Piss on You & The World's Greatest Wars

  • Season 1, Ep 10
  • 03/26/2003

Dave presents the History Channel coverage of great inner-city gang wars from the 1980s.

WE'VE REVIEWEDTHE CIVIL WAR,

WORLD WAR IIAND THE GULF WAR.

BUT NOW, WE TURN YOURATTENTION TO A CLASSIC WAR

THAT TOOK PLACE RIGHT HEREON AMERICAN SOIL.

FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS,ON CHICAGO'S SOUTH SIDE,

A VIOLENT WAR HAS BEEN WAGEDBETWEEN TWO BITTER ENEMIES,

THE 19th STREET GANGSTERSAND THE RIVER TERRACE CREW.

THE WAR BEGAN IN 1982 OVERA PAIR OF BASKETBALL SHOES.

BUT NOT JUSTANY BASKETBALL SHOES.

THESE... WERE NIKES.

"AY, DOG, AY,"

EARL "THE SNAKE" WHITECALLED OUT

AFTER A RIVAL MEMBEROF THE 19th STREET GANGSTERS,

GENERAL CORNROW WALLACE,

MADE MINOR CONTACTWITH HIS SHOES.

AY !

AY, DOG, AY.

YOU STEPPEDON MY SNEAKER, MAN !

THE SNAKE KNEW THEN THATHE WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT HIM.

AAH !

AH, AAH !

WHAT YOU GOT ?

OH ! AAH !

( mocking )AAH ! AAH !

GET THAT SHITOFF MY SNEAKERS !

( clucking,cooing )

THE SNAKE WAS DOWN,BUT NOT OUT.

HE RETURNED TOTHE CREW'S CLUBHOUSE

AND RALLIED THE TROOPSWITH A MOST IMPASSIONED SPEECH.

SOME MARK-ASS TRICK JUSTSTEPPED ON MY SNEAKERS

AND POURED MORTON SALTALL OVER 'EM.

ARE Y'ALLREADY TO RIDE ?

ROBBLE, ROBBLE.

( all )ROBBLE, ROBBLE !

LET'S RIDE ON THESE FOOLSAT THEIR OWN BARBECUE.

WASTING NO TIME,THE CREW COMMENCED

STOMPING ONPEOPLE'S SNEAKERS

TO LET THEM KNOWWHO RAN THE PROJECTS.

GENERAL CORNROW WALLACEPULLED OUT A GUN--

UNHEARD OF, AT THAT POINT,IN STREET FIGHTING.

( gunshot )

A RESIDENT CALLED 9-1-1IMMEDIATELY.

POLICE SHOWED UP PROMPTLYFOUR HOURS LATER.

CORNROW WAS SENTENCEDTO SEVEN YEARS IN PRISON.

HIS TIME THERE WOULD BEFORMATIVE, TO SAY THE LEAST.

( clucking,cooing )

HIS ROOMMATE IN JAIL WAS A MANNAMED TYRONE BIGGUMS,

WHO REGALED CORNROWWITH STORIES

OF A NEW WAYTO MAKE COCAINE.

IT'S CALLED CRACK !

IT'S GREAT !

AND IT'S SOSIMPLE TO MAKE !

ALL YOU NEEDIS SOME COCAINE

AND SOME BAKING SODA...

AND I THINK I TASTEDEGG AND CINNAMON.

WHOEVER SELLS ITIS GONNA BE RICH !

CORNROW IMMEDIATELY ALERTEDHIS FRIENDS ON THE OUTSIDE

VIA A LETTER.

( man reading slowly )"YO.

"Y'ALL NIGGERS NEEDTO COOK UP COCAINE

"WITH... BA-KING POWDERAND SELL IT.

"ALL THE BEST, CORNROLLUP.

P.S. ( coos )"

THEY IMMEDIATELY STARTEDCOOKING THE STUFF UP

AND SELLING IT ON WHAT LITTLESPACE THEY STILL CONTROLLED.

THEY HAD MADE HUNDREDSOF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

IN MERE WEEKS.

IN NO TIME, SNAKE AND HIS CREWFOLLOWED SUIT.

THE MONEY MADE FUELED WHATBECAME A HEATED ARMS RACE

BETWEEN THE TWO GROUPS.

( gunshots )

( explosion,Snake laughs )

THE VIOLENCE ESCALATEDEVERY YEAR,

FINALLY PEAKING IN 1989

WHEN THE 19th STREET GANGSTERSSUSTAINED A MASSIVE LOSS

AT THE BATTLE OFTHE KOOL MOE DEE CONCERT,

WHICH TOOK PLACE AT...A KOOL MOE DEE CONCERT.

NEWLY RELEASED FROM PRISON,

REVERED GENERAL CORNROW WALLACEWAS SHOT DEAD.

THE FUNERAL WAS SOMBER

AND FILLED WITH CORNROW'SSIGNATURE BIRD CALL.

( all cooing )

THE FUNERAL PASSEDWITHOUT INCIDENT

BUT WHAT THE CREW DID NEXT

APPALLED EVENTHE HARDEST THUGS.

THE CREW WENTTO THE GRAVEYARD

AND DUG UP GENERALCORNROW WALLACE'S BODY,

ABSCONDING WITH ITTO THEIR HIDEOUT.

THE INCIDENT WAS VIDEOTAPED

AND SENT TO MEMBERS OFTHE 19th STREET GANGSTERS.

HEY, FOOL, WE GOTYOUR LEADER.

LOOK AT US.

HIGH FIVE !HIGH FIVE !

LOOK AT THESEPRETTY CLOTHES THERE.

GET HIS SHOES,LOOK AT THEM PRETTY SHOES !

OH, I'M STEPPIN' ON 'EM.

♪ ROBBLE, ROBBLEROBBLE, ROBBLE ♪

TENSIONS BETWEENTHE GANGSTERS

AND THE 19th STREET CREWRAGE TO THIS DAY.

MOST OF THE ORIGINAL MEMBERSOF THE GANGS

ARE EITHER DEADOR IN JAIL.

BUT WE DID SPEAK TO ONE MEMBER,EARL "THE SNAKE" WHITE.

IRONICALLY, HE NOW WORKSAT A FRIENDLY SHOE SOURCE

IN A STRIP MALL ONTHE EXACT LOCATION

WHERE THE CARDINAL PROJECTSONCE STOOD.

ALL RIGHT !

SNAKE, KNOWING WHAT YOU DO NOW,WAS IT ALL WORTH IT ?

YEAH, IT WAS A TRAGEDY !

CAN YOU REPEATTHE QUESTION ?

FOR THE HISTORY CHANNEL,I'M JEFF FRANKEL.

GOOD NIGHT.

( applause )

ARE ALL THEIR DICKSREALLY BIG ?

OR ARE SOME SMALL,SOME BIG ?

IS IT A MIXED BAG,

OR DO WE JUST ASSUMETHEY'RE ALL HUNG LIKE HORSES ?

BROTHERS ARE PACKING,THEY SEEM TO BE PACKING.

I GUESS THAT'S THE WAYOF THE WORLD.

THAT'S WHY YOU HAVESO MANY MIXED COUPLES.

WHITE GIRLAIN'T THAT CRAZY.

HOW'S THE OLD SAYING GO ?

"ONCE YOU GO BLACK,YOU DON'T COME BACK" ?

YOU GO WHITE,YOU GO RUNNING BACK TO BLACK.

AIN'T THAT THE WAYIT GOES ?

IT HAPPENS THAT WAY.

WASN'T MARIAH CAREYMARRIED TO A WHITE MAN ?

AND THEN THEY DIVORCED...

SHE WAS HUMPING ONBLACK CHAIRS,

SHE WENT CRAZY WHEN SHEGOT AWAY FROM HIM.

OKAY, I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHYBLACK GUYS SHAVE THEIR HEADS.

I MEAN, IT JUST SEEMSTHAT THEY HAVE GREAT HAIR,

AND I COULD NEVER FIGURE OUT

WHY SO MANY OF THEMSHAVE THEIR HEADS.

IT'S JUST A FAD.

NOW, WHITE FOLKS WEARBALD HEADS, TOO.

YOU KNOW THEY AIN'T GONNALET A NIGGA HAVE NOTHING.

WE WORE NATURALS,

THEY TOOK THAT,THEY TAKE EVERYTHING.

THEY TOOKTINA TURNER.

THEY TOOK MICHAEL JACKSON.

THEY TOOK JAMES BROWN...THEY GAVE HIM BACK.

WHO ELSE THEY TAKE ?

LIONEL RICHIE.

OH, THEY'LLTAKE STUFF FROM YOU.

THEY WILL TAKE, THEY WON'TLET US HAVE TOO MUCH FUN.

THAT'S WHAT I TOLDSOME BLACK PEOPLE

THE OTHER NIGHT AT MY SHOW.

I SAID,"DON'T GET TOO FOND OF ME

'CAUSE WHITE FOLKS'LL COME INAND TAKE ME."

THEY ONLY WANT NIGGASTO HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF FUN.

I GET TO TALKINGSOME MESS ON YOUR SHOW,

THEY'LL TAKE YOUR SHOW,THEY'LL FIX YOU, TOO.

WOO !

PLEASE BE SEATED.

HELLO, AMERICA.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, THERE'S ANASTEROID THE SIZE OF MAINE

SPEEDING TOWARDS EARTHAS WE SPEAK.

I'D LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENTOUT OF THE DAY TO, UH,

ADDRESS THE ALLEGATIONSTHAT THIS IS SOMEHOW

MY FAULT.

FIRSTLY I'D LIKE TO SAY

THAT THESE ALLEGATIONS AREABSOLUTELY AND 100% FALSE.

SECONDLY,AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT YOUMOTHERFUCKERS DISGUST ME !

YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHTI SAID IT.

IF YOU KNEW JUSTONE OF THE THINGS

I WAS SWORNTO SECRECY TO,

YOU WOULD BUCKLE UNDERTHE GODDAMN PRESSURE.

MR. PRESIDENT !MR. PRESIDENT !

LIKE WHAT ?

HOW ABOUT THIS.

I HAVE HERE IN MY HANDTHE CURE FOR AIDS.

WE'VE HAD THISFOR 25 YEARS.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.

DID I SHOCK YOU ?ARE YOU CRAZY YET ?

WELL, I HAVE SOMEBODYI'D LIKE YOU TO MEET.

COME ON UP HERE, PAULA.

AMERICA, I'D LIKE YOU TOMEET MY GOOD FRIEND PAULA.

AND HERE'S PAULA AGAIN.

AND HERE'S PAULAONE MORE TIME.

WE CLONED THESE THREE BITCHESIN A LABORATORY IN SEATTLE

SOME 19-ODD YEARS AGO.

NOT ONLY THAT, WE ADDEDA PINCH OF BLACK GENES

SO THAT THEY COULDDO THINGS LIKE THIS.

HIT IT, GIRLS.

♪ RUNNING THROUGHTHE RAINDROPS ♪

♪ WISHING THATYOU WON'T STOP-- ♪

THAT'LL BE ENOUGH,THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, BABY.

OH, HOLD ON, PAULA.

IT'S THE CUREFOR AIDS.

SORRY ABOUTLAST NIGHT.

FREAKED OUT YET ?HAVE I BLOWN YOUR MIND ?

OR YOU THINK YOU CANSTILL HANDLE MY JOB ?

BECAUSE IF YOU'RE COCKY AND YOUTHINK YOU GOT HOLD OF THIS,

I GOT SOME MOREINFORMATION FOR YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOWWHO KILLED KENNEDY ?

YEAH.WHO KILLED KENNEDY ?

YOU READY FORTHE TRUTH, AMERICA ?

HERE IT COMES.

OSWALD KILLED KENNEDY.

THAT'S RIGHT, LEE HARVEY OSWALDKILLED JOHN F. KENNEDY,

ALONE ANDBY HIMSELF.

WITH A MAGIC BULLET.

THAT'S RIGHT, THE BULLETWAS ACTUALLY MAGICAL,

MAGIC DOES EXIST.

WE'VE KNOWN ABOUT THISFOR SOME 2,000 YEARS.

I'M NOT FINISHED YET,

I HAVE SOME MORE INFORMATIONTHAT MIGHT STARTLE YOU.

THE R. KELLY SEX TAPE.

THAT WASN'T R. KELLY,IT WAS ME.

THAT'S RIGHT,

I URINATE ON PEOPLEWHEN I HAVE SEX WITH THEM.

I'M A DISGUSTING HUMAN BEINGAND I APOLOGIZE

TO THE PEOPLE WHOI'VE HURT AND PEED ON.

BET I BLEW YOUR MINDRIGHT THERE, DIDN'T I ?

I'M REALLY ON A ROLLAND I DON'T CARE

BECAUSE THE WORLD'SGOING TO END ANY DAY NOW.

SO I MIGHT AS WELLINTRODUCE YOU

TO A GOOD FRIENDOF MINE, BIBBLE.

BIBBLE, COME ON UP.

( man )OH MY GOD !

IS THAT AN ALIEN ?!

AMERICA, THIS IS BIBBLE.

BIBBLE IS A SPACE CREATURETHAT LIVES VERY FAR AWAY

IN A GALAXYCALLED NEBULON FIVE.

AND HE IS SOLELY RESPONSIBLEFOR THE WAVE OF TECHNOLOGY

WE'VE SEENOVER THE LAST FEW DECADES:

CELL PHONES, PAGERS,PLAYSTATION 1 AND 2.

YOU MIGHT THINK IT WAS THEJAPANESE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE,

BUT ANYONE IN THE KNOW

KNOWS THAT IT WAS BIBBLE,FO' SHIZZLE

AND ALL 'BOUT BIBBLE.

'CAUSE ONLY BIBBLECAN KEEP IT SO REAL.

HEY, UH, BIBBLE, ISTHE SPACESHIP READY ?

( electronic voice )Aye, aye.

I'M READY TOGET OUT OF HERE.

OKAY, ME AND BIBBLEARE ABOUT TO LEAVE,

BUT BEFORE WE GOI JUST WANT TO SAY,

THERE'S NO HOPE FORTHE PLANET EARTH.

THERE'S NO WAY TOSTOP THE ASTEROID

AND YOU'RE ALLGONNA DIE.

EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR ME.

AND OF COURSE, BIBBLE,WHO'S BEEN SO KIND

TO LET ME ACCOMPANY HIMON HIS SPACESHIP.

AND I'M BRINGING THOSE THREECLONED WHITE WOMEN WITH ME.

GOOD-BYE, AMERICA.

I HOPE YOU ALL DIEIN A FIERY DEATH

WHEN THE METEORHITS NEXT TUESDAY.

COME ON, BIBBLE,LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

( man )OH MY GOD !

Aye, aye.

( applause )

YEAH... IT'S THE R.

40 OUNCES OFMALT LIQUOR

MAKE ME WANT TOTELL YOU SOMETHIN'.

♪ SAID ROLLIN' AROUNDSITTIN' ON DUBS ♪

♪ COUNTIN' THE HOURSHIGH ON SHRUBS ♪

♪ COOLIN' IN MY ESCALADE ♪

♪ MAN, I'M PAIDI GOT IT MADE ♪

♪ TAKE ME TOYOUR SPECIAL PLACE ♪

♪ CLOSE YOUR EYESSHOW ME YOUR FACE ♪

♪ I'M GONNAPISS ON IT ♪

♪ HATERS WANNA HATELOVERS WANNA LOVE ♪

♪ I DON'T EVEN WANTNONE OF THE ABOVE ♪

♪ I WANT TO PISS ON YOUYES, I DO ♪

♪ I'LL PISS ON YOUI'LL PEE ON YOU ♪

♪ SAID YOUR BODYYOUR BODY ♪

♪ IS A PORT-A-POTTY ♪

♪ I'MA PEEOUT KICK ♪

♪ I CAN USE KARATEUSE KARATE ♪

♪ I'MA PEE ON YOU ♪

♪ DRIP, DRIP, DRIPPEE ON YOU ♪

♪ POUR ON YOU ♪

♪ PISS ON YOUPISS ON YOU ♪

♪ YOU'LL NEVER FEELQUITE THE SAME ♪

♪ WHEN YOU GET A WHIFFOF MY HERSHEY STAINS ♪

♪ I WANNA POOPON YOU TOO ♪

♪ I WANT TOPEE IN YOUR FOOD ♪

♪ ONLY THING TOMAKE MY LIFE COMPLETE ♪

♪ IS WHEN I TURN YOUR FACEINTO A TOILET SEAT ♪

♪ I WANT TO PEE ON YOU ♪

♪ YES, I DOYES, I DO ♪

♪ I'LL PEE ON YOUI'LL PISS ON YOU ♪

♪ HATERS WANNA HATELOVERS WANNA LOVE ♪

♪ I DON'T EVEN WANTNONE OF THE ABOVE ♪

♪ I WANT TO PISS ON YOUYES, I DO ♪

♪ I'LL PISS ON YOUI'LL PEE ON YOU ♪

♪ WON'T YOU BRAIDMY HAIR ♪

♪ SAY, WON'T YOUBRAID MY HAIR ♪

♪ BEFORE YOU STARTI'M GONNA FART ♪

♪ I'M GONNA FART ON YOU ♪♪

( applause and cheers )

NORMALLYI DON'T DO THIS,

BUT I'MA HIT Y'ALL OFF WITHA LITTLE TASTE OF THE REMIX.

Y'ALL READY ?HERE WE GO.

♪ I PICK YOU UPFROM THE CLUB ♪

♪ TAKE YOU HOMETO MAKE SOME LOVE ♪

♪ GOT A SURPRISECLOSE YOUR EYES ♪

♪ I'M GONNACOVER YOU WITH SUDS ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GIVE YOUSOME POO-POO ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GIVE YOUSOME PEE-PEE ♪

♪ I'M GONNA GIVE YOUSOME DOO-DOO ♪

♪ WASH IT DOWNWITH SOME WEE-WEE ♪

♪ THIS IS THE REMIX EDITIONOF THE SONG ABOUT PISSIN' ♪

♪ I GOT THAT PEEIN'LEAKIN', REEKIN' ♪

♪ AND THERE'S JUICEIN THE KITCHEN ♪

YEAH... THAT'S HOW IT GOESAT AN R. KELLY PARTY.

I SIP CRIS'...

YOU DRINK PISS.

"I WANNAPISS ON YOU" REMIX.

YOU HEARD ?

YOU KNOW, I'M SERIOUS.

I REALLY DOWANT TO PISS ON YOU.

( applause )

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