Flash Mob

[cell phones chiming, beeping]

[upbeat dance music]

♪

- RACE WAR!

IT'S A GODDAMNRACE WAR!

[gunshots]

- FLASH MOB--FLASH MOB CANCELED.

THE FLASH MOB IS CANCELED.

HEY, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,

THERE'S NOT EVEN GOINGTO BE A FIGHT.

I'M GONNA MERCY-KILLTHIS OLD MAN.

- DEREK IS VERYGOOD PERSON.

BUT SOON,HE WILL LEARN MANNERS.

I WILL TORTURE HIS BODY

SO THAT HIS SOULLEARNS TO BE HUMBLE.

- I'M GONNA DANCE AROUND HIMWHILE HE TRIES

TO HIT ME WITH HIS CANE,OLD MAN.

- GOD CHOSE MEFOR THIS FIGHT.

GOD IS THE TEACHER.DEREK IS THE STUDENT.

AND I AM GOD'S INSTRUMENT.

WHEN I SQUEEZEYOUR LUNGS, DEREK,

AND YOU BEG ME FOR LIFE,

THEN YOUR HEARTWILL OPEN UP TO THE LORD.

- I'M GONNA KNOCK HIM OUTROUND ONE, BITCH.

WAIT.WHAT DID HE SAY AGAIN?

HE SAID GOD CHOSE HIM.

THAT DOESN'TEVEN MAKE SENSE, REALLY.

- WHEN YOU EATTHROUGH PLASTIC TUBE,

WHEN YOU ARE PARALYZEDFROM NECK DOWN,

THEN YOUR FAMILY

WILL GATHERAROUND YOUR HOSPITAL BED

TO SEE THE NEW DEREK.

- OKAY, HE KNOWWE JUST TALKING HERE, RIGHT?

I MEAN, WE JUST--

WE JUST GETTING PEOPLEINTERESTED IN THE FIGHT,

BECAUSE I'M SORRY--IS THIS [bleep] CRAZY?

- GOD'S LESSONSARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

- "GOD'S LESSONSARE BEAUTIFUL"?

I'M SORRY.WHO PUT THIS FIGHT TOGETHER?

THIS IS JUST--

IF Y'ALL GOT AN ACTUALCRAZY PERSON FOR ME TO FIGHT,

WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR TO ME...

OR HIM.

- [speaking in tongues]

- WHAT YOU MEANYOU CAN'T FIND HIM?

WELL, WHERE IS HE?

YO, MAN, WHERE MY MANAGER AT?STEVE?

HOW'S IT--

- YOU EVER NOT TELL SOMEBODYTHAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN A FILM

BECAUSE OF HOW THEY REACT

WHEN THEY FIND OUTYOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT?

- YES, YES.

- YOU KNOWWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

- I'VE DONE IT.- YEAH.

PEOPLE COMPLETELY FLIP OUT,AND THEY FREAK OUT

AND EVERYTHINGABOUT THE MOVIE.

- DUDE, YOU DO IT.- IT'S LIKE, IT'S JUST A MOVIE.

- YOU DO IT.- I DON'T DO IT.

- YOU'VE DONE IT TO ME.- WHEN HAVE I DONE IT?

- THE WIZ.

- HOW HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE WIZ?

- THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT, BY THE WAY.

- HOW HAVEN'T YOU SEEN THE WIZ?

EVERYBODY HAS SEEN THE WIZ.

- I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.WHY DO I HAVE TO SEE THAT?

- WHY?BECAUSE YOU ARE BLACK.

- OKAY.

- YOU SEE, THERE'S FIVEMOVIES YOU HAVE TO SEE.

IT'S VERY SIMPLE, JORDAN,THEY'RE ALL ONE-WORD TITLES--

SHAFT, WIZ, FRIDAY, JUICE, AND ROOTS.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- ISN'T ROOTS, LIKE,TEN HOURS LONG?

- NO, YOU DIDN'T--NO, YOU'RE TELLING ME

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ROOTS.

- DUDE, THIS IS WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT.