Extended - Thursday, March 5, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 03/05/2015

Trevor Moore, Heather Anne Campbell and Nick Thune describe teenage Prince, list #LesserKnownArtists and guess which websites are real in this extended, uncensored episode.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU THE BEST

THING YOU'VE SEEN ALL DAY.

A CELEBRITY MAKEUP ARTIST NAMEDJASEN KAPLAN TAGGED MY

GIRLFRIEND IN THE COMMENTS OFTHIS INSTAGRAM.

THAT'S HE-MAN VILLAIN SKELETOR'SPURPLE PANTHER.

PANTHOR?

THEY BASICALLY...

IT'S A... IT'S A PURPLETAXIDERMY TIGER COMING OUT OF A

MIRROR.

(LAUGHTER)WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT THAT IN

YOUR HOUSE?

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: THIS IS FROM@SLICKITUP, A PROMOTIONAL

INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT FOR A STORESPECIALIZING IN FETISH GEAR

FOR MEN, SO...

(LAUGHTER)I'M GUESSING THAT PANTHER HANGS

BY THE POWER OF GAY SKULL.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

UH...

THE REST OF THE ACCOUNT ISMOSTLY PICS OF OTHER FIERCE

CREATURES, NAMELY BIG, BUFFBONDAGE DUDES.

OH, TALK ABOUT HE-MAN. YEAH.

(AUDIENCE GROANS)>> THAT'S ACTUALLY JIM AND

LARRY.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: WHAT ABOUT THIS

FOREBODING FIGURE?

THAT'S NICE.

(AUDIENCE GROANS)>> AAH!

>> EW!

>> OH!

>> THAT'S, LIKE, WHAT HAPPENSWHEN YOU HAVE, LIKE, DIARRHEA IN

A BODY SUIT.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)>> HARDWICK: 100 POINTS FOR

TREVOR MOORE.

(APPLAUSE)AND, UH, THE BOYS IN THIS

UNDERGROUND TIGHT CLUB.

(AUDIENCE GROANING)UH...

"THIS IS AN INTERVENTION.

UM, YOU'RE NOT SHAVED ENOUGH."

(LAUGHTER)>> I DON'T THINK HE'S A REAL

COP.

(LAUGHTER)>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: YES, HE IS, ANDYOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

>> I LIKE THAT THEIR EXPRESSIONRIGHT NOW IS, LIKE, "DUDE, ARE

TAKING A PICTURE?"(LAUGHTER)

YOU KNOW?

>> I'M JUST, LIKE, IS IT 12:30P.M., OR 12:30 A.M.?

'CAUSE I DON'T GET THE PICTURE.

>> HARDWICK: YOU CAN'T REALLYTELL.

(LAUGHTER)YEAH.

(APPLAUSE)JUST LINED UP SO YOU CAN PLAY

'EM LIKE A SEAL HORN.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)ALL READY TO GO.

(HARDWICK HUMS IN HIGH TONES)COMEDIANS, WHAT IS THE FIRST

RULE OF TIGHT CLUB?

TREVOR MOORE.

>> UH, THE FIRST RULE OF TIGHTCLUB IS, DON'T GET ACT ALL

STAR STRUCK WHEN JOHN TRAVOLTAGETS HERE.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HEATHER ANNE CAMPBELL.

>> THE FIRST RULE OF TIGHT CLUBIS...

WAIT. DID WE SAY "FIRST" OR"FIST?"

>> HARDWICK: UH, I THINK IT'S...

YEAH. POINTS. POINTS.

YOU GOTTA MAKE THE DELINEATION.

(APPLAUSE)NICK?

>> FIRST RULE OF TIGHT CLUB, ISEVERYBODY WEARS A CONDOM.

JUST KIDDING. I'M KEN.

I'LL BE YOUR LEADER TODAY.

NO ONE WEARS CONDOMS.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

POINTS.

SPEAKING OF PURPLE, TODAY THEINTERNET GODS BLESSED US WITH A

BEAUTIFUL GIFT-- A VINTAGE PHOTOFROM THE MINNEAPOLIS STAR

TRIBUNE OF A MIDDLE SCHOOLBASKETBALL TEAM FEATURING NONE

OTHER THAN...

PRINCE.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)THERE'S PRINCE.

THAT'S PRINCE.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING CONTINUES)I MEAN, THE FUNKINESS JUST

LEAPS OFF THE PAGE.

I THINK PRINCE IS A VAMPIRE.

HE LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME NOW.

MOST PEOPLE GO THROUGH ANAWKWARD MIDDLE SCHOOL FAZE.

NOT PRINCE.

THIS IS PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THATHE'S ALWAYS JUST BEEN A WALKING

CLOUD OF HEART-STOPPINGPHEROMONES.

BY THE WAY, WHAT HELP WOULDPRINCE BE ON YOUR BASKETBALL

TEAM?

HE'S LIKE THAT BIG.

HE'S LIKE THE SIZE OF AN OSCAR.

>> HE'S A SCRAMBLER.

>> HARDWICK: HE'S A SCRAMBLER.

>> HE'S A SCRAMBLER.

>> HARDWICK: HE'S JUST...

HE'LL SCRAMBLE UP YOUR SHIRT ANDGET THE BALL.

LIKE, GODDAMN IT, PRINCE.

GET OUT OF MY SHIRT.

>> LOOK, HE HAD HIS GIANT TWINTHAT WAS WITH HIM.

(LAUGHTER)THEY'RE LIKE A TAG TEAM.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> HE WAS DEFINITELY, LIKE, I'D

SEE HIM AS A SHOOTING GUARD JUSTBECAUSE HE WOULD ALWAYS DO THIS

THINGS WHERE HE'D LIKE STARTJUST NAILING THREES AND THEY'D

BE LIKE, OH, HE'S MAKING ITPURPLE RAIN AGAIN.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

>> FROM THE BACK.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, HE WOULD.

BUT I THINK THERE'S ONLY ONETHING MISSING FROM THIS

PICTURE, SO, COMEDIANS, WHAT WASPRINCE'S YEARBOOK SUPERLATIVE?

TREVOR?

>> UH... RASPBERRIEST BERET.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS!

POINTS.

HEATHER ANNE CAMPBELL.

>> THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL INTHE WORLD.

>> HARDWICK: YES! POINTS.

(LAUGHER, APPLAUSE)UM, I WANT THAT GIRL TO GIVE ME

DIAMONDS AND PEARLS.

NICK THUNE.

>> UH, MOST LIKELY TO OWN THESMALLEST VERSION OF A CORVETTE.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT

COLOR IS THAT CORVETTE?

>> IT'S SOMEWHERE BETWEEN PURPLEAND... I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE

COLOR BECAUSE I KNOW THAT WE'RENOT SPONSORED BY RED. UM...

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, ALL RIGHT,THAT'S FINE.

I'LL STILL GIVE YOU POINTS.

UH, MOVING ON.

THANK YOU, PRINCE.

GOFUNDME IS A CROWDSOURCING WEBSITE THAT RAISES MONEY FOR A

VARIETY OF AWESOME CAUSES LIKEHELPING PEOPLE WITH MEDICAL

BILLS OR COLLEGE FUNDS.

RECENTLY, THE SITE PULLED DOWN ACAMPAIGN STARTED BY A ST. LOUIS

PUNK BAND CALLED "WITHOUTMOTHERFUCKING ORDER."

NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITHWMFO, HERE'S FOOTAGE FROM ONE OF

THEIR SHOWS WHERE THE SINGERENCOURAGES FANS TO PUNCH HIM IN

THE FACE AND HIT HIM WITHSTICKS.

(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERING)

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. YEAH.

BE SURE TO CATCH THEM ON THEIRTOUR THIS SUMMER OPENING FOR

SARAH MCLACHLAN.

UH...

COMEDIANS, WHAT WERE THEYRAISING MONEY FOR THAT WAS TOO

PUNK ROCK FOR GOFUNDME?

A) A HOMEMADE DEATH MACHINE TOMURDER THEIR DRUMMER?

B) A PUMP AND LENGTH OF HOSE TOADMINISTER COLT .45 ENEMAS?

OR C) A MUSEUM CALIBER OILPAINTING OF THEIR TAINTS?

(BELL DINGS)THIS IS A HARD ONE.

NICK?

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH "A."

>> HARDWICK: UH, THAT IS THECORRECT ANSWER.

A HOMEMADE DEATH MACHINE TOMURDER THEIR DRUMMER AND...

I GOT TO SAY, FOR A BAND CALLEDWITHOUT MOTHERFUCKING ORDER,

THEY'RE PRETTY ORDERLY BECAUSEHERE'S A DIAGRAM OF WHAT THAT

WOULD LOOK LIKE.

UH...

AT SOME EARLIER POINT, THEY ALSOTOOK HIS HAND OFF, SO...

I DON'T KNOW, THERE'S THE DEATHMACHINE.

FOR BONUS POINTS, SINCE THISCAMPAIGN GOT TAKEN DOWN, WHAT

SHOULD WITHOUT MOTHERFUCKINGORDER RAISE MONEY FOR NEXT,

TREVOR MOORE?

>> UM... RAISE MONEY FOR FOODAND RENT BECAUSE WE'RE NOT VERY

GOOD AT MUSIC.

(LAUGHTER)POINTS.

POINTS.

H.A. CAMPBELL.

>> HOW ABOUT A VIKING FUNERALFOR GARY, THEIR ROAD MANAGER.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

>> IT'S A SURPRISE.

>> HARDWICK: NICK THUNE.

>> ADULT ONSET DIABETES.

WHICH IS A SERIOUS ISSUE.

>> HARDWICK: THEY'RE GOING TORAISE MONEY SO THAT THEY ALL GET

DIABETES?

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

IT'S A SLOWER WAY TO GO, BUTI'LL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

>> IT'S VERY NOBLE OF THEM.

IT IS NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

HASHTAG.

(CHEERING)>> I LOVE HASHTAG WARS.

>> HARDWICK: KIDS, I KNOW YOULIKE TO KEEP UP WITH YOUR

HISTORICAL CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS.

TOMORROW IS MICHELANGELO'SBIRTHDAY.

>> (WHOOPING LOUDLY)>> HARDWICK: I KNOW.

I KNOW.

>> I LOVE THE TEENAGE MUTANTNINJA TURTLES.

>> HARDWICK: NO, I'M SORRY.

I-I GET WHY THAT YOU WOULD THINKTHAT, BUT IT'S NOW...

IT'S MICHELANGELO THE ARTIST,NOT THE, NOT THE NINJA TURTLE.

>> ALSO, THEY'RE LIKE...

>> HARDWICK: I'M SORRY, NICK.

>> AND THEY'RE LIKE 45.

>> HARDWICK: ALSO, THEY'RE NOTREAL.

>> HE DOESN'T KNOW DONATELLO?

>> HARDWICK: NO, HE DOESN'T KNOWDONATELLO.

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

>> FUCK COMEDY CENTRAL.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: YOU GUYS KNOW

MICHELANGELO, RIGHT?

HE DID THAT PAINTING OF ACOUPLE BROS FIST-BUMPING ON THE

CEILING OF THE POPE'S MAN CAVE.

AKA, THE SISTINE CHAPEL.

UH, PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY, WHYAREN'T ARTISTS, UH, GOOD TODAY?

YOU KNOW, LIKE, THEY WERE ASGOOD IN RENAISSANCE.

LIKE, WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THEGREAT ARTISTS?

THE THING IS, WE ONLY REMEMBERTHE GOOD ONES.

THERE'S A LOT OF SHITTY ARTISTSTHROUGHOUT HISTORY.

THEY JUST DISAPPEARED, SO INHONOR OF THOSE FORGOTTEN HACKS,

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#LESSERKNOWARTISTS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE VINCENT VANGOPRO.

OR... FRANCIS BACONCHEESEBURGER.

OR MURAKAMI BASTARD.

UH... JACKSON'S POLYP?

I DON'T KNOW, I COULD DO THISALL DAY.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK AND BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)NICK THUNE.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH DICKPICASSO.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> PABLO PICASSACHU.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

TREVOR.

>> ROB LOWE PICASSO?

>> HARDWICK: ROB LOW PICASSO.

POINTS.

NICK THUNE.

>> MONET, MO PROBLEMS.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)NICK.

>> MICHELANGELO, HE'S AHOUSEPAINTER, HE'S IN JERSEY.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

TREVOR MOORE.

>> UH, ADOLF HITLER.

(LAUGHTER)LESSER KNOWN...

LESSER KNOWN PAINTER.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> UH, BRO-DAN.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

TREVOR.

>> VINCENT VAN GO FUCK YOURSELF,NICK THUNE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT, TREVOR.

>> UH, MICHELANGELO, OH, SHIT,WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CEILING?

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

HEATHER ANNE CAMPBELL.

>> M.C. ANNE HECHER?

>> HARDWICK: OH, GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT A ROAD TO TRAVEL, BUT I'LLGIVE YOU POINTS FOR THE

DESTINATION.

NICK.

>> SELFIE-DOR DALI.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS,PERFECT.

AND...

THAT'S WHERE YOUR FACE IS JUSTMELTING OFF THE SIDE OF THE...

BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAYSHAME OLD SHAME OLD.

SHAMING IS SOMETHING YOU DO ONTHE INTERNET TO LET EVERYBODY

KNOW YOU'RE BOTHPASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE AND

VINDICTIVE.

UH, IT STARTED AS A CUTE WAY TOCHANNEL PEOPLE'S FRUSTRATION

WITH THEIR MISBEHAVING DOGS, BUTNOW YOU CAN SHAME ANYTHING--

CATS, BABIES, CARS, CATS.

SO I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A PICTUREOF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING BEING

SHAMED AND I WANT YOU TO TELL MEWHAT SHOULD BE ON THEIR SIGN.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST UP, THISRED-FACED ROOSTER FROM A SERIES

ON POULTRY SHAMING BY AMYRAWSON.

NICK THUNE.

>> I BELIEVE BILL COSBY.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> UH, ROOSTER?

I BARELY EVEN KNEW HER.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT,POINTS.

TREVOR?

>> UH, I CAME FIRST.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS, YEAH.

YEAH, FINALLY.

LET'S FIND OUT ACTUALLY WHAT ITSAID.

IT SAID, "I LAY STICKY EGGS."

OKAY.

THAT'S DISTURBING.

I DON'T THINK ANY OF US ARECOMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

>> IT'S SOUNDS LIKE HE'S JUSTGOT, LIKE, A SICKNESS.

THEY SHOULDN'T BE SHAMING HIM.

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HISBODY.

I SEE THAT AND I THINK, I KINDAWANNA TRY THOSE STICKY EGGS.

>> HARDWICK: I THINK IT MEANSYOU SHOULD NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED

SEX WITH A CHICKEN RIGHT BEFOREIT LAY IT'S EGGS.

WAS THAT ONE STEP TOO FAR?

UH, NEXT ONE.

THIS SLEEPING FOODY-- WHATSHOULD BE ON HIS SIGN?

(BELL DINGS)UH, TREVOR.

>> UH, I BURNED THIS PEPPERONIPIZZA AND SPEAKING OF

PEPPERONIS, LOOK AT MY WEIRD,GROSS NIPPLES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> MY BALLS ARE TOUCHING YOURCOMFORTER.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

I LIKE THAT.

LET'S PRETEND THAT THAT'S NOTEVEN HIS BED.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIND OUT WHATIT ACTUALLY SAID.

IT SAID, "I GOT DRUNK AND LEFTPIZZA IN THE OVEN ALL NIGHT."

OF COURSE.

ACTUALLY, I THINK TREVOR'S ON TOSOMETHING, I THINK THIS SH... I

THINK THIS SIGN SHOULD HAVESAID, "I ACCIDENTALLY SLICED OFF

MY RIGHT NIPPLE."

NEXT ONE, THIS SPIDER UNDERGLASS.

WHAT, UH...

(BELL DINGS)WHAT DOES THAT SIGN SAY, NICK

THUNE?

>> I'M AN ABSENTEE FATHER TO18,024 CHILDREN.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

MY WIFE LAYS STICKY EGGS.

UH...

UH, HEATHER.

>> THAT NINTH LEG AIN'T A LEG,BABY.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

POINTS.

TREVOR.

>> UH, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,TIMMY'S IN THE BARN AND IT'S ON

FIRE-- I'M TRYING TO WARN YOU.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

WHAT IT ACTUALLY SAID WAS, "I'MA MEAN SPIDER HARASSING THE

PEOPLE OF THIS HOUSE."

THAT SPIDER HAS EXCELLENTPENMANSHIP.

NEXT ONE, THIS BLOODHOUND.

THIS BLOODHOUND.

OH, THIS COULD GO IN A LOT OFBAD DIRECTIONS.

(BELL DINGS)NICK.

>> MY OWNERS TOOK ME TO BURNINGMAN AND I BLEW A DRIFTER.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> UH, I ATE YOUR LIPSTICK'CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS MY DOG

PENIS.

>> I TRIED TO FIND THAT AND ICOULDN'T.

>> HARDWICK: THAT DOG WOULDTOTALLY TRY TO SUCK HIS OWN

DICK, YOU CAN TELL.

WHAT IT ACTUALLY SAID WAS, "IWENT INTO MY MOM'S PURSE WHILE

SHE WAS ASLEEP, ATE A TUBE OFBRIGHT RED LIPSTICK AND CHEWED

UP FIVE $1 BILLS.

I'M GONNA GIVE HEATHER ANNECAMPBELL 100 BONUS POINTS FOR

ALMOST GETTING EXACTLY WHAT ITWAS.

>> HEY.

IT'S SIMILAR.

>> HARDWICK: LAST ONE, THISGUILTY PARROT.

THIS GUILTY PARROT.

(BELL DINGS)YES, TREVOR.

>> I'M A COCK-A-TEASE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> I'M A BIG, GAY PIGEON.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

POINTS.

NICK THUNE.

>> I CASUALLY USE THE N-WORD.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT WHATIT ACTUALLY SAID.

"I BITE AND I AIM FOR THENUTSACK."

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME, WHYWOULD MAKE THAT?

WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THAT?

SOME WEB SITES ARE SO SEEMINGLYPOINTLESS THAT THEIR VERY

EXISTENCE BOGGLES THE MIND.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU TWO OPTIONSFOR ULTRA-BIZARRE SINGLE-SERVING

WEB SITES AND FOR 250 POINTS YOUTELL ME WHICH ONE IS REAL.

FIRST ONE, EELSLAP.COM-- WATCH AMAN GET SLAPPED WITH AN EEL-- OR

SEAURCHINPURGE.COM-- WATCH AMIDDLE-AGED WOMAN VOMIT ON A SEA

URCHIN.

(BELL DINGS)I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE IS REAL,

BUT I'M SURE EITHER ONE OF THEMARE IN JAPAN.

HEATHER.

>> I'M PRAYING FOR EELSLAP.COM.

>> HARDWICK: HOW MANY TIMES HAVEYOU SAID THAT THIS WEEK?

>> FOUR.

>> HARDWICK: FOUR TIMES.

ALL RIGHT, THE CORRECT ANSWERIS...

EEL SLAP!

>> YES!

>> HARDWICK: EEL SLAP.

OH, MY GOD, GAIJIN, I DIDN'TKNOW, IT'S NOT JAPAN AT ALL.

WHAT-WHAT...

WAY TO PICK UP THE SLACK, WHITEPEOPLE.

NEXT ONE, PRO-CAT-INATOR-- ARANDOM CAT GIF IS PAIRED WITH A

RANDOM SONG-- ORTHEEMPIRESTRIKESBARK-- VIDEOS

OF PUPPIES OVERDUBBED WITH LINESFROM STAR WARS.

OH, GOD DAMN IT.

UH...

NICK.

>> I'M GONNA GO WITHTHEEMPIRESTRIKESBARK, CHRIS,

THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, NICK, UH, THE MOSTVALUABLE LESSON YOU CAN LEARN

ABOUT THE INTERNET IS WHEN INDOUBT, IT'S ALWAYS CATS.

PRO-CAT-INATOR.

♪ OH, I WANTED MORE.

>> THAT'S GREAT.

>> THERE'S... THEY SUPER GLUETHEM TO THE FLOOR TO GET THEM TO

DO THAT.

>> HARDWICK: THEY CALL THIS...

>> THEY'RE DEAD, THERE ARE JUSTPEOPLE BEHIND THEM...

>> HARDWICK: LAST ONE,HAILTOTHEGOAT.COM-- FAMOUS

PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHESINTERRUPTED BY GOAT NOISES-- OR

GIANTBATFARTS.COM-- BATS FLYAROUND AND FART.

TREVOR MOORE.

>> I THINK IT'S HAILTOTHEGOAT.

>> HARDWICK: UH, THE CORRECTANSWER IS GIANTBATFARTS.

>> YES!

(FARTING)>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> UH, I GOT TO... I GOT TO STEPIN HERE.

THAT SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE A BATFART.

>> ALSO, THAT BAT IS TINY.

IT IS NOT A GIANT BAT.

>> IT WAS GIANT FARTS.

>> HARDWICK: RIGHT.

I THINK THE BAT FART THAT...

(FARTING SOUNDS)"THIS IS NOT THE BAT FART THAT

YOU NEED.

THIS IS THE BAT FART YOUDESERVE."

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

UH...

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, IT'STIME FOR WHAT THE FAQ:

DOMINATRIX EDITION.

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THEWORLD OF SEXUAL OUCHIES, THERE'S

NO BETTER PLACE TO STARTGATHERING INTEL THAN THE FAQ

PAGE OF DEVONDOMINATRIX.COM.

THERE YOU'LL FIND THE ANSWERS TOSUCH BDSM-RELATED QUESTIONS AS

IS IT ALL ABOUT TORTURE/PAIN?

AND CAN I JUST BE USED ASFURNITURE?

UM... YES, IF YOUR SAFE WORD ISIKEA.

COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKE YOU TOCOME UP WITH AS MANY KINKY

QUESTIONS AS YOU CAN IN 60SECONDS.

AND BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)YES, TREVOR.

>> SO YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELLANYONE I'M JOHN TRAVOLTA?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)HEATHER.

>> HOW DO I INSTALL A ZIPPER ONMY BUTTHOLE?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)THAT WOULD BE SO USEFUL!

NICK THUNE.

>> IS IT HEALTHIER TO DRINK HOTOR COLD PEEPEE?

>> HARDWICK: B... POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)NICK.

>> CAN YOU O.D. ON PEEPEE?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)HEATHER.

>> WHAT IS THE TECHNICAL TERMFOR HATE-FUCKING A LAUNDRY

BASKET?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)HEATHER.

>> HOW MANY SCORPIONS DOES ITTAKE TO KILL A HUMAN PENIS?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)TREVOR.

>> CAN WE DO A FANTASY WHEREYOU'RE PADDINGTON AND I'M ONE OF

THE MINIONS FROM DESPICABLE ME?

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)UH, HEATHER.

>> UH, IF I PIERCE MY LABIA, DOI HAVE TO TELL THE TSA?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)NICK.

>> AND THIS ONE'S NOT A PEEPEEONE.

UM... IF I EAT PINEAPPLE, WILLIT MAKE MY POOPOO TASTE BETTER

OR IS THAT JUST WITH PEEPEE?

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

YEAH, POINTS.