Week of 1/21/2013 - Saget, Cho, Posehn, Adomian

  • Season 2, Ep 3
  • 01/22/2013

Jeff and Bob Saget exchange Friendly Fire; Margaret Cho, Brian Posehn and James Adomian roast smokers, Manti Te'o's "girlfriend" and a pricey shirt made out of gold.

>>> PLEASE WELCOME MY FRIEND,

MARGARET CHO.

I LOVE IT.

THANK YOU.

>>

[ APPLAUSE ]

THERE'S A POSTER FOR

ANTI-BULLYING.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

BRIAN, THANKS.

YOU RARELY COME OUT OF MIDDLE

EARTH.

THANK YOU.

>> I LOOK GREAT BUT YOU LOOK --

TERRIBLE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT MOST PEOPLE GET A

TV SHOW THEY TRY TO LOOK YOUNGER.

>> YOU LOOK LIKE ONE OF THE

MEMBERS OF KISS THAT DIDN'T

SURVIVE.

OH MY GOD.

>> I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS

"THE BURN" THING.

ARE YOU REFERENCING WHAT I FELT

AFTER I -- YOU THAT TIME.

>> YOU ARE A GERMAN KOREAN PEOPLE

GOING TO HAVE TO JERK OFF RIGHT

NOW.

EVEN JAMES IS GETTING EXCITED.

>> WOW.

>> YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL THEM.

I DISCOVERED BACON.

>> DON'T MAKE FUN OF BRIAN IT'S

LIKE THE INCREDIBLE HULK GOT STUCK

HALF WAY.

>> OKAY.

>> NOW, BRIAN, IS THAT YOUR FACE

OR DID YOU MAKE IT OUT OF

SOMEONE'S SKIN?

>> THAT'S A GIANT -- CREEP.

I HAVE TO SAY AS A GAY MAN IT'S AN

HONOR TO BE HERE WITH AN EYE CON

OF THE GAY COMMUNITY.

YOU ARE LOOKING GREAT.

>> THAT'S HI -- HILARIOUS.

>> BRIAN GOES BOTH WAYS BUT ONLY

AT THE BUFFET.

>>> FAT PWAS STAND.

>> -- BASTARD.

>> WE'RE BEING HARD ON BRIAN BUT

SO IS GOD.

IF

SO HARD.

WHAT'S OUR FIRST TOPIC OF THE

WEEK.

ALL RIGHT, THERE'S A NEW TREND

WITH YOUNG TECH COMPANIES LIKE

FACEBOOK.

THEY'RE DOING FORMAL FRIDAYS WHICH

IS THEY JUST SHOW UP AND WEAR

SUITS TO OH WORK INSTEAD OF THEIR

NORMAL CRAP.

>> KNOW KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE

FAT GUY FROM "LOST."

>> YOU ARE ALREADY DRESSED

FORMALLY BRIAN SO I GUESS YOU

WOULD BE IN FAVOR OF DRESSING UP

MORE AT WORK IN.

>> SURE.

>> I'M GLAD YOU DRESS LIKE A

JEWISH OLD LADY GOING TO THE GYM

FOR THE FIRST TIME.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> YOU LOOK LIKE THE POWER OF THE

LIEIAN DROPPED OUT OF HIGH

SCHOOL.

>> NONE OF US ARE UGLY.

YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE SLOPPY.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ARE SLOPPY IN TO

LILITHFARE.

WHY DO WE HAVE TOPICS?

>> I CAN STAND HERE FOR THE WHOLE

SHOW AND YOU THREE MOTHER -- CAN

CREAM ME.

>> I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT

FORMAL FRIDAY IT'S CREATED BY HIP

STERS AND AS AN OLD GUY I HATE

HIPS T*E RS.

I HATE THEIR IRONIC BEARDS.

I GREW A BEARD BECAUSE WITHOUT ONE

I DON'T HAVE A CHIN.

LIKE, I NEED SOMETHING TO STOP MY

FACE FROM GOING IN TO MY STUPID

NECK.

SPEAKING OF IRONIC BEARDS,

MARGARET IS MARRIED.

BRIAN SOMETIMES WEARS A SUIT TO

FUNERALS WHEN ME DOS TO MASTER

BAIT.

SO, YOU'RE LIKE A CREEPY HEAVY ME

TAPL LIKE GET IN TO VAN HAY LEND.

WHAT'S NEXT?

>> AS YOU MENTIONED EARLIER, THEY

ARE HAVING A REALLY TOUGH TIME.

HIS GRANDMOTHER DIED AND HIS FAKE

GIRLFRIENDS DIED THE SAME DAY.

>> EDDIE, YOU LOOK GREAT,

HONEYCOMB, YOU WON HONEYCOMB.

SERIOUSLY, WITH ED AND BRIAN AND

JEFF HERE, THINK OF HOW MANY BILLY

GOATS ARE GETTING ACROSS BRIDGES

RIGHT NOW.

>> I ALWAYS GIVE IT UP FOR A GOOD

JOKE.

>> BRIAN, YOU WANT TO NOTRE DAME,

YOU WERE THE HUNCHBACK.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MATE OR

WHATEVER HIS NAME IS.

>> I LOVE THAT JOCKS HAVE FAKE

GIRLFRIENDS.

LIKE WHAT ELSE DO YOU GET FROM THE

NERD COMMUNITY.

LIKE I'VE HAD SO MANY FAKE

GIRLFRIENDS.

I HAD A FAKE THREE-WAY ONCE.

^PY -- I FAKE DISAPPOINTED THEM.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> I LIKE THE MADE UP GIRLFRIENDS

BECAUSE THAT'S ONE LESS REAL WOMAN

WHOP WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.

>> HE'S A LINEBACKER.

>>> IF YOU HAVE FAKE GIRLFRIEND,

HAVE HER KILLED OFF IN A FUN WAY

LIKE BY THE

>> I AM PRIVATE.

>> HE WOULD NEVER WALK THROUGH THE

RESTAURANT.

PLEASE, PLEASE, STOP.

I'M NOT GOING THE TO YELL YOUR

NAME OUT BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD

REACT.

>> "AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME

VIDEOS" RIGHT HERE.

>> RIGHT.

>> HE KNOWS THE OLS TPHO* S.

THIS GUILE -- -- HE KNOWS THE

OLSONS RIGHT HERE.

>> WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU HAD A SHOW

I THOUGHT WAS A SPIN OFF OF THE

"BIGGEST LOSER."

>> THAT'S REALLY NICE.

I'M SERIOUS.

>> THANKS A LOT.

>> YOU HAVE A SENIOR SHOW.

>> YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING AFTER

ME.

>>> YOU ARE POPPING UP.

WHAT IS THAT IN.

>> WHAT IS THAT?

>>> I HAVE A LOT IN THE BACK OF MY

THROAT.

>> HI, JOHNNY.

OH, YEAH.

ONE OF THE GREATEST TALENTS IN

AMERICA.

JOHN STAMOS.

>> BOB, THANKS FOR STICKING UP TO

HIM AND THE WAITRESS.

>> DID YOU SHOOT THAT ON YOUR

PHONE?

>>

>> I SHOT

YOUR BRA.

>> MOVING ON COUSIN IT.

I'M SORRY JEFF IT'S TRUE, YOU'RE

HERE WITH A LIAR.

LANCE ARMSTRONG WENT ON OPRAH AND

TOLD EVERYONE HE WAS DOPING THE

WHOLE TIME HE WAS ON THE TOUR OF

FRANCE.

>>> YES OR NO.

DID YOU EVERY TAKE BAND SUBSTANCES

TO ENHANCE YOUR CYCLING

PERFORMANCE.

>>> YES.

>> WHAT THE?

THAT MOTHER -- HEY, FATTY, CAN I

SAY SOMETHING?

I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE

PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS.

>> HOW DARE YOU LAUGH AT THAT?

OPRAH ASKED LANCE ARMSTRONG WHAT

IT'S LIKE TO CARRY A SECRET FAR

DECADE.

HE SAID I DON'T KNOW, WHY DON'T

YOU ASK GAIL?

>> I THINK YOU ARE REALLY JUST

BUSTING HIS BALLS.

>>> IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO SAY IF

LANCE ARMSTRONG IS A DRUG ADDICT

BUT FIT WALKS LIKE A DUCK, SWIMS

LIKE A DUCK AND KWAUBGS -- QUACKS

LIKE A DUCK, IT'S PROBABLY

FLAPPING AROUND INSIDE BRIAN.

>>> A LOT OF HEAVY METAL FANS BUT

IT'S BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE

DEAF.

>> IT ISN'T THE METAL.

FORM SOME SPOONS.

>> BRIAN HAS SO OH MANY HOT YOUNG

GIRLS HE NEEDS A BIGGER SHED AND

MORE MEAT HOOKS.

>> RAPE AND EATING THAT'S ME.

>> WELL, WE'LL LOOK FOR MARGARET

IN THE MOVIE THE GIRL WITH THE

SAGGING TATTOO.

THANKS TO MY FRIEND MAR ARE GET

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