Monday, July 21, 2014

  • 07/21/2014

Mike Phirman and Paul and Storm come up with steamy details about the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie, list #WorseMoonLandingQuotes and learn about some wild tribute bands.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT IS RAPID REFRESH.

>> GOOD NEWS FOR GUILTYPLEASURES, NETFLIX IS TESTING A

PRIVATE VIEWING FEATURE THATWOULD HIDE ALL OF YOUR

EMBARRASSING SELECTIONS FROMYOUR VIEWING HISTORY. SO YOUR

ROOMMATE NEVER HAS TO KNOW ABOUTALL YOUR LOST WEEKENDS WITH ALL

EIGHT SEASONS OF SAY YES TO THEDRESS OR THE FACT THAT BREAKING

AMISH IS IN YOUR SPANK BANK.

>> COMEDIANS WHAT SHAMEFULNETFLIX SECRET DO YOU WISH YOU

COULD HIDE FROM THE WORLD? MIKEPHIRMAN?

>> I HAVE NEVER SEEN HOUSE OFCARDS BUT I LOVE IT.

>> POINTS TO MIKE PHIRMAN.

>> MOVING ON.

IF YOU WITH WONDERING WHY THEREWAS A PALPABLE SEXUAL ENERGY

RADIATING FROM YOUR LOCAL ARTSAND CRAFTS STORE THIS WEEKEND,

IT'S BECAUSE THE TRAILER FOR THETRAILER OF THE UPCOMING 50

SHADES OF GREY MOVIE HIT THEINTERNET VIA BEYONCE'S INSTAGRAM

AND IT HAS ALMOST 400,000 LIKES.

WE ARE GOING TO SHOW IT TO YOU,BUT FOR YOUR SAFETY, MAKE SURE

YOUR MOM'S BOOK CLUB IS OUT OFTHE ROOM LEST THEY FLY INTO A

CHIMPANZEE LIKE SEXUAL FRENZYAND HAVE TO GO SWIFT ONE OUT IN

THE MINIVAN.

>> [ MOANING]

>> [ MOANING]

>> IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT POOPING? BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE POOPING.

>> IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS?

>> OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NOT LOT OFCONTENT HERE, SO COMEDIANS, SAY

SOMETHING TO GET 50 SHADES OFGREY FANS TO GET ALL HOT AND

MOIST IN THEIR HIGH WASTEDCOSTCO JEANS. STORM --

>> 50 SHADES -- IT'S GONNA BEMORE HEAVING BREATHING --

THAN YOUR HUSBAND'S SLEEP APNEA.

>> POINTS, POINTS.

>> MIKE PHIRMAN.

>> YOU REMIND ME OF MY LATEWIFE.

QUICK, LET'S DO IT BEFORE SHEGETS HOME.

>> WELL DONE, POINTS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

NEXT HEY, MILLENNIALS, GET OFFBUZZ ALDRIN'S LAWN.

HERE'S A CLIP OF HIM PUNCHING AGUY WHO SAID THE MOON LANDING

WAS FAKE. I JUST LOVE TO WATCHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

>> YOU ARE A COWARD AND A LIARAND A THIEF.

>> OH!

>> THAT, THAT DID NOT SEEM LIKETHE ACTIONS OF A COWARD AT ALL.

>> I HEARD THAT CLIP WAS FAKETHOUGH.

>> 100 POINTS TO MIKE PHIRMAN.

ON TWITTER THIS WEEKEND, BUZZLAID CLAIM TO THE FIRST SELFIE

IN 1966 AFTER HE LOCKED HIS KEYSINSIDE THE GEMINI CAPSULE

HERE IS HE IS WAITING FOR AAA.

COMEDIANS HOW WOULD YOU BREAKTHE NEWS TO BUZZ ALDRIN THAT

HE'S GOING TO BE THE SECOND MANON THE MOON? PAUL?

>> EENIE, MEANIE, MINIE, SORRYBUZZ, IT'S SCIENCE.

>> POINTS.

MIKE.

>> NO, NEIL IS JUST OPENING, YOUARE THE HEADLINER.

>> OH, THAT IS SO GOOD, OH, GOODBAND JOKE.

IT'S TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWARS.

>> SO YESTERDAY MARKED THE 45THANNIVERSARY OF NEIL ARMSTRONG'S

FAMOUS ONE SMALL STEP FOR A MAN,ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND LINE

UPON WALKING ON THE MOON.

SO IN HONOR OF THAT MOMENTOUSOCCASION, TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS

WORSEMOONLANDINGQUOTES.

>> EXAMPLES LIKE ONE SMALL STEPFOR A MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP IN THE

QUANTITY OF POON I AM GONNASLAY.

>> OR IS THIS A GOOD PLACE TOHIDE A BODY.

>> OR I CAN'T BELIEVE WE AREFAKING THIS.

>> I AM GOING TO PUT 60-SECONDSON THE CLOCK STARTING NOW.

>> YES, MIKE PHIRMAN.

>> I DEDICATE THIS MOMENT TO MYFAMOUS PLANET PLUTO.

>> OH, NICE. POINTS. TECHNICALLYNOT A PLANET ANYMORE.

THANKS, NEIL DEGRASSTYSON!

>> PAUL.

>> THAT IS ONE SMALL -- OH, I AMSORRY.

I ALMOST STEPPED ON MY GIGANTICBALLS BECAUSE I AM THE FIRST MAN

ON THE (BLEEP) MOON!

>> POINTS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I MEAN YOU ARE IN ORBIT AROUNDYOU IN THAT ZERO GRAVITY SCANRIO

>> MIKE PHIRMAN.

>> CLOSE THE MODULE DOOR I AMNOT TRYING TO HEAT THE WHOLE

(BLEEP) MOON.

>> POINTS!

>> STORM.

>> THAT IS NO MOON, OH, YES, ITIS A MOON.

>> YEAH, POINTS. IT'S A MOON.PAUL.

>> YOUR MOM IS A SEA OFTRANQUILITY.

>> HEY, POINTS.

>> STORM.

>> I DON'T THINK THAT IS A VERYGOOD IDEA, NEIL.

>> POINTS.

GOOD.

OLD SCHOOL.

NICE, OLD SCHOOL. CUBRICREFERENCE.

PHIRRMAN.

>> THIS PLACE WOULD BE GREATOVER MY HAMMY.

>> POH GOOD. OH EXCELLENT.

THAT IS THE GREATEST BREAKFASTSANDWHICH IN THE WORLD. POINTS.

@MIDNIGHT NEON SIGN FUN FORKICKS!

>> THE SITE WORLDWIDEINTERWEB.COM COMPILED A LIST OF

NEON SIGN FAILS.

BUT WHAT IF THEY'RE NOT FAILS.

DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THATINTERWEBS?

>> WELL MAYBE THERE IS ACOLLECTION OF SOME SOME OF THE

BOLDEST AND MOST CREATIVE NEWSMALL BUSINESSES OUT THERE.

COMEDIANS PLEASE GIVE HE ME THESLOGAN FOR THESE NEW BUSINESSES.

>> FIRST ONE, THE BLACK ANUSSTEAKHOUSE.

>> YES, STORM.

>> BLACK ANUS STEAKHOUSE.

EAT THE WHOLE THING.

>> Chris: POINTS. PAUL.

>> YOU WILL NEVER GO BACK.

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S THE BESTAD CAMPAIGN.

>> Chris: MIKE.

>> ORANGE ANUS IS THE NEW BLACKANUS.

>> Chris: NICE, OH. POINTS.

NEXT.

THIS IS NOW A DEFUNCT BLO US USVIDEO.

>> THIS IS HOW THEY COULD HAVESTAYED OPEN.

PHIRRMAN.

>> NO FE-LATE FEES.

>> HEY NICE! OH THAT IS GOOD!

>> MIKE, THAT IS BRITISH QUALITYWORDPLAY RIGHT THERE.

>> WOW, THANK YOU.

>> Chris: ANYONE ELSE? PAUL.

>> YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOWHOW WE SETTLE OVER DUE ACCOUNTS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> BE KIND, REWIND THAT ASS USUP.

>> NEXT ONE.

LSD, TO THE BEGINNING OFSOMETHING WONDERFUL.

>> PHIRRMAN.

>> AS SEEN ON BAD TRIPADVISOR.COM.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS! EXECELLENT! GOOD JOB.

>> Chris: AND FINALLY, HELL.

>> GUYS, THIS IS WHERE WE WILLBE SPENDING ETERNITY.

PHIRMAN.

>> WANT CHEAP GAS? GO TO HELL.

>> Chris: YES.

PERFECT.

POINTS. OF COURSE.

>> PAUL.

>> IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BYTALKING HELL WITH CHRIS

HARDWICK.

>> Chris: YES.

I WOULD HOST THAT.

TRIBUTE BANDS

>> JUST FOR YOU GUYS, FOR THOSEABOUT TO ROCK IN CRAZY ASS

TRIBUTE BANDS, WE SALUTE YOU.

WE ALSO LOOK UP YOUR STUFF ONYOUTUBE.

COMEDIANS, I AM GOING TO GIVE ACHOICE OF TWO BIZARRE TRIBUTE

BAND, YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHICHONE IS ROCKING FOR REALS.

FIRST ONE, RAVE MATTHEWS, A DUOTHAT DOES ALL ELECTRONICA COVERS

OF DMB OR NUDIST PRIEST, A JUDASPRIEST TRIBUTE BAND THAT HEAD

BANGS IN THE BUFF. MIKE PHIRMAN.

>> NUDIST PRIEST.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> OH!

>> SOME DOORS ARE BETTER LEFTCLOSED.

>> Chris: NEXT.

A BEARDED ALL DUDE TRIBUTE TOTHE MATERIAL GIRL CALLED

MANDONNA, OR BREAD ZEPPELIN, ALEE ANN COVER BAND WHOSE MEMBERS

ALL HAVE A GLUTEN ALLERGY?

>> STORM.

>> MANDONNA, BECAUSE ZZ TOPHAS TO DO SOMETHING WITH THEIR

SPARE TIME.

>> OF COURSE.

LET'S FIND OUT.

♪ YEAH YOU MAKE ME FEEL SHINYAND NEW. LIKE A VIRGIN! ♪

OH!

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> THAT LOOKS LIKE THE CREDITSTO THE INTERNET.

>> Chris: BROUGHT TO YOU BY --YES.

ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE, BRIT ROCK AS PERFORMEDBIOSENIOR CITIZENS CALLING

THEMSELVES OLD PLAY OR METALLICAAS PERFORMED BY EIGHT-YEAR-OLD

CHILDREN. PHIRMAN.

>> METALLICA BY 8 YEAR OLDS>>LET'S FIND OUT.

>> HOLD MY BREATH AS I PRAY FORNAPS.

>> THERE IS NOTHING MORE METALTHAN STAYING UP AFTER BEDTIME.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

FINALLY, WHICH ONE OF THESE IS AREAL ALL LADY AC/DC TRIBUTE BAND

>> HELL'S BELLS OR THUNDHERSTRUCK.

>> HELL'S BELLS, 'CUASE SWEARING>> LET'S FIND OUT.

SPOILER WARS

>> ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER NEWDETAIL FROM THE SET OF STAR

WARS, EPISODE SEVEN, DIRECTOR JJABRAMS RELEASED THIS VIDEO FOR

AN OMAZE.COM CHARITY FUND RAISERIN WHICH HE'S SEEN STANDING NEXT

TO WHAT LOOK LOOKS TO BE LIKE AFULLY REALIZED AND FULLY

BITCHING X-WING FIGHTER.

YEAH.

>> TECHCALLY THE F FOIL IS NOTDEPLOYED YET.

>> WOW ..

>> COME ON, GUYS, FOCUS, STAY ONTARGET!

>> GUYS, I WANT YOU TO COME UPWITH AS MANY FAKE SPOILERS FOR

THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE AS YOUCAN. 60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK

>>GO, PHIRRMAN.

>> ICE PLANET HOFF NOW TROPICALPLANET HOFF DUE TO GALACTIC

WARMING.

>> YES. POINTS. YES, STORM.

HUMAN WOOKIEE CENTIPEDE.

>> Chris: POINTS. PAUL.

>> HAN SOLO'S BALLS HANG OF THEBOTTOM OF HIS SPACE SHORTS.

>> Chris: POINTS. PHIRMAN.

>> CHEWBACCA BITES A KID AND HADHAS TO BE PUT DOWN.

>> Chris: POINTS. PAUL.

>> WE CONCENTRATE ON SOME OF THESECONDARY JEDI, SPECIFICALLY WE

FIND OUT WHY THEY CALL HIM KIDCISCO.

>> Chris: WHOA! POINTS. STORM.

>> REBEL BUILD THEIR NEXT BASEUSING KICK STARTER.