Sean Donnelly

  • Season 4, Ep 11
  • 11/14/2015

Sean Donnelly acknowledges his looks, talks about why he has a hard time losing weight and reveals what marriage has taught him.

I have to wear these clothesbecause they match my face.

That's why I wear these clothes.

I have manual labor face.That's what it's called.

I have "I'm the headof the union" face.

I have "I like to fishon the weekends" face.

That's what it is.

I know exactly what I look like.I'll tell you why.

'Cause the other day,I walked into a store,

and I saw two otherfat bearded guys,

and the minute I walkedin the store,

they both nodded at meat the same time.

Just like,"You're home, brother.

"Don't worry about it.

This is your mother shipcoming to pick you up."

And I nodded back. What the hellwas I nodding back at?

I nodded right back.I'm, like, "Yes, you got it!"

Was I just nodding backat other fat bearded guy shit?

Is that what it was?

It's, like,"Yes, I have the nachos.

"I brought nachos, yes!

"Yes, my mother will drive usto WrestleMania.

Yes, right, exactly."

(laughter and applause,Donnelly giggles)

This is not a good look.

This is not a hot,bangable look.

Do you know what I'm saying?

You have a hot look, sir.

You look like you're readyfor vacation or some shit.

You look great!This is not...

When I was single,I would got to bars,

and women would tell meI look like I'd be a good dad.

What do you...? You can'tsay anything back to them.

What do you say back to them?You can't be, like,

"Well, Daddy wantsto buy you a drink.

"How about that?

"Do you want to get loadedwith Daddy tonight?

"What do you say? Hmm?

Shots on Daddy.There we go!"

I want to have kids,but I'm married for a few years,

and when you're marriedfor a couple years

and you don't have kids,

your friends who have kidstry to bully into having kids.

It's true. They want you to beas miserable as they are.

That's why they do it.

And they always saythe same thing.

When you bring it up, they go,"Just do it now.

"There's never a right time.Just do it now.

There's a never a right timeto have kids."

And maybe that's true.

Maybe there's nevera right time to have kids.

But there's definitelya wrong time to have kids.

Like, if you're still payingfor shit with change...

that's a wrong timeto have a kid.


When you're buying sandwiches

with Sacagawea dollars...

that's a wrong timeto have a kid.

We kind of have a kid now.

We have an English bulldog.You know what that is?

Yeah. Those are the dogsthat are really fat,

and they're low to the ground,

and they havebreathing problems. They go...

(snorting)They just go like that.

I just got the dog versionof myself.

That's basically what I did.

I just wanted something elseunhealthier than me in my house.

I don't know if you know thisabout English bulldogs--

they're very stubborn dogs.I don't know if you know that.

They like to pull youwhen you walk them.

And I spend all day with my dog,

so, sometimes I forgetmy dog's a dog,

and I talk to himlike he's a human.

You ever do that with your dog?You know what I'm talking about?

And they... You don't even knowwhat the (bleep) I'm talking

about right now, do you?All right, yeah.

And the other dayI'm walkin' him

and he's pullin' meand I get really upset

and out of nowhere I just go,"You think you call the shots?!

Well, you don't!I call the shots!"

And then he pooped.

And then I picked it up.I-I picked up the poop.

And I'm like, "All right,you definitely call the shots."