
I hope they didn't use thatto get into my bank account.
-(laughter) -Okay, not onlythat. Not only that,
but McKinley, oneof our production staffers...
This is so amazing!
She was gettingon the the subway last night
and spotted the culprit.
I mean,he wasn't hard to recognize.
(applause and cheering)
So, uh, and look.
Look. Look how pleasedhe is with himself, too!
What's he gonna do with me,for Christ's sake?
Dartboard, you know,dorm decoration?
Just, please, wheneveryou're doing alone stuff
in your dorm room, please turnFlat Larry around, okay?
He does not need to see that.
Also, whoever-whoever took it,I ain't mad at you, all right?
But, um, as long as you have it,please do this.
Please take pictures and hashtagit #FlatLarry, all right?
And, guys, if anyone around townsees Flat Larry,
get in on the action.
We won't come after you, okay?
I just want to know that you'retaking care of me, that's all.
Taking care of a brother,all right?
-(cheers and applause)-That's all. All right.
-So amazing.-MAN: Flat Larry!
Oh, white people just like tograb black people
and just take 'em somewhere,you know?
Come on, let's go!
Come on. All right.
-Moving on to our top story.-(laughter)
All right, guys,it's been 11 days
since the alleged non-murderof Antonin Scalia.
That's right, folks. There...
There is no evidence to suggest
that Scalia was probablydefinitely murdered.
But to get over the lossof their favorite judge,
conservative politicians havedistracted themselves
with an old favorite pastime--
underminingthe president's authority.
GAYLE KING: Senate Republicans confirmed
they will not consider any nominee from President Obama.
The Judiciary Committeehas unanimously recommended
there be no hearings.I agree with that.
Oh, you agree with that,Mitch McConnell?
You know whythat's not surprising?
-Because it was your idea!-(laughter)
Do you not rememberthe statement
you releasedon the day Scalia died?
Mitch McConnell, who isthe majority leader, has said,
"No nominee isgonna get a vote."
(imitating McConnell):"I agree with myself."
"Well, now,that's how a weasel behaves.
"You say some bull(bleep),
"and then other peoplefollow your lead,
"and then you say you agreewith that bull(bleep).
In fact, I now agreewith what I just said."
So you said you'd block Obamaon February 13,
only hoursafter Scalia's homicide.
-(laughter)-You made your intentions...
Right? Oh, it happened.
You made your intentions
of blocking the presidentvery clear,
just like you did back in 2010.
Our top political priority overthe next two years should be
to deny President Obamaa second term.
(audience groaning and booing)
So you didn't even achievethe one priority you had.
Man, Congress really can'tget anything done.
-(applause and cheering)-It can't get anything done.
DRE:Oh, hey, uh, hey, Larry?
Oh, uh, I'm sorry, guys.That's Dre, our director.
What's up, Dre?
DRE: Uh, we just found outwhere Flat Larry is.
-(laughter)-Oh, my God, where is he?
DRE: Looks like he got ticketsto see Hamilton.
-(applause and cheering)-You got to be kidding me!
I can't even get tickets!How did I get tickets?
All right, where were we?
Oh, yeah, Mitch McConnell, uh,
the man who looks likeif an elderly turtle mated
with the white pillowthat killed Antonin Scalia.
-(laughter, applause)-Okay. Um...
So when does pillow-turtleexpect to fill this nomination?
This nomination will be filled
by the next president electedin November.
So... hold on.
So, in his mind, he's hoping
Donald Trump gets to pickthe next Supreme Court justice?
Do you really want that?
"My son, Eric, is a dud.
"I don't want himin charge of Trump stuff,
"so let's put him somewherehe won't do any real damage.
The Supreme Courtwould be huge. Huge."
All right, McConnell,look, I get it.
-As a turtle, you feel likeyou've tipped over. -(laughter)
You know, and you're kind ofstuck on your back on this one.
I get it.I understand that feeling.
But at the end of the day,at the end of the day,
Obama even floated the idea
of having a Republicanreplace Scalia, so obviously,
there's got to be somewiggle room on your side, right?
NEWSWOMAN: Politico reports majority leader Mitch McConnell
told conservative lawmakers there isn't
"a snowball's chance in hell" that he'll back down.
(like McConnell):Well, now, hold on.
I'm saying hell is hot, see?
And snowballs are cold.
So, you see,it doesn't have a chance.
That's the joke. Ha-ha-ha.
Look, one of the Republicans'bull(bleep) lines
is that they're concernedthat a conservative justice
as great as Scaliawill be replaced
with a liberal judge.
But they weren't so concernedwhen Thurgood Marshall,
a liberal justicewho was a major voice
of the Civil Rights Movement,
was replacedwith Clarence Thomas,
a conservative justicewho doesn't even (bleep) talk.
Wasn't concerned then.
Was not concerned.
So, Mitch McConnell,your biggest point
is to say, "Well, let's letthe American people decide."
Well, the American peoplehave already decided.
Now, please, do your job.
-Uh... oh, hold on, guys.-(whooping)
Hold on. I appreciate that.Oh, I'm getting word here
there may be someone newon the Supreme Court.
Uh, Flat Larry has been confirmed
to replace Antonin Scalia! Oh, my God!
Flat Larry's the newest member
of the United StatesSupreme Court!
This is unbelievable!We'll be right back!
-Oh, my God. Flat Larry!-(cheering)
-Hey, I'm Rory Albanese.-And I'm Mike Yard,
keeping black history100 for The Nightly Show.
Yeah, we are.Here's a fun fact.
Carter G. Woodson, known as the Father of Black History Month,
actually lobbied for black history to be taught in schools
all year round--that makes sense.
And we only got a month! Ha-ha!
Bet you're happy with that,ain't you?
Now, why would I be happywith that?
I think black history'sfantastic.
Please. I'm sure you do.
-No. Wh... -HappyBlack History Month, everyone.
Why did you ask me to do this?Honestly.
Just to belittlemy contribution.
Happy Black History Month.
-Welcome to my world.-Wow.
Thank you very much.Welcome back.
Now, as you know, Rosa Parkswas the civil rights pioneer
who became famousfor her refusal
to give up her seaton a Montgomery bus.
And in her honor,we like to recognize people
who need to have a seat...
uh, because they're doingor saying dumb (bleep).
So now it's timefor our continuing segment,
the Rosa Parks Awards.
All right! There we go.
All right!Tonight's Rosa Parks Award
goes to-- let's see.
Thank you, music. Thank you.
Uh, oh, the Florida teenwho posed as a doctor,
NEWSMAN: ...a Florida teen taken into custody
by West Palm Beach police.
18-year-old Malachi Love-Robinson
facing multiple charges,
including practicing medicine without a license.
Police say he gave a medical exam
to an undercover officer.
Now... I know I'm giving himthe Rosa Parks Award,
so he'll have his seat,but I really wanted
to give this kidthe benefit of the doubt.
I mean, Doogie Howser wasan incredible doctor at his age.
Right? He was good.
So maybe Dr. Love isalso a child prodigy?
I've done a lot of horsesin institutions,
uh, locally and some non...non-locally
in alternative medicine.
I've attended many conventionsand conferences,
and I've done many exams,which are required
to get your boards in anything.
Okay, two things.
Actually, five things.
Three, don't believe you.
And five, (bleep) no!
So, are you a doctorof anything?
Anything at all?
I do currently hold, um, a PhD.
Um, in what, I don't feelcomfortable disclosing,
because thatis not the issue here.
That is the issue here!
-(laughter)-That's the only issue here!
I j... I just don't get it.
If this kid...if this kid isn't a doctor,
how did he even get patients?
NEWSMAN: According to his Facebook page and Web site,
Dr. Love-Robinson offers holistic and urgent care
at his New Birth New Life Medical Center.
O-Okay. Wait a minute.
Can you show methe services page of that site?
Look at this-- it's a blank page!
You are visually telling people
that you literally havenothing to offer.
And check out his bio.
Wait, your methodsof medical treatment
amount to Earth, Wind & Fire.
So the only prescriptionyou can write is for the funk?
There you go.
All right,and to make matters worse,
this isn't the first timehe's done this.
NEWSMAN: Last year, West Palm Beach police
detained Love-Robinson after he was allegedly caught
in a pregnant woman's exam room at St. Mary's Medical Center.
That's right, guys--
in the ultimate teenage fantasy,this maniac...
allegedly pretendedto be a gynecologist.
LOVE-ROBINSON: This story
was broadcast everywhere.
Like I'm some insane maniac.
You are a maniac!
You-you can't just go outsnatching out babies
from pregnant women.
I didn't snatch out a baby.
I didn't do any of that.
-Don't talk back to me.-(laughter)
You know what I mean.You can't pretend to be a doctor
without any training.
Thank you, music.
All right, calm down, Larry.
The kid didn'tactually hurt anyone,
and now he's facingreal charges.
All right, let's hearhow he's defending himself.
I am deeply saddened, um,and a little disrespected,
uh, by some of the thingsthat have come forth.
But I will say that my attorneysare working hard
and they're workingaround the clock
to make sure that this issuegets resolved.
Okay. Hold on, guys, hold on.
The crazy thing--that girl right there,
she's his lawyer.
I'm not making it up.
Not making it up.
Wait, also,I saw something strange.
Can I see that clip again?
But I will say that my attorneysare working hard...
Even his child lawyer's like,
"See you, buddy,you're going to jail. Adios."
So congrats, fake-ass Dr. Love.
Here's your Rosa Parks Award.
Sit the hell downand have a seat,
preferably in jail.
-♪ -(cheering, applause)
This has beenthe Rosa Parks Awards
for peoplewho need to have a seat.
We'll be right back.
Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.
First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.
And Nightly Show contributor Jordan Carlos.
And he's the host of the hitSiriusXM show Come to Papa,
which airs on channel 99.And he'll also be performing
at Laugh Boston this Fridayand Saturday night.
Welcome backvery funny comedian Tom Papa.
And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now
on Twitter @NightlyShowusing #Tonightly.
Okay, now you guys probablyhave seen this story.
This was...went completely viral online,
on Facebook and everything.
A 25-year-old, uh, Yelp employee
was fired after posting,
like, this open letterto her CEO,
complaining that her entry-leveljob didn't provide her
with enough moneyto live in San Francisco.
And then she wrote abouthaving to answer phones
for an entire yearbefore being promoted,
uh, like, living on rice,
and sleeping fully clothedunder blankets
because shecouldn't afford heat.
I mean, there wasa lot of detail in there.
And the letter went viral.And the Internet lost its mind.
People writing back,sending open letters.
JORDAN:So she Yelped her experience.
-Yes, exactly.-Ba... It was bad.
Accusing her of havingan-an air of entitlement
and all this.So-so why do you think
there's so much resentment beingdirected towards this girl?
Because she's a big baby.
She's a b... Com...You're living in San Francisco.
You're working for Yelp.
So you're go... so you don'tmake a killer amount of mon...
W... Who would be interestedin that complaining?
If you want to Yelp about yourSyrian refugee crisis--
if you want to be like,
"Wow, we had to eat rocksagain today.
"Uh, we... we're usingour own pee as a shower.
Can't talk now.Have to walk to Germany."
Then I'll listen to you.
-That's nice.-I-Is that an actual Yelp entry?
-Yes, yes. -That is...Yeah, that is a Yelp...
YARD: I don't... I don'tnecessarily resent her,
I just don't believe her.She wrote a letter
to her boss complainingabout not making any money,
but everythingshe put in that letter
ensured she would be fired.
So that doesn'tmake sense to me.
That's what happens when youraise your kids on time out.
You got to beat your kids.
WILMORE:You... Wait... Hold it,
you went fromyou don't believe her
-to you got to beat your kids.-You got to beat your kids,
'cause when you beat your kids,they understand consequences
-for actions.-You're right. -What a...
-If you curse your boss out,you get fired. -Right.
-That's what happened.-Well, yeah, it's impertinent...
-Am I right?-I don't think so.
Can I come in the officeand be like...
can I-can I come in the officeone day and be like,
"Yo, what the (bleep)is wrong with you, Larry?"
Um, I don't thinkbeating you would have...
would have prevented youfrom writing a letter
-about the way you weretreated at work. -No, but I...
But I would never do that,because my parents beat me
when I was a kid so I knowthat there are
-consequences to your actions.-Your-your parents beating you
as a child is an entirelydifferent panel discussion.
-Yeah. -It...it all fits together, Larry.
-I know I don't look...-WILMORE: Okay.
I know I don't look like it,but my-my parents
also whooped my ass as well.
I think we needto Yelp Mike's parents.
But-but I would say that,I mean, basically,
she thought she'd be makinga certain amount of money.
She didn't. What it provesis that if you make minimum wage
for less than a year you willgo out of your goddamn mind.
But that's the thingthat's so annoying about it.
It's like, "Oh, I'm poor,I'm in my 20s,
and I... it hasn'tworked out yet."
-Well, we've all been there.-And there's a...
When I started stand-upin New York in my 20s,
I made five bucks a night.Five. And I needed the money.
And it was fine, but everythingsmelled like hot dogs.
-I smelled like hot dogs.-Yeah. -Yeah.
My girlfriendsmelled like hot dogs.
It was like,"Are we making hot dogs again?'
She's like, "No, that's us.We got to get jobs."
-Yeah, but we're...-You know there's a dude
-sleeping in his car going,"You got rice?!" -Right.
-And we're all... -But (bleep),what are you complaining about?
-You got rice, girl. -Do youthink it's a generational thing
or do you thinkit's a job description thing?
'Cause in showbiz you kind ofknow that's the deal, right?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.-I mean, do you think people...
Here's the thing,I mean, a lot of the energy
in the Bernie Sanders campaign,for instance,
a lot of people are goingto college to get an education,
costs too much, they're in debt,
and then there's jobs that don'toffer an immediate redress
to what... to the (bleep) stormthat just happened
-with their finances, right?-Right, right, right.
-Right. -Yeah.-People feel like,
"How long is it gonna take justfor me to repay this education?"
Do you thinksome-some of it's bad?
But it's getting harder andharder. I mean, wages have been
stagnant since 1979.
The price of housing,that goes up year by year.
And the price of educationgoes up higher and higher.
So how are these kidsgonna come out of that hole?
We say they're whining,but, guess what,
there's somethingto whine about,
-you know? -Well, yeah,there is something... Yeah.
-(cheering and applause)-But, but...
-But what?-You can whine about it.
-That's fine. I usedto whine about it, too. -Okay.
I'd get some ramen noodlesand some weed
-and hang out with my friendsand whine to them. -Exactly.
-You don't whine to the peoplethat can hire you. -I agree.
-She burnt... she burnt downthe office. -I agree.
You don't... you don't sendyour boss a letter saying,
"I bet you don't have to borrowsix dollars
from the guy at CVS."Of course I don't. I mean...
That guy... that guy bustedhis ass, by the way.
The guy that built Yelp,he started at 14 years old.
He was taking his little salary,his little allowance
and investing in stocks.
-He was kicking assand working hard. -Yeah.
He was busting ass.
If he builds that company,he's entitled to that company.
-The-the other point is-I bet you his parents beat him.
many people at the bottom...But ma...
-Many people...-They probably did.
But there's also a false notionthat people who don't make
a lot of moneyaren't busting their ass.
I mean, there are many peoplewho bust their ass all day long
-but the funds aren't comingtheir way. -See, that's
-a legitimate complaint.See, I believe... -You know?
Right? It doesn't meanthey're not busting their ass.
-I agree with you. -The otherthing is... I mean, sometimes,
I... I mean, yes, I... it'sprobably not the smartest thing
to do, to go after your boss,but who's to bet
that Yelpprobably will make some changes.
She may be the sacrificial lambthat went out and did this.
You know that (bleep) happens.You're the one that gets ousted,
-and then they go, "Yeah,she was kind of right." -Yeah.
But also, productivity,we're the most productive nation
in the world, but we-we arealso, like... Like I said,
the wages are stagnant.That's-that's the problem.
But here's my problem with her.I-I can't feel sympathetic
for that because you-you knew...you filled out the application
and knew what you would begetting paid. It's not like
they hired you and then be like,"Guess what, we're gonna have
to cut your (bleep)." No. Youknew what you was gonna make.
So you knewyou were making $1,400 a month,
but you gota $1,200-a-month apartment.
I'm sorry, I don't givea (bleep) if you're upset.
-I want to live in Malibu.-Yeah.
I would love to live in Malibu.
I took a driveup the Pacific Coast Highway.
I love it. It's beautiful.But I got Brooklyn money.
-That's where I live.-(laughter, applause)
There you go.
When you got Brooklyn money,
you should probably livein Brooklyn.
-We'll be right back.-Yeah. -(cheering and applause)
MAN: If you live in New York City or are planning to visit,
grab tickets to The Nightly Show.
Thanks to my panelists,Mike Yard, Jordan Carlos,
and Tom Papa. Okay, we're almostout of time, but before we go,
I got to keep it 100.Keep It 100.
Okay, tonight's questionis from @yuvrajbhatia97.
Something like that. Okay.
They ask, uh, oh,"Which tagline is better,
uh, #FeelTheBern or #ImWithHer?"
-Wait. Is that actuallyHillary's, uh, slogan, -Mm-hmm.
-"I'm with her"? I didn'teven know that. -Mm-hmm.
That's horriblethat I didn't know that.
Oh, my God. "Feel the Bern"is 1,000 times better.
-It's 1,000 times better.-(cheering and applause)
-It is! Come on. That'sthe question? -It is better.
-Guys, we're talkingabout slogans. -Yeah. -Damn it.
Uh, I know. It sounds so lame."I'm with her."
-No weak tea for Larry.-Uh, thanks for watching.
Uh, uh, I'm just thinkingwhat Hillary could've said.
"(bleep), vote for me."I don't know.
Don't forget to ask me your KeepIt 100 questions on Twitter.
-Good Nightly, everyone!-(cheering and applause)