Thursday, January 30, 2014

  • 01/30/2014

Randy Sklar, Jason Sklar and Brody Stevens come up with failed sports teams, watch foreign rap YouTube videos and check in on Jose Canseco's Twitter account.

TODAY'S INTERNET HEADLINES IT'S

RAPID REFRESH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ IN

WITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS

THE STANDARD 100 POINTS.

IT IS SUPER BOWL THIS

WEEKEND.

(BLEEP) YEAH, AMERICA.

>> YEAH.

>> Chris: OF COURSE BRUNO MARS

WILL BE STAR OF SUNDAY'S

HALFTIME SHOW BUT SOME DEEP

DIGGING ON YOUTUBE REVEALS

FOOTAGE OF SIX-YEAR-OLD LITTLE

BABY BRUNO...

BRUNO MARSITO.

AS WHAT TYPE OF PERFORMER, A) A

BREAK DANCER FOR A HONOLULU

MATTRESS STORE OPENING?

PLAUSIBLE.

B) RAPPER FOR A CAPRI SUN

COMMERCIAL DOING "GRIN N JUICE."

>> THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD--

>> Chris: GOING UNDER THE

MONIKER SNOOP PUPPY.

PUPPY BOWL!

OR C) LAS VEGAS' TINIEST

FILIPINO ELVIS IMPERSONATOR.

BRODY.

>> YOU KNOW, I SPENT A LOT OF

TIME IN LAS VEGAS, I HAVE

BEEN TO CIRCUS CIRCUS, I GET

COMPED THERE.

>> NOT A GOOD-- THAT'S NOT A

GOOD HOTEL.

>> WHY ARE YOU YELLING?

>> YOU HAVE A MICROPHONE

THAT WILL AMPLIFY YOU.

>> I HAVE BAD HEARING.

>> GOING TO GO WITH C, LAS

VEGAS'S TINIEST FILIPINO ELVIS

IMPERSONATOR.

>> Chris: THAT IS CORRECT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> TOLD YOU!

>> Chris: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

GUYS REMEMBER.

>> DON'T MESS WITH CIRCUS

CIRCUS.

>> Chris: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

REMEMBER THE MOVIE "HONEYMOON IN

VEGAS," BUT HE WAS ACTUALLY IN

"HONEYMOON IN VEGAS," HERE IS

FOOTAGE FROM THAT.

>> ♪ FALLING IN LOVE

>> Chris: OH, WAIT.

I THINK THAT IS ACTUALLY THE

SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW.

I GUESS WE COULDN'T GET THE

OTHER ONE.

>> THAT'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO

SEE.

>> Chris: OKAY, COMMERCIALS ARE

TO THE SUPER BOWL WHAT

PICTORIALS ARE TO PLAYBOY, THAT

IS THE REASON THAT PEOPLE WATCH,

THEY WATCH FOR THE COMMERCIALS.

>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING

TO SAY THAT IS THE REASON

PEOPLE MASTURBATE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> HAVE YOU SEEN THE PUPPY BOWL?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: WELL, GUYS, YOU KNOW--

ALL RIGHT, WHILE THE SUPER BOWL

IS NOT UNTIL SUNDAY-- I LOVE

YOU, BRODY-- MANY OF THE

COMPANIES ARE ALREADY RELEASING

TEASERS FOR THEIR VERY EXPENSIVE

ADS.

COMMERCIALS FOR (BLEEP)

COMMERCIALS.

THIS COMMERCIAL TRAILER

ALREADY HAS 1.2 MILLION

VIEWS ON YOUTUBE, LOOK.

>> ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

>> Chris: SO THAT IS A TEASER

FOR WHAT?

AN AD FOR CIALIS FEATURING TERRY

BRADSHAW AND PAULA DEEN?

>> YES, PLEASE, YES.

>> NO, IF IT'S FOR THAT ONE

IT'S LIKE GETTING INTO PAULA

DEEN IS LIKE DRIVING A CAR

THROUGH A DESERT.

(LAUGHTER)

A LOT OF WIDE OPEN SPACES.

IT'S DRY AND BARREN.

>> Chris: I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS.

OKAY, B) AN AD FOR TOYOTA

FEATURING FORMER N.F.L. PLAYER

TERRY CREWS AND THE MUPPETS OR

C) AN IMODIUM A.D. AD FEATURING

OPRAH, GAYLE KING AND DR. PHIL.

YES, SKLAR BROTHERS.

>> I THINK IT IS AN AD FOR

TOYOTA FEATURING FORMER N.F.L.

PLAYER TERRY CREWS AND THE

MUPPETS EVEN THOUGH I WOULD LOVE

TO SEE THE IMODIUM AD FEATURING

OPRAH, GAYLE KING AND DR. PHIL.

>> Chris: YOU ARE CORRECT IT IS

TERRY CREWS AND THE MUPPETS,

IT IS NOT--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHAT A WEIRD JUXTAPOSITION OF

THINGS, LET'S SEE IS IT

DIARRHEA, BONERS OR THE MUPPETS?

WELL, I GUESS IT'S THE

WARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SUPER BOWL ON SUNDAY IS BETWEEN

TWO TEAMS WITH CLASSIC NAMES,

THE BRONCOS AND THE SEAHAWKS.

BUT LET'S HONOR TEAM NAMES

THAT WOULD NEVER MAKE IT TO

THE PROS WITH TONIGHT'S

#FAILEDSPORTSTEAMS.

EXAMPLES WOULD BE THE SAN JOSE

SHARTS.

(LAUGHTER)

OR THE SEATTLE C-WORDS.

OH, GROW UP, THEY'RE FINE WITH

IT IN ENGLAND.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK, READY, SET, GO.

YES, JASON.

>> THE CLEVELAND STEAMERS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

POINTS.

RANDY.

>> THE MIAMI SOUND MACHINE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: LED BY QUARTERBACK

GLORIA ESTEFAN?

OKAY, POINTS.

YES, JASON.

>> THE ORLANDO JONES.

>> Chris: NICE JUST ONE GUY.

ONE GUY.

YES, BRODY.

>> THE NASHVILLE PREDATORS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> THAT IS A REAL TEAM.

>> THAT IS A REAL TEAM.

>> MY BAD.

>> THAT IS AN ACTUAL TEAM.

>> Chris: OKAY, YOU ARE SAYING

THAT THEY ARE FAILED

BECAUSE-- THAT SOUNDS LIKE A

SPORTS JOKE SO I WILL GIVE

YOU POINTS FOR IT.

YES, RANDY.

>> THE ST. LOUIS SLAVE OWNERS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHOA!

>> Chris: YUP.

I MEAN LISTEN THAT WOULD BE A

FAILED SPORTS TEAM.

SO WHILE WE'RE UNCOMFORTABLE

WITH WHAT HE SAID, HE DID

FOLLOW THE RULES SO I HAVE

TO GIVE HIM POINTS.

YES.

YES, JASON.

>> THE PHOENIX FENCE JUMPERS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHOA.

>> NOT ON JOE ARPAIO'S WATCH.

FAILED.

>> Chris: I WILL ALLOW SLAVE

OWNERS, BUT NOT FENCE JUMPERS.

NO POINTS.

BRODY, YES.

>> THE SEATTLE SUICIDES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> IT RAINS A LOT THERE.

IT RAINS A LOT THERE.

>> Chris: TO BE FAIR, THE

WEATHER IS REALLY OPPRESSIVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YES, RANDY.

>> THE SAN FRANCISCO 69ERS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOREIGN RAPPER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I WILL SHOW YOU A FOREIGN

RAP VIDEO THAT WE FOUND ON

YOUTUBE AND FOR 250 POINTS

YOU HAVE TO BUZZ IN AND NAME

THE SONG IN ENGLISH, ALL RIGHT?

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE,

HERE IS A...

YES, YES.

>> IT'S GERMAN SO "THERE IS A

WOMAN IN MY CRAWL SPACE."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS

FOR THAT.

AND I'D WONDERED WHAT HAPPENED

TO THE GUY FROM THE "ENTER

SANDMAN" VIDEO.

I'M GLAD HE WENT ON BEYOND THAT

TO DO OTHER THINGS.

>> YEAH.

>> Chris: DID YOU WANT TO SAY

ONE, JASON?

>> I WANT TO CALL IT "WHO LET

THE NAZIS OUT?"

(LAUGHTER)

WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

LET'S GO TO THE NEXT ONE.

LOOK AT THESE KOREAN GENTLEMAN.

>> WHOA!

HOLY KOREAN STAR TREK.

>> Chris: YES, BRODY.

>> SOUL TRAIN KIM JONG BE

ILLING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: YES!

I LIKE IT.

POINTS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT

EITHER THE BEST OR THE WORST

KIA COMMERCIAL I HAVE EVER

SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

AND I WOULD HAVE CALLED IT

"DAEWOO THERE IT IS."

(LAUGHTER)

>> "DAEWOO THERE IT IS," THAT'S

TERRIBLE.

I WAS GOING TO SAY DID YOU SEE

HIS MAN PURSE IN THERE, I WAS

GOING TO SAY "MO MAN PURSES, MO

PROBLEMS."

>> Chris: YES.

OKAY, I'LL GIVE POINTS TO

EVERYONE.

>> YEAH!

>> Chris: BECAUSE WE ALL JUMPED

IN.

WHO LIKES RUSSIAN RAP, HUH?

RUSSIAN RAP?

>> ME.

ALL RIGHT, BRODY.

>> "THE BRONSKI BEAT OFF."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS

FOR THAT.

>> YEAH!

>> Chris: WHAT DID YOU SAY,

RANDY?

>> I WAS GOING TO SAY "BLACK IS

THE NEW RED."

>> Chris: OH, WOW,

>> THINK ABOUT IT,

THINK ABOUT IT.

I ALSO WAS GOING TO SAY THIS

IS ALSO WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

YOU LET YOUR BODYGUARDS RAP

ON ONE TRACK ON THE ALBUM.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: YES, BRODY.

>> "SOCHI HISTORY X."

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER ROUND

OF JOSE CANSECO: HUGS OR HATE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AS MANY OF YOU GUYS KNOW,

JOSE CANSECO IS A RETIRED BIG

LEAGUE SLUGGER WITH AN OPINION

ON MANY THINGS.

IN FACT, WE PLAYED THIS GAME THE

LAST TIME THE SKLARS WERE HERE

AND THE EFFECTS AFTERWARDS

CONSECO TWEETED AT ME, @NERDIST

"HUG FOR U."

I GOT A HUG.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> HOW ABOUT US?

>> Chris: I WAS VERY EXCITED BY

THIS, THANK YOU, JOSE CANSECO.

DID YOU GUYS GET SOME TOO?

>> WE GOT A TWEET TOO.

>> Chris: YOU GOT HUGS TOO?

>> HE SAID SOMETHING TO US.

HE CALLED US LIKE, "I LOVE

YOU GUYS, SKLAR BROTHERS, YOU

ARE A SPECTACULAR PAIR OF

BITCHTITS."

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

>> Chris: FOR 250 POINTS I WILL

GIVE YOU A PERSON OR A TOPIC AND

YOU ME TELL WHETHER JOSE CANSECO

LOVES-- GIVES THEM HUGS-- OR

HATES THEM-- GIVES THEM HATE.

FIRST ONE, DENNIS RODMAN.

DENNIS RODMAN.

YES, JASON.

>> I'M GOING TO SAY HUGS.

HE IDENTIFIES WITH HIM.

HE LOVES DENNIS RODMAN, HE IS

GLAD HE IS NOT GOING TO SYRIA.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: DENNIS RODMAN HAS

TAKEN A LOT OF HEAT OFF OF JOSE

CANSECO, HE GIVES HIM HUGS.

"DENNIS RODMAN IS A NATIONAL

TREASURE AND SHOULD BE

PROTECTED LIKE ONE.

I AM WORRIED."

>> HE IS WORRIED.

>> NATIONAL TREASURE.

>> Chris: I THINK HE SHOULD BE

BURIED UNDERNEATH A CHURCH LIKE

IN THE MOVIE "NATIONAL

TREASURE."

>> THANK YOU.

>> Chris: AND CLUES TO FIND

DENNIS RODMAN ARE ON THE MONEY.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE-- EGYPT.

DOES HE HUG OR HATE EGYPT?

YES, RANDY.

>> OH, HE HATES EGYPT.

>> Chris: DOES NOT LIKE EGYPT AT

ALL.

HATE.

"LEAVING FOR BUM(BLEEP) EGYPT

WITH @MODELLEILA, FIVE HOUR

DRIVE..."

FROM AMERICA TO EGYPT?

FIVE HOUR DRIVE?

>> WHY IS HE DRIVING THERE?

>> Chris: HE PROBABLY JUST SAW

IT ON A GLOBE AND WENT "THIS

WILL TAKE ABOUT FIVE HOURS"...

"TO GET OUR TWO FAINTING GOATS

TOMORROW MORNING, MAKE A

DOCUMENTARY ON IT."

ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.

>> TAKE THE 405 IT GOES RIGHT

THERE.

>> Chris: IT GOES ALL THE WAY TO

EGYPT.

>> IT DOES.

BIO SHOCK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IT'S NOT THE VIDEO GAME, WHICH

IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE VIDEO

GAMES.

OH, BIOSHOCK INFINITE BURIAL

AT SEA TWO, THE NEXT D.L.C.

COMING OUT SOON.

I'M VERY EXCITED, BUT THAT HAS

NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

TWITTER IS SO FULL OF PEOPLE

THAT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO MAKE

A SNAP JUDGMENT ABOUT WHO TO

FOLLOW BASED ON A 140 CHARACTER

BIO, SO FOR 250 POINTS I WANT

YOU TO NAME ME AS MANY TWITTER

BIO DEAL BREAKERS AS YOU

POSSIBLY CAN, ALL RIGHT?

I WILL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK AND GO.

RANDY.

>> SELF-PROCLAIMED NUT

ALLERGIST.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

BRODY.

>> ACTRESS AND STARVING DOG

WALKER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS.

RANDY.

>> GRILF.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: WHAT IS A GRILF?

>> A GRANDMOTHER I WOULD

LIKE TO...

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

YES, JASON.

>> LIFELONG BELIEBER.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: THERE ARE SO MANY OF

THOSE.

>> SO MANY.

>> #BLESSED.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

#NEEDABIO.

YES, BRODY.

>> LOVER OF SHIA LABEOUF

MOVIES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Chris: POINTS TO BRODY

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