Extended - Thursday, May 12, 2016 - Uncensored

  • 05/12/2016

Randy Sklar, Jason Sklar and Jon Dore use a new emoji, make up #ElderlySciFi and eavesdrop in Las Vegas in this extended, uncensored episode.

This happened on BBC.com.

Google is trying to make ouremoji more diverse.

No, they aren't adding adiarrhea emoji.

Although, they should.

Although, what would it be?

Would it be just, like, onesplat with eyes?

Would it be with the eyes'd belike, "Mah?"

Would it, like, stretch acrossan entire line of text?

Would there be an explosionpoint?

Would there be a splatter point?

What would it be?!

Anyway, they want to make newemoji for professional women,

and it's about goddamn timebecause...

(applause and cheering)>> Take it easy.

>> HARDWICK: The only onescurrently available feature

women in stereotypical roles,like wife and salsa dancer

stomping a bug.

(laughter)So Google engineers designed 13

emoji of professional women andpresented them for approval to

the governing body of emoji, theUnicode Consortium, which sounds

a lot like the name of a storeset in the world of Harry

Potter.

(laughter)Here's some they're proposing.

Uh, sweet, awesome.

Health care professionals.

That's a no-brainer.

What else we got?

Yes, absolutely. Scientist.

Duh. Of course, absolutely.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> HARDWICK: Women have madetons of amazing contributions to

science.

This is absolutely deserved.

What else?

Oh, a welder.

All right.

(laughter)Sure. Why not?

Listen, hey, come on.

(applause and cheering)>> Yup.

>> HARDWICK: But, uh, while I dobelieve that there are

absolutely women welders, Idon't know when you would ever

use this emoji.

(laughter)I can't... quite come up with a

circumstance where a lady welderemoji would be necessary.

>> We might be able to help youwith that.

(laughter)>> HARDWICK: I wonder if there

were only some comedians herewho might be able to send a text

that would require a femalewelding emoji.

Uh, Randy Sklar.

>> Hey, guys.

Just putting the finishingtouches on that glass ceiling

those guys had me build.

(laughter)>> HARDWICK: Hey! Nice.

Very good.

(applause and cheering)>> Yup. Yup. Yup.

>> HARDWICK: Jason Sklar.

>> Uh, Mom and Dad, I'm alesbian, a flaming lesbian.

(laughter)>> HARDWICK: Jesus Christ.

(applause and cheering)Jon Dore.

>> Um, it's, uh, Happy Father'sDay.

I, uh, ran out of money, but Ithought you could jerk off to

this.

(laughter and groaning)>> HARDWICK: Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God. Oh.

(applause and cheering)>> No reason why we can't jerk

off to women in the workplace.

>> Yeah.

>> HARDWICK: It's my fault!

It's all my fault!

It's now time for tonight's#HashtagWars.

(cheering, applause, whistling)Rumors abound that Disneyland's

Twilight Zone-based Tower ofTerror will soon be taken over

by a ride based on Marvel'sGuardians of the Galaxy.

I'm sad. I'm also excited.

I'm an annual pass holder.

I will ride both of them.

Uh, while, this sounds reallygreat, it's a shame to see the

Tower of Terror go away.

Every part of that ride wasgreat!

Especially the ironic twist atthe end where you watch people

explain to their kids whatTwilight Zone is. Uh, so...

(laughter)So we're gonna celebrate this

classic sci-fi institution withtonight's hashtag #ElderlySciFi.

Examples might be:The Walking Almost Dead,

and Transformers: Revenge of theFallen and I Can't Get Up.

All right, in 60 seconds, andbegin.

Jay.

>> Uh, Battlestar Sciatica.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

(laughter, whooping)Rand.

>> Attack of the 50-DollarCo-Pay.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Jon Dore.

>> Star Trek Pants.

>> HARDWICK: Yes! Points.

Star... Jay.

>> Chew-blecch-a.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Uh, Jon.

>> Star Trek Pants II.

(laughter)(whooping, applause)

>> HARDWICK: Points for that.

Uh, Randy.

>> Planet of the Abes.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points!

(laughter)Randy.

>> Report Minorities.

>> HARDWICK: Yes...

(laughter)(applause, whooping)

(whistling, cheering)There they are.

There's another one over thereand there's one up there and

they're over there, too, andthey're over this way, they're

over this way. There, see 'em?

>> There's two in Miami rightthere.

>> HARDWICK: Jon.

>> Blade Walker?

>> HARDWICK: Yeah, yeah, points.

Doing great. Doing great.

Rand.

>> I Don't Have Total Recall.

(laughter)(applause)

This weekend marks the foundingof Las Vegas, that wretched hive

of scum and villainy, where youcan get a shrimp cocktail, a

hand job, and a ticket to see amagical Hot Topic employee!

>> Oh, wow.

>> HARDWICK: For only around 100bucks!

A quick Internet search forOverheard in Vegas produces a

cornucopia of bonkers gems like,"My first safe word is monkey,

my second safe word isGuatemala."

Comedians, I want you to give meas many Vegas Overheards as you

can in 60 seconds.

And begin. Uh, Randy Sklar.

>> Daddy says every time ajackpot rings, a stripper gets

her titties.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Jay.

>> I hear the fountain at theBellagio is 15% jizz.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Uh, Randy.

>> Hey, that Nic Cageimpersonator looks awfully

drunk.

Oh, shit, that's Nic Cage.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Jon Dore!

>> I wish I wasn't here.

>> HARDWICK: Points.

>> No, no.

>> HARDWICK: Jon Dore,everybody.

Randy.

>> Honey, what channel is thelion porn on?

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Jay.

>> I shot Tupac and all I gotwas this lousy T-shirt.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Jon Dore!

>> No, you're under arrest.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Rand.

>> Excuse me, waitress, whatsize shallow grave do you fit

in?

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Points. Yeah. You might overhearthat.

Jay.

>> I would bang Mike Tyson for afree night at the Mirage.

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.