When Billie gets stressed out about reconnecting with her well-heeled ex-boyfriend, Gene hatches a plan to impress him.
- Yes, just seat yourself,McCallister.
I'll be back momentarily.Gene!
- Oh, those are [bleep] done.- Gene!
- Huh? What?- Who is this?
This isn't part of the plan.- This is New Chet.
- Hi.I'm Darryl.
- I was inspired by your wholeblast from the past situation.
Darryl and I usedto ass-mule liquid cocaine
out of the Bahamas together.
- And we were married.
- Oh, that's right!We were.
- Right? Yes.- Oh, for two days.
- Yeah, 'member?- Oh, my gosh.
both: Thursday.- Excuse me!
- What?- The burner isn't even on.
his burner's not--you're cooking over nothing.
- Okay.- Oh, God.
This isn't going well.
No, no, no, no.I'm gonna tell him.
- No, no, no, no.You can't tell him.
You can't tell him.It's gonna be fine.
- Get your hair-fingerout of the soup!
- Look, solved.
- He just sucked--
- Darryl is here for a reason,okay, mon?
- Why are you talkinglike a Rastafarian?
- Can you bend at all?Got it? Okay.
- Thank you.
- Dinner will be here soon,because I-I'ma get it.
- Thank you.
So nice of you to come tonight.
And I've changed so muchsince our..."skyool" days.
- What's with your voice?
- Sort of a global accent.
I'm very world-traveled,like Madonna Ciccone,
who I've metat several giant balls.
- Where did you,uh, travel last?
I love to travel.
- Oh, it's...all a blur.
Peni--Pen Island.- Hmm?
- So glad we could do this.
- You mentioned that,like, 30 seconds ago.
- Mm.- It actually worked out well
'cause my book signing, um,was canceled.
- That must make youfeel like...
no one likes your books.
- No.No, just too many RSVPs.
Had to move itto a bigger venue.
I'll be hitting upthe B & Nobles
in Pasadena tomorrow.
So glad you could come.
- You said that.
- Boom, boom,shake the room.
- There we go.
- Nah, you haven't seen mein a bunch of years though, man.
I am grown.
- Yeah?- Yeah.
I've got a house.I'm in a bowling league.
- What?- Yeah.
I've got, like, two,three kids.
- So, you'renot a prostitute anymore?
- No, I'm still a prostitute.- Oh.
- So, how's married life?Terribly confining or--
- Ugh.Alice left me.
We're in the middleof a divorce right now.
- I'm so sorry, McCallister.I didn't--I didn't know.
- Don't be. Actually,it turned out quite well.
I'm now dating successfulscreenwriter Diablo Cody.
She won the Oscar for"Juno."
- Never heard of it.- Yes, you have.
- I don't know.J'you know?
- It's "Juno."The movie.
- J'you know what movie?
- J'you know that I'm dating
successful screenwriterDiablo Cody?
- I don't know, like,what's making me think of this
right now, but I've, like,always wanted to be a witch,
with, like,a bubbling cauldron.
- That's super dope, man.Go for it.
- Thanks. I will.
- Hey, remember that Christmas
when we brokeinto that kid's house
but we couldn't steal anything'cause he was so wily?
- Yeah, we were casing the placefor weeks posing as plumbers.
I think we even had a name.
- The Wet Bandits?
- Yeah, that's the plotto "Home Alone."
- Oh, so it didn't happen againin New York?
- No.That's "Home Alone 2."
- What are you doing?
We're supposed to be Zumba-ing,you zombie.
Have the whole houseto ourselves this weekend.
- Oh, yeah. I forgot.
- You want to come now or keepplaying stare at phone game?
- My ex-boyfriendjust invited me to dinner
and I said yes.
- Oh, nice.
A little sex with the ex.Make it more complex.
I like that.- No.
- Maybe he makes you orgasm?Look like a tiny T-Rex?
- No. No.I don't want to go. I panicked.
Like saying no would showweakness or something.
Now he's gonna pick me up
and see how I'm living,that I'm poor.
I wasted my education.
- And you live in a mansion.
- I work in a mansionas a nanny to an adult.
- Okay.- With no mental disabilities.
- Okay, you don't need to
make us bothfeel like crap, Billie.
- Meanwhile, he's on the backof his own book jackets.
- Whoa.You dated Juliette Lewis?
Oh, my gosh, what is she like?- No, that's him.
- She's, like,my favorite singer.
- He's in town on a book tour.
Thought he'dtake the opportunity
to come by and remind me
how not sad he isthat he dumped me
and what a failure I am,
and stop readingand enjoying the book, Gene.
I can see you outof the corner of my eye.
- I just want to seeif Sancho takes the bait.
Just let me see!
- How could you be so advancedin this plotline!
- It's engaging!I can't help it!
- Okay!You can barely read.
How do you know so muchabout what's going on?
- That's not true.I can read just fine.
- Say that word.
- Three.- Okay.
- What's this?
- A "W."
- It's--that's correct as well.