A Good Day to Direct Hard

  • Season 2, Ep 8
  • 10/24/2014

Mike Bridenstine, Sam Morril and Tone Bell stop by Adam's house party for a night of stand-up, revelry and very serious artistry.

- YO, AMERICA.WHAT IT IS.

IT'S JAH-BOYADAM "SO FINE" DEVINE,

AND I'M HERE TO WEL-CON-UM YOUTO HOUSE PAR--

AAH!

I HATE IT.I HATE IT.

IT'S STUPID.CUT.

- CUT?WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- OKAY, WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?

YOU'RE SITTING OVER THERE

THROWING OUT BAD VIBES TO ME

WHEN I'M GIVING MY ALLTO THIS SHOW.

I NEED A DIRECTORWHO'S MORE DYNAMIC,

WHO THROWS MORE "SNAPABILITY"INTO THE SITUATION.

- "SNAPABILITY" IS NOT A WORD,ADAM.

- HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BEA DIRECTOR

WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOWDIRECTING WORDS...

- OH, JESUS CHRIST.- LIKE "SNAPABILITY"?

OKAY, IF I WERE TO DIRECTTHESE EPISODES,

THEY'D PROBABLY MOST LIKELYBE THE BEST ONES EVER,

BECAUSE I HAVEA CREATIVE SPARK

BURNING IN MY HEADAND MY HEART AREA,

UNLIKE SOMEONE I KNOW,WHICH IS WHO YOU ARE.

- ALL RIGHT, ADAM.THEN YOU DIRECT THE SHOW.

YOU DIRECT THE SHOW, MAN.- FINE, I WILL.

- HERE'S YOUR DUMBASSLITTLE SCRIPT ON THE GROUND.

- OKAY, THAT'S NOT A--I ACTUALLYWORKED KIND OF HARD ON THAT.

- SHUT UP, DUDE. I'M OUT.- YOU SHUT UP.

I'M GOING TO THE BAYOU.

I'M GONNA WRESTLE GATORSAND SHIT.

HAVE FUN.- I WILL HAVE FUN.

- BYE, MIKEY.SEE YOU, GOONERS.

- AH, COOL.

'SUP, DUDE?YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?WHAT DO YOU DO?

OH!

[theme music plays]

I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE,

AND MY SISTERWAS IN EIGHTH GRADE.

SHE HAD THE PARTY.

SHE HAD THE FIRST, LIKE,

MY-PARENTS-ARE-GONEBEER PARTY.

I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE,SO EIGHTH GRADERS ARE AWESOME.

SO I COULDN'T WAITFOR HER FRIENDS

TO BE THERE WITH BOOBS.

IT WAS GONNA BE AMAZING.

BUT SHE'S LIKE,"YOU CAN'T BE HERE."

AND I WAS LIKE,"I WILL TELL.

I WILL TELL ON YOU."

AND SHE GOES,"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

AND I GO "THREE THINGS!"

WHICH WAS DUMB,BECAUSE THEN I HAD TO THINK OF

THREE THINGS REAL FAST.

I GO, "ONE,I CAN STAY HERE TONIGHT."

AND SHE'S LIKE, "FINE.JUST COME BACK LATER."

AND I GO, "TWO"--THIS ONE IS REAL--

I GO, "NO ONE CAN BEIN MY BEDROOM."

'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANTEIGHTH GRADERS DOING, LIKE,

EIGHTH GRADE STUFFIN MY ROOM.

DO YOU GUYS REMEMBERDRY HUMPING?

LIKE, HOT JEAN-ON-JEAN ACTION?

I'D HEARD ABOUT IT,AND I DIDN'T WANT IT HAPPENING

IN MY ROOM.

"AND THREE," I GO--I THOUGHT THIS ONE GOT HER.

I WAS LIKE,"NO ONE CAN USE MY BATHROOM."

SHE'S LIKE, "THEY'LL JUST USETHE OTHER BATHROOM."

SO I LEFT,BUT BEFORE I DID,

I TOOK FOUR BEERS,AND I RODE AROUND ON MY BICYCLE

DRINKING ALL FOUR BEERS

TILL I GOT [bleep] UP.

THAT'S HOW MANY IT TAKES.

WITH THIS GIRL FROM A BARTHE OTHER NIGHT.

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"I'D INVITE YOU OVER,

BUT MY PLACEIS KIND OF A MESS."

LIKE THAT'S A DETERRENTAT 3:30 IN THE MORNING.

LIKE I'M GONNAWALK INTO HER APARTMENT

AND BE LIKE,"ABSOLUTELY NOT.

"YOU FOLD THESE SHEETS,WE COULD TALK, BUT...

WITHOUT A DUVET COVER,IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN."

I WAS LIKE, "OF COURSEYOUR PLACE IS A MESS.

"IF YOU'RE WILLINGTO HAVE SEX WITH ME,

I'M GONNA ASSUME YOUR WHOLE LIFEIS IN SHAMBLES."

MY EX-GIRLFRIEND WAS A HOARDER.I USED TO DATE A HOARDER.

AND SHE BROKE UP WITH ME.

THAT STINGS EXTRA HARD.

I'M, LIKE, THE ONE THINGSHE CAN GET RID OF.

WE WERE IN BED ONE NIGHT.

SHE WAS LIKE,"WHAT'S YOUR FANTASY?

I'M GONNA GIVE YOUYOUR FANTASY."

I WAS LIKE, "MY FANTASY.

"I WANT YOU TO DRESSLIKE A NURSE,

"AND THEN I WANT YOU TO TELL ME

"THAT I HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE.

THEN, IF YOU COULD WAIVEMY COPAY, THAT WOULD BE HOT."

I WAS WITH A GIRLTHE OTHER NIGHT.

WE WERE GOING AT IT.

SEX.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID TO MEWHILE HAVING SEX?

SHE WAS LIKE,"I WANT YOU TO [bleep] ME

LIKE YOU'RE NEVER GONNASEE ME AGAIN."

I WAS LIKE, "I WAS."

LOVE A BARGAIN,HATE SHOPPING.

LIKE THIS MORNING,I WOKE UP,

REALIZED THAT I FORGOTSOME ESSENTIAL STUFF.

HAD TO RUN TO THE DRUG STORE,GRAB SOME THINGS.

TOOTHBRUSH, CONDOMS,HAND SANITIZER.

YOU KNOW, THE ESSENTIALS, OKAY?

RIGHT? BUT I HATE--YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE SHOPPING

BECAUSE I DON'T LIKEPUTTING MY STUFF ON THE COUNTER

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE--YOU KNOW, CASHIERS--

YOU EVER HAD A CASHIERJUDGE YOU?

YOU PUT YOUR SHITON THE COUNTER.

YOU PUT IT DOWN.THEY DO LIKE THIS.

LIKE, "HEY,YOU DON'T MAKE ENOUGH, OKAY?

YOU DON'T MAKE--DO NOTJUDGE ME RIGHT NOW, OKAY?"

LIKE, YOU EVER MADEA SEXY PURCHASE BY ACCIDENT?

LIKE, YOU MADEA ACCIDENTAL SEXY PURCHASE?

LIKE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOWWHAT YOU WAS BUYING WAS SEXY

UNTIL THE CASHIER ALLUDEDTO YOU, LIKE, WHAT YOU WAS--

LIKE, RECENTLY,LIKE A COUPLE MONTHS AGO,

I HAD TO RUN INTO,LIKE, A WALGREENS.

RIGHT?GRABBED TWO ITEMS.

I KNEW EXACTLYWHAT I WAS GETTING.

RAN IN, GRABBED 'EM,PUT 'EM ON THE COUNTER, RIGHT?

GIRL LOOKS DOWN AT MY ITEMS,LOOKS BACK AT ME,

SHE GOES, "AW, SHIT."RIGHT?

I'M LIKE, "WHY IS SHE LOOKINGAT ME LIKE THIS," RIGHT?

SO I LOOKED DOWN AT WHATI HAVE, AND IT WAS LIKE--

YOU KNOW, LIKE A BOTTLE OF HONEYAND SOME CANDLES, OKAY?

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"I SEE WHAT YOU 'BOUT TO DO."

I'M LIKE, "BITCH, I GOT A SORETHROAT AND MY POWER'S OUT.

YOU MIND WRAPPING THIS UP?"

BUT I DO A LOT OF SHOPPING'CAUSE I DO A LOT OF TRAVELING.

ON YOUR PERFORMANCES,

BUT QUITE FRANKLY, GUYS,GREAT STUFF.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOUFOR YOUR CRAFT.

- THANK YOU,AND WE'RE ABOUT TO GO OVER

TO FRENCHMAN STREET,HANG OUT A LITTLE BIT,

GRAB A LITTLE, YOU KNOW,MM-MM.

- DADDY'S THIRSTY.I CALL MYSELF DADDY NOW.

- UH, WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.

THE SHOW DOESN'T EDIT ITSELF.

- OH, WELL, UH...HEY, KYLE.

THANKS FOR SHOWING UP,FIRST OF ALL.

AND I'M NOT AN EDITOR.I'M A DIRECTOR.

- EDITING IS PART OF THE JOB,ADAM.

ALL RIGHT?

IT'S YOU IN A DARK ROOM

WITH A DUDE NAMED KEN LAMERE

FOR WEEKS, MAYBE MONTHS,GRINDING OUT,

CARVING OUT THE COMEDY.

[poignant music]

TAKES FOREVER, MAN.

- YOU OKAY?- YO, HE'S DOING IT AGAIN.

- HE'S DOING IT.HE'S DOING IT.

- [crying]KYLE, DON'T MAKE IT EDIT.

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD DIRECTOR,

AND I'M SO STUPID AT IT.

- STOP CRYING, ADAM.I'LL HELP YOU.

I'LL EDIT THE SHOW.- YOU'LL DO THAT FOR ME?

- OF COURSE.- THANK YOU.

THAT'S A COOL ALLIGATOR, MAN.

- I DID IT.I WRESTLED A GATOR.

- ALL RIGHT.- OKAY.

- GET TO EDITING.- ALL RIGHT.

STOP CRYING.- SMART DIRECTOR.

[laughter]

- YOU KNOW, HE REALLY DOESHAVE A GOOD HEART.

OH![grunts]

- YOU WANT A HAM SANDWICH?