Severed Head Showcase

  • Season 5, Ep 4
  • 07/29/2015

Choir members squabble over pitch, a barbarian warrior tries out a new bit, and a prisoner toys with a gullible guard.

[yells]

[yells]

[yells]

[yells]

[yells]

[growls]

[yells]

[both grunting]

[yells]

Ah!

Ahh.

[growls]

[grunting]

[yells]

[yells]

[all yelling]

[yells]

[all yelling]

[yells]

[all yelling]

[yells]

[all yelling halfheartedly]

[yelling]

[all yelling halfheartedly]

[yelling]

Yeah, uh.

[panting]

[growls]

[babbling in a high voice]

[all yelling]

Ha ha ha!

[growls]

[yells]

Oh, no.

[all grunting disapprovingly]

Uh...

Oh.

Uh...

Oh...ah!

[all cheering]

(all)[questioning grunts]

[straining]

[imitating baby crying]

[all grunting disapprovingly]

Wha--ah, ah?

[all grumbling]

Huh.

Ah.

Uh...

[grunts]

Uh...

[babbling grunts]

[all cheering]

[grunting]

[all murmuring]

[all cheering]

[grunts]

[all grunting disapprovingly]

[grunts]

[all cheering]

[all grunting disapprovingly]

[all cheering briefly]

Ah.

Ah?

[babbling grunts]

Ah--uh...

Uh...

[mumbling]

[continues mumbling]

Ah. Ah.[clears throat]

Ah.

Ah!

[all cheering]

[all laughing and cheering]

[grunting rhythmically]

[all cheering]

Ah.

Ah!

Oh.

Ah!

(male announcer) Teaching Centeris brought to you by BMW.

The ultimate driving machine.

[upbeat rock music]

Hello and welcometo Teaching Center.

I'm Boyd Maxwell,with today's top stories

from the exciting worldof teaching.

And I'm Perry Schmidt.

Well, now we know.

The long awaited announcementby star English teacher

Ruby Ruhf has sent teaching fansacross the nation into a frenzy.

I've enjoyed my timein Ohio very much,

but I'm pleased to announcethat I'm taking my talents

back to New York City.Thank you very much.

Apparently, PS431 has made Rubyan offer she couldn't refuse.

$80 million guaranteedover six years,

with another $40 millionin incentives

based on test scores.

This salary puts herright up there

with Rockridge Elementary'sKatie Hope

and William Wuout of--

Colgate Magnet!

All right, let's take a lookat yesterday's

high school teacher draftfrom Radio City Music Hall,

where Central Rapids High,

recipient of the worsttest scores last semester,

made the first pickthat was no surprise to anyone.

[all cheering]

For the first pick,Central Rapids High takes...

calculus teacher Mike Yoastfrom Tulsa Teacher's College.

[all cheering]

(Key)And just like that,you're a millionaire. Ha ha.

(Peele)Mike Yoastis an unbelievable story,

his father livingfrom paycheck to paycheck

as a humblepro football player.

Kid was a natural mathlete.

You know he's gonna buyhis mom a house.

- Oh, you know this.- Oh, there's no way

- around that.- [laughs]

You owe your mom.[laughs]

(announcer)Today's highlight of the dayis brought to you

by the 100% Black Angus BeefThickburger

on a fresh-baked bunfrom Carl's Jr. and Hardee's.

Now it's timefor the highlight of the day.

[rock music]

Star history teacherAshley Ferguson has been

running up them test scoresover at Vinz Clortho High.

- Okay.- Whoo.

Confederate forcesfired first.

Can anyone tell mewhere this battle took place?

Now, look at this.

She looks left,then right,

looks past the studentswith their arms up in the air,

- spots Max near the back...(Key) Whoo.

Sees that even though his handisn't up, he's engaged.

Max?

It was Fort Sumter?

That's right.

Oh, come on.See what she did there?

She's bringing a introvertinto the discussion, y'all.

That's a teacher of the yearplay right there.

That's right, Boyd.You know, the confidence gained

by Max by answeringthat question correctly

will enhance his performancethroughout the rest of the year.

No doubt.Coming up after the break,

Mayfield Prep tradesFrench teacher Janeane Lowe

to Skyline Highfor a head librarian

and two lunch ladiesto be named later.

And we'll get the inside scoopon the impending

- teacher's strike that could...- Uh-oh.

Cripple the season.

Next up,on Teaching Center.

Whoo.

[rock music]

[dramatic music]

(Ruby voice-over)Strength courses through me.

I am velocity.

I am power.

[school bell ringing]

I am a leader,a believer.

I am the force that guides.

I am the gatewayto what is possible,

the path to the future.

I am the future.

(male announcer)The all-new 2015 6 Seriesis here.

Meet the new Teacher's Pet.

- Best comic book adaptation...- Oh, yeah.

- to film hand down.- It's--oh, yeah.

- No argument.- Oh, yeah.

Oh.See you later, girls.

- All right.- Oh, yeah.

Um, I know I'm in the minorityhere, but I don't really like

the Christopher Nolan Batman movies.

- [scoffs]- I don't.

I really just feel likethey're...overrated.

Okay.

[all laughing]

Well, that's, um,that's just an opinion.

You see, that's whyI prefaced it by saying,

"I know I'm in the minority."

Awkward.

[both snickering]

You know, what, no.No.

Not really.It's not awkward,

at least not untilyou said "awkward."

Now it's awkward,because of what you said.

Anyway.

Anyway, what?Anyway, what?

Really, 'cause when you say"anyway,"

then you have to follow it upwith an actual contribution

to the conversationwe're having.

- Yikes.- No, look at me.

Look at me. Look at me.Look at me. Look at me.

There's no "yikes,"and the reason why

there's no "yikes" is,there's nothing scary

about this situation, okay?

It's a very low-stakessituation.

- All right.

No, not "all right."Come here. No.

Don't look at him. Don't lookat either of those guys.

Look at me, all right?

"All right," what?

'Cause after you say"all right,"

you have to follow that upwith something.

Don't do it.

Don't look at them.

Do not look at them.

No--No.Do not look at them.

Do not look at them.Don't do it.

Tell us how you really feel.

Okay, you know what?I'll tell you how I really feel.

Listen, I really feellike you're an asshole

who has nothing interestingto say.

So what--oh.No. Don't.

No, don't look at them.Turn your head.

Turn it.Right here.

Tell me an opinionthat you have about something.

Just one opinion that you haveabout anything at all.

Just share an opinion.Anything. Share an opinion.

Share an opinion.Share an opinion.

Share an opinion right now.Just off the top of your head.

Share an opinion.Anything.

Just one opinion,that's all I'm asking.

Share one opinion right now.

- Share it. Share an opinion.- Ah, ah, ah...

I don't have an opinion,and that's why I just like

everything that everyone elselikes in pop culture.

[groans]

[sobs]

[sobbing]

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me!Don't look at me!

[sobbing]

Okay.