Atlanta

  • Season 1, Ep 3
  • 07/23/2013

John Pemberton invents Coca-Cola, the FBI targets MLK Jr., and Stetson Kennedy infiltrates the KKK. Featuring Bill Hader, Simon Helberg and Kevin Nealon.

JOHN PEMBERTON WAS TRYINGTO MAKE PATENT MEDICINES.

BASICALLY,THEY WERE FAKE MEDICINES,

AND MOST OF THEM WERE JUST,LIKE, HERBAL WHOSIWHATS.

WHO EVEN CARES?

WE WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKEANYTHING THAT WOULD SELL.

WE WAS LIKE,I WANT TO MAKE A FAKE MEDICINE

THAT MADE WOMEN THINKTHAT THEY'LL NEVER BE NERVOUS

OR HAVE FARTS...

AND MAKE MEN THINKTHAT THEY CAN BE SMARTER.

SO HE DECIDED TO USEA NEW INGREDIENT, COCA.

COCA IS FROM A PLANT.

THE SOUTH AMERICANSWOULD CHEW IT,

AND BE LIKE,WE HAD SO MUCH ENERGY,

AND WE WEREN'T EVEN HUNGRY,AND WE HIKED THE WHOLE ANDES.

[laughs]BUT REALLY,

THEY WEREJUST ON COCAINE.

JOHN PEMBERTON WAS LIKE,OH, I SHOULD PUT THIS

INTO MY NEW POTIONTHAT I'M MAKING.

AND BASICALLY, HE COPIEDSOMEONE ELSE'S RECIPE,

CALLED, LIKE,"VIN MARIANI."

HE WAS LIKE,WELL, I HAVE WINE.

I PUT COCA IN THERE,A LITTLE OF THIS KOLA IN.

THE KOLA NUT RELEASEDA LITTLE BIT OF CAFFEINE.

AND HE--HE BASICALLYWAS LIKE,

WHAT I GIVE YOUIS WINE WITH COCAINE--

[laughs]CAFFEINE.

THEN, PEOPLE IN ATLANTAWERE LIKE,

NO, NOBODY CAN SELL ALCOHOLBECAUSE OF TEMPERANCE.

"I HAVE A DREAM"?THIS IS TOTAL COMMUNIST STUFF.

IT ALL MAKESSO MUCH SENSE

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ITLIKE A CRAZY PERSON.

J. EDGAR HOOVERCALLED A PRESS CONFERENCE,

AND HOOVER TELLS THESE REPORTERSTHAT HE'S INVITED,

WHO ARE ALL WOMENFOR SOME REASON,

MARTIN LUTHER KINGIS THE MOST DISHONEST MAN

IN AMERICA.

ONE OF HOOVER'S UNDERLINGSIS SAYING,

[whispering]MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T

TALK [bleep]ABOUT MARTIN LUTHER KING.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE NICE.

AND HOOVER'S LIKE, [bleep] YOU,I'M GONNA TELL THE TRUTH.

THEY MEETIN J. EDGAR HOOVER'S OFFICE.

MARTIN LUTHER KING SAYS,HEY, J. EDGAR HOOVER,

I LOVE EVERYTHINGYOU'VE EVER DONE.

MAYBE WE COULDJUST BE BETTER TEAMMATES

SO WE CAN ACHIEVE PEACETHROUGHOUT AMERICA.

AFTER THOSE FIRST TWO MINUTES,J. EDGAR HOOVER DECIDED,

DUDE,NOW IT'S MY TURN.

IT'S MY TURN TO SAYWHAT'S ON MY MIND.

THE FBI DOES THIS.THE FBI DOES THAT.

THE FBI IS HELPING YOU HERE.THE FBI IS HELPING YOU THERE.

AND HE JUST GOES ON AND ONAND ON AND ON

ABOUT HOW AWESOME THE FBI IS.

AND AFTERWARDS, ONE OFMARTIN LUTHER KING'S FRIENDS

CALLS HIM AND SAYS,

WHAT WAS THAT LIKE,MEETING WITH MARTIN LUTHER KING?

[laughs]I'M SORRY.

THAT'S HOW DRUNK I AM.

OKAY.WHAT WAS IT LIKE,

MEETINGWITH J. EDGAR HOOVER?

AND MARTIN LUTHER KING WAS LIKE,DUDE, I'LL TELL YOU.

J. EDGAR HOOVER, HE'S JUSTA OLD MAN WHO TALKS TOO MUCH.

HE'S CRAZY.

J. EDGAR HOOVER WAS LISTENINGTO EVERYTHING THAT HE SAID.

HE WAS LIKE,WHAT THE [bleep]?

YOU WANT TO PUT THATIN YOUR MOUTH?

- MM-HMM.

- WHAT DID I JUSTPUT IN MY MOUTH?

- THAT WAS CANTALOUPE.- I LIKE CANTALOUPE.

- OKAY.THIS IS PINEAPPLE.

DO YOU LIKE PINEAPPLE?- I LIKE PINEAPPLE.

FOR TEN EPISODESOF THE SUPERMAN RADIO SHOW,

SUPERMAN FOUGHT THE KKK.

UP IN THE SKY,IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE.

NO, IT'S SUPERMAN!

SUPERMAN,BATTLING VALIANTLY

AGAINST THE CLANOF THE FIERY CROSS.

JIMMY OLSEN, PROTECTEDBY THE POWER OF SUPERMAN

AND HIS MIGHTY MIGHT.

I DON'T [bleep]ING KNOW.- [laughs]

- CAREFUL, JIMMY,DON'T TOUCH THAT FIERY CROSS.

AH, SHUCKS, MR. KENT,WHATEVER YOU SAY.

THERE WAS NO YOUTUBE,THERE WAS NO PODCASTS.

EVERYBODYLISTENED TO THE RADIO.

AS THIS WAS HAPPENING,

STETSON KENNEDYWOULD CALL THEM AND SAY,

HERE ARE THE NEW PASSWORDS THATTHE KKK ARE USING THIS WEEK.

THE CODEWORD WAS "ANGLO."

THE PASSWORDWAS "AMERICAN."

THE NEXT WEEK,ON THE SUPERMAN SHOW,

SUPERMAN WOULD SHOW UPAND SAY, "ANGLO."

AND ONE OF THE BAD GUYSWOULD RESPOND WITH, "AMERICAN."

THE KIDS OF THE KLANSMENWERE PLAYING SUPERMAN

AGAINST THE KKK.

FOLLOWING THE BROADCASTOF THE SUPERMAN EPISODES,

ONE OF THE HEADS OF THE KLAVERNSAID TO THE LEADER,

SIR, I CANNOT,IN GOOD CONSCIENCE,

CONTINUE AS A MEMBEROF THIS KLAVERN

WHEN MY OWN CHILDRENARE POKING FUN

AT THE CLANOF THE FIERY CROSS.

[sneezes]

[coughs]

[sneezes]

- BLESS YOU.- THANK YOU.

[sneezes]

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