September 8, 2014 - John Lithgow

  • 09/08/2014

Pundits rejoice over a royal pregnancy, immigration reform remains in limbo, a fitness bracelet shocks people into exercising, and John Lithgow discusses "Love Is Strange."

(EAGLE CAW)>> STEPHEN: TONIGHT, THE

LATEST NEWS ON IMMIGRATIONREFORM.

(SILENCE).

THERE, YOU'RE ALL CAUGHT UP.

THEN, A NEW TECHNOLOGY HELPS YOUSTAY FIT.

JUST SIT RIGHT THERE ON THECOUCH TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS.

(LAUGHTER)AND MY GUEST, JOHN LITHGOW IS

ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED LITH-GO.

(LAUGHTER)OLIVE GARDEN IS INTRODUCING A

$100 ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PASTA PASSTHAT LASTS SEVEN WEEKS.

THOUGH, TECHNICALLY THE LAST TWOWEEKS ARE FOR YOUR NEXT OF KIN.

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS THE COLBERT REPORT.

>> STEPHEN: HEY, EVERYBODY!

WELCOME TO THE REPORT, GOOD TOHAVE YOU WITH US!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")>> STEPHEN: THAT'S ABSOLUTELY

RIGHT!

THAT IS MY NAME!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)FOLKS, I THINK IF YOU GUYS

WEREN'T OUT THERE CHANTING MYNAME EVERY NIGHT, I'M NOT SURE I

WOULD KNOW WHO I WAS.

(CHEERING)FOLKS, YOU WATCH THIS SHOW.

YOU KNOW THAT AS A PATRIOT,THERE IS NOTHING I

LOVE MORE THAN CELEBRATING THEOVERTHROW OF THE BRITISH

MONARCHY AND TELLING KING GEORGEWHERE HE CAN STICK HIS CRUMPET!

AND AS AN IRISH AMERICAN WHOSEANCESTORS WERE DRIVEN WEST OF

THE RIVER SHANNON TO FARM ROCKS,I WOULD LIKE TO SEE BUCKINGHAM

PALACE TURNED INTO A PUBLICURINAL FOR THE INDIGENT AND THE

INSANE.

(LAUGHTER)BUT ON THE OTHER HAND --

>> ANOTHER ROYAL BABY IS ON THEWAY.

>> ANOTHER ROYAL BABY IS ON THEWAY.

>> WE HAVE A SPARE TO THE HEIR.

>> THE HEIR AND THE SPARE.

>> IT'S AN HEIR AND A SPARE.

>> OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD!

AN HEIR AND SPARE!

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I CARE!

BUT I DO!

WE DID IT!

WELL, TECHNICALLY WILL AND KATEDID IT.

(LAUGHTER)SO MAGICAL.

IT'S A FAIRYTALE.

THE ROYALS ARE TRULY A SPECIALCLASS OF PEOPLE -- THEY MANAGED

TO HAVE SEX WITH A ONE-YEAR-OLDIN THE HOUSE!

(LAUGHTER)AND I WANT TO THANK THE HAPPY

COUPLE, BECAUSE THIS COULD NOTHAVE COME AT A BETTER TIME.

>> EBOLA, ISIS, SO MANY HORRIBLESTORIES GOING ON RIGHT NOW BUT

WE DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THE NEWSALL ABOUT SICKNESS AND TERROR

AND DEATH.

LET'S CELEBRATE LIFE.

>> IN THE INTEREST OF NOT ALLNEWS BEING NEGATIVE, A BIG ROYAL

ANNOUNCEMENT.

>> SO MANY FOLKS HAVE BEENBUMMED OUT BY SOME DEPRESSING

NEWS.

WE BROUGHT YOU A PREGNANCY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS NEED.

JUST SOME HAPPY BABY NEWS.

>> STEPHEN: YEAH, SOME HAPPYNEWS!

HAPPY NEWS THAT MAKES YOU WANTTO PASS OUT CIGARS, RATHER THAN

SIMPLY PASS OUT.

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE, IT'S NOT ALL GOOD

NEWS.

BECAUSE "KATE IS SUFFERING FROMAN ACUTE FORM OF MORNING

SICKNESS" THAT FORCED THE ROYALS"TO ANNOUNCE THE PREGNANCY

BEFORE THE DUCHESS PASSED THESIGNIFICANT 12-WEEK MILESTONE."

YES, THE MORNING-SICKNESSSPECULATION.

WOULD HAVE BEEN RAMPANT -- ISSHE PREGNANT, OR DID SHE JUST

EAT ENGLISH FOOD?

(LAUGHTER)SO THANK YOU, PRINCE WILLIAM AND

DUCHESS KATE, FOR GIVING THEWHOLE WORLD A MUCH-NEEDED BREAK

FROM THE WHOLE WORLD.

(LAUGHTER)YOU DESERVE EVERY BIT OF THE

ATTENTION YOU'RE GETTING.

INSTEAD OF ME.

WHICH LEADS TO MY OWNANNOUNCEMENT -- I'M PREGNANT!

(CHEERING)I PEED ON THAT STICK LAST NIGHT

(CHEERING)I PEED ON THAT STICK LAST NIGHT

AND IT GOT WET, SO ITHINK THAT MEANS THIS IS A GO.

I DON'T KNOW HOW FAR ALONG I AM,BUT JUDGING BY THE SCALE, MY

BABY ALREADY WEIGHS EXACTLY THESAME AMOUNT AS LAST NIGHT'S

NATION, EVERYWHERE YOU LOOKAMERICA IS BEING INFILTRATED BY

LOS LATINOS IMMIGRANTES.

IN FACT, DID YOU KNOW THAT EVENTHIS SENTENCE STARTED WITH AN

UPSIDE-DOWN QUESTION MARK?

THANKFULLY, HOUSEREPUBLICANS HAVE DONE SOMETHING

TO COMBAT THIS MENACE BY DOINGNOTHING.

BUT BACK IN JUNE, THEPRESIDENT THREATENED TO UNDO

EVERYTHING THEY HAVE NEVER DONE.

>> SO, WHILE I WILL CONTINUE TOPUSH HOUSE REPUBLICANS TO DROP

THE EXCUSES AND ACT, AMERICACANNOT WAIT FOREVER FOR THEM TO

ACT.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: NO, THEY'RE

WAITING FOREVER -- FOR YOU TOTALK.

>> THAT'S WHY TODAY -- I'MBEGINNING A NEW EFFORT TO FIX AS

MUCH OF OUR IMMIGRATION SYSTEMAS I CAN ON MY OWN -- WITHOUT

CONGRESS.

>> STEPHEN: GOING IT ALONE?

THAT COMPLETELY UNDERMINES OURCONSTITUTIONAL SYSTEM OF CHECKS,

BALANCES, AND CRIPPLINGDEADLOCKS.

SO YOU CAN IMAGINE MY RELIEFWHEN I SAW OUR WAFFLER-IN-CHIEF

FOLD LIKE A BREAKFAST TACO.

(LAUGHTER)JIM?

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA HITTING THEPAUSE BUTTON ON IMMIGRATION

REFORM.

>> THE PRESIDENT NOW HOLDING OFFON ANY ACTION TO FIX THE

IMMIGRATION CRISIS UNTIL AFTERTHE NOVEMBER ELECTION.

>> I WANT TO SPEND SOME TIMEEVEN AS WE'RE GETTING ALL OF OUR

DUCKS IN A ROW FOR THE EXECUTIVEACTION, I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT

THE T'S ARE CROSSED AND THE I'SARE DOTTED.

>> STEPHEN: YES, HE JUST WANTSTO CROSS THE

T'S, DOT THE I'S, AND TILDE THEN'S.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: NATURALLY, THE

PRESIDENT'S DECISION HAS LEFTHISPANIC SUPPORTERS ASKING,

SEÑOR OBAMA, DONDE ESTAN LOSCOJONES?

(LAUGHTER)AS ONE LATINA ACTIVIST SAID, "A

GUY SAYS HE'S GOING TO PROPOSE,AND THEN HE DECIDES HE'S GOING

TO DELAY AND NOT PROPOSE FOR ACOUPLE OF MONTHS.

SO YOU GO, 'O.K., I WANT ATWO-CARAT RING NOW INSTEAD OF A

ONE-CARAT RING."

ONE CARAT, TWO CARAT.

WE DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED.

WE JUST WANT SOMEONE TO PICK OURCARROTS.

(LAUGHTER)AND I'M MAD THAT OBAMA IS

DELAYING IMMIGRATION REFORMBECAUSE HE STOLE THAT IDEA FROM

THE REPUBLICANS!

THEY'VE HAD THE IDEA OF PUTTINGOFF DOING SOMETHING ABOUT

IMMIGRATION REFORM FOR A DECADE!

>> THE POINT IS THAT WHAT WENEED TO DO, MOVE FORWARD WITH

IMMIGRATION REFORM.

>> WE'VE GOT TO DO ACOMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION REFORM

PLAN.

>> WE'VE GOT SOME PLANS TOUNVEIL SOME CHANGES TO THE LEGAL

IMMIGRATION SYSTEM OF THISCOUNTRY.

>> WE'RE GOING TO RELEASE ADOCUMENT SOON ABOUT OUR WAY

FORWARD ON IMMIGRATION.

>> WE'RE OPEN TO LOOKING ATIMMIGRATION REFORM.

>> IMMIGRATION REFORM WILL BE MYTOP PRIORITY BECAUSE WE HAVE THE

OBLIGATION TO ADDRESS A FEDERALISSUE FROM A FEDERAL STANDPOINT.

>> LET US HAVE A SERIOUS, CIVILAND CONCLUSIVE DEBATE SO THAT

YOU CAN PASS AND I CAN SIGNCOMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION REFORM

INTO LAW.

>> THE DEBATE OVER IMMIGRATIONREFORM HAS REACHED A TIME OF

DECISION.

>> WE MUST PASS COMPREHENSIVEIMMIGRATION REFORM.

>> IMMIGRATION REFORM IS A VERYIMPORTANT AGENDA ITEM.

>> STEPHEN: YES,A MUY IMPORTANTE "AGENDA" ITEM.

THAT'S WHY WE CAN'T DO PASSIMMIGRATION REFORM.

THAT WOULD TAKE IT "OFF" THEAGENDA.

BUT DON'T LOSE HOPE, IMMIGRANTS,

JUST BECAUSE OUR LEADERS ARETELLING YOU TO WAIT TILL NEXT

YEAR DOESN'T MEAN IT WON'THAPPEN, AS LONG AS YOU JUST WAIT

TILL NEXT YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)RIGHT, JOHN BOEHNER, FROM LAST

WEEK?

>> YOU KNOW, THERE'S APOSSIBILITY THAT CONGRESS COULD

TAKE THIS ISSUE UP NEXT YEAR.

>> STEPHEN: NEXT YEAR!

GUARANTEED!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NEXT YEAR, GUARANTEED

THAT IT'S A POSSIBILITY.

AND BOEHNER GETS THE IMMIGRANTEXPERIENCE, BECAUSE HE REMEMBERS

HOW MANY YEARS IT TOOK CONGRESSTO WELCOME HIS COMMUNITY OF

TANGELO-AMERICANS.

(LAUGHTER)BUT IF FOR SOME REASON THIS

LATEST PROMISE ISN'T ENOUGH TOCONVINCE THE HISPANISH

COMMUNITY, I SAY WE DO SOMETHINGMORE REALISTIC THAN TRYING TO

PASS IMMIGRATION REFORM -- BUILDA TIME MACHINE.

THAT WAY, PEOPLE FROM THE FUTURECAN COME BACK AND ASSURE US

PRESENT DAY AMERICANS THATIMMIGRATION REFORM DOES

EVENTUALLY HAPPEN. WITH THAT INMIND, JOINING ME NOW, LIVE FROM

THE DISTANT TOMORROW, PLEASEWELCOME.

FUTURE STEPHEN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)GREETINGS FROM THE YEAR 2372,

STEPHEN.

>> WOW.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

ALL MY MOISTURIZING.

PAID OFF!

FUTURE ME, CAN YOU ASSUREHISPANIC.

AMERICANS THAT WASHINGTONEVENTUALLY DOES ADDRESS

IMMIGRATION REFORM?

>> YES, I CAN.

IN FACT, EVERYONE IN MY TIMESPEAKS FUTURE-SPANISH -- DONDE

ESTA LA SPACE BIBLIOTECA.

>> INCREDIBLE.

SO IN THE FUTURE, IMMIGRATIONREFORM WILL BE PASSED?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

NEXT YEAR.

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU, FUTURESTEPHEN!

>> GOODBYE PAST STEPHEN.BET EVERYTHING ON

THE CLEVELAND BROWNS!

>> STEPHEN: WE'LL BE RIGHTBACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY!

THANKS SO MUCH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: NATION, I BELIEVE

THAT MY BODY IS A TEMPLE.

WHICH IS WHY I'VE APPLIED FOR ATAX EXEMPTION..

SO I'M ALWAYS KEEPING UP WITHTHE LATEST IN WEARABLE

SPORT-TECH.

IF I FORGET TO HIT THE GYM, MYFITBIT JUST SYNCHS TO MY PEBBLE,

WHICH SENDS A REMINDER TO MYIPHONE, WHICH I DELETE WITH

GOOGLE GLASS.

(LAUGHTER)GOODBYE.

REPEATED NAGGING MESSAGES DON'TMOTIVATE ME.

IF THEY DID, I'D HAVE ALINKED-IN ACCOUNT.

(LAUGHTER)STOP IT!

I DO NOT WANT TO CONNECT WITHDAVE!

I HAD COFFEE WITH HIM ONCE!

BUT FINALLY, THERE'S ASMART-TECH DEVICE.

THAT CAN JOLT AMERICANS INTOACTION.

>> MEET THE NEWEST FITNESSCRAZE.

THIS IS THE PAVLOCK.

THAT BRACELET CLAIMS TO ZAPUSERS IF THEY STOP EXERCISING.

IF YOU DON'T GET MOVING, IT'SGOING TO SHOCK YOU.

YEAH, IT SENDS 400 VOLTS,ELECTRICAL JOLTS RIGHT INTO THE

ARM.

>> STEPHEN: YES, IF YOU DO NOTEXERCISE, YOU GET AN ELECTRIC

SHOCK.

AND, FOR ONCE, IT'S NOT FROM THEEMTS

OF COURSE, THE PAVLOK IS NAMEDFOR RUSSIAN BEHAVIORAL PIONEER

IVAN PAVLOV, WHO CONDITIONEDDOGS TO SALIVATE EVERY TIME HE

RANG A BELL, HENCE THEEXPRESSION, "EVERY TIME A BELL

RINGS, AN ANGEL GETS HIS.

WINGS COVERED IN DOG SALIVA."

(LAUGHTER)AND BY USING PSYCHOLOGICALLY

PROVEN AND USER TESTEDALGORITHMS, THE PAVLOK WRISTBAND

ENFORCES USERS' COMMITMENTS TOFITNESS, PRODUCTIVITY AND MORE.

YES, THE SAME PROVENPRODUCTIVITY ALGORITHMS THAT USE

ELECTRICITY TO ENFORCE CATTLETOWARD THE "GYM."

(LAUGHTER)YEAH, THOSE COWS COULD REALLY

PULL A MUSCLE IN THERE.

(LAUGHTER)REMEMBER TO STRETCH OUT, BESSIE!

(LAUGHTER)AND IF ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY

DOESN'T MOVE YOUR FAT ASS,THE SYNCHRONIZED PAVLOK APP WILL

ALSO ZAP YOU WHERE IT 'REALLY'HURTS BECAUSE --

IF THE USER HASN'T COMPLETEDTHEIR GOAL,

THEY GET CHARGED MONEY THROUGHTHE APP AND POSTS ON YOUR

FACEBOOK WALL "I DIDN'T MAKE ITTO THE GYM TODAY."

(LAUGHTER)AND THAT'S JUST THE MOTIVATION

YOU NEED WHEN YOU'RE IN A DARKPLACE, OUT OF SHAPE, AT HOME,

TOO TIRED TO WORK OUT, IT'SPROBABLY BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T

GETTING ENOUGH PUBLICHUMILIATION.

(LAUGHTER)WHILE PAVLOK'S A GOOD START, I

BELIEVE THE PAIN AND SHAME OFSURRENDERING YOUR WILL TO AN

ELECTRONIC DEVICE CAN GO MUCHFURTHER.

WHICH IS WHY I'M THRILLED TO BEPART OF A NEW WEARABLE FITNESS

PILOT PROGRAM I HEARD ABOUTTHROUGH MY FINANCIAL ADVISOR,

GORLOCK.

IT'S CALLED "THE SPINE SPIDER."

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS -- PLACE ITANYWHERE ON OR NEAR YOUR BODY

AND IT WILL CRAWL TO AND EMBEDITS NEUROPINCERS IN YOUR SPINAL

COLUMN.

NO RECHARGING NECESSARY.

IT FEEDS ON YOUR BLOOD!

AND WHAT A WORKOUT.

THE SPINE-SPIDER TAKES OVER YOURMOTOR FACULTIES, AND MARCHES YOU

INTO A FIELD WHERE YOU --BUILD A LARGE CRYSTAL PYRAMID.

WHAT'S THE PYRAMID FOR?

WHY DOES GORLOCK NEED IT?

WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN IT'SFINISHED?

WITH SPINE SPIDER, YOUR BRAIN ISPREVENTED FROM THINKING THOSE

QUESTIONS.

(LAUGHTER)AND, FOLKS, I HAVE BEEN USING

THE THE SPINE SPIDER FORWEEKS AND LIFTING MYSTERIOUS

PRISMS AT THE BEHEST OF ANUNKNOWN ALIEN OVERLORD

HAS DONE WONDERS FOR MY CORE.

BUT DON'T LOOK FOR SPINE SPIDERAT YOUR NEAREST ELECTRONICS

STORE -- SPINE SPIDER WILL FINDYOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT STARS INTHE NEW FILM "LOVE IS STRANGE."

IT IS IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT.

PLEASE WELCOME JOHN LITHGOW!

JOHN! THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMINGBACK

GOOD TO SEE YOU! LOVELY TO HAVEYOU BACK

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I OWE YOU ONE.

LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOUWERE CHECKING MY PROSTATE.

>> HOW'S IT GOING?

THAT'S RIGHT, I GAVE YOU APROCTOLOGICAL EXAM.

>> DID YOU GET A LOT OF PEOPLEON THE STREET SAYING HEY, YOU'RE

COLBERT'S PROCTOLOGIST! ANYCOLBERT BUMP?

>> NO NOT AT ALL! PEOPLE WON'TEVEN SHAKE

HANDS WITH ME ANYMORE. IT'SINEXPLICABLE!

>> STEPHEN: I APOLOGIZE. JUSTFIST-BUMP THEM.

NOW JOHN, YOU KNOW HOWI FEEL ABOUT YOU AND IT'S A

LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSEYOU'RE A BIG STAR, AN EMMY AND

TONY AWARD WINNER AND I KNOWHOLLYWOOD IS CORRUPTING OUR

VALUES, ALL RIGHT, BUT, ON THEOTHER HAND, I'M A FAN, AND MY

FEAR IS I'M GOING TO LIKE YOURNEW MOVIE "LOVE IS STRANGE."

>> I'M AFRAID IT'S TRUE,STEPHEN.

>> STEPHEN: YEAH, BECAUSE YOUPLAY A GAY GUY.

>> YES, ALFRED MOLINA AND I,THAT WONDERFUL ACTOR, WE PLAY AN

OLD GAY COUPLE WHO HAVE BEENTOGETHER 40 YEARS, FINALLY GET

MARRIED -->> STEPHEN: SO YOU'RE LIVING

TOGETHER 40 YEARS BEFORE YOU GETMARRIED?

>> WE HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER.

>> STEPHEN: NOT ONLY ARE YOUCOMMITTING SIN, YOU'RE LIVING IN

SIN AT THE SAME TIME.

THAT'S A TWO FER.

GO AHEAD.

>> UNFORTUNATELY, THAT WAS THEOLD DEFINITION OF SIN.

NOW THEY GET MARRIED, SADLYFRED'S CHARACTER LOSES HIS JOB

BECAUSE HIS EMPLOYERDISAPPROVES.

>> STEPHEN: HE FIRES HIM.

THE ARCHDIOCESE OF THECATHOLIC CHURCH --

>> STEPHEN: I'M A CATHOLIC,YOU REALIZE.

>> I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

>> STEPHEN: I DON'T.

I DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

(LAUGHTER)OKAY.

SO THEY KICK HIM OUT BECAUSETHEY HAVE A MORAL BEDROCK.

>> YES.

THE SCHOOL DOESN'T WANT TO FIREHIM BUT, ACCORDING TO THE RULES,

HE'S LET GO AND THESE TWO MEN,THEY HAVE DEPENDED COMPLETELY ON

THIS JOB, AND THEY HAVE TO SELLTHEIR APARTMENT, THEY HAVE BEEN

INSEPARABLE ALL THESE YEARS.

THEY HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TOLIVE.

I LIVE WITH MY NEPHEW'S WIFE,FRED LIVES WITH GAY COPS --

>> STEPHEN: REAL GAY COPS ORVILLAGE PEOPLE GAY COPS?

>> REAL GAY COPS.

THEY EXIST.

>> STEPHEN: I WOULDN'T KNOW.

IT'S PROBABLY A GREAT MOVIE, BUTI'M NOT INTO THAT SCENE.

>> IT'S A GREAT MOVIE.

BECAUSE GAY MARRIAGE IS A HUGEHOT BUTTON FRONT PAGE SSUE.

>> STEPHEN: ABSOLUTELY, IT'SGETTING HARDER FOR ME TO

OPPOSE IT AND STILL GET INVITEDTO NICE PARTIES

(LAUGHTER)>> THIS MOVIE PUTS A FACE ON

THIS ENTIRE ISSUE.

YOU WILL LOVE THIS FILM.

>> STEPHEN: I KNOW!

THAT'S WHY I'M AFRAID TO GO SEEIT!

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE ALFREDMOLINA, IT SOUNDS LIKE A LOVELY

STORY, BUT THEN I'M GOING TOLOVE THE IDEA OF MEN LOVING.

YOU WILL ERODE THE BARRIERS, THEBULWARKS

I HAVE BETWEEN ME AND ACCEPTINGGAY MARRIAGE AS NORMAL.

>> PERHAPS SO. WE'LL CORRUPT YOUFOR YOUR OWN GOOD, STEPHEN.

>> STEPHEN: SHOW HIM THE CLIP.THIS IS YOU AND ALFRED MOLINA

YOU GUYS NEW IN THENEIGHBORHOOD?

>> ARE YOU KIDDING?

RIGHT HERE IN THIS BAR WECHALLENGED THE NEW YORK STATE

REGULATIONS THAT PROHIBITED BARSFROM SERVING HOMOSEXUALS.

>> YEAH, WE HAVE THE CLIPPINGFROM THE NEW YORK TIMES

1966.

ME AND FOUR OTHER GUYS CAME INHERE ACCOMPANIED BY FIVE

REPORTERS.

WHEN WE WERE DENIED SERVICE WEDENOUNCED THE STATE LIQUOR

AUTHORITY.

>> OH MY GOD, YOU'RE THAT GUY?

YEAH I WAS ONE OF THE GUYS.

WOW! THIS ROUND'S ON ME, FELLAS.

(LAUGHTER)YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR!

>> STEPHEN: I'M GONNA TRYTHAT. YOU'RE MARRIED.

YOU'RE A STRAIGHT GUY, RIGHT?

>> I AM MARRIED AND I AM ASTRAIGHT GUY.

>> STEPHEN: IS IT HARD TO PLAYA GAY MAN?

LIKE, WHAT'S THE PREPARATION?

WHAT'S THE CHARACTER STUDY HERE?

BECAUSE, LISTEN, I'M STRAIGHT,I'M AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME.

I MEAN, IT IS IN MY BONES,BUDDY, OKAY?

>> YEAH.

>> STEPHEN: SO I CAN'T IMAGINEDESIRING A MAN.

>> STEPHEN, THE ONLY HARD PARTSTO PLAY ARE BADLY WRITTEN PARTS,

THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE.

THESE ARE BEAUTIFULLY WRITTENPARTS.

NO RESEARCH INVOLVED.

IT'S SIMPLY THERE.

THESE ARE -- YOU KNOW, THE WHOLENOTION OF "PLAYING GAY," IT'S

SIMPLY PLAYING A HUMAN BEING.

>> STEPHEN: IN THE MOVIE,YOU'RE --

(AUDIENCE REACTS)I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN YOU IN THE MOVIE AND YOUNOW.

>> WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE THERE ISNO DIFFERENCE.

>> STEPHEN: ARE YOU INCHARACTER AS GAY MAN RIGHT NOW?

>> NO, I'M NOT ACTING AT THEMOMENT, BUT I'M TELLING YOU, IF

I WERE TO PUT TOGETHER A WHOLESERIES OF STEREOTYPICAL

MANNERISMS, MINCINGLIMP WRISTS, NELLIE MANNERISMS,

IT WOULD BE AN INSINCEREPERFORMANCE.

IT'S SIMPLY A MATTEROF INHABITING THE CHARACTER.

I WAS BLESSED BY ACTING WITHFRED MOLINA.

>> STEPHEN: WHO IS HISPANIC. HEIS HISPANIC

I THINK ETHNICALLY HE HAS ASPANISH FATHER AND AN ITALIAN

MOTHER AND GREW UP IN ENGLAND.

>> STEPHEN: DID YOU MARRY HIMSO YOU COULD STAY IN THE

COUNTRY?

(LAUGHTER)I'M JUST CURIOUS, WHAT'S THE

POLITICAL ANGLE HERE?

>> FRED IS VERY MUCH AN AMERICANSTRAIGHT MAN FROM ENGLAND

PLAYING A GAY LOVER OF MINE OF40 YEARS.

>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT.

HAVE YOU GOT IT STRAIGHT?

>> STEPHEN: I'VE GOT IT GAY.LET'S TALK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN

THE ROOM. YOU'RE TWO OLD MEN INTHIS WHO I

ASSUME HAVE A HEALTHY ATTRACTIONFOR EACH OTHER.

IS THERE ANY HARD CORE NAPPINGGOING ON IN THIS MOVIE?

>> THERE'S A LITTLE SNUGGLING.

NOTHING RESEMBLING SEX.

MAYBE THERE WAS YEARS AGO.

THIS IS A COMFORTABLE OLDCOUPLE.

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE PEOPLE OF MYAGE MAKING LOVE IN A FILM,

STRAIGHT OR GAY.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: WELL, I DON'T

KNOW -- JOHN, SEND ME SOMETAPES.

(LAUGHTER)JOHN LITHGOW, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

JOHN LITHGOW, "LOVE IS STRANGE."BUT HE IS NOT.

IT'S IN THEATERS NOW. GO SEE IT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR THETHE REPORT, EVERYBODY!

GOOD NIGHT!