Flash Mob

  • Season 1, Ep 6
  • 03/06/2012

Jordan and Keegan engage in an epic flicker match, and a flash mob goes terribly wrong.

[cell phones chiming, beeping]

[upbeat dance music]

- RACE WAR!

IT'S A GODDAMNRACE WAR!

[gunshots]

- FLASH MOB--FLASH MOB CANCELED.

THE FLASH MOB IS CANCELED.

OH, YEAH, "SOITAINLY."

OH, HEY,I GOTTA GO.

YEAH, TERRY OUT.

- TERRY,HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

- HEY, PRETTY GOOD,GABE.

OH, GOT SOMETHINGON YOUR SHIRT.

- NOT TODAY, TERRY.

- LOOKS LIKE GABE'SCOME OUT TO PLAY.

YOU DO HAVE SOMETHINGON YOUR SHIRT, DUDE.

- NO, I DON'T.- YEAH, YOU KIND OF DO.

- NO, I'M PRETTY SURE I DON'T.- GOT A CLEAN SHIRT AT MY DESK

IF YOU WANT METO GET IT FOR YOU.

- DON'T SEE WHYTHAT WOULD BE NECESSARY.

- BECAUSE THE SHIRTYOU HAVE ON RIGHT NOW,

IT'S NOT CLEAN.- EXCEPT FOR THAT IT IS.

- ME, I HAVE A CLEAN SHIRT.- OH.

- YOU, YOU HAVE SOME SCHMUTZON YOUR JAMMY-JAM.

- NO, THERE IS NO SCHMUTZON MY JAMMY-JAM.

- YOKNOW WHAT?WHY DON'T I JUST GET IT FOR YOU?

- YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT?- YEAH.

AND THERE WE GO.

- DID YOU GET IT?

- [laughing]

I ALMOST GOT YOU.

I WAS THAT CLOSE.- ALMOST, YEAH.

- I MEAN, I'M THINKING,"DAMN, HE'S GOOD."

[both laughing]

BUT YOU KNOW WHATTHE FUNNY THING IS?

- WHAT'S WHAT?

- NOW I GUESS FROM WHEN I DABBED

YOUR SHIRTWITH THE PAPER TOWEL,

AND I'M NOT PLAYINGTHE GAME RIGHT NOW,

BUT I ACTUALLY--I MUST HAVE GOTSOME PAPER-TOWEL FUZZ

ON YOUR SHIRT, SO...

[dramatic music]

- HEY, HOW LONG HAS KAREN BEENWEARING HER HAIR UP LIKE THAT?

- I DON'T WANT YOUTO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT.

AND I'M SORRYIT HAPPENED.

- HEY, TERRY,WHAT'S GOING ON?

- UH, NOTHINING.- HAVING A GOOD MORNING?

- YE--- I'M HAVING A [bleep]

TERRIFIC MORNING.

- GREAT.

- HOPE THERE IS NOTHINGON MY SHIRT.

'CAUSEI CAN'T LOOK DOWN.

- OH, NO, DUDE, WE'RE NOT DOINGTHAT RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

THERE'S NOTHINGON YOUR SHIRT.

NO ONE CARESABOUT YOUR SHIRT.

EVERYTHING'S NOTABOUT YOU.

I'M TRYING TO HAVEA CONVERSATION

WITH KAREN RIGHT NOW, SO...

- YOU OKAY, TERRY?- IT JUST PISSES ME OFF.

[cell phone vibrates]

- [screams]

I GOT IT. I GOT IT.THERE'S NO WAY--

OH, YEAH, YEAH,I DO HAVE SCHMUTZ.

THERE'S SCHMUTZALL OVER ME NOW.

HE CAN'T DENY THAT.

TERRY'S NOT GOING TO KNOWWHAT HIT HIM.

[laughs]I WILL WIN!

WHAT--WHAT HAPPENED?

- TERRY DIED.

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HEY, TERRY.

IT'S GABE.

I, UM--I JUST WANTEDTO LET YOU KNOW THAT, UM...

THAT YOU DIDN'T GET ME, TERRY.

YOU DIDN'T GET ME,

BECAUSE ON THE DAYTHAT YOU DIED,

THERE WAS SCHMUTZON MY SHIRT.

SO GUESS WHO WINSTHE GAME, TERRY.

I DO. I WIN.[laughing]

YOU LOSE.

AAH!

[crying]OH, TERRY.

HE FLICKED ME.

HEY, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,

THERE'S NOT EVEN GOINGTO BE A FIGHT.

I'M GONNA MERCY-KILLTHIS OLD MAN.

- DEREK IS VERYGOOD PERSON.

BUT SOON,HE WILL LEARN MANNERS.

I WILL TORTURE HIS BODY

SO THAT HIS SOULLEARNS TO BE HUMBLE.

- I'M GONNA DANCE AROUND HIMWHILE HE TRIES

TO HIT ME WITH HIS CANE,OLD MAN.

- GOD CHOSE MEFOR THIS FIGHT.

GOD IS THE TEACHER.DEREK IS THE STUDENT.

AND I AM GOD'S INSTRUMENT.

WHEN I SQUEEZEYOUR LUNGS, DEREK,

AND YOU BEG ME FOR LIFE,

THEN YOUR HEARTWILL OPEN UP TO THE LORD.

- I'M GONNA KNOCK HIM OUTROUND ONE, BITCH.

WAIT.WHAT DID HE SAY AGAIN?

HE SAID GOD CHOSE HIM.

THAT DOESN'TEVEN MAKE SENSE, REALLY.

- WHEN YOU EATTHROUGH PLASTIC TUBE,

WHEN YOU ARE PARALYZEDFROM NECK DOWN,

THEN YOUR FAMILY

WILL GATHERAROUND YOUR HOSPITAL BED

TO SEE THE NEW DEREK.

- OKAY, HE KNOWWE JUST TALKING HERE, RIGHT?

I MEAN, WE JUST--

WE JUST GETTING PEOPLEINTERESTED IN THE FIGHT,

BECAUSE I'M SORRY--IS THIS [bleep] CRAZY?

- GOD'S LESSONSARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

- "GOD'S LESSONSARE BEAUTIFUL"?

I'M SORRY.WHO PUT THIS FIGHT TOGETHER?

THIS IS JUST--

IF Y'ALL GOT AN ACTUALCRAZY PERSON FOR ME TO FIGHT,

WELL, THAT'S NOT FAIR TO ME...

OR HIM.

- [speaking in tongues]

- WHAT YOU MEANYOU CAN'T FIND HIM?

WELL, WHERE IS HE?

YO, MAN, WHERE MY MANAGER AT?STEVE?

HOW'S IT--