Woody's Girl

  • Season 2, Ep 3
  • 09/17/2013

Woody falls hard for a yoga instructor after a stroke causes him to re-evaluate his life. Denzel inherits money and purchases a jet pack.

all: OM.- MY GOD, THIS IS GAY.

- HELLO, TRAVELERS.I'M ASTRAL, YOUR NEW INSTRUCTOR.

- [chuckles]HEY, BUDDY, I'D LIKE

TO POSITION MYSELF IN HER LOTUS,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- OKAY, EVERYONE,CLOSE YOUR EYES,

INHALE A LONG, DEEP BREATH,

AND IMAGINE A CALM,SERENE SCENE.

- OH!- UP YOURS, CRACKER!

[all complaining at once]

- NOOO!

- WOODY, CALM DOWN.HERE, PET ME.

I'M KIDDING.ATTACK!

[all grunting]

- I AM GONNA CHOKE THE LIFEOUTTA ALL OF YOU'S!

CAN'T BITCHIF YOU CAN'T BREATHE!

- [groans]

- OOPSIE.- WOODY,

I HAVE NEVER SEENSUCH A DISPLAY OF RAW PASSION.

I SUGGESTA PRIVATE SESSION.

I CAN HELP YOU CHANNELTHAT RAGE AND FIND INNER PEACE.

- OKAY,IF IT'LL HELP ME RELAX.

- OH, MY GOD!WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

- IT WAS A BLACK GUY.I THINK HE HAD A JET PACK.

- PRE-SCHOOL FIELD TRIP,AND NOT A SINGLE FATALITY?

OH, HOW REFRESHING.JUST DOING MY JOB.

HEAD RANGER ETHEL,OVER AND OUT.

[sighs]GOOD JOB, ETHEL.

OH, THANK YOU, ETHEL.

- CONNIE, I NEED YOUR HELP.

WOODY'S GIRLFRIENDIS BAT-SHIT CRAZY.

- SHE SEEMED NICE TO ME.MAYBE YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS.

- YEAH,AND MAYBE YOU'RE JUST--

UGH, I DON'T EVEN HAVETHE ENERGY TO INSULT YOU.

JUST STEP ON A SCALE.- HEY!

WHERE'S ALL THE DANISH?IT'S BEAR CLAW WEDNESDAY!

- NOW IT'S FRESH FRUITWEDNESDAY.

- [spits] UGH!

THIS DOESN'T TASTEANYTHING LIKE A DONUT!

I HATE IT!

[grunts]

- HEY, I DIDN'T GETTO EAT YET!

UH, BUT IT'S OKAY.

MY MOTTO IS"EFFICIENCY THROUGH POSITIVITY."

BY WORKING TOGETHER,WE CAN ACHIEVE GREATNESS.

[phone ringing]

SORRY,PROBABLY REALLY IMPORTANT.

BRICKLEBERRY NATIONAL PARK.HEAD RANGER ETHEL SPEAKING.

THE PARK EXPENSE REPORTSARE LATE?

WE HAVE THOSE?I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.

[beep]SORRY, CAN YOU HOLD?

HELLO,HEAD RANGER ETH--

WHAT DO YOU MEANTHE LAKE'S ON FIRE?

[phone ringing]OH, MY GOD, HOLD ON.

- ETHEL, I CAN'T COMETO WORK TODAY, I'M SICK.

- DENZEL, I NEED YOU HERE.HEY, ARE YOU ON YOUR JET PACK?

[phone ringing]- NO.

- HEY, LOOK,IT'S A FLYING BLACK GUY!

- MAYBE.[phones ringing]

- CALM DOWN.A BADGER ATE YOUR BABY'S FACE?

[beeping and ringing]HOLD ON.

MY EMERGENCY SCANNER'SGOING OFF!

THIS IS ETHEL!WHAT'S YOUR EMERGENCY?

- ETHEL, IT'S STEVE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT CONNIEIS AFRAID OF RAW FISH?

- WHAT?

- [screaming]

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