January 18, 2016 - Rebranding the KKK & Ted Cruz vs. N.Y.C.

  • 01/18/2016

A Montana KKK leader welcomes minorities into the fold, and Larry discusses Ted Cruz's unflattering take on New York City with Rembert Browne, Ricky Velez and Mike Yard.


-Welcome to The Nightly Show. -AUDIENCE: Larry! Larry! Larry!

-Oh, thank you very much.-Larry! Larry! Larry!

Thank you so much. Please.

So kind.

-(whooping)-Uh, yes, I am.

I know. Ow and ooh and eeh.

And some people just siton things we put on the seats,

they go, "Ow! Ooh!"

I am Larry Wilmore.

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr.Day, everyone.

-(applause, whooping)-MLK.

Um... it's funny,'cause I'm actually

a little under the weather.

-I had a fever of 102last night. -(audience aw-ing)

I know. You know,it's my body telling me

that Comedy Centralreally shouldn't be

making a brother work today.




Apparently my immune system saidscrew it and took the day off.

I'm sure my T-cells are offhonoring the legacy

of Dr. King somewhere.

Mm-mm.Oh, that's my T-cells.

-Damn it, T-cells!-(laughter)

Wait, getting highand watching NCIS?

It's MLK Day, T-cells--at least watch Empire.

-(laughter)-(Wilmore groans)

Doesn't matter, doesn't matter.

Time to check in--oh, guys, it's time to check in

with the attemptto de-Negro-fy the White House.

So time to see what's happeningwith the un-blackening.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm...

So we had another top secretDemocratic debate last night.


This time they triedto hide it on NBC.

Yes, they did.

I found it, though.


It's like NBC-3or something like that.

And both sidescame out swinging.

I have made it clear, basedon Senator Sander's own record,

that he has voted with the NRA,

with the gun lobby,numerous times.

I don't take moneyfrom big banks.

If Teddy Rooseveltwere alive today,

the old Republican trust buster,

what he would say is--these guys are too powerful.

Actually, if Teddy Rooseveltwere alive today, he'd say...

-"By the way."-(applause, whooping)

That's what he would say.

Let's be honest.

(cheers and applause)

So there was a lotof jawing back and forth,

but the momenteveryone's talking about

was not a dirty commentbut a dirty look.

He's criticized President Obama

for taking donationsfrom Wall Street.

Senator Sanders called him weak,disappointing...


Oh, my God.

I mean, that was either, "Didshe really say that (bleep)?"

or indigestion.

In all fairness, at Bernie's ageit's probably a mix of both.

So in the battlebetween Clinton, Sanders and...

the other guy-- um...

We should probably mentionthe other guy.

Who was that again? Uh...

God, I can't remember.Is he still in it?

60 seconds for this.

Can I get 30 seconds, too?

-Just a moment, Governor.-Andrea, I'm sorry,

was I gonna get my 30 seconds?

30 seconds.

LESTER HOLT: Governor O'Malley,I have a question for you.

CLINTON: You know, I thinksince... I think since...

since Senator Sandersfollowed up...


Mm, mm... mm, mm, mm.

I mean, he looks like some puppyhoping you'll buy him, right?

Mm, mm.

Please take me home.Please... (panting)

Just get me out of here, please.

Poor Martin O'Malley.

He's like the guyat the threesome

who slowly realizeshe's not wanted, you know?

(laughter, groaning)

Well, looks like you twogot things in order here. Um...


Really going to townon each other. Uh...

Guess I'll just goover to this corner

and, uh, I don't know,play with my genitals or...


That's how I playwith my genitals.

I mean, we've all been there.

Don't act like you guys...

It's not just me.

Okay, so here'show it works, guys.

If you're speakingto evangelicals,

got to talk about Jesus.

If you're speaking at Iowa,got to talk about farmers.

And if you're speakingat an event

sponsored bythe Congressional Black Caucus,

you got to let everybody know

that you're friendswith the blacks.

All right, Bernie Sanders,who do you got?

NEWSWOMAN:Sanders has hip-hop artist

Killer Mike in his corner.


Or as Bernie kept calling him,"Killer Michael."


Um... you know, Bernie,if you become president,

I don't know how theSecret Service is gonna handle

admitting himinto the West Wing.

Mr. President, Killer Mikeis here to see you.


But good job, man,you got a little fame in there,

you got a little street credgoing on with that pic.

Not bad for a black friend.

All right, Hillary,who's your black friend?

I'm going to defend PresidentObama for taking on Wall Street.

I know a little bit about this,having spent many hours

in the Situation Roomadvising President Obama.

Damn, Hillary,why don't you guys get a room?


I meanbesides the Situation Room.

But she's really kind of goingoverboard with calling on Obama.

I mean, it's almost likeshe, uh...

Chuck Todd, help me out.

Hillary Clintonbasically wrapped herself

in President Obama.


Oh, my God.


Mmm... mmm...

Hmm. Uh, does Michelleknow about this?

Because she will cut a bitch.

I'm just saying.

Just putting it out there.

She's a rapper now,just so you know.


But in all fairness, though,

Obama is the new outerwearfor spring.

-All right.-(laughter)

All right, so what do you do

if you don't actually havea black friend?

Take it away, Martin O'Malley.

I was born the yearDr. King delivered

his "I have a dream" speech.

(groans, laughter)

He was born that year?

So what? I was born

the same yearthat 101 Dalmatians came out.

I mean...

That doesn't mean I condone

murdering innocent puppiesfor coat fur.

One does not do the other.

All right, what does O'Malleythink that means?

That other people look backon the march on Washington

with wonder and say, "Hey, wow,

remember that newborn white babywho wasn't there?"

Remember that?I... Yeah.

Yeah.That's what I remember.


Candidates,we don't need to know

that you have a black friend,

just so long as black peopleknow we have a good friend

in the presidency.We'll be right back.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

Welcome back.As I mentioned earlier,

today isMartin Luther King, Jr. Day.

So that's why I thought it wasa little weird when I read this.

A so-called reformed whitesupremacist in Montana

is organizing a Martin LutherKing Day celebration, all right?

And he's not stopping there.

REPORTER: Ku Klux Klan organizer John Abarr

is attempting to rebrand the organization.

From now on the Ku Klux Klan will accept Hispanics,

African Americans and other races.


And get this-- he callsthis more inclusive KKK chapter

the Rocky Mountain Knights.

And its goalis to make a strong America.

It's still the KKK.They're...

(cheering, applause)

There's no way you can rebrandsomething that evil.

But look, America is the landof second chances,

so maybe the KKK can change too,I don't know.

But here's the thing--we need to debate this

and since we're on cable,the only way is to have people

take polar opposite positions

and argue overeach other like this.

If you want to let me... if youwant to let me respond to...

-Let Gina finish.-Wait, let me finish.

-You justif... -Let me finish.

-No, I... No, no, no.-Let me finish.

Let me tell you where you'reright and where you're wrong.

Do I get to actually speak now?

So without further ado

here's another installmentof Pardon the Integration.

-Grandmother? Where areyou from? -A black guy?

-A racial thing? My people-Yeah.

-had nothing to do with that.-Always with you people.

-(bell dings)-♪ -(cheering, applause)

All right, please welcome Nightly Show contributors

-Mike Yard and Rory Albanese.-(cheering, applause)

Hey, guys.

Okay, tonight's topic,the rebranding of the KKK.

Can a racist institution

such as the KKK rebrand,and should it?

Mike, you will beagainst the idea

and Rory will takethe pro-KKK side, cool?

-Yes.-N-No, no, not at all.

What's... Can we...can we just, like, talk about

Making a Murderer or something?

-What are you doing?-No, we can't. Can't do that.

Okay, ready?And go.

Okay, listen,the KKK is America's

most heinous organization, okay?Diversity at the KKK?

The Klan is about racismand bigotry, okay?

It's like selling saladsat McDonald's--

that's just not what they do.

Yeah, Mike,but this is the new KKK.

This is the okay KK,all right?

-In what world?-This ain't your grandpa's KKK.

-Hey, the KKK tried to shootmy grandpa, okay? -Oh.

There's no slick rebootfor the KKK, Rory.

-This isn't Point Break. -What do you mean?

Why not? Other brands do it.I mean, the KK...

they deserve the chanceto be rebooted.

Look at Aunt Jemima, right?

-Oh, here we go with the AuntJemima. -She started out as

-Here we go.-a cartoonish mammy

and now she looks like Brendafrom accounts payable.

-That's good. -Oh, come on,Rory, are you serious?

-Yes. -That's the same thingKentucky Fried Chicken

tried to do when theycalled themselves KFC.

-We still know that(bleep) fried. -Oh.

But you're not thinking fried,you're thinking delish.

Yeah, but unlike the KKK,fried chicken

hasn't spent decadeskilling black people.

Oh, come on, Mike,you know that's not true.

-(bell dings)-Okay.

-All right, gentlemen.-(cheering, applause)

Very good, very well done.

Now, that noise meansit's time to switch sides

and arguethe opposite perspective,

because remember,this is a mindless argument.

Now Rory will beagainst rebranding

and Mike will be pro-KKK.

All right.

-You ready?-Oh, I'm so ready.

-Thank you, yes. -I don't-Idon't want to do this, Larry.

-Yes. -I do notwant to argue for the KKK.

Yeah, Mike, neither did I.Just follow the rules.

-It's how this game works.-Follow the rules, Mike,

follow the rules. Okay.

Ready, and go.

-Uh... Uh...-Come on.

(bleep) Uh, oh, every Americaninstitution

started out as racist--schools, music, sports,

so why are we justpicking on the KKK?

Oh, I don't know, Mike, maybebecause the Detroit Tigers

didn't tryto lynch black people.

Oh, that you know of.

Okay? Who knowswhat kind of promotions

they used to have, okay?Uh, what else?

Uh, (bleep).Oh, uh...

-Get to it, Yard, get to it.-Come on, Mike, come on.

Okay, okay, look, look, look,uh, some evil things change.

George Wallace came around.Imagine if the KKK

became a force for good.

America lovesa good redemption story.

Damn, Mike, why you got to lovethe KKK so much?

-That's crazy.-What... what are you...

-That's just weird.-Yeah.

-I mean... -Hold up, time... No.-I'm surprised. I mean,

-you're a black guy. It's kindof weird. -Yeah, hold on,

where did all that come from,Mike? That's very surprising.

-It is. -What... Yo, hold up,I'm not... No, hold up.

-It is. -Time out, time out.I'm just following the rules.

-I don't know.-You said switch sides.

You know who else followedthe rules, Mike-- the Germans.

Oh, that's some (bleep).That is some (bleep).

-Okay? -That's true.-They listened, they followed.

-I can't believe you're gonnado that to me. -You know,

-I just can't believe how muchyou love the KKK, man. -What?!

I agree.

Yeah, and Mike,uh, here's why this

-bothers me and Larry so much.All right? -Tell him, Rory.

-Tell him.-You know, that's some (bleep).

-The truth is, Mike, the KKKis a dinosaur, all right? -Yeah.

No matter how hardyou defend it...

-it's wrong.-I-I'm not defending...

-No.-It's wrong, Mike, it's wrong.

Look, if you want to wear robesand hang out with creeps

in a backwards institution,just become a priest, all right?

-What the (bleep)?-(bell dings) -Okay.

What? No, timeout.Oh, I can't...

-All right. -All right.That's all the time we have.

-That's (bleep).-And the winner is Rory.

-I knew it. I knew it. -Yeah.-(cheering, applause)

I'm sorry, Mike.

Mike, you lost, uh,'cause you like the KKK.

-Yeah.-What?! I do not like the KKK.

-You do, you do. -Hey, next timedon't sell out your people,

-you might have a chance.-That's crazy.

-Seriously, Mike, man,that was messed up. -That was...

That's some (bleep).

By the way, sin...

all sincerity, Mike,happy MLK day, bro.

-You know what, go (bleep)yourself, Rory. -That's fair.

This concludesanother pointless episode

of Pardon the Integration.

Mike Yard and Rory Albanese,everybody. We'll be right back.

Welcome back. I'm herewith my panel. First up,

Nightly Show contributorRicky Velez.

(cheering, applause)

And Nightly Show contributorMike Yard.

(cheering, applause)

And he's the writer-at-largefor New York magazine,

-Rembert Browne.-(cheering and applause)

(chuckles)And for everyone at home,

join our conversation right nowon Twitter, @NightlyShow,

using the hashtag, #Tonightly.

Okay, so tonight I want to talkabout, uh, Ted Cruz's comments

to Donald Trumpabout New Yorkers, okay?

I think most people know exactlywhat New York values are--

socially liberal or pro-abortionor pro-gay marriage,

focused around moneyand the media.

New York is a great place.It's got great people.

When the World Trade Centercame down,

I saw something that no placeon Earth

could have handledmore beautifully,

more humanely than New York.

Okay, now Trump actually makesa good point,

and, trust me, I was throwing upin my mouth as I said that.


I never thoughtI would say that, but he...

'Cause people on the extremeright, they act like New York...

like New York City isn't partof America.

Then something tragic happens,and those same pe...

-same people are like, "We'reall New Yorkers." -YARD: Yeah.

-Is that (bleep) or what?-It's all (bleep).

All these... It's (bleep).And they all...

They constantly do it.

Uh, you know,"New York is not America.

We live in the real America."

Well, then you needto tell these terrorists

that they keep missingthe real America...

-Exactly. It's true.-(cheering and applause)

...and hitting New York City.

They got to get their-their aim

-a little better, right?-Exactly.

(bleep) centerof the bull's-eye,

-and they keep missing.They keep hitting us. -Yeah.

-But we're not America, youknow? -Terrorists ain't in Tulsa

-hitting up the food court.-There you go. Exactly.

-C-Can I... can I defend...-Yes.

-can I defend Ted Cruz, whichalso made me -Yes. Absolutely.

-throw up in my mouth? Uh...-Yes.

-So, I-I was in Iowa last week,-Mmm.

-and I went toa Donald Trump rally. -Uh-huh.

-And I was, uh, oneof two black people -Mm-hmm.

maybe in Iowabut also definitely in, uh...

at that rally. And that...

So you-you were one or twoof the blacks.

Of the blacks. Of the...of the back... black...

black del-delegation.And at that moment,

I had never felt like moreof a New Yorker.

And I was like,"Maybe New York isn't America."

Like, because I felt likethis... I, l... I was like,

"I'm in America right now.Maybe where I'm from

-isn't America." -Well,it's a different... Go ahead.

I'm just, like, so New Yorkabout it.

I'm treatingthese Republican candidates

like crazy people on the train.You just got to let them talk

-and talk and talk.-Put your headphones in.

And sooner or later, they out.

-They'll get off.-Well... Okay, so-so remember,

part of what Ted Cruz saysNew York values were

were pro-abortion, pro-gaymarriage, focusing on money

and media-- which, to me,is code word for "Jews."

-Right? -Yes. -Yeah,that's what it sounded like.

So basically he's sayingwomen's issues,

-gay people,and Jews are bad values. -Yeah.

But who is he to tell usabout issues?

-This dude was born in Canada!-Like...

They (bleep) bacon!

How do you (bleep) bacon?!

-We got to get him out of here.-How do you (bleep) bacon?!

-That's true. That'sa very good point. -He's done.

-I-I had not considered that.-Listen, listen,

the day I find out that I don'tshare the same values of Ted...

as Ted Cruz, I'm good with that.I'm fine.

-Yeah. That's good.You're right. -Yeah.

I don't lay awake at nightgoing, "Damn,

-how can I be more likeTed Cruz?" That's not... -Yeah.

-that's not a part of my thing.-I'm trying to be like Ted, yo.

-You know? -Well, what areNew York values to you guys?

-Um...-Mind your damn business.

-Uh, yeah. -That-That'sa good New York value.

It's mind your damn business,don't go to Times Square,

don't eat dollar pizza.That's, like, how...

-(cheering and applause)-We're just... -No, wait,

-don't eat dollar pizza?Oh, man. -Yeah.

And-and stop standing stillon the sidewalk

to watch skyscrapers.It's a sidewalk,

-not a (bleep) side-gawk.-Okay.

-Not a side-stand. Move.-Very good.

-These are good American values.-Exactly. Good America...

I got (bleep) to do.Get out of my way.

Well, it interests me...uh, it's interesting

that you were out at an eventlike that,

because, um, to me,it-it feels like...

I mean, it seems like someon the extreme right

-on the social issues,-Mm-hmm.

I feel like they're gettingleft behind.

I mean, there are so many,like, young people,

millennials that are taking upthe voting blocs

and are coming morein the future.

Like, Obama wouldn't have beenelected 20 years ago,

but now he... that kindof person can get elected.

So I feel like this whole groupis being left behind

when they talk about things likeNew York values and gay marriage

and trying to actlike that's a bad thing.

I-I... My takeawaywhen I walked out of that gym,

it was kind of, like, wantingto call my mom and let her know

that I was still alive,was, uh, that...

How'd they fit... how'd they fit20,000 people in a gym?

-He said there was 20,000...-Always claims.

...um, how... I left thinking,

"Wow, I think someone like Cruz,someone like Donald Trump,

"they think, like,'Maybe if we could just convince

"'every white personto vote for me,

-I'll get to be president.'"-I feel it's more

of a cultural dividemore than even a racial thing.

I think there's...I think Trump actually will get

-some black votes out there.I really do. -Yeah, eight.

I don't know these black peopleyou're talking about.

Well, because I think a lotof people don't view Trump

as a politician. They say,"Oh, yeah, Donald Trump, yeah."

-Yeah, but it's hard to get overthe racist part. -Yeah.

If-if you knowabout the racist part.

-Who doesn't know by now?-How do you not know

-about the racist part?-He came out racist!

If you don't know he's racistby now, something's wrong.

-Your headphones on the subway,they're still in. -Yeah, really.

-Listen, I'm... I let...Let them do what they do. -Yeah.

Let Trump say what he wantsto say, let Cruz say

what he wants to say. Thatjust makes it easier for them

-not to be president. -Okay,let me ask you... I feel...

Who would be worse?Who would be worse?

Wait, hold on. Who would beworse, Cruz or Trump?

To me, it seems like Cruz wantsto turn the clock back 50 years.

It seems like Trumpis just a broken clock

that happens to be righttwice a day.

I just... Is there...

You're asking me to pick betweenTed Cruz and Donald Trump?

Yeah. Come on, man,it's America.

Is there another option, likeshooting myself in the face?

There you go.

Do you have an extra bullet?

-Because I'm right behind you,son. -It'll just go through

-your...-We should do a triple...

-I-I'll go first. -I can't pickeither one of them, Larry.

I think Cruz is worse.I genuinely do.

-You think Cruz is worse?-'Cause I think Trump

-is, like, a professional troll.-Yeah.

-And I think, like...I-I think, like, -Yeah.

three years ago, he was a...probably a Democrat.

-Yeah. -You know? Because it wasconvenient. -He was, actually.

-And now he's a...-He was whatever was expedient

-to getting deals done.-If you were like,

"Tomorrow, you gotto be a giraffe," he's like,

-"I am running on the giraffeparty." -I agree with that.

We'll be right back!

Okay. Thanks to my panelists,Ricky Velez, Mike Yard,

and Rembert Browne.So, we're almost out of time,

but before we go,I'm gonna keep it 100.

-Keep It 100.-MAN: 100!

100! Keep it 100.

Okay, tonight's questionis from @DMatrixBlog.

They asked, "Martin Luther Kingand Malcolm X are trapped

"in a burning buildingand you can only save one.

Who do you save? @Night..."

Okay. This is ridiculous.Wait, hold on a second.

Malcolm X would probably get outby any means necessary, right?

But-but Dr. King,he might be asleep.

He dreams all the time, right?

I'd have to say Dr. King.And it's MLK Day.

How could you ask me a questionlike that?

All right, thanks for watching!Yeah! See, I kept it 100.

All right, anyhow, distinguishedjournalist Charlie Rose sat down

with self-proclaimed journalistSean Penn last night...

to hear his defenseof his Rolling Stone interview

with Mexican drug lordJoaquin "El Chapo" Guzmán.

I do what I callexperiential journalism.

I don't have to be the one thatreports on the alleged murders

or the amount of narcoticsthat are brought in.

Mmm... yes, you do.

That's what journalism is.

That's like showing upon your first day at Taco Bell,

saying "I don't make tacos.

"Mm-mm, not with...

"I just watchyou guys make tacos...

"and then I write offensivelylong articles about it

"in which the most interestingdetail is me farting--

"that's what I do.

Me, me."

All right,maybe I'm not understanding.

Please continue.

Again, "journalists..."

who want to saythat I'm not a journalist--

well, I want to see the license

that says that they area journalist.

You know they're not"pilots," right?

You got that.

(laughing): I mean, are youseriously asking Charlie Rose

about a license in journalism?

If there's anyone who needstheir license checked,

it's the guy who wrote...

I can't even continue the line.


He wants to seeCharlie Rose's license?!


All right.

You know, actually, Sean,

let me talk to you directlyfor a second.


Sean, you can'tjust go to Mexico

and interview fugitivesof justice.



Now, listen to me,you're not Hunter S. Thompson,

you're not Ernest Hemingway.

You are Sam, got it?


All right, good.

So we're all clear?


Maybe we missed an "mm-hmm,"I'm not sure.