February 4, 2016 - Political Correctness & GOP Candidates

  • 02/04/2016

Felonious Munk expounds on the use of the term "politically correct," and Larry discusses the GOP presidential race with Paul F. Tompkins, Ricky Velez and Franchesca Ramsey.

Yeah. Mm.

AUDIENCE (chanting): Larry,Larry, Larry, Larry...

Thank you very much.Thank you.

Oh, so kind.Thank you. Please.

-So... so kind.-(chanting stops)

Larry. La-Larry...Oh, we're done? Oh, sorry.

I'm gonna take that Larry back.(imitates rewinding)

Welcome to The Nightly Show. I am Larry Wilmore.

Paul F. Tompkins is onpanel tonight, you guys.

Very funny.Very funny man,

Very funny man.

So it's a few days past Iowa

and a few daysbefore New Hampshire,

and they're still tryingto de-Negrofy the White House.

So, I guess we should see what'shappening with The Unblackening.

(humming a tune)

All right, guys, okay.

I have to talk aboutMarco Rubio for a second.

So I've noticed a trendin his speeches,

um... that is very disturbing.

Ensure that our childrengrow up with the values

that they teach in our church,

not the values being rammed downour throat by Hollywood.

The values they tryto ram down our throats

in the popular culture.

They keep tryingto ram down our throat...

Ram down our throat.

You are not gonna be ableto ram down the throat...

The president should notbe ramming down the throat

of the American people.

I'm not gonna ram itdown anyone's throat.

Um...

Senator Rubio, um,

since you sayyou're a man of faith,

uh, you mightwant to tell your children

to go play Bible Saurus on their iPads for a second,

'cause I have somethingindelicate I need to say to you.

Mm... Okay.

Marco, hey, man,

when you talk about protectingyour family's Christian values,

perhaps it would reflectyour own values more completely

if you refrainedfrom employing a metaphor

that meanschoking on a huge (bleep).

All right.

"Ramming it down their throats".

What does that mean?

Just stop it already.

And Rubio's not the only one

talking the nastyon the campaign trail.

She's been running awayfrom federal prosecutors

for the last six months.

I'll beat her rear end on thatstage, and you know what?

Um...

you'll be arrested?

Seriously, you're gonnabeat her rear end?

Jesus, what is itwith these Republicans?

Rubio handles the oral stuffand Christie works the ass?

I don't get it.

Yeah, come on, Rubio.

No one wants to think aboutChris Christie spanking anyone.

Unless it'sChris Christie spanking

a smaller Chris Christiewearing a top hat,

because that's just delightful.

That's just fine.Yeah.

That...

That's just fun.That's just fun.

Okay, but my favorite thingthat's been happening

has been a little bitunder the radar, guys.

Trump apparentlyhas legendarily tiny hands.

I-I... I'm notmaking this up, okay?

In 1988, Spy magazine beganreferring to Donald Trump

as "short-fingered vulgarian."

Now, keep in mind, this insult

happened 28 years ago, and Trump

is still responding to it, okay?

He told the New York Post, "Myfingers are long and beautiful,

"as, has been well-documented,

are variousother parts of my body."

This is fantastic, guys.

He can't let it go.

I'm not gonna lie.

This kind of makes me...want him to win. Uh...

Stay with me, stay with me.

Hold on, hold on a second!

Just so when hetakes that oath of office,

I can see him puthis baby hand on that Bible.

That's right, Trump, we're gonnakeep joking about this

because we know it bugsthe (bleep) out of you.

(grunts)We're gonna keep on doing it.

I don't know.It's just fun.

The most pathetic thingto date in this campaign

has come from the leaderof patheticness, Jeb Bush.

Please watch.

I think the next presidentneeds to be a lot quieter

but send a signalthat we're prepared to act

in the national securityinterests of this country

to get back in the business

of creatinga more peaceful world.

Please clap.

(audience groaning, laughing)

Yeah...

That is the saddest thing

since that story of that baby

who was bornwith freakish tiny hands.

You know, Donald Trump?Born with...

Bam! Did it again. Bam!

Sorry, I just can't stop myself.

Seriously, though,"Please clap"? Oh.

By the way, Donald,

clapping is when you slap yourtiny squirrel hands together.

All right, I'll stop it.I'm sorry.

All right, here to tell us moreabout Jeb's sinking campaign

is Bush campaign advisorLiza Delgado.

-Hi, hi.-(cheering, applause)

Hey, thanks, uh, thanksfor being here, Liza.

-Thank you for having me.-Sure, no problem.

Now, I'm just gonna say it.Frankly, your campaign

looks likeit's in a very bad place.

Bad? Oh, on the contrary, Larry,

everything is goingexactly as planned.

How-how can you say that?

I mean, you came insixth in Iowa.

You got less thanthree percent of the vote.

Oh! Oh, you're talking aboutthe president thing.

That's not the real campaign.

What do you mean, real campaign?

The campaignto save the Bush name.

You're gonnahave to explain that.

All right, Larry,for eight long years,

George W. Bush presided overseveral failed wars,

an attack on America,Hurricane Katrina,

and the worst economic disastersince the Great Depression.

That's a lot of stinkto get off the family legacy.

-I agree.That is a lot of stink. -Mm-hmm.

You might even call it stank.

Okay, but what does thathave to do with Jeb?

Jeb is the family'sblundering sacrificial lamb.

We never wanted himto be president.

We just wanted him to go outthere and fail so badly

that everyone just ended up

feeling sorryfor the poor doofus

and, by extension,his whole family.

Wow. Really?

Wait, you staged a massivepresidential campaign--

raised millionsand millions of dollars--

-just to try and salvagethe Bush family name? -Oh, yeah.

Is there any evidenceit's even worked?

Well, you tell me.

Who's more pathetic--Jeb or George W.?

Oh. Uh... oh.

Oh, my God, it's Jeb.

Yes, Larry, yes. You see...

You have already forgottenabout how awful George W. was,

-which means missionaccomplished, baby! -Wow!

Liza Delgado, everybody!We'll be right back! Oh, my God.

-That's amazing!-(cheering and applause)

Hi, I'm Jordan Carlos,

keeping black history 100for The Nightly Show.

Did you know a black explorer

named Matthew Henson may have been the first person

to reach the North Pole?

And, fun fact, until decadesafter Henson's death,

a white dude named Robert Pearygot all the credit!

Happy Black History Month,everybody!

Welcome back!

Now, if you've been watching,uh, this election closely,

you may have noticed a themeemerging on the GOP side.

The big problem this country hasis being politically correct.

We need to take a step backand chill out a little bit

as it relatesto the political correctness.

Everybody should stop beingso politically correct.

Political correctness--it's destroying our nation.

-Political correctnessis killing people. -Thank you.

Really, Wolf?

"Thank you"?

Not "how the (bleep)is political correctness

killing people?"

I mean, I know it'spolitically incorrect, Wolf,

but you should have gonewith that. Now, I will admit,

this whole PC thing'sa very complicated issue.

It deserves a lot of unpacking.So to help us through it,

uh, please welcome our residentblack egghead, Felonious Munk.

(cheering and applause)

-How you doing? Good to see you.-Hey, Felonious!

Uh, now, Felonious,so let me ask you,

doesn't-doesn'tpolitical correctness,

uh, just limit free speech?

Brother Larry, the very notionof political correctness

is a misdirection to rivalthe great canards of old.

It is naughtbut a diaphanous veil, a sop

to the hidebound electoratewho, being inculcated

to their own privilege,joyously sojourn

in a blinkered dearthof humanity.

(laughter)

(cheering and applause)

Right. So...

so you're saying...What are you saying?

Political correctnessis (bleep), Larry.

It doesn't exist.

Ah, I understood that.I got that.

Okay. All right. Okay. But howcan you say it doesn't exist?

I mean, it's a major theme forthese presidential candidates.

And please keep your answersimple.

-Oh. Of course, Brother Larry.-Mmm.

Spy how the proverbial goalpostsdecamp and stir

-to suit their environs.-Here we go.

Why, in the very examplesyou proffered,

Jebford Bush wielded thepolitical correctness mitigation

as an aegis against his use

of the dehumanizing calumny"anchor babies."

Right. Jebford Bush said

people criticizing himfor saying "anchor babies"

was being too PC.

Be there an echo, Brother Larry?

Um, I...

-For that is what I just said.-I know. I was just trying to...

Yeah. Mm.

Donald Trump throws uphis bloviations about PC culture

almost dailywith his microscopic metacarpus.

Oh. Tiny hands!

Okay, I'm with you.

Very nice. That was nice.That was nice. Okay.

And Chris Christie invokespolitical correctness

when challengedre: his chauvinist strategy

of striking Hillary Clintonon her rear end.

For Ted Cruz, it shields him

from imputationsof Islamophobia.

Right. Imputations. Yeah.

Right. Right.

So-so it's like if someonecalls out these candidates

for saying something offensive,

they just accuse themof political correctness?

-Now we're expatiating!-Mm-hmm.

-Expatiating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.-It's... Yeah,

we're expatiating.It's like a-a "get out of being

an offensive asshole free" card.

Right. But it's not likeeverybody who's fed up

with political correctnessis crazy, right?

I mean, everyone's outraged,like, all the time.

I mean, you can't say anythingthese days, right?

Is it that one cannot speakor that one hears more?

With the adventof socialized media,

those happy few who once heldavaricious clutch

onto the reigns of communication

are now subjectedto vox populi day in, day out.

And their animus towardssaid democratization manifests

in their creationof a fictive "golme."

Namely, political correctness.

-In short,-Oh, thank God.

when I...

Sorry.

-Mm-mm. (sighs)-Continue.

When I hear "PC culture,"

I think "STFU."

Oh, wait, I know that!I know that!

"Shut the (bleep) up," right?

-No, you shut the (bleep) up.-Oh.

I thought... I thought that's...

what the letters... Sorry.

"STFU" standsfor "silencing treachery

falsehoods understood,"

a mantra I propagateto all who will listen

when the subjectof political correctness arises.

Okay. Right. Can you, uh,

please, please dumb this downfor me?

Okay. In the parlanceof The Nightly Show,

these candidates needto nut up about criticism

and stop blamingpolitical correctness.

Not saying "anchor baby"or that you're gonna spank

Hillary Clinton or callingall Mexican immigrants rapists

isn't being politically correct.

That's just correct.

Felonious Munk, everyone.We'll be right back.

-I understood that. Now I gotit! -(cheering and applause)

Okay, welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Ricky Velez.

(cheering and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorFranchesca Ramsey.

(cheering and applause)

And he's the hostof No, You Shut Up on Fusion--

season four is airingright now-- actor and comedian

-Paul F. Tompkins.-(cheering and applause)

-That's true.-Yeah.

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter, @NightlyShow,using the hashtag, #Tonightly.

Okay. So after this week,the Republican Party

is clearly a divided mess.

Uh, the candidates are,like, all over the place.

It's-it's so funny to mebecause, like, the Pro...

the Republican establishment,uh, hates, uh, Ted Cruz.

The conservative establishmenthates Donald Trump.

-And the Republican votershate Marco Rubio. -Yeah.

But it's so pathetic,the other people...

Who's the most patheticright now in this race?

-Is there a question?-Hmm. I think

after that Jeb Bush speech,

I would sayhe's the most pathetic.

And the reason no one clappedis they didn't know

the speech was over. It kind ofended like a wet fart.

I think that he should havetaken the exclamation point

off the logo and put itat the end of the speech

so then people would actuallyknow that it was time to clap.

Was it the end of the speechor he was trying

-to make an emphatic pointthat he thought... -I-I think

it was supposed to be, "Oh, waittill they get a load of this.

-"It's gonna be... Oh!-I know! Oh! I know!

I'm getting chills just thinkingabout me saying it."

Jeb Bush...Jeb Bush always strikes me...

Whenever I see him speakat any of these debates...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -...it alwaysseems likes he's got, like...

he's all ready to go, and then,as soon as he starts talking...

-WILMORE: Yeah.-...he loses all confidence.

-RAMSEY: Yes.-(laughter)

-What is that?-Like, he thinks his own voice

-is gonna sound different...-Yeah.

...than when it comes out.Like, "Oh, I thought I sounded

like I had a deeper, morecommanding voice."

-WILMORE: Yeah. I know...-VELEZ: He reminds...

WILMORE: It's like he's talking,his words do this,

and a tree alwaysgets in the way.

-TOMPKINS: Yeah. That's...-He goes, "Mm, mm, mm."

TOMPKINS: He can'tget through a whole thought

without derailing,always, every time.

WILMORE: It's true.He does it every time.

Every time, he goes...You just ask

what he had for breakfast.

"Uh, this morning,I had... eggs."

-It's like...-(laughter and groaning)

-Like...-VELEZ: He...

He reminds me of the kid thatdidn't want to play a sport,

but his parent brought himand made him do it,

and they're like, "You're gonnafinish out this season.

I bought that (bleep) uniform."

-WILMORE: Yeah. Yeah. -"Youbetter finish that season."

WILMORE: And his brother played,and his dad played.

Everybody played.It's your turn.

-WILMORE: I mean... -TOMPKINS:We're a president family!

-(laughter)-I know.

W looks like the clever,charismatic smart one.

-It's amazing to me. -RAMSEY:Oh! It's really, really bad...

-Yes. -...when George Bushmakes you look bad. Like...

-(laughter) -TOMPKINS:You almost feel sad for him

until you rememberthat he's a multi-millionaire,

-comes from a political dynasty.-(laughter)

-RAMSEY: That's it.-WILMORE: Oh.

And then you're like,"I'm glad no one clapped."

-(laughter)-Yeah. Right.

What about Carson, though?I don't...

Ben Carson is alsovery pathetic to me.

-RAMSEY: Ugh.-It's so sad.

I mean, the fact that he...he runs all the way

to Florida to get his clothes.

-(laughter)-RAMSEY: Where...?

VELEZ:He's the... He's the El Chapo

of candidates right now.

I heard Sean Penn's doingan interview with him.

-It's gonna be great.He is awful. -WILMORE: Man.

Ben Carson is,like, the black friend

that every racist always calls.

Like, "I have a black friend!I swear I have a black friend."

Like, that's whyI really can't stand him.

-He's just the tokenfor everybody. -Uh-huh.

I think we're gonna find outsomething is

neurologically-wrongwith Ben Carson.

-(laughter, applause & cheering)-WILMORE: Really? -Yeah.

WILMORE:Oh, my God.

And it's gonna be oneof those things,

where, like, "Oh, I feel bad,I laughed at him.

I didn't realize he was sick."

Paul, but how could he...how could he have been

that brilliant of a surgeon,but every time he talks, I go,

"No way he's operated on brains.No way."?

-VELEZ: I mean...-(laughter)

It makes me think that maybe,

if I took, like,a YouTube tutorial,

I could do brain surgery.

-(laughter)-Maybe it's not that hard.

-(applause and cheering)-Um...

I feel like... I feel like...

Is Trump imploding right now?

It feels likehe's getting a little...

Like, all the patheticness isstarting to come out in him.

TOMPKINS:It's the best to see

-how thin-skinned this guy is,and af... -WILMORE: Yeah.

When he had to do thatconcession speech in Iowa...

-WILMORE: Yeah, he hated it.-He couldn't help, like...

-I know. -"Uh, you know what?I love it here.

-I'm gonna buy a farm." Like,I... That's like... -(laughter)

That was him saying, "I hate youpeople, you stupid farmers."

-WILMORE: Yeah.-(laughter)

"Can you imagine meliving here?!"

-(cheers and applause)-Okay.

He couldn't get througha decent, gracious moment. Oh!

I love that Trump code is

by telling you something thatmeans the opposite, right?

TOMPKINS:Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

You just have to look at hisface, and then, the next day,

-he couldn't even go 24 hours.-WILMORE: No.

VELEZ:Too long. 14.

-He says, "Cruz stole it.He stole it!" -WILMORE: Yeah.

-"He cheated and he fooled me."-WILMORE: I know.

-(laughter) -Yeah. "He trickedme, everybody. He tricked me.

"Yeah. I said 'two Corinthians.'

Why didn't they believe me?"

(laughter)

Oh, do you...?Is-is he going down now,

or is it still doesn't matter,Ricky? Do...?

If it stilldoesn't matter, he...

I don't know, man.He has... he has momentum.

So, like,it can't keep going up.

There has to be a crashat some...

I-I... I got to give itto Trump.

I think he's gonna stick aroundfor a long time.

WILMORE:Really?

I think we're really...Don't. I'm not agreeing.

-(Ramsey & Wilmore groaning)-I don't want him.

Look, you're just booing mebecause I'm saying a statement?

-WILMORE: Right.-(laughter)

What the (bleep)is wrong with you?

TOMPKINS:Politically correct.

They're ruining this panel!

(laughter,applause & cheering)

WILMORE:Now, are Republicans...?

Are they going to be creeped outby Ted Cruz or not?

Because I think it's got to bejust a matter of time. He...

I think he's tricked Republicansthe most.

-Seriously, he has.-VELEZ: Mm.

I mean, just when he talks.

(speaking in nasally pitch):Yeah.

-(laughs like Cruz)-(laughter)

"Mmm. Oh, I'm a Christian. Mmm."

-(laughter)-"Yeah."

-TOMPKINS: He's too into it.-I know.

-I know, he is. -He's too intobeing a Christian.

Even Christians are like,"Hey, it's just a religion."

-(laughter)-"Take it easy."

(cheers and applause)

-Yeah.-WILMORE: Uh, even...

Even... even Jesus has actedlike, uh, his daughter, going,

-"Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh."-(laughter)

TOMPKINS:I don't know.

I feel... I feel like they...

They're gonna have no choicebut to get...

-It was like...-WILMORE: Yeah.

-If they got behindMitt Romney... -WILMORE: Yeah.

...who was just as weirdas Ted Cruz in his own way,

I think they'll just haveno choice, you know?

Oh, Mitt Romney seemsso ordinary

-compared to allof these people. No. -(laughter)

-Isn't that strange?-VELEZ: Yeah. Oh...

Oh, my God, Mitt Romneywould clear... clean this field.

I mean, he's gotto really regret it.

Here's the thing. Here's what'shilarious about Mitt Romney.

-He didn't run because Jeb wasgonna run. -(laughter)

-Think about it. -RAMSEY: Oh.He would have cleaned up.

"Well, Jeb's gonna takeall the votes." "No!

"Mitt, you (bleep) upagain, man."

-(laughter, applause)-He did!

He could have had it all.Sorry you (bleep) up.

-Not my fault. We'll be rightback. -(cheers and applause)

ANNOUNCER: If you live in the New York City area,

or are planning to visit,

grab some free tickets to The Nightly Show.

Thanks to my panelists--Ricky Velez,

Franchesca Ramseyand Paul F. Tompkins.

And thanks to Felonious Munkfor being here, also.

-(cheers and applause)-We're almost out of time.

Before we go, I got to Keep It100, you guys, all right?

Keeping it... 100.

Tonight's question isfrom @NatBurner003. Okay.

They ask, "Would you rather wearCam pants to your wedding..."

I'm not getting married,you guys.

"...or a 'Vote for...'"

Oh, there you go Cam pants.

"...or a 'Vote for Trump' shirtat a Cinco de Mayo party?"

-(laughter and groaning)-Oh!

That's hilarious.

Um, okay, this is... this isgonna be an unusual answer.

I would much ratherwear the shirt

at the partybecause I'm a comedian.

-That would be hilarious.-(applause and cheering)

-Right? -Um... -All right, okay.All right, Larry.

-Did I Keep It 100?-Yes, you did.

-It's hilarious.-You did. You did.

Thanks for watching.Don't forget to ask me

your Keep It 100 questions.Challenge me, guys!

Challenge me! Come on.Good Nightly, everyone!

-Oh. -(applause,cheering & whistling)

MAN: Ooh, sorry.