Dubstep

  • Season 2, Ep 2
  • 10/03/2012

Two friends encounter a racist dog in the park, the flamboyant players of the East/West Collegiate Bowl introduce themselves, and a dubstep track derails moving day.

- THE ONE WHO PLAYS JAMIE

IS NOT ENGLISH.- HE'S NOT?

- I DON'T KNOWWHAT NATIONALITY HE IS,

BUT HE'S DEFINITELYNOT ENGLISH.

- THAT'S AMAZING.HE'S GOT THE MOST AMAZING--DOG!

- WHOA!

- COME ON, MAX, NO.BAD DOG, BAD.

I'M SO SORRY.

I JUST RESCUED HIMFROM A SHELTER.

[dog barking fiercely]

HE SEEMS TO GET REALLYAGGRESSIVE TOWARDS PEOPLE

WITH DARKER-COLORED SKIN.

I'M SO SORRY.

- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- YEAH, I GUESS YOU NEVER KNOWWHAT THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH

BEFORE YOU GET THEM.

- YEAH, WE DON'T THINKTHAT YOUR DOG'S RACIST.

[dramatic music]

[all dogs barking]

[dogs barking aggressively]

I HAVE FINISHED MY BEDROOM.I HAVE FINISHED THE OFFICE.

AND I'M JUST WRAPPING UPTHE LIVING ROOM.

- OKAY.- SO YEAH.

- I'LL GET PACK-A-LACKIN'.- I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT.

- MIND IF I PUT ONSOME MUSIC?

- I DO NOT. I DO NOT.- ALL RIGHT.

I GOT THIS NEW DUBSTEP.

- UH, DUBSTE--WHAT IS THAT?I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

- OH, DUDE,YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

- OH, COOL.COOL, MAN.

[stereo beeps]

[peaceful electronic intro]

OOH, I LIKE THIS.

- WAIT FOR THE DROP.- I'M SORRY, "THE DROP"?

[thrumming electronic bass line]

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

- WHAT?

- WHAT IS THIS?

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[music stops]- [gasping]

WHAT IS THAT?

- THE MUSIC?

- I'M SORRY, IS THAT MUSIC?- OH, YEAH.

DUDE, THAT'S THE DUBSTEP, MAN.

THAT'S MY JAM.

- WELL, IT'S--IT'S A LITTLE, UH,

LOUD AND DISORIENTING,

AND, YOU KNOW,YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE ROUGH

WITH MY THINGS.

- ROUGH WITH--DUDE, YOUR STUFF IS FINE.

- WHY AM I SWEATING SO MUCH?

- BECAUSE YOU'RE FEELIN' IT.

- IS THAT A GOOD THING?- YES!

COME ON, MAN.

JUST GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.

- OKAY. OKAY.

I WILL.

[thrumming bass line,electronic chirps]

- WHOA, DUDE!

YOU'RE TOTALLY JACKINGMY FLOW UP.

- DUDE, YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING,AND SO IS MINE.

[gasping]

- [laughing]AWESOME.

- IT DOESN'T REALLY SEEMLIKE MUSIC TO ME.

- OKAY. WOW.

WALLY GETTINGA LITTLE BIT OLD.

- NO, DON'T DO THAT.- ALL RIGHT.

- COME ON.- NO.

DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.OKAY.

UM, YEAH, WHAT WOULD YOURATHER LISTEN TO?

I CAN HOOK YOU UP WITH SOMEHOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH,

IF THAT'S YOUR--

- OH, THAT'S FUNNY.- IS THAT GOOD?

WANT SOME COLOR ME BADD?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?D--GO AHEAD.

I DON'T CARE.I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

GO AHEAD AND PLAY IT.I DON'T CARE.

BECAUSE I'M NOT THAT OLD.

I CAN GET INTO IT, OKAY?

WE JUST--LET'S JUST GETTHIS STUFF PACKED.

PLAY IT.

[erratic electronic beats,mixed sound effects]

[screams]

[glass shatters,car alarm blares]

- [gasps]

- I THINK I'M GETTING IT!

- YEAH!

HA, HA!

[laughing maniacally]

THANK GOD ALMIGHTY,

WE ARE FREE AT LAST.

[cheers and applause]

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,PLEASE WELCOME

YOUR NEXT SPEAKER,THE REVEREND ROBERT JONES.

[moderate applause]

- [whispers]HOW AM I S'POSED TO FOLLOW THAT?

I CAN'T.NOBODY CAN FOLLOW THAT.

HOW AM I S--

I CAN, UH...

OH.[feedback]

ALL RIGHT.

[shrill feedback]

GOOD AFTERNOON.UM...

THAT--THAT IS THE--

THE BEST SPEECH I'VE EVER HEARDIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[chuckles]EVER.

I HAVE NEVER HEARDA BETTER SPEECH.

[chuckles]

AND NOW IT IS MY TURNTO SPEAK.

HUH.[chuckles and stammers]

WHO PUT THIS RUNNING ORDERTOGETHER, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, UM,DR. KING, UH,

HE--HE ACTUALLY COVEREDA LOT--

A LOT OF WHATI WAS GONNA SAY.

UM, YOU KNOW, MY--MY SPEECH IS, UH, UH--

YOU GONNAFIND THIS FUNNY, Y'ALL.

MY SPEECHWAS ACTUALLY CALLED, UH,

"A VISION FOR THE FUTURE."

I'M NOT SAYING THAT DR. KINGCOPIED MY SPEECH.

I'M--[crowd murmurs]

NO! NO!NO, I'M--I'M--

I'M SAYINGI'M NOT SAYING THAT.

I'M NOT SAYINGHE TRIED TO COPY IT.

YOU--WHY DON'T Y'ALL LISTENTO WHAT I'M S--

[murmuring intensifies]WOW. YOU KNOW WHAT?

[crowd booing]NO, COME ON!

I'M JUST SAYING.I'M JUST SAYING.

I'M JUST SAYING.IT'S A JOKE.

DID I NOT SAY ITLIKE A JOKE?

OK--

NO?

APPARENTLY,I HAVE SIX MORE MINUTES.

- HI, EVERYBODY,I'M DAVE STASSEN

ALONGSIDE GEOFF WORTHING,

AND WELCOMETO THE ANNUAL EAST/WEST BOWL,

AS WE GET READY TO WATCHSOME OF THE BEST COLLEGE PLAYERS

IN THE NATION

SHOWCASE THEIR SKILLSIN A CLASSIC SHOWDOWN

BETWEEN EAST AND WEST.

AND THERE REALLYARE SOME CHARACTERS

ON THIS YEAR'S SQUADS,AREN'T THERE, GEOFF?

- THAT'S RIGHT, DAVE.

IT DOES SEEM LIKE THE MOSTFLAMBOYANT PERSONALITIES

CAME TO THE FOREFRONT,AND THEY ARE HERE.

LET'S MEET THE PLAYERSFROM THE EAST.

[rock music]

- D'MARCUS WILLIUMS,UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA.

- T.J. JUCKSON,WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY.

- T'VARIUSNESS KING,MERRIMACK COLLEGE.

- TYROIL SMOOCHIE-WALLACE,UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI.

- D'SQUARIUS GREEN, JR.,UNIVERSITY OF NOTRE DAME.

- IBRAHIM MOIZOOS,

UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEEAT CHATTANOOGA.

- JACKMERIUS TACKTHERITRIX,MICHIGAN STATE UNIVERSITY.

- D'ISIAH T. BILLINGS-CLYDE,COASTAL CAROLINA UNIVERSITY.

- [lisping]D'JATHPER PROBINCRUX THE THIRD,

THOUTH CAROLINA THTATEUNIVERTHITY.

- LEOZ MAXWELL JILLIUMZ,EAST CAROLINA UNIVERSITY.

- JAVARIS JAMARJAVARISON-LAMAR,

UNIVERSITYOF MIDDLE TENNESSEE.

- DAVOIN SHOWER-HANDEL,

UNIVERSITYOF SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI.

- HINGLE MCCRINGLEBERRY,PENN STATE UNIVERSITY.

- L'CARPETRON DOOKMARRIOT,FLORIDA ATLANTIC UNIVERSITY.

- J'DINKALAGE MORGOONE,UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH FLORIDA.

- XMUS JAXON FLAXON-WAXON,

CALIFORNIA UNIVERSITYOF PENNSYLVANIA.

- WE'RE GOING TO BE LOOKINGFOR BIG PLAYS

ALL GAME LONGFROM TYROIL SMOOCHIE-WALLACE.

- AND LET'S NOT FORGETTHE TIGHT ENDS,

IBRAHIM MOIZOOSAND HINGLE MCCRINGLEBERRY.

THEY'VE BOTH HADAMAZING SEASONS.

- THAT'S RIGHT, GEOFF.

NOW LET'S MEET THE PLAYERSFROM THE WEST.

[rock music]

- SAGGITARIUTT JEFFERSPIN,TEXAS A & M.

- D'GLESTER HARDUNKICHUD,UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN.

- SWIRVITHAN L'GOODLING-SPLATT,SASKATCHEWAN UNIVERSITY.

- QUATRO QUATRO,SAN JOSE STATE UNIVERSITY.

- OZAMATAZ BUCKSHANK,STANFORD UNIVERSITY.

- BEEZER TWELVE WASHINGBEARD,JONES COLLEGE.

- SHAKIRAQUAN T.G.I.F. CARTER,

UNIVERSITYOF NORTHERN ARIZONA.

- X-WING @ ALICIOUSNESS,

MISSOURI WESTERNSTATE UNIVERSITY.

- SEQUESTER GRUNDELPLITH, M.D.,ADAMS STATE.

- SCOISH VELOCIRAPTOR MALOISH,

SOUTH DAKOTASTATE UNIVERSITY.

- T.J. A.J. R.J.BACKSLASHINFOURTH THE FIFTH,

ALBION COLLEGE.

- [squeals]

SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY.

- DONKEY TEETH,BOISE STATE UNIVERSITY.

- TORQUE...[jackhammer drilling]

LEWITH,

NEVADA STATE...

PENITENTIARY.

- THE PLAYER FORMERLY KNOWNAS MOUSECOP,

UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI,COLUMBIA.

- DAN SMITH, BYU.

- THIS WEEDIS MAD TIGHT, YO.

- YEAH, MAN,I'M SUPER HIGH, DOG.

- AH.

HEY, YO.

LET ME "AX" YOU A QUESTIONON THE REAL.

- YEAH, YEAH, DOG.YEAH, GO AHEAD, MAN.

- HEY, MAN,WHERE MY DOOKIE GO?

- [chuckles]

OH.

WHAT?

- MY DOOKIE.

WHERE DO IT GO?

- IT GO DOWN IN THE TOILET,[bleep], YOU KNOW THAT.

- NAH, MAN.

I AIN'T STUPID.

WHERE DO IT GO AFTER THAT?

- COME ON, MAN, QUIT PLAYING.I DON'T KNOW.

IT--IT GOES DOWN THE SEWER,YOU KNOW.

- EVERYBODY'S GO DOWN THERE?

- YEAH, EVERYBODY'S DOOKIEGOES DOWN IN THE SEWER.

- WHERE MY DOOKIE GOAFTER THAT?

- [scoffs]

IT WASHES OUT TO THE OCEAN.

I GUESS.

- HOLD UP, HOLD UP.

DOLPHINS SWIMWITH MY DOOKIE?

- I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

I MEAN, I DON'T--I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

- WE'RE IN THE OCEAN...- YEP.

- WHAT HAPPENSTO THE DOOKIE?

- I'M JUST TAKING A STAB AT--LIKE A WILD GUESS,

ALL RIGHT,

THAT THE DOOKIE, LIKE,PROBABLY GO UP IN THE AIR

AND, LIKE, EVAPORATESAND THEN TURNS INTO A CLOUD

OR SOME [bleep].

- A DOOKIE CLOUD.

- OH, THIS [bleep].

- EVERYBODY'S DOOKIEMIX UP,

GOES UP INTO A CLOUD,

AND THEN IT RAINS DOWN.

THAT'S GANGSTA.

- I JUST--CAN WE STOP TALKING

ABOUT DOOKIE RIGHT NOW?

- I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.

- YES? WHAT IS IT?WHAT IS IT, LEVI?

- THE PIECES OF MY DOOKIE...

- YEP?- FALLS ON THE GROUND...

- THAT'S TRUE, YEP.

- AND BECOMES A PLANT.

- OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

NOW WE'RE DONEWITH THE DOOKIE TALK, RIGHT?

- A DOOKIE PLANT...- NO.

- THAT REACHESTOWARDS THE SKY.

AHH.

HEY, SED.

- YEAH, LEVI?

- MAYBE IF MY DOOKIECAN MAKE IT OUT OF THE HOOD...

MAYBE WE CAN TOO.

- HUH.

MAYBE.

MAYBE, LEVI.

[crowd shouting]