October 22, 2015 - Ferguson Fires & Paul Ryan's Demands

  • 10/22/2015

A rash of fires plague black churches in Ferguson, Mo., and Larry discusses Rep. Paul Ryan's family leave demands with Lucy Lawless, Bonnie McFarlane and Judah Friedlander.

>> Larry: YEAH!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE NIGHTLY SHOW.

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

MAN, I'M SO EXCITED.

WE HAVE SUCH A GREAT SHOW. IAM SO EXCITED, I CAN JUST SLIDE

RIGHT ACROSS THIS STAGE.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Larry: THAT'S HOW EXCITED IAM.

LUCY LAWLESS ON THE PANELTONIGHT.

I'M A HUGE FAN.

HUGE FAN.

HEY, GUYS, FIRST OF ALL, HOWABOUT THOSE METS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Larry: PRETTY GOOD.

I WOULD SAY, THOUGH, I WOULD SAYTHE METS GOING TO THE WORLD

SERIES IS NOT WHAT IS AMAZING TOME.

YOU KNOW WHAT IS AMAZING TO ME?

THIS.

A FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS A HUGEMETS FAN HAD A TV SHOW.

ONE COULD CALL IT FAKE NEWS, IFYOU WILL.

HE SUFFERED EVERY YEAR ABOUTTHOSE METS ON NATIONAL

TELEVISION.

AND AS AMERICANS, WE SHARED HISGRIEF.

(LAUGHTER)THEN A BROTHER GETS A TV SHOW

AND HE DECIDES TO MOVE OUT OFTHE TELEVISION NEIGHBORHOOD.

IT'S OKAY.

DIDN'T HURT MY FEELINGS AT ALL,ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOU LEFT A LITTLE TOO SOON,DIDN'T YOU?

DIDN'T YOU.

THREE MONTHS.

THREE MONTHS IS ALL YOU HAD TOWAIT.

AND YOU COULD HAVE BEENSAVORING THIS MOMENT IN FRONT

OF EVERYBODY.

ANY HOW, GOOD LUCK TO YOURMETS AT THE WORLD SERIES, BRIAN

WILLIAMS.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT.

WHO DID YOU THINK I WAS TALKINGABOUT?

ALL RIGHT.

SO IT LOOKS LIKE-- OH, LIKE PAULRYAN IS SLATED TO BE SPEAKER OF

THE HOUSE.

BUT BEFORE RYAN SAID-- SAID YESTO THE DRESS, I MEAN TO THE JOB,

I'M SORRY, HE CAME OUT WITH ABUNCH OF DEMANDS.

TWO OF THEM REALLY STOOD OUT.

>> WE AS A CONFERENCE SHOULDUNIFY NOW AND NOT AFTER A

DIVISIVE SPEAKER ELECTION.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT.

I GUESS HE IS SAYING I WILL RUN,BUT YOU GOT TO PROMISE ME I'LL

WIN.

DOESN'T WANT THE OLD BAIT ANDSWITCH I GUESS.

THAT IS HOW THE WAYS AND MEANSCOMMITTEE LIED AND SAID IT WOULD

BE A KING TUT AND EGYPTIAN SLUTSPARTY AND ONLY HE SHOWED UP IN

COSTUME.

SO EMBARRASSING.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THE ONLYONE IN COSTUME AT A TUTS AND

SLUTS PARTY.

AND THE OTHER DEMAND WAS.

>> THE LAST POINT IS PERSONAL.

I CANNOT AND I WILL NOT GIVE UPMY FAMILY TIME.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, PAULRYAN, THAT'S ADMIRABLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM A NOT THEONLY ONE WHO THINKS SO.

>> THAT COMMENT ABOUT HIS FAMILYTIME WAS, WONDERFUL.

>> Larry: WOW.

MAN, MIKA IS EXCITED.

AND SHE'S COMPLETELY DEAD INSIDEFROM PRETENDING JOE

SCARBOROUGH IS INTERESTING.

IT'S IMPRESSIVE ISALL I'M SAYING.

BUT THIS IS COOL, PAUL RYANIS STANDING UP FOR WORK-LIFE

BALANCE.

IT'S A NICE THING.

SHERYL SANDBERG, THE AUTHOR OFLEAN IN WHICH GAVE A LOT ON THIS

ISSUE, GAVE HIM A SHOUT OUT ANDLEAN IN AWARD OF THE DAY ON HER

FACEBOOK PAGE YESTERDAY.

SO I MEAN, THAT'S GOOD STUFF.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, ON TO OUR NEXTSTORY.

NO, THIS IS-- THERE IS ANASTEROID THE SIZE OF THE EMPIRE

STATE BUILDING HURTLING TOWARDSTHE EARTH WHICH MAKES SENSE.

WE DO HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT SOTHIS HAS BEEN PREDICTED, RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)OKAY.

>> EXCUSE ME.

>> Larry: YOU KNOW WHAT I AMSAYING, RIGHT.

>> LARRY, SORRY TO INTERRUPT.

>> Larry: HEY IT IS DRE, OURDIRECTOR, OUR DIRECTOR DRE,

EVERYBODY.

(APPLAUSE)I'M GOING TO DO THE METEOR

STORY.

WHAT'S GOING ON, DRE?

>> YOU SKIPPED THE TAKEDOWN OFPAUL RYAN.

YOU FORGOT TO POINT OUT THAT HEIS A TOTAL HYPOCRITE.

>> Larry: WHAT?

OH, OH, MY BAD.

I MUST HAVE-- I MUST HAVESKIPPED A PAGE IN MY SCRIPT.

THANKS, DRE, I DIDN'T KNOW.

>> NO PROBLEM.

>> Larry: OH, HERE WE GO.

I'M SORRY.

ALL RIGHT.

PAUL RYAN IS COMPLETELY FULL OF[BLEEP]

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ALL RIGHT?

AND HERE'S WHY.

>> TIME REPORTS ON CONGRESSMANPAUL RYAN ACCUSED OF HYPOCRISY.

THIS WEEK RYAN SAID IF HE WERETO SERVE AS HOUSE SPEAKER HE

WOULD NOT GIVE UP SPENDING TIMEWITH HIS FAMILY.

IN 2009 HE VOTED AGAINSTPROVIDING PAID LEAVE, FAMILY

LEAVE TO FEDERAL WORKERS.

>> Larry: THAT'S NOT THE ONLYHYPOCRISY.

THAT IS NOT THE ONLY HYPOCRISY.

YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN YOU DON'THAVE ENOUGH TIME TO SPEND WITH

YOUR KIDS WHILE BRAGGING ABOUTHOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND AT THE

GYM.

THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE DOESN'TNEED TO SHRED HIS DELTS AND BURN

HIS GLUTES, YOU'RE A DAD.

BE LIKE THE REST OF AMERICA, BECONTENT WITH YOUR DAD BOD.

NOW GO SEE YOUR [BLEEP] KIDS,ALL RIGHT?

(APPLAUSE)AND AS CHAIRMAN OF THE HOUSE

BUDGET COMMITTEE HIS BUDGET GOTMUCH OF ITS SAVINGS BY CUTTING

PROGRAMS THAT HELPED POOR PEOPLELIKE CHILD CARE SUBSIDIES.

NOW IN HIS DEFENSE THAT ISN'THYPOCRISY, THAT IS JUST BEING

CONSISTENT.

OH, REPUBLICANS.

YOU NEVER LET ME DOWN WHEN ITCOMES TO LETTING ME DOWN.

(LAUGHTER)WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO.

OKAY.

SO SPEAKING OF RELIABLELETDOWNS, THERE IS NEWS OUT OF

FERGUSON.

>> POLICE HAVE STEPPED UPPATROLS AFTER A WAVE OF POSSIBLE

ARSON ATTACKS ON CHURCHES.

THEY HAPPENED IN PREDOMINANTLYAFRICAN-AMERICAN NEIGHBORHOODS.

SIX FIRES WERE SET OVER THE LASTTWO WEEKS.

>> Larry: THE LAST TWO WEEKS?

NOW NO ONE WAS HURT IN THESEFIRES BUT JESUS, FERGUSON, BLACK

CHURCHES? I MEAN FIRST OF ALL,EVERYBODY KNOWS BLACK CHURCHES

ARE THE WORST PLACE TO START AFIRE.

WITH OLD LADIES FANNINGTHEMSELVES ALL THE TIME, RIGHT?

THEY'RE JUST FEEDING THOSEFLAMES.

AND THEN THEY GET HOTTER.

AND THEN THERE'S MORE FLAMES.

AND THEN THEY FAN HARDER.

IT JUST GOES ON AND ON.

I THINK THE TECHNICAL TERM IS"BLACKDRAFT."

NOW I'M NEITHER A CRIME DOG FORA FIRE BEAR BUT MY HUNCH TELLS

ME THIS MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TODO WITH THE FACT THAT THEY'RE

BLACK CHURCHES.

>> THIS MORNING ARSONINVESTIGATORS WILL BE ON THE

SCENE OF ANOTHER CHURCH FIRE INTHE ST. LOUIS AREA.

THE LATEST FIRE IS AT THE SHRINEOF ST. JOSEPH CATHOLIC CHURCH IT

IS THE SEVENTH SINCE OCTOBER8th.

>> Larry: ANOTHER ONE.

OKAY, COME ON GUYS.

CAN WE CALL THIS A RACIST ATTACKNOW?

>> THE CONGREGATION ISPREDOMINANTLY CAUCASIAN

>> Larry: AND BY RACIST, IMEAN IT'S NOT RACIST.

OKAY.

KIND OF JUMPED TO THECONCLUSION.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

WHEN IT COMES TO A STRING OFBLACK CHURCH FIRES, ALWAYS WAIT

LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IF A WHITECHURCH SHOWS UP.

YOU NEVER KNOW.

LOOK, OBVIOUSLY THIS GUY ISCRAZY.

ANY ATTACK ON A CHURCH ISHORRIBLE, OKAY.

MAYBE THIS IS A CASE OF ASTRESSED ARSONIST WHO REALLY

HATES CHRISTIANS, I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, THIS MIGHT SOUND ODDBUT MAYBE WE ARE A LITTLE BIT

EXCITED THAT THIS ISN'T RACISM?

YAY?

I MEAN WE'LL TAKE WHAT WE CANGET WITH FERGUSON.

ALL RIGHT.

FOR SOME PERSPECTIVE ON THESECHURCH FIRES WE GO TO TRAVELING

RACIAL ACTIVIST ELIJAH DIKERSON.

(APPLAUSE)>>WHAT'S UP LARRY.

>> Larry: HEY, ELIJAH.

SO YOU ARE I TRAVELING RACIALACTIVIST.

>> YES, I AM, WHENEVER RACIALINJUSTICE OCCURS I PACK MY

SUITCASE AND GO, BROTHER.

I'M AT ALL THIS EVIL RACISTSTUFF.

>> Larry: BUT ABOUT THE WHITECHURCH BEING BURNED, YOU KNOW,

WE KIND OF HAVE TO TAKE RACISMOFF THE TABLE ON THIS CASE.

>> OH NO, I'M PUTTING IT BACK ONTHE TABLE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M PUTTINGIT BACK WITH A BEAUTIFUL

CENTERPIECE AND THE GOODSILVERWARE, ONE WHITE CHURCH

DOESN'T COUNT OUT RACISM.

>> Larry: BUT ELIJAH, THATDOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

IT OBVIOUSLY ISN'T RACIST IFWHITE CHURCHES ARE BEING BURNED

AS WELL.

>> DON'T BE SILLY, LARRY.

WHAT BETTER WAY FOR A RACISTTO THROW US OFF HIS SCENT THAN

BY TAKING TOWNONE OF HIS OWN CHURCHES.

COME ON!

COME ON!

>> Larry: NO, I DON'T-- OKAY.

BUT WHAT IF IT IS SIMPLY A CASEOF SOMEONE AGAINST CHRISTIANITY.

>> DON'T YOU SELL OUT ON ME NOW,MAN.

>> Larry: I'M NOT, I'M NOT!

>> AN EVEN IF IT WAS ACHRISTIANITY THING, WHICH IT IS

NOT, EVERYBODY KNOWS JESUS WAS ABLACK MAN.

(APPLAUSE)>> COME ON.

HEY HATING JESUS IS RACIST ASHELL.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, I THINK IFOLLOW YOU.

OKAY, BUT WHAT ABOUT THEAUTHORITIES WHO SAY THAT

ARSONIST IS SOMEONE WHO IS MAYBESTRESSED IN THEIR LIFE.

>> OF COURSE THEY'RE STRESSED,LARRY.

IT'S A STRESSFUL TIME FOR WHITEFOLKS RIGHT NOW.

CONFEDERATE FLAGS ARE GOINGDOWN, ALL THEIR BASEBALL TEAMS

ARE LOSING.

MYTHBUSTERS JUST GOT CANCELLED.

>> Larry: MYTHBUSTERS.

>> MYTHBUSTERS MAN, SERIOUSBUSINESS, THEY ARE OUT HERE

BLOWING OFF STEAM WITH SOMEGOOD OLD CHURCH BURNING.

>> Larry: OKAY, I GUESS IHAVEN'T THOUGHT THIS THROUGH.

BUT LOOK, I STILL THINK YOUCOULD BE JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

ON THE RACIAL FRONT.

HOW CAN YOU EVEN BE SURE A WHITEPERSON IS DOING THIS.

WHAT IF THE ARSONIST TURNS OUTTO BE BLACK.

>> WHY IT GOT TO BE A BLACK MAN,LARRY.

WHY ARE YOU GETTING ALLRACIAL.

WHY DOES A BROTHER HAVE TO STARTA FIRE.

>> Larry: WELL, YOU WERE.

>> I DON'T SEE COLOR, LARRY.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, TRAVELINGRACIAL ACTIVIST ELIJAH DIKER

SON, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

AS THE DAYS SHORTEN AND THELEAVES BEGIN TO FALL IT'S ONLY

NATURAL FOR THOUGHTS TOOCCASIONALLY DRIFT TOWARDS

MORTALITY AND HOW WE'RE USINGOUR PRECIOUS TIME ON THIS EARTH.

AT LEAST THAT SEEMS TO BE THECASE WITH OUR OWN NIGHTLY SHOW

CONTRIBUTOR RICKY VELEZ SOJOIN ME ONCE AGAIN ON A TRIP TO

RICKY'S WORLD.

>> I HAVE A BUCKET LIST.

AND I'M 26.

AND PEOPLE THINK THAT'S ODD.

BUT IT'S NOT WEIRD BECAUSE THEYDON'T KNOW THAT MY FAMILY, MEN

DIE YOUNG.

A FEW YEARS BACK I GOT IN A CARACCIDENT.

A YEAR AFTER THAT I HAD TO HAVEHERNIA SURGERY.

AND THEN AFTER THAT I GOT HIT BYA CAB.

I REALIZED I CAN DIE AT ANYMOMENT.

PLUS I SMOKE AND I EAT TACOBELL.

YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW DANGEROUSA BREAKFAST BURRITO REALLY IS.

BOTTOMLINE S I NEED TO GET MYBUCKET LIST STARTED TODAY, OKAY.

THAT'S CALLED BEING SMART.

FIRST THING ON MY LIST IS I WANTTO MAKE IT TO 27.

YEAH.

HOPE THAT HAPPENS.

SECOND THING ON MY BUCKET LIST,GO SEE WHERE MY GRANDPARENTS

WERE BORN.

NUMBER THREE, I WANT TO LEARNHOW TO DO A BACK FLIP.

IT SEEMS DOABLE.

NUMBER FOUR IS I WANT TO GOLOOTING.

GROWING UP MY PARENTS WERE REALSTRICT.

I NEVER GOT TO REBEL ORANYTHING.

SO I THINK NOW THAT I'M OLDER,TIME TO LOOT.

LOOTING LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.

IT LOOKS LIKE AN EXTREME VERSIONOF SUPERMARKET SWEEP.

AND I LOVE THAT SHOW.

PEOPLE SUCK AT LOOTING.

THEY ARE AWFUL.

EVERY TIME I SEE PEOPLE LOOTING,DIAPERS AND CAPRI SUNS

WHAT?

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS.

ME AND MY BOYS, WE'RE GOING TOLOOT THE PET STORE.

NO ONE DOES THAT.

IT'S THE PLACE TO GO.

MY BOY RAY RAY, HE WANTED APARROT, JUST GO DOWN GET HIM A

PARROT.

HE'S A DRUG DEALER.

YOU EVER SEE A DRUG DEAL WE AREA PAR ROT.

IT'S A LITTLE LESS INTIMIDATING.

ME, I'M GOING TO LOOT SOMEPUPPIES.

I THINK THEY'RE GREAT.

LOOT SOME PUPPIES RUN THROUGHTHE HOOD, COPS TRY TO STOP ME,

STOP THAT MAN! THEY'D BE LIKEOH, NO, THAT'S ADORABLE.

LET THEM GO LIVE.

LET'S KNOCK ONE OF THESE THINGSOFFER MY BUCKET LIST RIGHT NOW.

LET'S KNOCK ONE OF THESE THINGSOFFER MY BUCKET LIST RIGHT NOW.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD, I'M RICKYVELEZ.

>> Larry: THANKS, RICKY.

AND YOU BETTER RETURN THOSEPUPPIES.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL, VERYFUNNY COMEDIAN BONNIE

McFARLANE AND NEW BOOK IF THERAINDROPS UNITED IN BOOKSTORES,

COMEDIAN AND AUTHOR JUDAHFRIEDLANDER.

AND HER NEW SHOW, ASH VERSUSEVIL DEAD PREMIERS ON STARZ ON

HALLOWEEN AT 9 P.MACTRESS LUCY LAWLESS.

AND FOR EVERYONE AT HOME, GO TOTWITTER@NIGHTLY SHOW, HASHTAG

TONIGHTLY.

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THISEARLIER.

REPRESENTATIVE PAUL RYANANNOUNCED THAT ONE OF HIS

PRECONDITIONS FOR RUNNING FORSPEAKER OF THE HOUSE IS HE NEEDS

TO MAKE TIME FOR HIS FAMILY.

BUT I FEEL THAT IF A WOMANRUNNING FOR SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

SAID WE NEED TO MAKE SURE WEHAVE TIME FOR MY KIDS, DO YOU

THINK WE WOULD GET THE SAME"AWWW"

>> SHE WOULD BE GETTING A PAT ONTHE HEAD, GOOD GIRL, GET BACK

IN.

THEY WOULD BE LIKE YOU SHOULDSPEND TIME WITH YOUR KIDS AND

JUST STAY THERE.

AND THEN, YEAH.

>> IS THAT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUTREAL WORK.

>> AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE, MAKEUS A SANDWICH.

>> YEAH, I AM BITTER.

>> I'M ANGRY ABOUT THAT.

>> CONGRESS IS HARSH.

>> I KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> IT SEEMS LIKE-- I ALWAYS FEELLIKE WHEN A MAN TAKES ON A ROLE

THAT IS USUALLY FOR WOMEN HEGETS THE A-W.

WHEN A WOMAN TAKES ON THECHARACTERISTIC TRADITIONALLY FOR

MEN LIKE AMBITION, PEOPLE ARELIKE WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER.

>> I DISAGREE.

WHAT ABOUT WHEN MEN BECOMECHEERLEADERS LIKE GEORGE BUSH,

ONE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENTS.

HE WAS A CHEERLEADER AT YALE ANDPEOPLE MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR THAT

HE WAS JUST TRYING TO HAVE SOMESCHOOL SPIRIT, YOU KNOW?

>> BUSH WAS ONE OF THE GREATESTMALE CHEERLEADERS THIS COUNTRY'S

EVER HAD.

WHY DOESN'T THE COUNTRYACKNOWLEDGE THAT.

>> I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> OTHER THAN CHEERLEADING ANDBEING A MOTHER AND NURSING, HOW

MANY OTHER TRADITIONALLYFEMALE ROLES ARE.

THERE LIKE THIS IS WHAT WE'RESTUCK WITH?

WE MIGHT WANT TO BUST OUT AND DOSOMETHING ELSE.

WE MIGHT WANT TO BE C.E.O.

OF-- WELL, WE WON'T TALK ABOUTCARLY FIORINA.

>> OR A NIGHT TIME TALK SHOWHOST.

>> YEAH.

>> YES LARRY, LET AN AMERICANTALK FOR A SECOND.

>> WE HAVE CANADA AND THE CANADAOF AUSTRALIA HERE TONIGHT.

>> CANADA, AND THE CANADA OFAUSTRALIA.

>> I'M JUST KIDDING.

I LOVE CANADA.

AND I LOVE NEW ZEALAND.

>> YES.

>> IT'S VERY NICE.

>> CAN I JUST SAY I THINK WHENHE SAYS-- WHEN A GUY SAYS FAMILY

TIME I THINK IT'S CODE FOR GOLFOR.

>> REALLY?

>> OR IN THIS CASE, P90X.

>> MAYBE IT'S MISTRESS OR GAYLOVER TOO, YOU NEVER KNOW.

>> THAT IS SOMETHING.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK IS HARDERON THEIR OWN, LIKE ARE MEN

HARDER ON GUYS WHO SAY THEY WANTTO STAY HOME?

BECAUSE MEN WILL GIVE OTHER GUYS[BLEEP] FOR THAT OR ARE WOMEN

HARDER ON OTHER WOMEN WHO SAYTHEY ARE NOT GOING TO BE HOME

WITH THEIR KIDS.

>> ARE YOU KIDDING, MEN ARE HIGHFIVING ONE ANOTHER OVER THAT.

>> ABOUT STAYING HOME.

>> SO YOUR OLD LADY ISGOING TO BE EARNING FOR YOU.

SWEET BRO.

>> DO YOU GET TO HANG OUT AT THEPARK.

WITH ALL THE HOT MUMS AND HAVEPLAY DATES.

WELL.

>> IS THAT HOW WE SOUND.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> I DON'T KNOW IF I AGREE WITHTHAT I'M A STAY AWAY DAD.

SO-- BUT YOU KNOW.

>> A STAY AWAY DAD.

>> I HAVE LIKE 90 KIDS.

>> OH WOW.

>> WOMEN ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME,WE HAVE A CHILD.

I'M LIKE NO, YOU DO.

>> TO BE FAIR, IT'S A KINDNESS

>> I'M LIKE, YOU TOUCHED ITLAST.

IT'S YOURS.

>> DO YOU THINK THERE ARE SOMEJOBS THAT WE FEEL ARE JUST TOO

DEMANDING FOR PEOPLE TO EVENMAKE THAT REQUEST?

LIKE IF THEY ARE GOING TO BEMAYBE PRESIDENT, I MEAN, I DON'T

KNOW IF YOU CAN SAY LOOK, YOUKNOW, SORRY BUT I NEED HALF A

YEAR OFF BECAUSE MY KID ISON THE WEST COAST-- I CAN'T DO

THIS WHITE HOUSE [BLEEP] ALLYEAR LONG.

>> HAVE I A DAUGHTER AND SHE ISMY WORLD.

SHE'S MY EVERYTHING.

SHE'S LIKE FIVE OR EIGHT ORSOMETHING LIKE THAT.

AND NO, I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

ON THE WEEKENDS.

>> WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOUSAW HER.

>> I SAW HER IN PROFILE JUSTRECENTLY.

>> THAT'S GOOD.

>> BUT IT IS,-- I THINKSOMETIMES YOU WANT TO FIND A

BALANCE BETWEEN HOME AND WORKAND SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, IT'S

LIKE THE STRESS-- YOU WANT TOGET AWAY FROM THE STRESS AND THE

DEMANDS AND THE BORINGCONVERSATIONS, AND GO TO WORK,

YOU KNOW.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND ALL THATTIME AT HOME.

>> BUT FOR REAL, YOUR DAUGHTERIS HILARIOUS.

I MEAN.

>> IS SHE REALLY.

>> YEAH, YOU BRING HER TO THECOMEDY CLUB SOMETIMES.

>> I DO, EVERY DAY IS BRING YOURKID TO WORK DAY.

>> BONNIE'S DAUGHTER HOW TO DOTHIS, I TAUGHT HER HOW TO DO

THAT.

>> I HAVE A FEELING THIS IS ATRUE STORY.

>> I HAVE A FEELING YOU'RE NOTMAKING THAT UP.

>> DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE OR IWON'T HAVE HER MUCH LONGER.

>> Larry: LUCY, I WANT TOASK YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING

FOREVER.

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE CYLON, BYTHE WAY.

NOW WHAT IS HOLLYWOOD'SATTITUDE.

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A FAMILY,RIGHT.

HAS IT BEEN TOUGH RAISING AFAMILY AND HAVING YOUR PRETTY

GREAT CAREER AT THE SAME TIME?

>> WELL, NOT AT THE SAME TIME.

>> Larry: YOU HAVE TO SECTION ITOFF.

>> YEAH, HOLLYWOOD'S ATTITUDE ISWE DON'T GIVE A [BLEEP] IF YOU

HAVE A CHILD.

YOU GET TO WORK AND DO YOURWARRIOR PRINCESSIN.'

I DROPPED A BABY.

I MEAN I HAD A BABY.

ON WEDNSESDAY AND BY MONDAY I'MAT WORK, BOUNCING, BOUNCING.

ON THE MONDAY THEY MADE ME JUMPOFF A BOX, WITH A LANDING, I

THOUGHT MY WOMB WAS GOING TODROP.

>> YOU HAD TO DO STUNT WORKRIGHT AFTER YOU HAD A BABY.

>> YOU REALLY ARE A WARRIORPRINCESS.

>> HOLLYWOOD IS HEARTLESS.

WHAT CAN I TELL YOU.

>> BUT THAT'S THE AMERICAN WAY.

WE HAVE REALLY STRONG WOMEN INTHIS COUNTRY WHO CAN-- THEY CAN

DO THAT.

THEY CAN GIVE BIRTH AND THEN DOSTUNT WORK THE NEXT DAY.

AND YOU DID IT TOO BECAUSEYOU'RE A WINNER.

>> Larry: AND SHE'S A CYLON.

SHE COULD HAVE CYLON NUMBERTHREE STAY AT HOME AND NUMBER 8

DO THE STUNT

>> I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THATMEN SHOULD BE CAREFUL BECAUSE

REALLY WHAT IS HAPPENING IS THATWOMEN ARE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING.

WE'RE KILLING IT AT WORK.

AND THEN WE'RE TAKING CARE OFTHE HOUSE AND RAISING THESE

HEALTHY KIDS.

AND PRETTY SOON MEN ARE TBING TOBE OBSELETE

IF WE EVER FIGURE OUT HOW TO PAYFOR OUR OWN DINNER AND DRINKS,

YOU GUYS ARE HISTORY.

>> WHAT?

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BERIGHT BACK.

>> GO TO THENIGHTSHOW.COM FORTICKETS.