Monday, March 3, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01031
  • 03/03/2014

Kurt Braunohler, Chris Jericho and Andy Kindler create food-inspired songs for Fat Tuesday, title Vines from spring break and peruse the BodyBuilding.com message boards.

CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH TONIGHT,KINDLER VS. JERICHO. ANDY, ANY

PREDICTIONS? >>I'M ANDY Y2JEW AND LEMME TELL

YA, TONIGHT I'M GONNA MAKETWITTER MY PLAYTHING. I'M GONNA

TAKE IT BY IT'S FART AND SQUEEZEIT TIL IT'S JUGULAR OR SOME KIND

OF OTHER ANALOGY. I'M GONNA MAKEJERICHO MY BRONIE!

JERICHO, ANY RESPONSE?>>I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FAN OF

MIDGET WRESTLING, THAT WAS GOOD.

I'M CHRIS HARDWICK, (BLEEP) YOUBOTH.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

>> TONIGHT'S RAPID REFRESH HAS ASPONSOR AND A VERY GOOD ONE,

BROUGHT TO YOU BY "SOUTH PARK:THE STICK OF TRUTH", I AM VERY

EXCITED ABOUT IT, AVAILABLETOMORROW ON XBOX 360, AND

PLAYSTATION THREE AND PC AND IBETTER GET A (BLEEP)ING COPY, I

HAVE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME.

>> THE OSCARS LITERALLY BROKETWITTER LAST NIGHT WHEN THE SELF

CONGRATULATING EVENT BECAME ASELFIE-CONGRATULATION EVENT AND

THIS PICTURE GOT 2.7 MILLIONRETWEETS.

>> THAT THAT IS A LOT OF FAMOUSPEOPLE.

IF THE TERRORISTS AIMED THERE WEWOULD BE DONE AND JUST CRUMBLE.

OF COURSE, THE BIGGEST THINGABOUT THE OSCARS ISN'T THE

AWARDS ANYMORE, IT'S THE MEMESTHAT ARE GENERATED DURING AND

AFTER THE SHOW.

LIKE THIS MEME OF EVERYONE INELLEN'S SELFIE AS KEVIN SPACEY.

>> I AM NOT SURE HOW RACIALLYCOMFORTABLE I AM WITH THAT.

>> Chris: COMEDIANS WHICH OFTHE FOLLOWING MEMES BASED ON AN

OSCAR MOMENT GOT THE MOSTRETWEETS.

>> BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WHOPHOTO BOMBED U2 AT THE OSCARS

CUMBER BOMBING "GRAVITY".

THERE YOU GO.

B, BETTE MIDLER STOLE APPLAUSEFROM THE IN MEMORIAN MONTAGE AND

HERE SHE IS STEALING FROMPHARRELL'S HAT.

>> AND JARED LETO AS BUDDY JESUSFROM "DOGMA".

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: WHICH GOT THE MOST

RETWEET. I AM GOING SAY A JUSTBECAUSE I WANT TO SAY BENNY DICK

>> IT'S BENEDICT, GET IT RIGHT.

>> Chris: THE CORRECT ANSWERIS BUDDY JESUS.

>> Chris: HASHTAG WARS.

.. DID YOU SEE THAT? IT MEANSIT IS PAST MIDNIGHT WHICH

OFFICIALLY MEANS IT IS FATTUESDAY! BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS

A CELEBRATION OF GLUTTONY EVEREVERY WAY TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS

FOOD SONGS, FOOD SONGS, LIKEHOTEL CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN,

OR OOPS, I ATE IT AGAIN.

OR WING BENEATH MY HOT WINGS.

60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK STARTINGNOW AND GO!

>> I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO I'MCOOKING FOR.

>> GENTLEMAN.

>> YOU COOKED ME ALL NIGHT LONG.

>> Chris: VERY GOOD.

ANDY KINDLER.

>> WICHITA KEY LIME PIE MAN.

>> Chris: IT'S FUNKY BUT ILIKE IT, KURT.

>> HEEYYY, FOOD.

>> Chris: DON'T SING ANYMORE.

POINTS TO STOP YOU.

>> I WANT TO FOLD YOUR HAM.

>> Chris: YES, I WANT TO FOLDYOUR HAM.

ALSO REWARD FOR PORN SONGS.

>> HOWELL AT THAT GIRL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> ANDY KINDLER.

>> LET IT BEETS.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

>> WHEN DOVES CRY BECAUSE WE ARECOOKING THEM.

>> Chris: POINTS.

OKAY.

YES.

>> SMOKE ON THE WATERMELON.

>> Chris: YES! POINTS! CHRIS.

>> ANDY KINDLER.

>> I WANT CANDY BUT I SHOULDPROBABLY

HAVE A HEALTHY SALAD AND AHANDFUL OF HEALTHY NUTS.

SPRING BREAKERS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

SPRING BREAK 2014 HAS OFFICIALLYBEGUN! WHOO! COMEDIANS WE ARE

GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME VINES OFAMERICA'S FUTURE LEADERS

ENJOYING THEIR SPRING BREAKS,FOR EACH ONE YOU HAVE TO COME UP

WITH A NAME FOR THEIR VIDEO.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU ARE NAMING SPRING BREAKVINES.

HERE IS ONE.

>> (BLEEP)!

>>>> Chris: JERICHO.

>> THREE GIRLS, ONE SOLO CUP.

>> Chris: POINTS!

>> I GOT ONE FOR THAT.

>> Chris: WHAT?

>> WHEN THIS BABY HITS 80 MILESPER HOUR YOU ARE GOING TO SEE

SOME SERIOUS (BLEEP)!

>> Chris: YES.

I BELIEVE THAT WAS FROM BACKPORN DOOR TO THE FUTURE.

CHECK OUT THIS PARTY.

>>>> HEY, IS THIS GUY OVERHEAR

(BLEEP) RAINBOW!

>> Chris: POINTS.

ANDY.

>> YOU ARE RIGHT.

RED PAINT IS GROOVY.

WEIGHT LISTING.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: SO THERE IS ONLY ONE

OF US IN THIS GROUP MAY KNOWTHIS, BUT THE MESSAGE BOARDS AT

BODY BUILDING.COM ARE AS WEIRDAS THEY ARE BROAD.

COMEDIANS, WE WILL GIVE YOU THETITLES OF TWO BODY BUILDING.COM

MESSAGE BOARDS THREADS AND YOUHAVE TO GUESS WHICH ONE IS

ACTUALLY REAL.

HOW CAN I CONTACT A HONEST TOGOD NINJA? OR I HAD A WEIRD

DREAM ABOUT GEORGE COSTANZA.

>> HAD A WEIRD DREAM ABOUTGEORGE COSTANZA LAST NIGHT.

>> THAT'S RIGHT! LET ME GIVEYOU A PASSAGE.

>> GEORGE IS NOW MAD AND HAD HISHANDS ON ME AND HE'S GOT HIS

HANDS ON ME AND I TRY TO PUSHHIM AWAY BUT I CAN'T, DUDE IS

LIKE HULK STRONG.

>> Chris: WHAT IS THE DEALWITH ANAL SEX.

>> I LOVE THE IDEA THAT -->> I CAN MAKE SOME OBSERVATIONAL

HUMOR ABOUT THIS.

(BLEEP)!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: JERICHO -- ALL

RIGHT.

POINTS FOR THAT.

I WILL GIVE 100 POINTS FORJERICHO CRAMER.

>> NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE, MY FARTSARE LITERALLY OUT OF CONTROL,

BROS, DEAD SERIOUS.

>> OR WHAT KIND OF FISH WOULDCLOSEST IN TEXTURE TO MERMAID

MEAT.

>> JERICHO.

>> WHAT KIND OF FISH WOULD BECLOSEST IN TEXTURE TO MERMAID

MEAT.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> MY FARTS ARE LITERALLY OUT OFCONTROL BROS.

>> SERIOUSLY, THEY MIGHT MAKEMINE TASTE LIKE SULFUR AND

GENOCIDE.

>> I AM GLAD THEY KEEP REMINDSUS OF THAT. THERE IS NOTHING

FUNNY OR SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

LIKE, SERIOUS, BRO.

>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTIONDEAD SENIORS, FARTS SO BAD THEY

KILL OLD PEOPLE.

OLD PEOPLE DON'T HAVE THEABILITY --

>> FARTS OUT OF CONTROL, DEADSENIORS.

>> IF YOU WANT JEB SIDE,GENOCIDE I WILL GIVE THEM TO

YOU.

>> OH, NO, HE IS KILLING ME THISWAY!

>> PENIS DOES NOT FIT.

THAT'S IT.

OR FINALLY COMING TO DVD.

>> A MAN CAN DREAM.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

PENIS DOES NOT FIT!

>>>> OH, WHAT WOULD I DO IF MY

PENIS WAS BIG.

>> WHO SINGS THAT SONG?

>> JOE COCKER.

POINTS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: CHRIS JERICHO,

BAD WRESTLING MOVES!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: WHAT WAS THE WORST

WRESTLING MOVE YOU EVERREGRETTED DOING?

>> ACTUALLY, THERE IS GUY INJAPAN HE USED TO JUMP OFF THE

TOP ON YOUR STOMACH WITH BOTHFEET AND CAUSE YOU TO (BLEEP)

YOURSELF.

>> Chris: THAT IS YOUR STORY? BASICALLY --

>> HE WOULD JUST GO -->> Chris: OH, LIKE A

TOOTHPASTE TUBE.

>> YEAH.

>> A POOP SHOOTER.

>>>> Chris: WHY WOULD ANYONE

ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN?

>> BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO.

>> OH, YOU STUPID (BLEEP).

>> Chris: THOUSANDS OFWRESTLING TUTORIALS THAT TEACH

YOU TO DO REAL WRESTLING MOVESLIKE THE CLUTCH, THE CHICKEN

WING AND OF COURSE THE WALLS OFJERICHO.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: I WOULD LIKE YOU

GUYS TO NAME WRESTLING MOVESTHAT SHOULD NEVER, EVER EXIST.

I AM GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK AND GO.

>> KURT.

>> UNCLE UFNKLE'S BAD TOUCH.

>> Chris: DID NOT EVER EXIST,POINTS.

KURT.

>> THE LUMPY PUMPER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JERICHO.

>> THE TAINT BITE.

>> Chris: IS THAT A WRESTLINGMOVE? YOU GINGERLY -- POINTS.

KURT.

>> THE AIRPORT SALAD.

>> Chris: WHAT IS THAT?

>> OH, IT IS JUST BAD.

>> Chris: POINTS! ANDYKINDLER.

>> GET ALL SWEATY AND HUG YOUINAPPROPRIATELY MOVE.

>> Chris: WHICH IS THE UNCLE.

>> UNCLE FUNKLE'S BAD TOUCH.

>> Chris: JERICHO.

>> THE FISTING.

>> Chris: OH, GOOD LORD!

>> Chris: POINTS, POINTS.

>> THE ATOMIC FINGER BLAST.

>> Chris: POINTS! JERICHO.

>> THE TOP ROPE DROP (COCK).

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