Dubstep

  • Season 2, Ep 2
  • 10/03/2012

Two friends encounter a racist dog in the park, the flamboyant players of the East/West Collegiate Bowl introduce themselves, and a dubstep track derails moving day.

THE ONE THAT PLAYS JAMIE,

IS NOT ENGLISH.- HE'S NOT?

- I DON'T KNOWWHAT NATIONALITY HE IS,

BUT HE'S DEFINITELYNOT ENGLISH.

- THAT'S AMAZING.HE'S GOT THE MOST AMAZING--DOG!

- WHOA!

- COME ON, MAX, NO.BAD DOG, BAD.

I'M SO SORRY.

I JUST RESCUED HIMFROM A SHELTER.

[dog barking fiercely]

HE SEEMS TO GET REALLYAGGRESSIVE TOWARDS PEOPLE

WITH DARKER-COLORED SKIN.

I'M SO SORRY.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- YEAH, I GUESS YOU NEVER KNOWWHAT THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH

BEFORE YOU GET THEM.

- YEAH, WE DON'T THINKTHAT YOUR DOG'S RACIST.

[dramatic music]

[all dogs barking]

[dogs barking aggressively]

I HAVE FINISHED MY BEDROOM.I HAVE FINISHED THE OFFICE.

AND I'M JUST WRAPPING UPTHE LIVING ROOM.

- OKAY.- SO YEAH.

- I'LL GET PACK-A-LACKIN'.- I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.

- MIND IF I PUT ONSOME MUSIC?

- I DO NOT. I DO NOT.- ALL RIGHT.

I GOT THIS NEW DUBSTEP.

- UH, DUBSTE--WHAT IS THAT?I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

- OH, DUDE,YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

- OH, COOL.COOL, MAN.

[stereo beeps]

[peaceful electronic intro]

OOH, I LIKE THIS.

- WAIT FOR THE DROP.- I'M SORRY, "THE DROP"?

[thrumming electronic bass line]

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

- WHAT?

- WHAT IS THIS?

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[music stops]- [gasping]

WHAT IS THAT?

- THE MUSIC?

- I'M SORRY, IS THAT MUSIC?- OH, YEAH.

DUDE, THAT'S THE DUBSTEP, MAN.

THAT'S MY JAM.

- WELL, IT'S--IT'S A LITTLE, UH,

LOUD AND DISORIENTING,

AND, YOU KNOW,YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE ROUGH

WITH MY THINGS.

- ROUGH WITH--DUDE, YOUR STUFF IS FINE.

- WHY AM I SWEATING SO MUCH?

- BECAUSE YOU'RE FEELIN' IT.

- IS THAT A GOOD THING?- YES!

COME ON, MAN.

JUST GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.

- OKAY. OKAY.

I WILL.

[thrumming bass line,electronic chirps]

- WHOA, DUDE!

YOU'RE TOTALLY JACKINGMY FLOW UP.

- DUDE, YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING,AND SO IS MINE.

[gasping]

- [laughing]AWESOME.

- IT DOESN'T REALLY SEEMLIKE MUSIC TO ME.

- OKAY. WOW.

WALLY GETTINGA LITTLE BIT OLD.

- NO, DON'T DO THAT.- ALL RIGHT.

- COME ON.- NO.

DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.OKAY.

UM, YEAH, WHAT WOULD YOURATHER LISTEN TO?

I CAN HOOK YOU UP WITH SOMEHOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH,

IF THAT'S YOUR--

- OH, THAT'S FUNNY.- IS THAT GOOD?

WANT SOME COLOR ME BADD?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?D--GO AHEAD.

I DON'T CARE.I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

GO AHEAD AND PLAY IT.I DON'T CARE.

BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT OLD.

I CAN GET INTO IT, OKAY?

WE JUST--LET'S JUST GETTHIS STUFF PACKED.

PLAY IT.

[erratic electronic beats,mixed sound effects]

[screams]

[glass shatters,car alarm blares]

- [gasps]

- I THINK I'M GETTING IT!

- YEAH!

HA, HA!

[laughing maniacally]

- FREE AT LAST,FREE AT LAST,

THANK GOD ALMIGHTY,

WE ARE FREE AT LAST.

[cheers and applause]

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,PLEASE WELCOME

YOUR NEXT SPEAKER,THE REVEREND ROBERT JONES.

[moderate applause]

- [whispers]HOW AM I S'POSED TO FOLLOW THAT?

I CAN'T.NOBODY CAN FOLLOW THAT.

HOW AM I S--

I CAN, UH...

OH.[feedback]

ALL RIGHT.

[shrill feedback]

GOOD AFTERNOON.UM...

THAT--THAT IS THE--

THE BEST SPEECH I'VE EVER HEARDIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[chuckles]EVER.

I HAVE NEVER HEARDA BETTER SPEECH.

[chuckles]

AND NOW IT IS MY TURNTO SPEAK.

HUH.[chuckles and stammers]

WHO PUT THIS RUNNING ORDERTOGETHER, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, UM,DR. KING, UH,

HE--HE ACTUALLY COVEREDA LOT--

A LOT OF WHATI WAS GONNA SAY.

UM, YOU KNOW, MY--MY SPEECH IS, UH, UH--

YOU GONNAFIND THIS FUNNY, Y'ALL.

MY SPEECHWAS ACTUALLY CALLED, UH,

"A VISION FOR THE FUTURE."

I'M NOT SAYING THAT DR. KINGCOPIED MY SPEECH.

I'M--[crowd murmurs]

NO! NO!NO, I'M--I'M--

I'M SAYINGI'M NOT SAYING THAT.

I'M NOT SAYINGHE TRIED TO COPY IT.

YOU--WHY DON'T Y'ALL LISTENTO WHAT I'M S--

[murmuring intensifies]WOW. YOU KNOW WHAT?

[crowd booing]NO, COME ON!

I'M JUST SAYING.I'M JUST SAYING.

I'M JUST SAYING.IT'S A JOKE.

DID I NOT SAY ITLIKE A JOKE?

OK--

NO?

APPARENTLY,I HAVE SIX MORE MINUTES.

- LET'S SEE HERE.RED--RED HILLS OF GEORGIA.

HE, UH, GOT THAT OUT THERE.

[chuckles]

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, HERE--HERE'S SOMETHING--

HERE'S SOMETHING NEW.

HERE'S SOMETHING BRAND NEW.

HOW--OKAY, THIS IS OFF--

ME TALKING OFF THE TOPOF MY HEAD HERE, EVERYBODY.

UH, WHAT--HOW ABOUTIF WE LET, UH, BLACK PEOPLE

ENSLAVE WHITE PEOPLE FOR--[crowd boos]

OKAY, YOU KNOW,THAT SOUNDED A LOT BETTER

IN MY HEADBEFORE I SAID IT.

[booing continues]SO THAT, UH,

THAT WOULDN'T WORK.

IS IT WARM?

IS ANYBODY ELSE WARM?

WHOO!

- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

HERE'S WHAT WE GONNA DO.HERE'S WHAT WE GONNA DO.

ALL RIGHT, DR. KINGTALKED ABOUT, UM, UH,

ALL THE RACES COMING TOGETHER,RIGHT? RIGHT?

SO WHAT I WANT EVERY NEGROTO DO HERE TODAY

IS FIND THE NEAREST WHITE PERSONAND GIVE 'EM A HUG.

JUST--JUST GIVE 'EMA HUG, OKAY?

NO, SIR,YOU'RE NOT BEING ATTACKED.

YOU'RE NOT BEING ATTACKED.YOU'RE BEING HUGGED, OKAY?

EVERYBODY TAKE IT EASY HERE,OKAY?

EVERYBODY RELAX.YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE DON'T NEED TEN NEGROESHUGGING ONE WHITE PERSON, OKAY?

LET'S JUST--LET'S--YOU KNOW, THAT'S THE NEW RULE.

NOT TEN ON ONE.ONE ON ONE.

SO WE'LL JUST TAKE TURNSAND EVERYTHING, OKAY?

SO EVERYBODY RELAX, OKAY?[crowd shouting]

[glass shatters]OH, MY GOODNESS.

SIR, SHE DOESN'T NEEDTO BE DEFENDED.

SHE DOESN'T NEED TO BE DEFENDED.SHE'S OKAY.

SHE'S OKAY, OKAY?[crowd screaming]

ALL RIGHT, MA'AM--OKAY--

OFFICER,IS THAT NECESSARY?

I DON'T THINKTHAT'S NECESSARY, OFFICER.

[sirens wail, horse whinnies]NO, MA'AM, PLEASE!

[dogs bark, women scream]PLEASE TAKE IT EASY, SIR!

EVERYONE TAKE IT EASY,ALL RIGHT?

THEY'RE JUST HUGS.YOU'RE NOT BEING ATTACKED.

[loud screams, sirens wailing]

- HI, EVERYBODY,I'M DAVE STASSEN

ALONGSIDE GEOFF WORTHING,

AND WELCOMETO THE ANNUAL EAST/WEST BOWL,

AS WE GET READY TO WATCHSOME OF THE BEST COLLEGE PLAYERS

IN THE NATION

SHOWCASE THEIR SKILLSIN A CLASSIC SHOWDOWN

BETWEEN EAST AND WEST.

AND THERE REALLYARE SOME CHARACTERS

ON THIS YEAR'S SQUADS,AREN'T THERE, GEOFF?

- THAT'S RIGHT, DAVE.

IT DOES SEEM LIKE THE MOSTFLAMBOYANT PERSONALITIES

CAME TO THE FOREFRONT,AND THEY ARE HERE.

LET'S MEET THE PLAYERSFROM THE EAST.

[rock music]

- D'MARCUS WILLIUMS,UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.

- T.J. JUCKSON,WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY.

- T'VARIUSNESS KING,MERRIMACK COLLEGE.

- TYROIL SMOOCHIE-WALLACE,UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI.

- D'SQUARIUS GREEN, JR.,UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME.

- IBRAHIM MOIZOOS,

UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEEAT CHATTANOOGA.

- JACKMERIUS TACKTHERITRIX,MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY.

- D'ISIAH T. BILLINGS-CLYDE,COASTAL CAROLINA UNIVERSITY.

- [lisping]D'JATHPER PROBINCRUX THE THIRD,

THOUTH CAROLINA THTATEUNIVERTHITY.

- LEOZ MAXWELL JILLIUMZ,EAST CAROLINA UNIVERSITY.

- JAVARIS JAMARJAVARISON-LAMAR,

UNIVERSITYOF MIDDLE TENNESSEE.

- DAVOIN SHOWER-HANDEL,

UNIVERSITYOF SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI.

- HINGLE MCCRINGLEBERRY,PENN STATE UNIVERSITY.

- L'CARPETRON DOOKMARRIOT,FLORIDA ATLANTIC UNIVERSITY.

- J'DINKALAGE MORGOONE,UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH FLORIDA.

- XMUS JAXON FLAXON-WAXON,

CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITYOF PENNSYLVANIA.

- WE'RE GOING TO BE LOOKINGFOR BIG PLAYS

ALL GAME LONGFROM TYROIL SMOOCHIE-WALLACE.

- AND LET'S NOT FORGETTHE TIGHT ENDS,

IBRAHIM MOIZOOSAND HINGLE MCCRINGLEBERRY.

THEY'VE BOTH HADAMAZING SEASONS.

- THAT'S RIGHT, GEOFF.

NOW LET'S MEET THE PLAYERSFROM THE WEST.

[rock music]

- SAGGITARIUTT JEFFERSPIN,TEXAS A & M.

- D'GLESTER HARDUNKICHUD,UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN.

- SWIRVITHAN L'GOODLING-SPLATT,SASKATCHEWAN UNIVERSITY.

- QUATRO QUATRO,SAN JOSE STATE UNIVERSITY.

- OZAMATAZ BUCKSHANK,STANFORD UNIVERSITY.

- BEEZER TWELVE WASHINGBEARD,JONES COLLEGE.

- SHAKIRAQUAN T.G.I.F. CARTER,

UNIVERSITYOF NORTHERN ARIZONA.

- X-WING @ ALICIOUSNESS,

MISSOURI WESTERNSTATE UNIVERSITY.

- SEQUESTER GRUNDELPLITH, M.D.,ADAMS STATE.

- SCOISH VELOCIRAPTOR MALOISH,

SOUTH DAKOTASTATE UNIVERSITY.

- T.J. A.J. R.J.BACKSLASHINFOURTH THE FIFTH,

ALBION COLLEGE.

- [squeals]

SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY.

- DONKEY TEETH,BOISE STATE UNIVERSITY.

- TORQUE...[jackhammer drilling]

LEWITH,

NEVADA STATE...

PENITENTIARY.

- THE PLAYER FORMERLY KNOWNAS MOUSECOP,

UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI,COLUMBIA.

- DAN SMITH, BYU.

- THIS WEEDIS MAD TIGHT, YO.

- YEAH, MAN,I'M SUPER HIGH, DOG.

- AH.

HEY, YO.

LET ME "AX" YOU A QUESTIONON THE REAL.

- YEAH, YEAH, DOG.YEAH, GO AHEAD, MAN.

- HEY, MAN,WHERE MY DOOKIE GO?

- [chuckles]

OH.

WHAT?

- MY DOOKIE.

WHERE DO IT GO?

- IT GO DOWN IN THE TOILET,[bleep], YOU KNOW THAT.

- NAH, MAN.

I AIN'T STUPID.

WHERE DO IT GO AFTER THAT?

- COME ON, MAN, QUIT PLAYING.I DON'T KNOW.

IT--IT GOES DOWN THE SEWER,YOU KNOW.

- EVERYBODY'S GO DOWN THERE?

- YEAH, EVERYBODY'S DOOKIEGOES DOWN IN THE SEWER.

- WHERE MY DOOKIE GOAFTER THAT?

- [scoffs]

IT WASHES OUT TO THE OCEAN.

I GUESS.

- HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

DOLPHINS SWIMWITH MY DOOKIE?

- I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

I MEAN, I DON'T--I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

- WE'RE IN THE OCEAN...- YEP.

- WHAT HAPPENSTO THE DOOKIE?

- I'M JUST TAKING A STAB AT--LIKE A WILD GUESS,

ALL RIGHT,

THAT THE DOOKIE, LIKE,PROBABLY GO UP IN THE AIR

AND, LIKE, EVAPORATESAND THEN TURNS INTO A CLOUD

OR SOME [bleep].

- A DOOKIE CLOUD.

- OH, THIS [bleep].

- EVERYBODY'S DOOKIEMIX UP,

GOES UP INTO A CLOUD,

AND THEN IT RAINS DOWN.

THAT'S GANGSTA.

- I JUST--CAN WE STOP TALKING

ABOUT DOOKIE RIGHT NOW?

- I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.

- YES? WHAT IS IT?WHAT IS IT, LEVI?

- THE PIECES OF MY DOOKIE...

- YEP?- FALLS ON THE GROUND...

- THAT'S TRUE, YEP.

- AND BECOMES A PLANT.

- OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

NOW WE'RE DONEWITH THE DOOKIE TALK, RIGHT?

- A DOOKIE PLANT...- NO.

- THAT REACHESTOWARDS THE SKY.

AHH.

HEY, SED.

- YEAH, LEVI?

- MAYBE IF MY DOOKIECAN MAKE IT OUT OF THE HOOD...

MAYBE WE CAN TOO.

- HUH.

MAYBE.

MAYBE, LEVI.

[crowd shouting]