Wednesday, March 12, 2014

  • 03/12/2014

Jonah Ray, Wil Wheaton and Matt Mira list #FilthyCelebrities, watch public access TV stars and come up with bad podcasts before being joined by special guest Walton Goggins.

RAPID REFRESH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE CONFUSE THE

INTERNET AND THE WORLD WIDE WEB.

THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

THE INTERNET IS THE

INFRASTRUCTURE OF NETWORK

COMPUTERS THAT ACTUALLY HOUSES

THE WORLD WIDE WEB, WHICH IS

ESSENTIALLY JUST A RESOURCE

LOCATOR.

SO THEY'RE DIFFERENT, THE

INTERNET GOES BACK TO THE LATE

'60s, REALLY THE '50s IF YOU

WANT TO GET TECHNICAL.

>> HOW IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND A

MODEL?

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: WELL, ANYWAY, THE

INVENTOR OF THE WORLDWIDE WEB,

TIM BERNERS-LEE, IT WAS HIS IDEA

25 YEARS AGO ON THIS DAY, HE

PRESENTED THE IDEA FOR THE

WORLD WIDE WEB.

HE DID AN AMA ON REDDIT TODAY

CELEBRATING THE ANNIVERSARY.

WHAT WAS HIS ANSWER TO THE

QUESTION: WHAT WAS ONE OF THE

THINGS YOU NEVER THOUGHT THE

INTERNET WOULD BE USED FOR, BUT

HAS ACTUALLY BECOME THE MAIN

REASON PEOPLE USE THE INTERNET?

A) PORN.

B) KITTENS.

C) CAKEFARTS.

MATT MIRA.

>> I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO

KITTENS BECAUSE WE ALL SAW PORN

COMING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: THAT'S HOW IT WORKS,

YOU ALWAYS SEE PORN COMING, BUT

YOU NEVER SEE KITTENS COMING!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I MEAN, WIL AND I USED TO HAVE

TO MAKE OUR OWN CAKES IN OUR

APARTMENT AND THEN FART ON THEM.

>> YEAH.

IF YOU WANTED TO SHARE A CAKE

FART WITH SOMEBODY, YOU HAD TO

ACTUALLY GO DO IT IN PERSON BACK

IN THOSE DAYS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: MOVING ON.

GRAMMY WINNER MACKLEMORE.

I LOVE MACKLEMORE, AND I KNOW

HE LISTENS TO THE PODCAST, AND I

ENJOY HIM AND HE'S NICE, ALL

RIGHT?

>> WOULD YOU LOVE HIM IF HE

DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE PODCAST?

>> Chris: NO, I'M VERY

SELF-CENTERED, I DON'T THINK

PEOPLE EXIST UNLESS THEY TOUCH

MY LIFE IN SOME WAY.

HE BLEW UP ON INSTAGRAM TODAY

WHEN HE POSTED A NEW SONG ALL

ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT

BEFORE YOU PEE.

IT'S GOT 124,000 LIKES IN THE

FIRST SEVEN HOURS.

THIS IS JUST GOOD INSTRUCTIONAL

MUSIC.

TAKE A LOOK.

>> AH, HELL NAH.

♪ UNZIP THE ZIPPER

WHEN YOU PULL OUT THE D

♪ BUT MAKE SURE THAT YOU LIFT UP

THE TOILET SEAT.

♪ COME ON.

WIPE THE BASE AND CLEAN THE

♪ PEEPEE.

AND NOW MY GIRLFRIEND WON'T BE

♪ MAD AT ME.

SHABBA! ♪

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: COMEDIANS, FOR 100

POINTS, PLEASE NAME THIS SONG.

WIL WHEATON.

>> CRAPPER'S DELIGHT.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

♪ I SAID A (BLEEP)

(BLEEP)-- (BLEEP)

DON'T STOP THE BOOGIE. ♪

MATT MIRA.

>> IF YOU LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE

CD, THE LAST TRACK IS REALLY

LONG AND THERE'S A HIDDEN

URINARY TRACT.

>> Chris: HEY, POINTS!

WELL DONE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

JONAH, I'M NOT SURE IT'S

TIME FOR QUESTIONS, BUT YOU HAVE

YOUR HAND RAISED.

>> BUT IN THE END, IT'S NOT EVEN

ORIGINAL, IT'S A COVER BY R.

KELLY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS, JONAH RAY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

#HASHTAGWARS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A

BUNCH OF LAWSUITS WAITING TO

HAPPEN.

TINDER ANNOUNCED THAT THE APP IS

GOING TO START A VERIFICATION

PROGRAM FOR CELEBRITIES SO THEY

CAN HAVE SEMI-ANONYMOUS SEX IN

BAR BATHROOMS.

STARS ARE JUST LIKE US!

THEY USE THE APPS TO GET TAIL.

AND IN HONOR OF THIS EXCITING

NEWS AND BECAUSE TODAY IS ALSO

RON JEREMY'S BIRTHDAY, TONIGHT'S

HASHTAG IS #FILTHYCELEBRITIES.

SOME EXAMPLES MIGHT BE BRYAN

CRAM-SOME-IN, OR B.J. NOVAK,

OR JUST CHRIS HARDWICK,

THERE'S NO--

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S JUST LIKE RIGHT THERE.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ON

THE CLOCK, STARTING AND GO!

JONAH.

>> GONORRHEA PEARLMAN.

>> Chris: POINTS!

MATT MIRA.

>> JULIA LOUIS DRY-FIST.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

WIL.

>> LINDSEY LO-HAND JOB.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

JONAH.

>> DIARRHEA PERLMAN.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: NO POINTS FOR

DUPLICATES.

YES, CAPTAIN.

>> BARELY LEGAL MANILOW.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WIL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHAT IS HAPPENING?

>> GEORGE POONEY.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JONAH.

>> WEIRD ANAL YANKOVIC.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WIL.

>> BALLS GIAMATTI.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WIL IS DOMINATING.

JONAH.

>> SACK BRAFF.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JONAH.

>> FISTER T.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES, MATT.

>> ELLEN DEGENERES AMOUNT OF

OIL.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH, OIL WORKS.

IT WAS GOING TO BE ORAL, BUT OIL

WORKS FINE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IF YOU ARE A NEW YORKER WHO IS

OVER THE AGE OF 30 YEARS OLD,

YOU MAY REMEMBER "STAIRWAY TO

STARDOM".

IT WAS A NEW YORK PUBLIC ACCESS

SHOW THAT AIRED DURING THE '70S,

'80s AND '90s AND IT FEATURED

SOME OF THE MOST UP AND COMING

ENTERTAINERS OF THE TIME.

WHILE NONE OF THESE PERFORMERS

ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THE STAIRWAY

TO STARDOM, THE SHOW CREATED

A YOUTUBE PAGE TO GIVE THEM

INTERNET FAME, WHICH IS THE

SAME.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A CLIP OF

A "STAIRWAY TO STARDOM"

PERFORMER, FOR 250 POINTS, YOU

TELL ME WHAT THEY ENDED UP

BECOMING, ALL RIGHT?

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE, THIS IS

HOROWITZ & SPECTOR.

HOROWITZ & SPECTOR.

>> ♪ SOMETHING'S ROTTEN IN

TRANSYLVANIA

♪ MY BABY DOESN'T WANT A NECK

ANYMORE. ♪

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: YES, JONAH.

>> THEY WENT ON TO BE THE MOST

EXPECTED CASE OF A MURDER

SUICIDE IN THE HISTORY OF MURDER

SUICIDE.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: ANYONE ELSE?

>> WELL, I THINK IF YOU

REMEMBER, GUYS, THEY ALL WENT ON

TO BECOME THE WEIRDEST JUDGE IN

THE HISTORY OF THE U.S. LEGAL

SYSTEM.

(LAUGHTER)

JUDGE JUDIES.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, SO MATT AND JONAH, I'M

GOING TO CONJOIN YOUR POINTS,

500 POINTS, SPLIT UP TWO WAYS.

JONAH AND MATT, 250 POINTS EACH.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS ANTHONY

CIULLA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: WIL, WHAT EPISODE OF

"STAR TREK" DID THIS ATTACK THE

ENTERPRISE?

(LAUGHTER)

>> THAT WAS THE ONE WHERE WESLEY

WENT ON STARSHIP MATES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: OH!

I WOULD TOTALLY HOST THE (BLEEP)

OUT OF STARSHIP MATES.

100 POINTS FOR STARSHIP MATES

AND THEN ALSO WHAT IS YOUR

ANSWER TO THIS?

>> HE WENT ON TO BE SUPERMAN'S

GREATEST FOE, THE KRYPTONITE

DANCE BELT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I SHOWED YOU

THIS WONDERFUL PICTURE FROM

IMGUR OF A DOG WITH I THINK A

HALLOWEEN MASK OR THIS IS HIS

ACTUAL HEAD, I'M NOT 100% SURE.

AND I ASKED YOU TO WRITE THIS

DEVILISH CREATURE'S FIRST TWEET.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU WROTE.

MATT MIRA.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: WIL WHEATON.

(LAUGHTER)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: JONAH RAY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: IT'S TIME FOR FAILED

PODCASTS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED ABOUT

THIS ONE.

(LAUGHTER)

WHERE THIS ONE'S GOING TO GO.

PODCASTS ARE GREAT, THEY'VE

COMPLETELY CHANGED THE FACE OF

MEDIA AND HELPED A LOT OF US GET

OUR CAREERS BACK ON TRACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SO WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU GUYS

TO DO IS I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

I WANT YOU TO BUZZ IN WITH AS

MANY PODCASTS THAT YOU WOULD

NEVER WANT TO LISTEN TO.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS NOW

AND GO.

YES, JONAH.

>> JONAH RAY-DIO.

>> Chris: HEY!

VERY SELF-REFERENTIAL.

POINTS.

WIL.

>> JONAH RODEO.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: RODEOS, WHATEVER,

THEY'RE DUMB, WHATEVER,

WHATEVER, WHATEVER, JONAH RADIO.

POINTS.

YES, MATT.

>> PANTS MARCHING.

IT'S A FASHION PODCAST WITH A

DAVE MATTHEWS TWIST.

>> Chris: OH, OH!

MAN!

I'M SO ANGRY AT THE NOTION OF

THAT.

POINTS.

WIL.

>> THE SLURTIST WITH PETER

HARDWICK.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: OH, MY FAT DRUNK

BROTHER!

WHO WAS ME BEFORE 2003.

POINTS, WIL.

JONAH.

>> THE NERDIST, HOSTED BY SHIA

LABEOUF.

(LAUGHTER)

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