Tuesday, May 6, 2014

  • 05/06/2014

Scott Aukerman, Jerry Minor and James Adomian guess what happened to Rihanna's Instagram, list #BadPrequels and write filthy Freudian tweets.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

>> Chris: WELL, BIG MYSTERY,RIHANNA'S INSTAGRAM HAS

DISAPPEARED. WHERE DID IT GO?

>> AH!

>> Chris: SCOTT, YOU'LL BEOKAY, YOU'LL BE OKAY.

DON'T WORRY, WE TOOK SOME SCREENSHOTS.

>> SO LISTEN, WE ALL KNOW THATRIHANNA AND INSTAGRAM HAVE BEEN

GOING AT IT LIKE A PROSTITUTEAND GENITAL WARTS EVER

SINCE RIRI VIOLATED INSTAGRAMTOS.

COMEDIANS I WANT YOU TO GIVE MEYOUR CONSPIRACY THEORY OF WHAT

HAPPENED TO RIHANNA'S INSTAGRAMACCOUNT.

>> I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS JUSTSITTING THERE IN THE RESTAURANT

WHEN ROBERT BLAKE WENT BACK TOTHE CAR TO GET HIS GUN.

>> Chris: THAT IS WEIRD.

WHO KNOWS.

WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED? JERRYMINOR.

>> FROM WHAT I HEARD, SUGEKNIGHT SAID IT'S CHILLIN'

SOMWHERE ON AN ISLAND WITH TUPAC

>> Chris: POINTS FOR THAT.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> I DON'T KNOW BUT JESSEVENTURA HAS HAD A THEORY AND

IT'S THE NEW WORLD ORDERDISCOVERED RIHANNA'S SECRET

ENERGY PROJECT, "DIAMONDS IN THESKY."

>> Chris: I AM SO GLAD,BECAUSE JESSE VENTURA HAD NOT

WEIGHED IN YET AND AMERICA WASREALLY HOPING FOR THAT --

SO POINTS TO YOU, JAMES.

>> I CAN'T DO IT.

>> WHO WAS THAT? WAS THAT LIKECOOKIE MONSTER?

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

NEXT ONE: IS MATCH.COM JUSTANNOUNCED ITS MATCHES HAVE

OFFICIALLY HELPED CREATE1 MILLION BABIES.

THAT IS ABOUT THE APPROPRIATEREACTION.

>> AS A CONSEQUENCE THE COMPANYIS NOW LAUNCHING AN ANNUAL

SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM, IN TIME ONEOF THE RECKLESS DATING SITE

COUSINS IS GOING TO ACCOMPLISH ASIMILAR FEAT, WE ARE SURE. WHAT

WOULD TINDER CALL ITS PROGRAM.

>> RHODES-HEAD SCHOLARS.

>> Chris: WAY POINTS FOR THAT,WAY POINTS FOR THAT.

CHRIS, I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUTTINDER BUT ON GRINDER I AM A

CHODE SCHOLAR.

NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I AMEXCITED ABOUT THIS.

FOX ANNOUNCED THEIR FIRST NEWSHOW OF THE FALL SEASON, THE

BATMAN PREQUEL, GOTHAM.

THEY RELEASED THE TRAILER ONYOUTUBE TODAY.

THIS LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE AGOOD PREQUEL, BUT THINKING

OF BAD ONES IS MORE FUN, SO THEHASHTAG IS #BADPREQUELS,

LIKE STAR PEACE, SNOW WHITE ANDTHE SEVEN MOMS WHO DRANK WHILE

THEY WERE PREGNANT, OR HERECOMES THE WIND.

IT IS A THINKER.

>> I AM GOING TO PUT 60-SECONDSON THE CLOCK AND GO.

>> YES, SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> FRED KRUEGER THE UNBURNEDMOLESTING JANITOR.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> OR REGULAR DREAMS ON ELMSTREET.

>> Chris: JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> WHAT CAN I DO TO ROGERRABBIT?

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

JERRY MINOR.

>> CAPTAIN COLONIES.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

SCOTT.

>> 33 YEARS NOT A SLAVE.

OKAY, YES. OF COURSE.

>> THE GLASS IS HALF FULL.

>> Chris: YES THE OTHER SIDE.POINTS.

>> JAMES.>> THE EMPIRE SITS BACK.

>> Chris: POINTS.

WELL DONE.

JERRY MINOR.

>> SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE ITNOW, DOES SHE?

OH, SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT!POINTS, WELL DONE.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> HUNCH.

1985 CLASSIC MURDER -- NEVERMIND.

IT GOT AWAY -->> I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

LET'S FOLLOW THE LOGIC TRAIN.

>> BEFORE ONE HAS A CLUE ONE HASTO HAVE SOME SUSPICIONS I THINK.

THANK YOU.

>> Chris: BRAVO.

JERRY MINOR.

>> MALCOLM IX -- BY ANY MEANS --YOU KNOW WHAT? DO WHAT YOU CAN.

>> Chris: POINTS. JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> TREE-ASSIC PARK.

>> Chris: YES, YES.>> SCIENCE JOKES!

NAME THAT FOREIGN RAP.

>> THANKS TO YOUTUBE WE CAN NOWSEE TERRIBLE RAP VIDEOS FROM

EVERY COUNTRY ON EARTH. THEWORLD IS OUR FUNKY BUNCH.

I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU GUYS AWEIRD FOREIGN RAP VIDEO THAT WE

FOUND ON YOUTUBE AND FOR 250POINTS YOU HAVE TO BUZZ IN AND

NAME THIS SONG IN ENGLISH.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE: HERE IS AGUY FROM JAPAN.

>> Chris: SCOTT.

>> EMINEM-SG?

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

JACKIE 2 CHANZ

>> Chris: GOOD ONE.

POINTS.

>> NEXT ONE: LOOK AT THIS FINE,FINE SERBIAN CITIZEN.

>> NEXT ONE: LOOK AT THIS FINE,FINE SERBIAN CITIZEN.

>> YES, SCOTT.

>> UKRAINE IN THE MEMBRANE.

>> Chris: YES.

WELL DONE.

>> MC CELLPHONE KIOSK.

>> I HOOK YOU UP.

I HOOK YOU UP.

I HOOK YOU UP WITH GUN AND DICK.

WHICH ONE YOU WANT? YOU WANTGUN OR DICK?

YOU WANT BOTH?

>> PS, GUN IS ALSO DICK.

>> Chris: THIS NEXT GUYROCKING THE MIC IN AUSTRIA

>> Chris: THIS NEXT GUYROCKING THE MIC IN AUSTRIA

..

>> AUSTRIA GOT SO MUCH SOUL.

JAMES.

>> NAZI BY NATURE.

>> Chris: I AM GIVING YOU ASTANDING OVATION OF POINTS.

AND LOOK AT THIS NAUGHTYSLOVAKIAN BRO.

>> Chris: JAMES.

>> CZECH YOURSELF BEFORE YOUSLOVAK YOURSELF.

PHOTOSHOP OF HORRORS.

PHOTOSHOP OF HORRORS.

PHOTOSHOP PUTS THE POWER OFGOD INTO MERE IDIOTS, YOU KNOW,

LIKE A GUN.

AND WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREATBIG GIANT STUPID MISTAKES.

PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS DOT COMROUNDS THESE PICTURES

SO YOU CAN LAUGH ON THE TOILETOR WHEREVER YOU DO YOUR SERIOUS

COMPUTING.

COMEDIANS I AM GOING TO SHOW YOUA TINY PART OF A PHOTOSHOP

DISASTER AND I WANT YOU TO TELLME WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE BIG

PICTURE. FIRST ONE, LOOK AT THISFIRST ONE.

I DON'T KNOW, LOOKS OKAY SO FAR,HE IS IN A TUX AND HE HAS THINGS

TO DO, DOES HE HAVE THREE EYESOR SPAGHETTI ARMS.

>> I AM GOING TO SAY SPAGHETTIARMS JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE

THAT.

>> Chris: SHOW ME SPAGHETTIARM!

>> THERE IT IS.

I WONDERED.

I MEAN, WHEN I LOOK, ALL I CANTHINK IS, WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS

THIS AND THIS AND THIS? IT ISHALLOWEEN TOWN!

>> IT DID TAKE 25 PERCENT OFFAND I AM IMPRESSED.

>> Chris: NICE.

POINTS FOR THAT.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, UH-OH,FOREIGN FOOD! WHAT'S WRONG WITH

THIS, BESIDES THE CONTINUEDEXISTENCE OF PORRIDGE? IS IT IT

IS HELD BY A BABY WITH 5:00O'CLOCK SHADOW OR GIANT MAN

HANDS ON A FEMALE MODEL? JERRY.

>> GIANT MAN HANDS ON A FEMALEMODEL.

>> Chris: I HOPE SO, LET'SFIND OUT TOGETHER.

>> OH, MY GOD! IT IS NOT A GOODDAY? SOMEONE REPLACED MY HANDS

WITH DUDE HANDS.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, THAT IS JUSTPERSPECTIVE.

>> YEAH, IT REALLY MAKES YOUTHINK.

>> NEXT ONE.

SHE SEEMS TO BE MISSINGSOMETHING IN THIS PICTURE.

IS IT HER FOREARMS OR HER PENIS?SCOTT?

>> I WILL SAY HER PENIS BECAUSEI DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

LET'S FIND OUT.

OH, MY GOSH.

WHOA!

>> SHE IS MISSING A PENIS.

ALL RIGHT. SO --

>> WHY? THEY EITHER WERE TRYINGTO PUT A GAP INBETWEEN HER LEGS

OR LIKE OH, MY GOD, TAKE HERDICK OUT, HOW DID WE NOT NOTICE

THAT BEFORE?

>> I'VE HEARD FALL INTO THEGAP...

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

LAST ONE, LAST ONE. HUBBA HUBBA.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS VIXEN? SHE EITHER HAS TWO RIGHT HANDS

OR THE TAG LINE IS (BLEEP)YOURSELF.

>> SHE HAS TWO RIGHT HANDS.

LET'S FIND OUT.

(BLEEP) YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW, FOR SUMMER.

>> I TOLD TO STOP (BLEEP)INGNEAR THE HUT, GO WAY OVER THERE.

FREUDIAN TWEETS.

PSYCHE MAJORS LIKE TO PARTY, WHOLIKES TO PARTY.

PSYCHE MAJORS LIKE TO PARTY.

IT IS SIGMUND'S BIRTHDAY, SO INHONOR OF THE FATHER OF PSYCHO

SEXUAL ANALYSIS WE ARE GOING TOLET SLIP A ROUND OF FREUDIAN

TWEETS.

YOU GUYS GIVE US TWEETS WHEREYOU ACCIDENTALLY TYPE WHAT YOUR

FILTHY PENIS-OBSESSED BRAINS AREREALLY THINKING ABOUT, GO.

>> MY FAVORITE CIVIL RIGHTSLEADER IS MALCOLM SEX. OOPS.

>> (BLEEP) WHAT IS WRONGWITH ME?

>> SCOTT.

>> REMEMBER MOTHER'S DAY ISRIGHT AROUND THE CORNER SO KILL

YOUR DAD SO YOU CAN (BLEEP) HER.

I MEAN SEND HER A CARD!

>> Chris: POINTS.

JAMES ADOMIAN.

>> DON'T BRING A DICK TO ACOCKFIGHT -- I MEAN KNIFE.

DON'T BRING A KNIFE TO ACOCKFIGHT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

SCOTT.

A STITCH IN TIME SAVES AUTOEROTICA ASPHYXIATION, I MEAN 9.

>> Chris: POINTS TO SCOTTAUKERMAN.

>> I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND WANTING(BLEEP) MY SISTER IS ALL OF THEM

>> THAT SOUNDED MORE LIKE APROCLIMATION, POINTS.

>> SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST ABIG BLACK DICK, I MEAN A BIG

WHITE DICK!

>> Chris: POINTS.

HOW ANGRY YOU GOT -- SCOTT.

>> WHO WANTS TATER (BLEEP)? BUTI MEANT THAT ONE.

>> YES, JERRY MINOR.

>> THERE IS SEMEN ALL OVER MYFACE, I MEAN THERE IS SEAMEN ALL

OVER MY FACEBOOK.

YOU SEE I JUST JOINED THE NAVY.

>> YES.

POINTS.

>> JAMES.

>> JUST SUCKED THREE (BLEEP).

>> I MEAN I JUST RAN THREE(BLEEP). MILES.

I JUST (BLEEP) THREE MILES.

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