Victory

  • Season 2, Ep 7
  • 11/07/2012

Luther informs Mitt Romney who won the election, and a non-stop party refuses to stop.

[Hail to the Chief plays]

- GOOD EVENING,MY FELLOW AMERICANS.

I JUST WANT TO THANK YOUFOR YOUR CONTINUED FAITH IN--

- WE WON, MOTHER[bleep]ERS!

[screaming]WE WON!

- THAT'S MY ANGER TRANSLATOR,LUTHER.

- WHOO!

YEAH! WHAT'S UP?

[humming]♪ MM MM-MM MM

♪ MM MM MM-MM

- BUT I WANT TO WISHMY OPPONENT, MITT ROMNEY, WELL.

HE RAN A GOOD CAMPAIGN.

- TAKE THAT [bleep]BACK TO THE LAB, MITT,

'CAUSE YOU LOST!

- AND NOW WE MOVE FORWARDWITH PRESSING ISSUES.

- WE GONNA PASS HEALTHCARE AGAIN.

NOW WHAT, BITCHES?

- WHILE WE HAD HUGE TURNOUTFROM OUR FAITHFUL SUPPORTERS...

- THANK YOU, BLACK FOLKS!

WE MADE IT TO TWO ELECTIONSIN A ROW, MAN!

NOW HOW HARD WAS THAT?

- ALL YOUR VOTES WERE CRUCIALIN THIS VICTORY.

- WHITE PEOPLEWHO VOTED FOR ME,

Y'ALL ARE ALL NOWHONORARY BLACK PEOPLE.

- SO THANK YOUFOR YOUR SUPPORT.

- AND [bleep] YOUIF YOU TRIED TO [bleep] ME!

I MEAN, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEYTHEY TRIED TO SPEND

TO GET RID OF THIS?

MILLIONS, SON!I SAID MILLIONS!

BUT YOU COULDN'T GET RIDOF IT, [bleep].

AW, NAW.

YEAH, CAN'T TOUCH THIS.

- LUTHER.

N--LUTHER,WHAT'D I TELL YOU?

NO HAMMER DANCING.

- COME ON, "B"!

WE WON!LET'S DO IT, DOG!

- NO, I'M, UH,I-I-I TOLD YOU,

I DON'T WANT YOUDOING IT WRONG.

- OHH.- YOU GOTTA GET IT RIGHT.

- OHH!- IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT--

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

- OH, THAT'S RIGHT,THAT'S RIGHT.

SAY IT, THOUGH.SAY IT!

[dance music]

- ♪ WELL, TONIGHTWE GONNA PARTY ♪

♪ TILL THE PARTY DON'T STOP

♪ AND THE PARTY DON'T STOP

♪ BECAUSE ITKEEPS ON GOING NONSTOP ♪

♪ GONNA PARTY ALL NIGHT

♪ GONNA KEEPTHIS PARTY GOING ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE PARTYWON'T STOP ♪

♪ IT'S BEEN TWO STRAIGHT DAYSAND THE PARTY'S STILL GOING ♪

♪ TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,SIX, SEVEN DAYS ♪

♪ TILL IT'S FRIDAY AGAINAND THE PARTY KEEPS GOING ♪

♪ PARTY ALL NIGHT'CAUSE IT'S AN ALL-NIGHT PARTY ♪

♪ FRIDAY NIGHT, 9:00 P.M.

♪ HOP IN THE CAR,CALL MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ DRINKS IN THE BACK,GIRLS UP FRONT ♪

♪ WE'RE GOING TO A PARTY,SENDING TEXTS ♪

♪ CELL PHONE RINGS,iPAD, FACEBOOK, PARTY TIME ♪

♪ SKIN-TIGHT JEANS,FRIDAY NIGHT ♪

♪ DANCE, DANCE, DANCE

♪ 'CAUSE TONIGHT WE GOIN' OUTAND WE AIN'T COMIN' BACK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE PARTY WON'T STOPAND WE'LL GO ALL NIGHT ♪

♪ FRIDAY NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT,THE PARTY'S GOING DOWN ♪

♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪

♪ NEW YORK CITY,L.A., CHICAGO ♪

♪ HOUSTON, PHILLY,SAN DIEGO ♪

♪ PHOENIX, AUSTIN,FORT WORTH, BOSTON ♪

♪ MEMPHIS, DENVER,PORTLAND, VEGAS ♪

[muffled music continues]

♪ ...LUBBOCK, DURHAM,SALEM, DAYTON ♪

♪ CITIES, CITIES,CITIES, CITIES ♪

♪ 'CAUSE TONIGHT WE GOING OUTAND WE AIN'T COMIN' BACK ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THE PARTY WON'T STOPAND WE'LL GO ALL NIGHT ♪

♪ FRIDAY NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT,THE PARTY'S GOING DOWN ♪

♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN,DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪

♪ NEW YORK CITY,L.A., CHICAGO ♪

♪ HOUSTON, PHILLY,SAN DIEGO ♪

♪ PHOENIX, AUSTIN,FORT WORTH, BOSTON ♪

♪ MEMPHIS, DENVER,PORTLAND, VEGAS ♪

♪ TUCSON, FRESNO,AKRON, TAMPA ♪

♪ PITTSBURGH, NEWARK,PLANO, LINCOLN ♪

♪ LUBBOCK, DURHAM,SALEM, DAYTON ♪

♪ CITIES, CITIES,CITIES, CITIES ♪

♪ CITIES!

♪ YEAH, WE'RE GONNAKEEP IT GOING ♪

♪ TILL THE BREAK OFBREAK OF DAWN ♪

♪ THEN WE'LL JUSTKEEP PARTYING ALL DAY LONG ♪

♪ HOT GIRLS, MUSIC, DANCING,AND BIKINIS AND HEADPHONES ♪

♪ PARTY, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY,PARTY, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY ♪

♪ SO TONIGHT WE'RE GONNA PARTYTILL THE PARTY DON'T STOP ♪

- NOW GO--LOOK AT THAT.- WHAT?

THAT'S AMAZING.- HE'S SO GOOD AT THIS.

- AMAZING.

- I KNOW,LOOK AT YOUR POINTS.

- OH! OH!

OH!- NICE! NICE!

- YES. DUDE.

YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELYMASTERED THIS GAME.

- YEAH, WELL, SINCE,UM, SHEILA LEFT,

I'VE BEEN SPENDINGA LOT OF TIME PLAYING THE GAME.

- YOU'RE DOING REALLY GOOD.- THANK YOU.

- THAT'S WHYWE'RE HERE, MAN.

HELP YOU GET OVER SH--HER.

AND CHECK OUT THISAWESOME NEW GAME YOU HAVE!

- [weakly]YAY.

- YOU KNOW, I LEFT SOMETHINGIN ANOTHER ROOM.

UM, EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE.

- OH, HE STILLHAS THE SENSORS ON.

[chuckles]

- OH, LOOK.- IS THAT HIM IN HIS ROOM?

- YEAH. YOU CAN SEE HIM.THAT'S FUNNY. WHAT IS HE DOING?

IS HE--IS HE ON HIS KNEES?

DID HE DROP TO HIS KNEES?- OH, N--[chuckles]

- OH...- THAT--THAT--

HE'S PROBABLY LOOKING FOR--

- NO, LOOK.HE'S--HE'S CRYING.

HE'S CRYING. OH, NO.- HE'S JUST--

- NO, NO, HE'S SHUDDERING.- THAT'S JUST SHAKING.

- HE'S SHUDDERING.IS HE FETAL?

YEAH, HE CURLED UP.LOOK AT THAT. HE'S FETAL.

- HEY, CRAIG, BUDDY.YOU ALL RIGHT UP THERE?

- OH, YEAH, I'M--I'M--I'M--I'M COMING RIGHT OUT.

- OH, HE--UM...

HEY, MAN, YOU ALL RIGHT?

- YES. YEAH. OH, YEAH.YEAH, YEAH.

IT'S JUST,UH, MY SINUSES...

[sniffs]ARE ACTING UP.

YEAH.YEAH, I, UM--

I WAS JUST--YOU KNOW, I WASJUST THINKING ABOUT SHEILA,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M--I AM TOTALLY OVER HER.

- AWESOME.- AWESOME.

- LET'S--HEY, LET'S GETTHIS PARTY STARTED.

- SURE.

OH.

UH...

I FORGOT TO GET RID OF THISPICTURE OF SHEILA. EXCUSE ME.

- HEY, MAYBE LEAVE THE SENSORSSO ONE OF US CAN PLAY.

[game music begins]

- OH, HE'S DANCING.

HE'S DANCING WITH THE PHOTO.IS HE KI--

HE'S DOING--HE'S DOING THIS A BUNCH.

- ALL RIGHT.- IS HE KISSING IT?

I THINK HE'S KISSING IT.

- KNOW WHAT?I'M GONNA TURN THIS OFF.

'CAUSE WE DON'T NEED TO--- YOU CHANGE IT AND YOU DIE.

HE'S UNDOING HIS BUCKLE.

LOOK AT THIS.HIS PANTS ARE COMING OFF.

HIS PANTS ARE COMING OFF.

OH, GOD.- YEAH.

- NO, NO, NO, NO,NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

- OKAY, THAT'S HAPPENING.- OH, NO, NO, NO.

- MY GOD.- IS HE--HE'S--

HE IS TOTALLY ON THE BED.- YEAH.

- HE'S TOTALLY FLATON THE BED.

- OKAY, WELL, THAT'S JUST--

- OH! OH, GOD.

OH, GROSS.

[groans]

- WE SH--WE SHOULDN'T BE...

OKAY, YOU KNOW...

- IS HE REACHING DOWNFOR HIS FOOT?

- I DON'T--- THAT'S HIS FOOT, ISN'T IT?

IS THAT HIS FOOT?

- AND COMING BACK.

- WHEW.

I AM SORRY, EVERYBODY.

WOULD YOU LIKE METO MAKE SOME SNACKS?

- WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST?

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?- NO!

- SERIOUSLY, YOU'VE GOTTACOME BACK IN THE BAR RIGHT NOW.

- YOU COME BACK IN THE BAR!

- MEGAN, I DON'T EVEN[bleep] KNOW CLAIRE!

- YEAH, RIGHT!

- I'M SORRY!YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET!

- YEAH, WELL,WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT

TO YOUR NEW, FAT,UGLY GIRLFRIEND?

- I HAVEN'T EVEN MET HER YET!- WHATEVER!

- YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET,MEGAN!

- OH, THROW IT IN A RIVER!- WHY WOULD I [bleep] DO THAT?

- I DON'T CARE, I'M OVER IT!

- FINE!

[sighs]

GOD.

MEGAN!

- LEAVE ME ALONE!

- YOUR JACKET, THOUGH!

- NO!- SERIOUSLY, MEGAN!

- YOU START BUYING DRINKSFOR EVERYBODY

AS SOON AS SHE COMES OVER.I MEAN, WHO DOES THAT?

- MEGAN,COME BACK TO THE BAR!

- YOU'RE LITERALLY AN ASSHOLE!- HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

I CAN'T BE AN ASSHOLE.I GOT ARMS AND LEGS AND A HEAD!

- WHERE'S MY JACKET?- I HAVE YOUR JACKET!

- FINE.- DO YOU WANT IT?

- NO!

- YOU KNOW WHA--- EAT IT!

- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU ANYMORE!

I'M DONE!- FINE! I'M OVER IT!

- FINE!

MEGAN, COME BACK TO THE BAR.

- NO!

- MEGAN! MEGAN! MEGAN!- UH-UH! NO! UH-UH!

[boat whistle blows,bell rings]

- MEGAN, DO YOU WANTYOUR [bleep] JACKET?

- NO!

- SERIOUSLY,COME BACK TO THE BAR.

- YOU GO BACK TO THE BAR.

- I'M GONNA THROWTHIS JACKET IN THE WATER.

- OH, NICE.

THAT'S REALLY NICE.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,MEGAN? DAMN!

- KISS MY BUTTHOLE, OKAY?

- GOOD! FINE! FINE!THEN I'M GOING!

I'M LEAVING RIGHT NOW!

GOD DAMN IT!

MEGAN!

- NO!

- LIKE, SERIOUSLY, YOUR JACKET!- NO!

- BUT IT'S YOUR JACKET, THOUGH!- WHATEVER!

- MEGAN!

- NO!

- I HAVE YOUR J--

I HAVE YOUR JACKET.

- I'M OVER IT!

- SERIOUSLY, MEG--

[bell rings]

[indistinct chatter]

- [laughs]YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHY YOU READIN', BITCH?

- BECAUSE I LIKE TO READ,AND THIS IS A REALLY GOOD BOOK.

- YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD BITCH,BITCH.

- WHY YOU GOTTABOTHER ME, MAN?

- BECAUSE.[dramatic piano music]

I'M NOT DOINGVERY WELL IN SCHOOL.

I'M READINGAT A THIRD-GRADE LEVEL.

I REALLY DON'T WANTTO GET LEFT BACK,

SO WHEN I SEE SOMEBODYREADING FOR FUN,

IT MAKES ME FEELTHAT MUCH MORE STUPID!

AND THEN I GET MAD![music stops]

- UM, I DIDN'TKNOW THAT. I--

THANKS SO MUCHFOR OPENING UP TO ME--

- SHUT UP, QUEER!

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHY--I MEAN,WHY YOU GOTTA GO THERE?

[piano music]

- I'VE BEEN HAVINGSEXUAL FANTASIES

ABOUT SOME OFTHE OTHER GUYS AT SCHOOL.

- WHAT?- GIMME THAT!

I'M AFRAID OF THESE FEELINGSAND WHAT THEY MIGHT MEAN.

IT'S LIKE, BECAUSEI HATE MYSELF SO MUCH,

I GOTTAPOINT THAT HATE OUTWARD

TOWARDS YOU![snickers]

[music stops]

- YOU UNDERSTAND THISON SUCH A DEEP LEVEL THAT--

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND [bleep]!- WHOA!

- NOW I'M GONNAPUNISH YOU PHYSICALLY

FOR ACKNOWLEDGINGMY EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS!

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

I WAS GONNA SAY IF YOUUNDERSTAND YOURSELF SO WELL,

THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDTRY WORKING ON CHANGING IT.

- OF COURSEI WANT TO CHANGE IT!

BUT IT'S THE ONLYDEFENSE MECHANISM I HAVE

AGAINST DEEPER, MORE TERRIFYINGPROBLEMS BURIED INSIDE OF ME!

[brakes squeak]

YOU'RE LUCKY MY DAD'S HERE.[piano music]

- [banging]GET IN THE DAMN TRUCK, SON.

I NEED TO TAKE YOU HOME AND BEATON YOU 'CAUSE I HATE MYSELF.

AND YOU LOOK LIKEYOUR MOTHER WHO LEFT ME.

THEN I'M GONNA BLOCK OUTTHE GUILT I FEEL

OVER MISTREATING YOUWITH A RIVER OF VODKA.

- I'M GONNA INTERNALIZE THAT

AND UNKNOWINGLY TRANSFER ITONTO YOU TOMORROW.

COMING RELUCTANTLY.

COMMANDER BEAUJOLAIS!

OUR FORCESHAVE BEEN DEVASTATED.

THE ENEMY IS AT THE EDGEOF THE VILLAGE.

THERE ARE NOTMANY OF US LEFT.

SHOULD WE SURRENDER?

- YOU MAY SURRENDER, JENGO.

BUT I AM AFRAID THAT ISA LUXURY I CANNOT AFFORD.

YOU HAVE NO IDEAWHAT THEY DO TO WARLORDS.

IF THEY CAPTURE ME,THEY WILL TORTURE ME FOR WEEKS.

THAT IS NO WAY TO GO.

I WANT YOU, MY MOST TRUSTEDSOLDIER OVER THE AGE OF EIGHT,

TO TAKE MY LIFE.

THAT IS MY FINAL ORDER.

AAH!

OH! OH! OH! OW!

OW! NO, DO--NO!AAH, STOP, STOP!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

HAA!

- I WAS TRYINGTO KILL YOU, SIR.

- NOT WITH THIS!THERE'S A GUN IN THE DRAWER!

AAH!

- OH.

SO SORRY. OKAY.

- AMAZING.

YOU MISSED EVERYVITAL ORGAN, JENGO.

OH...- FOUND IT.

- ALL RIGHT,NOW KILL ME, JENGO.

HURRY, PLEASE!

[screams]

NOT IN THE KNEE!

- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHTWANT AN OPEN CASKET.

- YOU ARE AN IDIOT![groans]

- DON'T SAY THAT.I DID TRY MY BEST.

- SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD,YOU IMBECILE!

[groans]GOD.

- GOOD-BYE, COMMANDER.

[cocks gun]

YOU SORRY-ASS PIECE OF SH--[gun clicks]

[clicking]

- DID YOU JUST INSULT MEAS YOU WERE ABOUT TO FIRE?

- OH, WELL,YOU HAD INSULTED ME EARLIER.

I TH--I THOUGHTYOU WOULD BE DEAD.

AH, OOH. SO SORRY.

- OW!

OW! OW! OW!

STOP--STOP IT!WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

- THE GUN IS EMPTY.WOULD YOU LIKE I STAB YOU AGAIN?

- NO, NO, NO! PLEASE!

JENGO, THERE ARE BULLETS!THEY ARE OVER THERE!

- OKAY.

- JENGO, PLEASE HURRY!I AM IN AGONY!

[clatters]

OW!

WHAT THE BLAZES, MAN?

- I THOUGHTI COULD KILL YOU VERY QUICK

BY HITTING YOUWITH THAT BIG COOKING POT.

- OH, MY GOD, WOULD YOU PLEASE,I MEAN, PLEASE GET IT OVER WITH?

- I DID NOTFIND THE BULLETS.

- WHAT?- BUT BETTER.

BOILING HOT WATER.

- WHAT ARE YOUGOING TO DO WITH--

[screams]

I SURRENDER!

I AM THE GENERALDOMINICK BUJUNE!

- COMMANDER! DON'T GO!THEY'LL TORTURE YOU!

- OKAY, MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?IT WASN'T MY FAULT, ALL RIGHT?

I-I-I-I HAD THE MONEYLIKE YOU SAID

IN A TRASH BAGIN THE BACK OF MY CAR,

AND I WAS GONNA GO

STRAIGHT TO THE DROP SPOT.

ALL RIGHT?

NO, NO--HOL--OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, NO--NO, HEY,HEY, HEY, HEY, MAN.

THERE AIN'T NO NEED FOR YOUTO GET COMFORTABLE.

OKAY? BECAUSE--BECAUSEI'M TELLING YOU, MAN.

WHAT HAPPENEDWASN'T MY FAULT, ALL RIGHT?

I-I-I-I-I-I DROVE TOTHE AGREED UPON LOCATION, MAN.

OH--OH, MAN.

WHAT?

OKAY--OKAY, OKAY!

OKAY, BEC--BEC--OKAY.

BECAUSE THERE'S NO NEEDTO HAVE ANYTHING CRAZY

IN A PAPER BAG.

I'M TELLING YOU.

THERE'S AN EXPLANATIONFOR WHAT WENT DOWN!

WHOA! WHOA!WHOA! WHOA! OKAY!

LET'S CALM DOWN NOW.

LET'S CALM DOWN, MAN.

THERE AIN'T NO NEED.

OH, A JUICE BOX?

THERE AIN'T NO NEEDTO EAT A MEAL

AND THEN DOSOME CRAZY [bleep]

WITH THE PLASTICSANDWICH CONTAINER!

OH, MAN, COME ON.

COME ON, MAN.JUST CHILL OUT A LITTLE BIT.

JUST--YOU NEEDTO RELAX, MAN.

YOU NEED TOTAKE IT EASY AND RELA--

OH, [bleep]!OH, GODDAMN!

NOW, COME ON, MAN!DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT!

DON'T DO IT, MAN! YOU SH--COME ON, MAN.

OH, YOU'RE EATING THE SANDWICH!YOU'RE EATING THE SANDWICH.

[sobbing]

OH, MAN, HOW YOU GONNASANDWICH ME, DOG?

HOW YOU GONNA SANDWICH ME?OH, [bleep]!

OKAY, LOOK,IT'S GETTIN' CRAZY NOW!

IT'S GOTTA STOP!IT'S GOTTA STOP RIGHT NOW, OKAY?

YOU CLEANIN' YOURSELF UP BEFOREYOU DO SOME ILL [bleep]?

COME ON, MAN!

WHAT YOU DOIN'?WHAT YOU WANNA KNOW?

WHAT--I'LL TELL YOUWHATEVER YOU WANNA KNOW, MAN!

JUST PLEASE STOPTHIS COLD-ASS [bleep], MAN!

I'M BEGGIN' YOU,DOG, PLEASE.

OH, [bleep]! NO! NO, OKAY!

LOOK, OKAY, MAY--MAYBE IT WASMY FAULT A LITTLE BIT.

MAYBE IT WAS MY FAULTA LITTLE BIT, BUT DON'T JUST--

WHAT YOU GONNA DOWITH THAT JUICE BOX, MAN?

WHAT'RE YOU GONNADO WITH THAT J--

WHAT'RE YOU GONNADO WITH THE STRAW?

WHAT'RE YOU GONNADO WITH THE STRAW?

COME ON, MAN, DO--LISTEN, LISTEN.

NO, NO. NO, I DID IT! I DID IT!I DID IT, OKAY? I DID IT!

I DID IT, I LEFT THE CAR!

I LEFT FOR THREE MINUTES!

SO PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHINGWITH THE STRAW!

WHY AREN'T YOU STOPPING?

FINE! FINE!

AAH![screams]

AAH! MAN!

OKAY, MAN!

HA, HA! I BEAT YOU TO IT!

OKAY? I GOT YOUR POINT,ALL RIGHT, MAN?

HA!

OH, MAN, THAT'S A BITCH!

[muffled screaming]

[beeping]

- WILL WE BE HAVING ANY MOREPROBLEMS OUT OF HIM, SIR?

- [tiny voice]NO.

- YEAH. THAT'S WHATI'M TALKIN' ABOUT.

- All right, welcome back.

It's Vandaveon Huggins.

I'm with my colleagueand friend Mike Taylor.

This is"The Critiquer's Corner."

And we're about to critiquethe seventh episode

of Key & Peele's second season.

- Stupid.

- Y'all had that scene.

Her name was, like, Meegan.

He was a white dude,

looked like, you know,like a douchebag motherfucker.

Like, crazy, like,the situation, and whatnot.

- Yeah, well, why don't you give it

to your new fat, ugly girlfriend?

- I haven't even met her yet!

- Whatever!

- You left your jacket, Meegan.

- Oh, throw it in a river.

- Why would I fucking do that?

- I don't care. I'm over it!

- Fine!

- The one dude kept onsaying, "Meegahr, Meegahr!"

I can't understand whatthe fuck you saying, nigga.

Sound like, "Aroog!"

This nigga sound like a hornon an old-ass car.

You have to articulateso that every single person

watching the programof "Key & Peele"

can understand the comedy.

If you're just going,"Meegahr!"

what are you,a seal, nigga?

- Comments.

- Okay, I guess we movingon to the comments then.

You want me to readthe comment,

and you comment on it?

- Yeah.

- All right, we gonnaswitch it up

a little bit today--really?

- You read the comment...

- Awesome.

- And thenyou comment on it.

- This is fromCyanide Son5150.

"Don't quit your day job.

"You are not funny.

"I did not laugheven once.

"I did, however,want to injure myself

"by jabbing pensinto my ears and my eyes

"so I couldn't hear or seeany more of your pathetic,

"forgettable little attemptat schooling Key and Peele

"on how to do their jobs.

"They are professionals.

"You are a gross amateur.

"Don't do this again.

"God, I hope your mommadidn't see this.

"Actually,I hope she did see it

"so she could beat your ass.

Please don't do this again."

Why don't you jaba pen in your eyes?

And while you're at it,jab a pen in your dick-hole.

You know whatI'm talking about?

That's what you should get.

You should just drown.

That's pretty funny,though.

[laughing]

- [mumbling]

- I'ma write that sceneright there.

- There it is.- This nigga's just like...

- This niggabeing stupid.

- Put it on the top--just put it on the top,

talking about...

- Oh, this nigga's--he hit the button.

He hit the button.

I got to take a walk,nigga.

I got to take a walkon this one.

[laughter]

That's stupid.

- Fuck you, though.

Click right hereto subscribe,

and you'll seeall the critiques.

We'll let you understand,like, the nuances and whatnot

of what the showshould be.