The Worst Generation

  • Season 3, Ep 17
  • 02/27/2013

The guys visit an old folks home and meet Adam's grandfather.

- 'CAUSE I'M CHANGINGTHE PLAN.

IT'S GONNA BE MTV TRUE LIFE:

I'M INTO OLD PEOPLE.I DON'T CARE.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.CHECK OUT THIS OLD BRAJ.

[blues music]

- ♪ ON A BIG OL'SHADY OAK TREE ♪

- [laughing]OH, MAN. THIS DUDE IS SICK!

I'M TALKING, LIKE,TERMINALLY CHILL.

- [singing]- HE IS CHILL.

I'M JUST GONNA NEEDA FRESHER ANGLE

THAN SOME AGED ROCKER.

I MEAN, W.W.K.L.D.?

WHAT WOULD KURT LODER DO?

- ♪ SAID I WAS BORN

- OLD PEOPLE HAVE BEEN AROUNDSINCE THE DAWN OF TIME.

THEY HAVE STORIES AND MESSAGES.HERE'S ONE NOW.

HEY, MA'AM, CAN I ASK YOUA FEW QUES--

WE'LL FIND A BETTER ONETHAN THAT.

HEY, NICE SHOT.

- I KNOW.

- IS IT OKAY IF I ASK YOUA COUPLE QUESTIONS?

- QUESTIONS?

- JUST QUESTIONSABOUT YOUR LIFE.

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE PEOPLEOF YOUR GENERATION

HAVE SUCH WISDOMTHAT YOU CAN SHARE.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL MEABOUT WHAT YOU DID

BEFORE YOU LIVED HERE?

- I TRAVELED TO THE WORLD'SBEST CITIES,

AND IN EXCHANGE,

I MARRIED A RICH MANI DIDN'T LOVE.

- YEAH.- BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

SHOOT.- I-I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY.

MY DAD NEVER LET ME IN THEBILLIARDS ROOM GROWING UP, SO--

- OH, THAT'S HEARTBREAKING.

MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU.

- OW.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL START LOW?

- NOW, BEFORE YOU SHOOT...

[whispers]CLOSE YOUR EYES,

AND PUT IT IN.

- IS EVERYTHING OKAYIN HERE?

- IT'S FINE, MARK.JUST FINE.

WHY DON'T WE GO SOMEWHEREWHERE WE CAN BE

A LITTLE MORE PRIVATE?

- ALL RIGHT.

- GUN ONE, GUN TWO...

- HEY, GRANDPA!

- OH.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

LOOK WHO IT IS.SHORT-WIDE.

- MM, GOOD ONE.

- YOU COME OUTOF THE CLOSET YET?

- [forced laughter]NO.

ONLY CLOSET I'M IN IS THE ONETHAT I'M TRAPPED IN.

WITH R. KELLY,WATCHING A RAP OPERA.

- AH, CUT THE CRAP.I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.

YOU WANT TO WEASELBACK ONTO MY HEALTH INSURANCE,

YOU DAMN FREELOADER.

- I'M NOT A FREELOADER, OKAY?

IT'S JUST I CAN'T AFFORDHEALTH INSURANCE,

AND I EXPECT IT TO BE FREE.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.- HOSPITAL?

HOSPITAL DIDN'T HELP MEWHEN I RODE A JEEP

OUT OF A B-52AT 35,000 FEET--

- IT WAS 25,000 LAST TIME.

- 35,000 FEET,

HAD TO PARACHUTEINTO ENEMY TERRITORY,

AND TOOK EIGHT BULLETSUP MY ASS.

- YEAH.

- BUT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHINGABOUT THAT

BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEENIN A WAR!

- YEAH, I'VE NEVER BEENIN A WAR

'CAUSE THERE'S NEVER BEENANY BIG WARS FOR ME TO SERVE IN!

- OH, JEEZ, YOU KNOW,I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

I'VE GOT MY ANNUAL LUAU,

AND I AM IN CHARGEOF THE PIG.

AND I'M NOT TALKINGABOUT YOUR AUNT HOLLY.

- AUNT HOLLYHAS A GLANDULAR DISORDER.

HEY, COULD YOU HOLD THAT DOOR?

I ACTUALLY CAN'T OPEN DOORS!

[door slams]OW! OW!

YOU WERE ALL ALONEIN ANOTHER WOMAN'S ROOM?

- NO, I DON'T EVEN HAVEA GIRLF--

I'M BETWEEN GIRLFRIENDSRIGHT NOW.

MODELS IS WHATI'M USUALLY DATING,

BUT NO, THIS ISSTRICTLY JOURNALISTIC, SO--

- WELL, COME AND GETYOUR SCOOP.

- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

BUT YOUR HUSBAND'SSLEEPING RIGHT THERE.

- OH, HONEY, MY HUSBAND'SBEEN SLEEPING THERE

FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS.

[soft music playing]DROP YOUR PANTS,

AND I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHINGYOU WANT.

- ALL RIGHT, I JUST--

I REALLY WANT TO BEON MTV TRUE LIFE.

HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

- OH, NOT SO FAST, BRONCO.

- OW.- I MAY NOT BE OLD,

BUT I AM OLD-FASHIONED.

SO, UH,DANCE FOR ME FIRST.

- RIGHT? AND THENA LITTLE BIT OF THIS.

IT'S NOT THE BUTTERFLY.

IT'S THE TOOTSIE ROLL.KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

- [clears throat loudly]

NICE DAY.

- UH-HUH.- WHAT KIND OF ENCHILADAS

WERE THOSE, HUH?ROAD KILL?

- MM-HMM.

- WOULDN'T MIND IF WE HADSOME SMOOTH PUDDING

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

- UH-HUH.

- OH! OH!

- I'M COMING, SIR.

- OH, BACON BITS!- OKAY.

- OH, JUST THE TIP OF MY HIP--

NO, NO NEEDTO TOUCH, REALLY!

- NO, WAIT--- NO, IT'S FINE.

- JUST--- YOU GOT WITCH HANDS.

- NO.- YOU GOT WITCH HANDS, OKAY?

- OH, SO TELL MEABOUT THE '60s.

DID YOU MARCH,AND FOR WHAT SIDE?

- WHAT HAPPENED?DID SOMEBODY HIT THE EMERGENCY--

PEGGY, JESUS CHRIST.NOT AGAIN.

- AGAIN?

- [laughing]NICE, I THINK WE GOT 'EM, MAN.

- HEY! YOU ARE NOTTWO OLD MEN.

YOU ARE AN OLD MAN,BUT YOU ARE NOT.

NO PUSSY MEN ALLOWED.

- WHOA, OKAY,USA ALL THE WAY, ALL RIGHT?

I BET 20 BUCKS MY GRAMPS HERECOULD DRINK Y'ALL

DOLPH LUNDGRENETTESUNDER THE TABLE.

- LET'S GO.- ALL RIGHT.

SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS.

- [chuckling]- MM-HMM.

WHOO!- AHH.

- YEAH!- LINA.

WE NEED MORE VODKA.- WHY?

WE GOT PLENTY OF GOOD ALCOHOLRIGHT HERE.

- OH, NO,THAT'S HAND SANITIZER.

THAT'S NOT--

- [gulping]

AH.

WANT SOME?

- HE BEAT ME.

STRAIGHT UP.PAY HIM.

PAY THIS MAN HIS MONEY.

- WHOO![laughs]

ANYBODY GOT ANY HARD DRUGS?

- [laughs awkwardly]USA.

UH-OH.

GRANDPA.HE'S JUST TAKING A NAP.

GRANDPA--

- WHOO!

ANYBODY GOTANY HARD DRUGS?

- [grunting]

GRANDPA, I KNOW YOU THINKI PUSSED OUT EARLIER,

BUT I'M GONNA PROVE TO YOUONCE AND FOR ALL

I'M A REAL DEMAMP,STARTING NOW.

JILLIAN, YOU READY?- YEP.

- OKAY.- ON ACTION, OKAY? READY?

- YEP.GRANDPA, YOU WATCHING?

- AND ACTION.- YO.

WHAT IT IS?ADAM DEMAMP HERE,

HERE WITH DEMAMP CAMP: WORKING OUT WITH TIRES.

AS YOU SAW EARLIER,

I DE-LOCATEDBOTH OF MY ARMS

DOING MY CLASSICDEAD TIRE FLIP LIFT.

BUT I PLAN ON DOINGTHE IMPOSSIBLE

TO PROVE TO MY GRANDFATHERTHAT I'M NOT A PUSSY.

THAT'S HIM RIGHT THERE,ALTHOUGH THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO

WITH THE VIDEO.

BUT I SHALL DO ITRIGHT NOW,

1,000 TIMES IN A ROW,STARTING RIGHT NOW.

OKAY. ARE YOU GETTING THIS?

GRANDPA, ARE YOU WATCHING?

[screaming]

[crunch]OH!

OH, MY BACK!- ADAM--

- I RIPPED MY BACK MUSCLEIN HALF!

[luau music playing]

- HEY, I'M SO SORRYTO INTERRUPT.

IS IT OKAY IF I BORROWYOUR DANCE PARTNER,

JUST FOR A SECOND?

GET OVER HERE.

I DON'T KNOWWHAT YOUR ENDGAME IS,

BUT THAT OLD HORNY LADYOVER THERE

THINKS YOU'RE A GUY,SO UNLESS YOU WANT HER

TO FIND OUT OTHERWISE,

YOU BETTER ANSWERSOME QUESTIONS

FOR MY NEW DOCUMENTARY,MTV TRUE LIFE:

I'M A RUSSIAN LESBIAN HOCKEYPLAYER LIVING IN AMERICA,

MAYBE LEGALLY.

- HOW ABOUT I JUSTBEAT YOUR ASS?

- I DON'T FIGHT GIRLS.

[thud]OH! NO, PLEASE!

[groaning]- OH, YES!

I LOVE IT WHEN THEY FIGHTOVER ME.

FIGHT, FIGHT!

- [gasping]

YOU'RE DANCINGWITH A WOMAN.

- [laughing]- OH, AND ONE...

AND TWO...AND THREE!

THAT'S IT.WE GOT A NEW WINNER.

WE'VE GOT A WINNER!

SHE KNOCKED YOU OUTLIKE A BITCH!

- RUSSIAN WHIP-ITS.

- OH, DEAR.

- IT WILL BLOW THE HAIR

RIGHT OFF YOUR BABUSHKA.

- [laughing]- [murmurs]

- WE WANT TO KEEP THE HAIRON HIS BABUSHKA TODAY,

THANK YOU.

OKAY--- HA, HA, HA!

- HOCKEY TEAM--HEY, NO!

SEE WHAT YOU--

- [groaning]- GREAT. ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU NEED TO GOTO THE RESTROOM, OR WHAT?

- YEAH, I--- HE CAN'T BREATHE.

[with accent] HE CAN'T BREATHE.HE CAN'T BREATHE!

- [groaning]- CPR! ANYBODY?

- BLAKE--- I GOT YOU, GRANDPA.

UH, JUST, UH,SPLIT THE MUSTACHE, AND--

- NO, NO, NO!- AND KIND OF JUST--

- NO! MOUTH TO NECK.

- HUH?- MOUTH, NECK.

YOU GOT TO HELP ME, GRANDSON.

- OH, NO, NO.[chuckles]

MAYBE THIS IS JUST YOUR TIMETO GO, MY OLD MAN.

- I CAN'T BREATHE.

YOU GOT TO HELPYOUR OLD GRANDPA.

- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,OKAY, OKAY, FINE, FINE.

UH...[chuckles]UH...

EH...UH...UGH...

[coughs]

- [grunts]- OH! OH!

- I'M GOOD.- [groaning]

I GOT YOUR--I GOT YOURTHROAT SPLUGE ON MY MOUTH!

OH, MY GOD!

- [coughs, vomits]

- GEORGE! HEY!

IT'S TIME TO GO HOME.

- OH, I DON'T THINK SO, MARK.

YOU TOOK MY PIGAWAY FROM ME.

AND I'M NOT TALKINGABOUT THIS PIECE RIGHT HERE.

SO SAYONARA.

- [vomiting]- YEAH--NO. NO.

- YOUR GRANDPA'SA TOTAL [bleep] DICK.

- GRANDPA!

- COME ON.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,ALL RIGHT.

- KEEP THEM IN THE TRUCK.- SAVED YOUR LIFE, MAN.

- I SAW GEORGE HEADING WEST.- [panting]

- HE'S NOT GONNA GET FARON THOSE ARTIFICIAL HIPS.

- TRANQ GUN.

NO. HE'S MY GRANDPA.

I GOT THIS.

[groaning]

OH! OH, THAT HURT.

YEAH. OKAY.

- WEST IS THE OTHER WAY.- OKAY.

YEAH. UGH.

YOU HIDING FROM ME?

I'M A WAY BETTER HIDERER

THAN YOU'LL EVER BE.

OH, I FOUND YOU.

I--YOU--AGH! OW!

JEEZ.

GET BACK HERE!

OW.- [grunts]

- I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU SO HARD!- [groans]

- COME ON.

both: [grunting and groaning]

- JEEZ, IT'S LIKE DOUBLE DAREIN HERE.

- [grunts]- [screams]

- JESUS, HOW MANY PLANTSDOES THIS--UGH.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HOME.I LOVE IT.

- [screams]

[both grunting and panting]

OW. IS THIS MARBLE?IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE!

[indistinct chatter]

GET BACK HERE!

YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!

GET DOWN!

GET DOOOWN!

[kids screaming]

- WHOO! WHOOOO!

[heroic music]

[roars in slow motion]

- OH!

- AGH.- MAN DOWN.

- [grunting]SORRY ABOUT THAT.

FAMILY STUFF.YOU GUYS HAVE GRANDPAS, RIGHT?

GRANDPA? OH, MY GOD.I'M SO SORRY.

- [murmurs]- THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY.

- NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.

I'M PROUD OF YOU BECAUSE...

YOU PROVED YOURSELF TO BEA REAL MAN.

[chuckles]UNLIKE ME.

- WHAT?- I'M NOT A WAR HERO.

I GOT A DISHONORABLE DISCHARGEBECAUSE...

I SHOT MYSELF IN THE LEGTO AVOID COMBAT.

AND THE ONLY REASONI WAS SO HARD ON YOU

WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOUTO END UP LIKE ME.

I'M A LOSER.

- YOU'RE NOT A LOSER.

YOU ARE A DEMAMP.

IT'S NOT IN OUR T.N.A.

- I'M GONNA PUT YOUBACK ON THE HEALTH INSURANCE.

YOU KNOW WHY?

- WHY?

- BECAUSE YOU LEARNEDHOW TO TAKE A PUNCH.

[strains]

- OW!

[bleep]!

Loading...