December 17, 2013 - Garry Trudeau

  • 12/17/2013

Edward Snowden seeks political asylum in Brazil, China embraces pollution, Ted Cruz gets his own coloring book, and Garry Trudeau discusses his show, "Alpha House."

>> Stephen: TONIGHT AMERICA ISLOSING THE SPACE RACE BUT WE'RE

WINNING THE RHYME CLIMB.

THEN A NEW WAY TO GET KIDS INTOTHE TEA PARTY.

HAVE THEM AGE 60 YEARS.

AND MY GUEST GARRY TRUDEAU HAS ANEW COMEDY SERIES ABOUT

REPUBLICAN SENATORS LIVINGTOGETHER.

IT'S LIKE NEW GIRL BUT OLD MAN.

GEORGE ZIMMERMAN IS AUCTION AORIGINAL PAINTING FOR A HUNDRED

THOUSAND DOLLARS.

MAN, THIS GUY IS GET AGO WAY

>> Stephen: WELCOME!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Audience: STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: THANK YOU, SO MUCH

FOR JOINING US, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU, SO MUCH, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW I, I, I, I KNOW THEFEELING.

[LAUGHING]>> Stephen: WE HERE JUST THREE

DAY AS WAY FROM OUR TWO WEEKWINTER BREAK TO CELEBRATE

CHRISTMAS.

IT'S MY FAVORITE TIME OF THEYEAR OTHER THAN OUR TWO WEEK

JULY BREAK TO CELEBRATECHRISTMAS.

OH FROSTEE THE DAIQUIRI MAKES MEGIGGLE AND THEN FIGHT.

I WOULD LIKE NOTHING MORE THANTO CHUG THIS CAR ON OF EGGNOG

WHILE YOU WATCH "SANTA CLAUS 2".

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: THAT IS FOR THE SAKE

OF ARGUMENT NOT ALCOHOLIC.

UNFORTUNATELY, FOLKS, NEWSHAPPENS.

>> 6 MONTHS AFTER EDUARD SNOWDENREVEALED TO THE WORLD THE

FEDERAL JUDGE RULED THE NSAPROGRAM THAT SWEEPS UP AMERICAN

PHONE RECORDS IS LIKELYUNCONSTITUTIONAL.

>> Stephen: WAY TO GO.

THANKS TO YOU, THE TERRORISTKNOWS THAT NSA SPYING VIOLATES

THE CONSTITUTION.

BY THE WAY, WHO LEAKED THAT.

[LAUGHING]>> Stephen: I JUST HOPE THE

TERRORISTS DON'T FIND THETREASURE MAP ON THE BACK.

FOLKS, SNOWDEN'S REIGN OFINFORMATION IS ONLY GETTING

STARTED.

AFTER A FEW MONTHS ENJOYING THEUNLIMITED INTELLECTUAL FREEDOM

OF RUSSIA HE'S READY FOR A NEWPLACE TO TAKE A LEAK.

>> ERIC SNOWEDEN WROTE A OPENLETTER TO THE BRAZILIAN PEOPLE.

HE SAID HE WOULD BE WILLING TOHELP BRAZILIAN GOVERNMENT

INVESTIGATE U.S. SPYING ON THEIRSOIL BUT ONLY IF GRANTED

POLITICAL ASYLUM.

>> Stephen: YA.

YA, YA.

THIS FACE HERE.

THIS.

HOW CONVENIENT, ED.

JUST AS WINTER CLOSES IN ONMOSCOW YOU SUDDENLY HAVE

INFORMATION THAT CAN ONLY BELEAKED TO RIO DE JANEIRO.

BRAZIL, DO NOT GIVE THIS TRAITOR ASYLUM.

INSTEAD GIVE IT TO ME.

I HAVE TWO WEEKS OF ASYLUMCOMING UP.

I PROMISE TO ASSIST YOU ININVESTIGATING NSA SURVEILLANCE

IF YOU GRANT ME REFUGE AT THEHOTEL NANNAI AT PERNAMBUCO.

DID YOU KNOW THE NSA MAY OFHIDDEN

THEY SAY YOU SHOULDN'T JUDGE ABOOK BY IT'S COVER.

THIS IS WHY I READ EVERY PAGE OF"HITLER WAS RIGHT."

I COULD OF JUST GONE WITH THECOVER ON THAT ONE.

ALERT, HITLER WAS WRONG.

TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF THEFINGER.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: ALL CHINA EDITION.

FOLKS, AS A NEWS MAN IT'S MY JOBTO DELIVER YOU UP TO THE MINUTE

WEATHER EVERY EIGHT YEARS.

I CALL IT WEATHER ON THE ONES.

I'M ONLY DOING IT ONCE.

LET'S GET TO IT.

THIS WEEK'S FORECAST CALLS FORIN DOOR TEMPS OF 6�.

OUTDOOR SIGNIFICANTLY WARMER ORCOLDER DEPENDING WHERE YOU LIVE.

CHECK YOUR LOCAL PAPERS.

THAT WAS THE WEATHER ON THEONES.

OF COURSE THE BIGGEST WEATHERNEWS IS FROM THE GREY PATCH

WHERE CHINA SHOULD BE.

>> TAKE A LOOK AT.

THIS YOU CAN'T SEE MUCH.

IT'S SHANGHAI, CHINA.

>> HUNDREDS OF FLIGHTS WERECANCELED OR DELAYED.

SCHOOLS CLOSED, RESIDENTS URGEDTO STAY IN DOORS AND STABGT

RAOEZ STOP PRODUCTION.

>> AIR QUALITY LEVELS REACH 40TIMES THE SAFE LIFT RECOMMENDED

BY THE WORLD HEALTH CORINGANYIZATION.

>> Stephen: FOLKS YOU CAN SEETHE GREAT WALL OF CHINA FROM

SPACE BUT NOW YOU CAN'T SEE THEGREAT WALL OF CHINA FROM CHINA.

IN RESPONSE CHINESE AUTHORITIESHAVE TAKEN DRASTIC ACTIONS.

SHANGHAI ANNOUNCED THE POLLUTIONSTANDARDS WOULD LOOSEN TO LESSEN

THE NUMBER OF AERTS BEINGISSUED.

NO, IT WORKS.

IT WORKED.

IT'S LIKE SETTING YOUR HOUSE ONFIRE THEN TAKING THE BATTERIES

OUT OF THE SMOKE DETECTOR SO ITDOESN'T WAKE YOU UP.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A RARE TIPOF THE HAT TO THE CHINESE

GOVERNMENT.

THEY WENT EVEN FARTHER, FOLKS.

LAST WEEK CHINA'S GOVERNMENTNEWS AGENCY INFORMED THE CHINESE

PEOPLE THAT SMOG IS ACTUALLYGOOD FOR THEM WITH A LIST OF

FIVE PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWNBENEFITS.

SAYING IT MAKES PEOPLE MOREUNITED.

IT'S A COMMON ENEMY EVERYWHEREIN CHINA. IT PROMOTES EQUALITY.

BOTH OF RICH AND POOR HAVE TOINHALE THE SAME POLLUTED AIR.

MAKES CHINA MORE AWARE AS AWORLD FACTORY, KNOWLEDGEABLE OF

POLLUTION AND UNITES THEM.

YES, LAST CERTIFICATE BESTMEDICINE ESPECIALLY IF YOU CAN

LAUGH WITHOUT INHALING.

HA, HA, HA, HA, HA.

[LAUGHING][LAUGHING]

>> Stephen: NEXT ON THE ALLCHINA TIP WAG, NORTH KOREA.

A COUNTRY THAT HAS BEEN LED BYDERANGED MAD MAN.

LIKE KIM IL SUNG WHO ERECTED AHUNDRED AND FORTY THOUSAND

MONUMENTS IN HIS HONOR.

THERE ARE MORE POSTERS FOR KIMIL SUNG IN KOREA THAN AMERICA

HAS POSTERS FOR "ANCHOR MAN 2"THEN OPERATION CRAZY PANTS WAYS

TAKEN OVER BY HIM SON KIMJUNG-UN WHO DEFIED THE WEST

TESTING NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

THEN IN 2011 HIS TINY SHOES WEREFILLED BY HIS SON KIM YUNG-UN.

SOME THOUGHT UN WOULD BE UNABLETO COMPLETE THE FAMILY TYRANTSY.

HE HAS SILENCED HIS DOUBTERS.

>> KIM YUNG-UN HAS SENTENCED HISUNCLE TO DEATH.

>> WHEN KIM WAS ELECTED VICEPRESIDENT OF THE CENTRAL

MILITARY, HIS UNCLE, ONLYCLAPPED HALF HEARTEDLY.

>> TRAGIC STORY.

NOW WE KNOW THE SOUND OF ONEHAND CLAPPING.

CLEARLY --[LAUGHING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: MERRY CHRISTMAS,

EVERYBODY.

[LAUGHING]>> Stephen: I'M SURE HIS

REMAINING FAMILY MEMBERS AREVERY PROUD.

OR THEY SHOULD BE IF THEY KNOWWHAT'S GOOD FOR THEM.

FINALLY ON THE TEE DUB I LOVESPACE.

ESPECIALLY SHOOTING STARS.

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I FIREI NEVER SEEM TO HIT ANY.

I SHOULD GET A STEP LADDER.

ANYWAYS, FOLKS SINISTER FORCES ARE THREATENING AMERICA

DOMINANTS.

>> CHINA IS THE THIRD NATION TOCARRY OUT A SOFT LANDING ON THE

MOON.

THE PICTURES ARE THE FIRST NEWIMAGES FROM THE MOON SURFACE IN

NEARLY FOUR DECADES.

>> Stephen: CHINA IS ON THEMOON.

I GIVE A WAG OF MY FINGER TO THEMOON.

FORGIVING IT UP SO EASY.

MOON, YOU BELONG TO US.

HOW COULD YOU LET CHINA SOFTLAND ON YOU.

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE INTO NOW.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE INTO GIANTLEAPS AND DEEP IMPACT OR WERE

YOU JUST FAKING IT?

YES, YES WE HAVEN'T BEEN AROUNDSINCE THE 1970s.

YOU KNEW WE WOULD BE BACK.

WE LEFT OUR CAR PARKED AT YOURPLACE.

CHINA DOESN'T LOVE YOU.

THE ONLY REASON THEY'RE GOING TOTHE MOON IS BECAUSE WITH THEIR

POLLUTION IT'S THE ONLY WAY TOSEE IT NOW.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, I HOPE YOU CHECKED YOURCALENDARS.

THERE ARE ONLY 7 SHOPPING DAYSLEFT UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

REMEMBER IT'S NOT TOO LATE TOGET YOUR KIDS THE PRESENTS OF

THEIR DREAMS.

>> TED CRUZ IS FEATURED IN A NEWCOLOR BOOK "TED CRUZ TO THE

FUTURE."

>> THE COLOR BOOK SAYS THE CRUZTO THE FUTURE IS NOT A

ENDORSEMENT BUT AN EDUCATIONALTOOL.

THE PUBLISHER SAYS IT'S A NONPARTISAN STAT DRIVEN VIEW ON HOW

CRUZ BECAME A SENATOR.

>> Stephen: A COLOR BOOK ABOUTTED CRUZ IS THE NUMBER ONE BOOK

ON AMAZON'S LIST OF CHILDREN'SCOLORING BOOKS.

I KNOW IT MAKES ME HAPPY TOO.

PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT THE TED CRUZCOLORING BOOK ALSO BROUGHT A KAY

OLE A 64 PACK OF WHITE CRAYONSAND THIS COLORING BOOK, THIS

COLORING BOOK --[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: -- HAS EVERYTHINGKIDS LOVE FROM TONS OF FUN TEXT

TO MENTIONS OF PARTIAL BIRTHABORTIONS.

I'M NOT SURPRISED REALLY BIGCOLORING BOOKS PUBLIC THIS,

THEY'RE THE SAME PATRIOTS THATBROUGHT THE KIDS THE TEA PARTY

COLORING BOOK FOR KIDS AND THELIBERTARIAN PARTY MINIMUM

FREEDOM AND MAXIMUM WITH JOHNSTOSSEL ON THE COVERAGE.

YOU CAN COLOR IN HIS MUSTACHE,KIDS, LIKE JOHN STOSSEL DOES.

THE INSIDE COVER STATES IT'S AFARE AND OBJECTIVE REVIEW OF

THIS REAL LIFE SUPERHERO.

LIKE THEIR TRIBUTE TO TED CRUZ24-HOUR OBAMA CARE FILIBUSTER.

THEY SAY CRUZ IS CLAIRVOYANT ANDAMERICANS BELIEVE OBAMA CARE IS

LESS THAN ANY WAR.

AT LEAST AMERICAN SOLDIERS HAVEWEAPONS TO DEFEND THEMSELVES.

SO TRUE, WHY AREN'T AMERICANSALLOWED TO SHOOT THEIR DOCTORS

ANYMORE.

PLUS THIS BOOK HAS FUNACTIVITIES LIKE CONNECT THE

DOTS.

I AM ONLY HALF WAY THROUGH.

I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A T-REX.

SO REALLY BIG COLORING BOOKS,GREAT JOB.

I HOPE YOU CREATE MORECONSERVATIVE THEME KIDS

ACTIVITIES AND THEMES.

LIKE CONNECT HILLARY TO BEN

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK EEVERYBODY.

MY GUEST IS A CELEBRATEDCARTOONIST.

WHOSE "ALPHA HOUSE" IS STREAMINGON AMAZON.

HE MUST DRAW FAST.

WELCOME GARRY TRUDEAU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU,

GARRY.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS.

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW HOWLIBERAL YOU WERE?

>> I SAY IT.

Stephen: NOW EVERYONE KNOWSYOU AS THE PULITZER PRIZE WINNER

OF TKAOPB DOONSBURY.

>> THAT PERSON KNOWS ME.

Stephen: YOU'RE DOINGSOMETHING BEYOND A DAILY COMIC

STRIP.

YOU HAVE CREATED A SHOW.

A LIVE ACTION SHOW CALLED "ALPHAHOUSE."

WHY?

YOU COULD OF SOLD THE RIGHTS TOSOMETHING.

>> YES.

I HAVE WORKED ON THEATRICALPROJECTS.

THIS WAS INSPIRED BY A ARTICLEIN THE TIMES ABOUT THESE FOUR

SENATORS WHO SHARED A HOUSE ONCAPITOL HILL.

>> Stephen: FOUR SENATORS WHOLIVED TOGETHER, RIGHT.

WHO WERE THEY.

>> CHUCK SCHUMER MY ZEN TOEFRPLTDICK DURBAB, AND GEORGE MILLER.

I CAN'T REMEMBER THE FOURTH ONE.

I NEVER WENT TO INTERVIEW THEM.

>> Stephen: THOSE GUYS AREDEMOCRATS.

WHY WOULD YOU CREATE A SHOWABOUT REPUBLICANS.

DID YOU WANT A OLDER WHITERAUDIENCE?

>> FIRST OF ALL I HAVE DONE ASHOW ABOUT DEMOCRATS.

I DID A SHOW CALLED "TANNER"SOME YEARS AGO ON HBO.

IT WAS A INTERESTING SHOW ABOUTDEMOCRATS.

THEY WERE IN TOTAL DISRAY.

>> Stephen: IS IT EASIER TOWRITE ABOUT FOUR REPUBLICANS

LIVING TOGETHER.

THEY'RE SO UNIFIED NOW.

IT'S A CLEAR MESSAGE FORAMERICA.

>> THAT MUCH OF ESCAPED MYATTENTION.

IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS A CIVILWAR IN WASHINGTON.

NO, NO.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE KEEPING THEPOWDER DRY.

>> THREE OF FOUR SENATORSELECTED IN PRETEA PARTY AREA.

THEY'RE BLIND SIDED TAKING FIREFROM THE RIGHT.

THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT TOIT.

>> Stephen: ON YOUR FIRSTEPISODE I HAD ONE OF YOUR

SENATORS ON MY SHOW.

A SENATOR FROM NEVADA?

>> NEVADA.

Stephen: NEVADA.

LET'S SHOW THE CLIP OF "ALPHAHOUSE" HERE.

>> WHAT SPORT DID YOU PLAY WHENYOU WERE YOUNGER?

>> IT WAS A BY THE OF TENNISEARLY ON.

WRESTLING.

A WRESTLING IN MY DAY.

>> I WRESTLED IN HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU WANT TO THROW DOWN.

YOU THINK WE SHOULD?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> Audience: STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> GREAT GUEST.

Stephen: HE WAS AN EXCITINGGUEST.

VERY FEW.

I COULDN'T GET CHUCK TO DO THATWITH ME.

>> IT BACKFIRED ON HIM.

HE WENT ON THE SHOW BECAUSE MOSTCOLLEAGUES OF HIS ARE AFRAID OF

THE SHOW.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE COWARDS.

>> THEY DON'T GO TOE-TO-TOE.

Stephen: HOW ABOUT GROIN TOFACE.

THE WAY YOU GET THE SHOW.

IT'S A TV SHOW.

WHAT TV CHANNEL DO I WATCH ITON?

>> YOU CAN'T IT'S STREAMINGVIDEO.

LEGALLY WE HAVE TO CALL ITSTREAMING VIDEO.

>> Stephen: WHEN DO I WATCH IT.

WHAT TIME IS IT ON?

>> IT'S ON WHENEVER YOU WANT TOWATCH IT.

>> Stephen: OKAY IS IT ON NOW.

>> IT'S ON NOW.

Stephen: I CAN'T I'MINTERVIEWING YOU, I MISSED IT.

>> IT'S ON OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Stephen: WHAT CHANNEL?

>> AMAZON.

Stephen: I ORDER A TV.

>> NOW ENTER "ALPHA HOUSE" ONAMAZON.

IT SHOWS UP.

THE FIRST THREE EPISODES AREFREE.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF I'M NOTTHERE WHEN IT'S DELIVERED.

DOES THE UPS LEAVE A TAG ON THEDOOR AND WE PLAY PHONE TAG FOR A

WHILE?

>> NO, THE SHOW IS NOT DELIVEREDTO THE HOME.

>> Stephen: NEVER DELIVERED.

I DON'T GET IT.

>> DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS.

Stephen: YES.

I GO TO AMAZON.

TURN ON THE COMPUTE I COMPUTER.

Stephen: GOT IT.

>> GET YOUR KID TO CALL UP ABROWSER.

>> Stephen: I GOT ONE OF THOSE.

>> RIGHT.

YOU TYPE IN THE WORD AMAZON.

IT TAKES YOU RIGHT TO SEATTLE.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

I UNDERSTAND WHAT WE'RE TALKINGABOUT.

ABOUT.

YOU ORDER IT ON AM A SOFPBLT HOWDO YOU INDICATE THIS IN

CHARADES.

THIS -- THIS IS TV.

IS THIS IT?

>> I GUESS.

Stephen: I STREAMED IT.

>> OKAY.

Stephen: PEOPLE WHO ORDEREDYOUR SHOW ON AMAZON ORDERED THE

TED CRUZ COLOR BOOK.

YOU CAN GET A PACKAGE OF THE.

TWO.

>> FANTASTIC COMBINATION.

Stephen: NOW SPEAKING OF THEBOOK YOU HAVE ANOTHER BOOK --

>> THAT WILL POP UP.

Stephen: "SQUARED AWAY" HOWMANY YEARS HAVE YOU BEEN DOING

DOONSBURY?

>> 43 YEARS.

Stephen: 43 YEARS.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Stephen: PRIME NUMBER, A GOOD

ONE.

HOW MANY MORE SEASONS OF THISARE YOU GOING TO DO?

>> SEASONS OF THE SHOW?

tephen: THIS SHOW.

>> DEPENDS ON AMAZON.

Stephen: IS THERE SUCH THINGAS RATINGS ON AMAZON?

I THINK YES.

IT'S IN A BLACK BOX.

YOU DON'T GET TO KNOW HOW IT IS.

IT'S A HIT IF THEY SAY IT'S AHIT.

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T GET TOKNOW.

>>>> Don:

Stephen: BEEZOS SHOWS UP ANDSAYS GIVE ME MORE.

GOOD LUCK.

IT'S A FANTASTIC SHOW.

YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TASK.

GARRY TRUDEAU, "THE ALPHA HOUSE"CLICK.

IT WILL COME RIGHT TO