March 16, 2015 - Unaccountable Rich People & March Madness

  • 03/16/2015

Moneyed mountain climbers defile Mount Everest, and panelists Rob Corddry, Wale, Rachel Nichols and Barney Frank debate whether NCAA players should be paid.

>> Larry: TONIGHTLY...

WE'RE TALKING MARCH MADNESS!

AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, LINDA INACCOUNTING,"YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

ARE STUDENT ATHLETES GETTING ANEDUCATION -- OR DOES THINKY

SPORT GUYS NO GET GOOD COLLEGENO MORE?

WE FIGURED OUT WHAT NCAA STANDSFOR -- IT'S "NO COMPENSATION,

AAAAH-HA, AAAAAHAHAHAAA!"TIME TO FILL OUT YOUR BRACKETS,

BITCHES!

THIS IS THE "THE NIGHTLY SHOW"!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

>> Larry: THANK YOU!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

WELCOME TO THE "THE NIGHTLYSHOW."

I'M LARRY WILMORE, THE MAN WHOCANNOT THINK OF HIS FIVE N.C.'S

MY MIND WENT BLANK.

I STILL CAN'T THINK OF FIVE,IT'S SO SAD

TOMORROW MORNING, I'LL HAVE TEN.

THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES.

WE'VE GOT A FEW STORIES TONIGHTAS A PART OF OUR NEW SEGMENT

"RICH PEOPLE ARE GETTING AWAYWITH STUFF AS USUAL."

(LAUGHTER)YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE, EVERYBODY!

FIRST UP, RICH PEOPLE ARE(BLEEP) ON MT. EVEREST.

>> MT. EVEREST HAS A POOPPROBLEM.

>> HUMAN WASTE LEFT BYMOUNTAINEERS ON MT. EVEREST IS

CAUSING POLLUTION ANDTHREATENING TO SPREAD DISEASE.

>> THE PEAK HAS BECOME A FECALTIME BOMB, AND THE MESS IS

GRADUALLY SLIDING BACK TOWARDBASE CAMP.

>> Larry: (BLEEP)!

WORST AVALANCHE EVER!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOINGON ANYMORE!

CLIMBING MT. EVEREST IS A RICHMAN'S GAME.

IT IS COST UP TO $100,000,BASICALLY FOR A BOUGIE HIKE.

AND NOW TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY,THESE GUYS ARE LEAVING THEIR

CAVIAR-LACED TURDS ALL OVER THEMOUNTAIN.

LUCKILY FOR US, WE HAVE ACONTACT ON EVEREST AT THIS VERY

MOMENT.

HE'S HEIR TO THE FOXLEYFURNITURE FORTUNE.

LET'S CHECK IN WITH ZEPHYRFOXLEY AT EVEREST BASE CAMP ONE.

>> ZEPHYR: HELLO, LARRY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HELLO!

>> Larry: HI, ZEPHYR.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVINGME!

IT'S MY HOPE THAT YOU STOPFOCUSING ON WHAT'S ROLLING DOWN

THE MOUNTAIN AND START FOCUSINGON WHAT'S CLIMBING UP THE

MOUNTAIN.

>> Larry: ZEPHYR, AS ANOUTDOORSMAN, DO YOU THINK IT'S

OKAY TO LEAVE SO MUCH DEFECATIONON ONE OF THE WORLD'S NATURAL

WONDERS?

>> IT'S A NATURAL WONDER I HELDIT SO LONG.

AM I RIGHT?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S TOO RICH, LARRY?

THE FOOD MY CHEF IS COOKING.

AND BESIDES, I'M AN OUTDOORSMAN.

I DO THINGS OUTDOORS.

>> Larry: IT JUST SEEMS REALLYDISRESPECTFUL TO THE ENVIRONMENT

AND THE INDIGENOUS PEOPLE.

>> ZEPHYR: I DON'T KNOW ABOUTALL THAT, LARRY, BUT HAVE YOU

EVER TAKEN A CRAP IN THEFREEZING OUTDOORS?

IT'S INVIGORATING.

IT'S LIKE HAVING A PEPPERMENTPATTY RIGHT IN YOUR BUM.

>> Larry: THIS IS VERYSHOCKING TO ME.

>> ZEPHYR: WHY ARE YOUSURPRISED BY THIS?

HELLO...

I'M WEALTHY -- MY PEOPLE HAVEBEEN FIGURATIVELY DUMPING ON THE

WORLD AND ITS INDIGENOUS PEOPLESINCE THE DAWN OF TIME.

NOW WE'RE JUST LITERALLY DOINGIT.

>> Larry: ZEPHYR, I'M NOTGOING TO ARGUE WITH YOU.

I DON'T THINK YOU SEE THE POINT.

YOU'RE DESTROYING THE NATURALENVIRONMENT, YOU'RE

DISRESPECTING THE PEOPLE HERE,YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY

SELF-AWARENESS OF THIS.

>> ZEPHYR: WOW, YEAH.

WHOO...

YOU KNOW WHAT, LARRY?

YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

ANYWAY, I'VE GOT TO GO.

I'M ABOUT SEVEN MORE DUMPS TOTHE TOP!

>> Larry: ZEPHYR FOXLEY,EVERYONE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ALL RIGHT, NOW, NEXT UP ON OUR

RICH STORIES IS AN INCREDIBLESTORY OF WEALTH AND MURDER MOST

FOUL.

(THUNDER)I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT

THE HBO STAR WHO WAS ARRESTEDFOR MURDER OVER THE WEEKEND.

NO, NOT ARLISS.

ALTHOUGH THAT WAS DISTURBING.

I'M TALKING ABOUT CROSS-DRESSINGZILLIONAIRE ROBERT DURST, WHO

WAS ARRESTED ON SATURDAY AFTERDECADES OF SUSPICION AROUND

THREE MURDERS.

THE ARREST COINCIDED WITH THEFINAL EPISODE OF HBO'S

DOCUMENTARY SERIES ON DURST.

APPARENTLY, HE LEFT HISMICROPHONE ON WHEN HE WENT TO

THE BATHROOM AND THIS HAPPENED.

>> WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?

I KILLED THEM ALL, OF COURSE.

>> REPORTER: COULD THIS HAVEBEEN AN ADMISSION OF GUILT FROM

ROBERT DURST?

>> Larry: IS "KILLED THEMALL" AN ADMISSION OF GUILT?

I THINK SO.

UNLESS HE'S TALKING ABOUT AGREAT SET AT THE LAUGH FACTORY,

I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S CONFESSING.

I MEAN, WHAT'S HIS EXCUSE, "IT'SNOT MURDER.

IT'S HBO"?

HERE'S HOW HARD IT IS FOR A RICHGUY TO GET ARRESTED FOR MURDER.

30 YEARS AFTER THE FIRST CRIME,HE HAS TO VOLUNTEER TO STAR IN A

DOCUMENTARY ABOUT HIS ALLEGEDMURDERING, GO TAKE A LEAK,

FORGET HIS MIC'S ON, AND THENLITERALLY MUMBLE A CONFESSION

INTO THE MICROPHONE!

WHICH, IRONICALLY, IS EXACTLYHOW POPEYE GOT CAUGHT WHEN HE

WENT TO PRISON IN THE '40s.[POPEYE VOICE]

OH, BOY, I HOPE THEY DON'T FINDOUT I KILLED WIMPY.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S THE LAST HAMBURGER YOUDON'T PAY ME FOR, YOU FAT BITCH.

(LAUGHTER)(LAUGHING LIKE POPEYE)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

POPEYE, EVERYONE.

(APPLAUSE)I DON'T DESERVE APPLAUSE WHEN I

MAKE THE HOST LAUGH.

OKAY.

AS HARD AS IT IS FOR RICHGUYS, IT'S A LITTLE TOO EASY

WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE MONEY.

LAST WEEK, A GROUP OF NON-RICHKIDS IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

TRIED TO SHOOT A RAP VIDEO.

BEFORE THEY COULD EVEN GET TOTHE GANGSTA BRIDGE, THE COPS

SHOWED UP.

>> EVERYONE ON THEIR KNEES!

NOW!

>> Larry: WE'VE GOT A 1058HERE, LAYING DOWN SICK BEATS

WITH INTENT TO RHYME!

(LAUGHTER)AND I'M NOT BRINGING UP THESE

RAPPERS BECAUSE THEY'RE BLACK.

THOUGH ON MOST DAYS, THAT ISREASON ENOUGH FOR THEM TO GET

ARRESTED.

RICH BLACK PERSON, N.B.A. STARJAYSON WILLIAMS STRAIGHT-UP SHOT

AND KILLED HIS LIMO DRIVER IN AROOM FULL OF PEOPLE IN 2002.

THERE WERE MULTIPLEEYEWITNESSES, INCLUDING FOUR

MEMBERS OF THE HARLEMGLOBETROTTERS.

A GROUP NOT KNOWN FOR THEIRDECEPTION.

(LAUGHTER)TRAGICALLY, THE VICTIM ALSO GOT

HIT WITH A BUCKET OF CONFETTI.

ANYWAY, WILLIAMS IS SO RICH HEPUT OFF JAIL FOR EIGHT YEARS.

THAT'S HOW POWERFUL MONEY IS --IT EVEN STOPS THE POLICE FROM

THROWING A BLACK GUY IN JAIL.

WELL, DELAYS IT AT LEAST.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT MAGIC.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

♪♪>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

YESTERDAY WAS THE START OF MARCHMADNESS -- NCAA SELECTION

SUNDAY.

ACTUALLY, FOR ME, EVERY SUNDAYIS SELECTION SUNDAY, IN THAT I

"SELECT" TO IGNORE MY LOVED ONESAND WATCH SPORTS ALL DAY, AND

APPARENTLY I'M NOT THE ONLY ONEDISTRACTED BY THIS MARCH TO

MADNESS.

>> MARCH MADNESS IS APRODUCTIVITY KILLER FOR

COMPANIES.

A REPORT ESTIMATES DISTRACTEDWORKERS COULD COST AT LEAST

$1.9 BILLION IN WAGES AS PEOPLEFILL OUT THEIR BRACKETS IN THE

OFFICE AND MANY GAMES WILL BE ONDURING THE DAY.

BUT EXPERTS SAY EMPLOYERSSHOULDN'T BAN OFFICE POOLS

BECAUSE IT COULD HURT MORALE.

>> Larry: YEAH, THAT SOUNDSLIKE FUN!

I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE AN OFFICEPOOL!

>> DID SOMEBODY SAY OFFICEPOOL?!

SWEET!

CANNONBALL!

>> Larry:, NO, NO, NOCANNONBALL!

THAT'S NOT THE TYPE OF POOL IWAS TALKING ABOUT.

SHOO!

GO ON!

GET!

DAMN NEIGHBORS' KIDS.

BUT BACK TO BASKETBALL.

NOTHING SOOTHES MY NERVES LIKEAMATEUR ATHLETICS, WHERE IT'S

ALL ABOUT THE MOLDING OF YOUNGMINDS, FAR FROM THE CORRUPTING

INFLUENCE OF MONEY.

>> NCAA BASKETBALL WHICHGENERATES ABOUT A BILLION

DOLLARS A YEAR FOR MARCHMADNESS --

>> COLLEGE ATHLETES AREGENERATING BILLIONS OF DOLLARS

OF MONEY -->> THIS NEW PLAYOFF STRUCTURE

HAS GENERATED MILLIONS, MAYBEEVEN BILLIONS IN EXTRA REVENUE

FOR SCHOOLS.

>> Larry: OKAY, SO THERE'S ALITTLE BIT OF MONEY CHANGING

HANDS.

A FEW BILLION HERE OR THERE.

BUT THE MONEY IS ALL STAYINGWITHIN THE HALLOWED HALLWAYS OF

THESE EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS,RIGHT?

>> THE CURRENT CONTRACT FORMARCH MADNESS WITH CBS AND

TURNER BROADCAST IS FOR HOW MANYYEARS AND HOW MUCH MONEY?

>> 14 YEARS AND IT'S$10.8 BILLION.

>> $10.8 BILLION?

>> Larry: WHAAAAA?!

$10.8 BILLION?

MAN, I COULD REALLY MAKE IT RAINWITH THAT!

>> OH, IT'S RAINING?

DOES THAT MEAN THE POOL'SCLOSED?

>> Larry: THERE'S NO POOL!

GO ON!

GET!

GET!

(APPLAUSE)THERE'S NO POOL.

ALWAYS KEEP A STICK HANDY ISWHAT I SAY.

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY JUST TOAIR THE TOURNEY.

THAT DOESN'T EVEN TAKE INTOACCOUNT NATIONAL AND REGIONAL

CABLE DEALS, TICKET SALES ANDMERCHANDISE.

SO WHO GETS THIS PILE OF MONEYTHAT EVEN OPRAH WOULD THINK IS

OBSCENE?

TO HELP US UNDERSTAND, I HAD MYRESEARCH TEAM MAKE THIS HANDY

PIE CHART.

HERE WE SEE THE $10.8 BILLION.

NOW, HERE IS ALL THAT IS LEFT OFTHE PIE WHEN YOU TAKE AWAY WHAT

THE PLAYERS ARE PAID.

WOW!

ODD?

ONLY $10.8 IS LEFT FOR THEUNIVERSITIES AND THE NCAA

ITSELF.

HOW DO THEY STAY AFLOAT?

GOOD WORK, GUYS!

WE'RE GOING TO LOSE OUR PIECHART TEAM TO THE FOLKS AT

U.S.A. TODAY IF WE'RE NOTCAREFUL.

>> IT WOULD UNDOUBTEDLY SHINETHE SPOTLIGHT ON THE AGE-OLD

DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOTCOLLEGE ATHLETES SHOULD BE PAID

"DOLLARS" FOR PLAYING.

>> Larry: BUT SERIOUSLY, WHYDO COLLEGE ATHLETES NEED

"DOLLARS"?!

THEY'RE GETTING PAID INEDUCATION!

IT'S MORE LIKE "BRAIN BUCKS"THAT THEY CAN REDEEM AT THE

"KNOWLEDGE STORE" TO BUY "WISDOMPOINTS"!

AND THOSE WISDOM POINTS WILLHELP THEM HAVE PERSPECTIVE WHEN

THEY ARE "HOMELESS" BECAUSE THEYDON'T HAVE ANY "ACTUAL MONEY."

(APPLAUSE)IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE SYSTEM WAS

DESIGNED TO KEEP ATHLETES POOR.

>> THE WHOLE IDEA OF A STUDENTATHLETE WAS DEVELOPED AS A LEGAL

TERM TO PREVENT THE WIDOW OF APLAYER FROM COLLECTING WORKERS'

COMPENSATION.

THE ARGUMENT BY THE NCAA IS WAITA MINUTE, THEY'RE NOT WORKERS,

THEY'RE STUDENT ATHLETES.

THEREFORE, WE OWE THEM NOTHING.

>> Larry: REALLY, NCAA?

IS THAT REALLY THE SLOGAN YOUWANT FOR YOUR COLLEGES?

"WE OWE THEM NOTHING"?

REGARDLESS OF HOW THE STUDENTATHLETES ARE BEING TREATED, IT'S

NOT STOPPING ANYONE FROM FILLINGOUT THEIR BRACKETS.

EVEN THE PRESIDENT HAS BRACKETFEVER.

GOOD LORD!

CAN WE STOP WITH THE BRACKETS,ALREADY?

NO, WE CAN'T, WHICH IS WHY IT'STIME FOR THE COOLEST BRACKET

GAME EVER BRACKETED INBRACKET-TOWN.

HIT IT.

>> DARE-Y WILMORE'S MARCHBADNESS BRACKETSBALL,

DARE-O-MANIA 2-15! IT'S BONERTIME!

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT.

NO JOKES.

SO HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TODO.

I'VE ASSIGNED MYSELF A DARE FOREVERY TEAM IN THE NCAA

TOURNAMENT.

THAT'S RIGHT, 68 TEAMS, 68DARES.

EVERY TIME A TEAM WINS, THATDARE ADVANCES -- ALL THE WAY TO

THE CHAMPIONSHIP, WHICHEVER TEAMWINS IS THE DARE I WILL HAVE TO

DO ON THIS SHOW.

NOW, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY REAL.

WE'RE NOT MAKING THIS UP.

FOR EXAMPLE, IN THE SOUTHREGIONAL DIVISION, IF EASTERN

WASHINGTON WINS THE TOURNAMENT,I'LL HAVE TO RIDE A HORSE

SHIRTLESS LIKE VLADIMIR PUTIN(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I'LL DO IT!

BUT IF GEORGETOWN WINS, MY EVILTWIN WILL HOST THE SHOW.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT WILL BELIKE.

IT WILL BE FUN.

AND, OF COURSE, THE BETTER THETEAMS, THE HARDER THE DARES.

IF NUMBER FOUR SEED MARYLANDGOES ALL THE WAY, I'LL BE FORCED

TO WEAR A BOSTON CELTICS JERSEYFOR THE ENTIRE SHOW.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)AND I HATE THE CELTICS.

AND IF KENTUCKY TAKES THE CROWN,I'LL BE BABY BIRDED, WHICH MEANS

SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO CHEW UPSOME FOOD AND FEED IT INTO MY

MOUTH.

WHICH I'D PREFER TO WEARING ASTUPID CELTICS JERSEY.

(APPLAUSE)THE BRACKET WILL FILL UP WITH

DARES ALL THIS WEEK.

THE FIRST 32 ARE UP NOW ATTheNightlyShow.com/Dares, AND

WE WANT YOU TO HELP US FILL INTHE REST. BE AS DARING AS YOU

WANT. IF IT MAKES IT THROUGH, IGOTTA DO IT

SO TWEET US YOUR DARES WITH THEHASHTAG "DARELARRY," AND I'LL

LOOK FORWARD TO MAKING AN ASS OFMYSELF FOR YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

♪♪(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

JOINING THE PANEL TONIGHT --COMEDIAN AND ACTOR IN THE SHOW

"CHILDRENS HOSPITAL" AIRINGFRIDAYS AT MIDNIGHT ON ADULT

SWIM, ROB CORDDRY;HE'S A RAPPER AND HIS NEW ALBUM,

THE ALBUM ABOUT NOTHING ISCOMING OUT AT THE END OF THE

MONTH, WALE;CNN SPORTS, ANCHOR AND REPORTER

FOR TURNER SPORTS, RACHELNICHOLS;

AND THE FORMER DEMOCRATICCONGRESSMAN OF MASSACHUSETTS AND

THE AUTHOR OF HIS NEW MEMOIR"FRANK, A LIFE IN POLITICS FROM

THE GREAT SOCIETY TO SAME-SEXMARRIAGE," BARNEY FRANK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: IT'S A GREAT PANEL!

I LOVE THIS PANEL TONIGHT.

TONIGHT WE'RE ASKING -- SHOULDNCAA PLAYERS BE PAID?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY ATHLETESSHOULDN'T GET PAID.

TO ME, I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF THISIS SET UP JUST TO PUNISH POOR

KIDS.

A LOT OF THESE RULES.

THE FACT THAT SOMEBODY CAN'T BUYYOU DINNER AND YOU GET PUNISHED

FOR THAT.

>> SELL YOUR NAME, IF YOUAUTOGRAPH SOMETHING, IF IT'S

WORTH MONEY, THAT SHOULD BE UPTO YOU AND THE PERSON SPENDING

MONEY ON IT.>> JOHNNY MANZIEL

WE KNOW HE DID.>> ALLEGEDLY

THE COMMENTS EXPRESSED BYLARRY WILMORE ARE NOT

NECESSARILY -->> Larry: I GOT YOU, JOHNNY!

YOU'RE SAYING THAT?

>> I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

>> Larry: ROB, CAN WE JUST STARTWITH PERKS, MAYBE?

INSTEAD OF MONEY?

>> CONTRACTUALLY, I MAKE SUREI'M PAID, MY PERKS INCLUDE HIGH

FIVES AND PATS ON THE BUM ANDMAYBE A COUPLE OF GOOD GAMES.

BUT THESE GUYS ARE RICH ANDTITANS OF THE HIGH FIVES

INDUSTRY.

I WOULD SAY, BLOW IT OUT, EXPANDIT A LITTLE BIT AND MAYBE LIKE

HUGS, KISSIES.

>> Larry: IS THERE ACONSTITUTIONAL ELEMENT HERE?

BECAUSE WHY CAN'T A PLAYER GETKISSIES OR MAKE MONEY OFF HIS

OWN IMAGE?

>> TWO THINGS, I'M PRETTYSKEPTICAL OF THE WHOLE SYSTEM.

MY VIEW IS YES, THEY OUGHT TOGET PAID BUT THEY SHOULD STOP

PRETENDING THEY'RE STUDENTS ANDGOING TO SCHOOL.

>> Larry: DO AWAY WITH THESCHOOLS?

>> NO, DO AWAY WITH THE PRETENSETHAT A LOT OF THESE STUDENTS ARE

STUDENTS AT THE SCHOOL.

IF THE SCHOOL WANTS TO GETPRESTIGE AND MAKE MONEY BY

HAVING A GOOD TEAM, LET THEMHIRE A TEAM.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF SCHOOLSDON'T WANT TO GET INTO THAT AND

HAVE STUDENTS ADMITTED TRULY ONTHE GROUND OF PLAYING SPORTS,

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

I THINK THE PROBLEM IS THEHYPOCRISY OF PRETENDING THEY'RE

STUDENTS -->> IT'S NOT PRETENDING.

SOME PEOPLE GO TO SCHOOL, LIKEME, I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL

THINKING I WAS GOING TO MAKE ITTO THE N.F.L. AND I'M HERE.

AND I ENDED UP LEARNING THINGSTHAT I'VE APPLIED RIGHT NOW.

YOU TAKE KEVIN WARE.

HE BROKE HIS LEG.

I'M NOT SURE -->> THEY'RE LETTING PEOPLE IN

SCHOOL WITHOUT THE LIKELIHOODTHEY'RE GOING TO PLAY BIG-TIME

SPORTS AND MAKE THE MONEY.ANOTHER ASPECT THAT

BOTHERS ME IS THE SUM.

>> Larry: WHAT THE COLLEGESARE MAKING?

>> NO, HOW MUCH THE AVERAGECITIZEN HAS TO PLAY IN CABLE

BILLS -->> Larry: THE HEART OF THE

PRO.

>> IT IS.

THE MAJOR REASON THE CABLE BILLSARE SO INFLATED IS SPORTS.

IT'S PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES TO AGREAT EXTENT, BUT THIS

10.8 BILLION THEY'RE TALKINGABOUT, THAT'S BEING PAID FOR BY

THE PEOPLE BUYING CABLE AND THEYOUGHT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A

SITUATION WHERE YOU ONLY BUY THECABLE SHOWS YOU WANT AND NOT

HAVE TO SUBSIDIZE THE OTHERTHINGS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> I WANT TO HIT THE STUDENT

ATHLETE ASPECT BECAUSE I THINKIT IS IMPORTANT.

THE MAJORITY OF COLLEGE KIDS WHOPLAY SPORTS WILL NOT GO ON TO BE

PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES.

>> Larry: EXACTLY.

FOR MOST OF THEM, GOING TOCOLLEGE IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

BUT WHEN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUTHYPOCRISY AND THE STUDENT

ATHLETES, LET'S TALK ABOUT THERULES AROUND THAT.

NOW THERE ARE GAMES SCHEDULEDFOR WEEK NIGHTS, SCHOOL NIGHTS.

HOW ABOUT THE NCAA -->> Larry: THOSE ATHLETES WANT TO

BE STUDYING!

THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT TO BEDOING!

>> SERIOUSLY!

>> Larry: THEY DON'T WANT TODRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED!

>> THAT'S THE POINT I'M MAKING.

DON'T ADMIT PEOPLE WHOSE PRIMARYINTEREST IS IN BEING FULL-TIME

ATHLETES AND DON'T RUN THESCHOOL AROUND THAT.

>> Larry: HOW CAN YOU EVERHAVE TEAMS?

>> HOW CAN YOU HAVE TEAMS?

HIRE PEOPLE TO PLAY, PUT THEIRJERSEY ON AND SAY, THIS

REPRESENTS THE UNIVERSITY OFOHIO.

>> Larry: YOU THINK COLLEGEPLAYERS SHOULD BE PROS,

BASICALLY?

>> NO, I THINK COLLEGES SHOULDDIVIDE UP, LET PEOPLE IN AND

HAVE AN ATHLETIC PROGRAM FOR WHOIS WHO GET IN PARTICIPATE, BUT

IF YOU WANT BIG TIMECOMPETITION, HIRE A TEAM.

>> THEN THEY'RE NOT STUDENTATHLETES.

PART OF THE WHOLE THING IS THESEPEOPLE ARE MANAGING TO GO TO

CLASS AND PERFORM WELL ON THEFIELD.

>> BUT ONE THE PLACE SO THEY DOTHAT.

>> Larry: LET'S BE CLEAR, THECOLLEGES DON'T CARE THE ATHLETES

TURN OUT TO BE SMART WHEREPANTS.

THEY WANT THEM TO BE MONEYMcMONEY.

SORRY FOR THE IRISH NAMES BUTIT'S ST. PADDY'S DAY.

(APPLAUSE)>> I UNDERSTAND.

I'M BEING CRITICAL OF THECOLLEGES, NOT THE ATHLETES.

I'M CRITICAL OF THE HYPOCRISY OFTHE COLLEGES ATTRACTING THESE

PEOPLE AND MAKING BIG BUCKS FORCABLE SUBSCRIBERS.

>> THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T GETIT ARE --

>> I AGREE WITH EVEN THECONTRADICTORY STATEMENTS.

I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING PEOPLEARE SAYING BECAUSE I THINK THE

DEBATE IS -- AMERICA, WE LOVEMAGIC BULLET SOLUTIONS OR JUST

MAGICAL SOLUTIONS LIKE WE PAYTHE PLAYERS, ALL GOOD.

BUT REALLY, LIKE, I THINK WE'REASKING THE WRONG QUESTION, IN A

WAY, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THATQUESTION IS.

I'M A POOP JOKE GUY.

(LAUGHTER)BUT IT'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW, IT'S

LIKE THE SYSTEM IS CORRUPT ANDIT'S LIKE PAYING ANYBODY OR

DOING ANYTHING IS PUTTING ABAND-AID ON A BROKEN NECK.

>> Larry: WELL, IF THE PLAYERSBECOME CORRUPT, YOU'RE EVENING

OUT THE SYSTEM.

>> I DISAGREE WITH ROB. FRANKLY,I THOUGHT IT WAS BEING ABOUT

TO SELL MY BOOK.

THIS IS NOT THE QUESTION IWOULD HAVE ASKED EITHER.

I WOULD RATHER TALK ABOUT MYBOOK!

>> LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT!

>> Larry: LET ME ASK THEQUESTION, WILL YOU STICK AROUND?

BECAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: THAT'S ALL THE TIMEWE HAVE FOR TONIGHT!

I WANT TO THANK OUR PANELISTSWALE, RACHEL NICHOLS, BARNEY

FRANK AND ROB CORDDRY. GIVE THEMA

NICE ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

(APPLAUSE)FINALLY TONIGHT, HEAD TO

TheNightlyShow.com/Dares TOVIEW THE FIRST 32 DARES SELECTED

IN OUR DARE-Y WILLMORE'S MARCHMADNESS BRACKETSBALL

DARE-O-MANIA IT'S BONER TIMETOURNAMENT.

WE NEED YOUR HELP TO FILL THEBRACKET BY WEDNESDAY NIGHT.

SO SUBMIT YOUR DARES USING THEHASHTAG "DARE LARRY."

PLEASE, PLEASE, READ BARNEYFRANK'S NEW BOOK, OKAY?

IT'S CALLED "FRANK."

VERY EASY TO REMEMBER.

I DON'T KNOW WHY SOMEONE WOULDHAVE A TOUGH TIME WITH THAT.

UNTIL THEN, GOODNIGHTLY,EVERYONE!

READ THE BOOK!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪♪

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

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JOINING THE PANEL TONIGHT --COMEDIAN AND ACTOR IN THE SHOW