Monday, October 28, 2013

  • 10/28/2013

The contestants generate BuzzFeed lists and give advice to women on a mommy message board.

>> GUYS IT'S TIME FORTONIGHT'S #WARS.

>> WAR!

>> LAST WEEK OUR FIRST WEEKON THE SHOW THE HASHTAG WARS

KIND OF BLEW UP.

THIS WAS TRENDING WORLDWIDE,SO YOU GOT OH, APPLE, THEN

SOMETHING IN RUSSIAN, ANDTHEN OH THIS IS ONE OF THOSE

DAYS, AND THEN BLOODYMUSICALS, WORLDWIDE.

FOR NO REASON.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, I'M GOINGTO GIVE YOU A HASHTAG AND

BUZZ IN WITH THE TWEET THATREFLECTS THE HASHTAG.

YOU WILL GET $100 POINTS.

TONIGHT'S IS BOOGIE CELEBS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE LEONARDODECAPITATED OR BRAD PITT OF

ULTIMATE DESPAIR OR TERRORREED.

I WILL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

>> OH YEAH.

>> WHY NOT 120 SECONDS.

>> YOU JUST GET 60 SECONDSYOU-- ADORABLE IMP.

>> SCARY FISHER.

>> YES, POINTS.

>> KRISTEN SCHAAL.

>> MOAN-IQUE.

>> YES.

>> DOUG BENSON KEISHA FRIGHTPOOLIAN.

>> YES, CHRISTIAN SCHAAL.

>> CATHRY BAIT AVND SWITCHME ALL THE WAY TO HELL.

>> MARILYN MANSON WOULD BEJELL US HE DIDN'T COME UP

WITH THAT, POINTS.

YES, KRISTEN.

>> TINA FANG.

>> MY BUZZ CERTIFICATE NOTWORKING.

>> CHRISTIAN SCHAAL.

>> YES, DOUG BENSON.

>> DOUG BENSON.

>> HONEY BOO BOO.

>> MYA RYU DOLPH THE REDNOSE REINDEER GOT DUG UP

FROM PET CEMETERY.

>> YES, POINTS, LET'S GIVEEUGENE.

>> MYA ANGEBOO.

>> BENEDICT CONVER -->> I KNOW.

>> I WILL GIVE YOU GIVE YOUONE FROM BENEDICT

CUMBERSNATCH.

THAT IS VERY SPOOKY.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE BEEN TOCAFE MOM BUT A WEB SITE

WHERE MOTHERS GIVE ADVICE TOOTHER MOTHERS.

AND NATURALLY THERE IS AMESSAGE BOARD ABOUT SEX ON

IT.

SO I'M GOING TO READ A REALPOST ON THE MESSAGE BOARD

AND IF YOU CAN COME UP WITHA FUNNIER ANSWER WITH ITS

WEB SITE'S BEST ANSWER YOUWILL GET 250 POINTS, ALL

RIGHT.

HERE WE GO.

HERE IS THE FIRST QUESTIONON CAFE MOM.

MY HUSBAND IS INTERESTED INSEEING ME PEE.

NOT ONLY OF ME IN THE AC OFSITTING AND PEEING BUT

SEEING MY STREAM FLOW FROMME UP CLOSE.

YES, KRISTEN, KRISTEN.

>> PLEASE.

>> WHAT'S THE QUESTION,SOUNDS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO

SEE INSIDE OF YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN UP ALITTLE YOU COLD BITCH.

HE'S TRYING TO SEE INSIDE OFHER AND HE'S TRYING TO SEE

HER PEE AT LEAST BECAUSE IDONE KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON

IN YOUR HEAD.

>> YOU FEEL LIKE HE WANTS TOGET MORE INTO THE

RELATIONSHIP URETHRALLY.

>> YEAH, THEY ARE NOTCOMMUNICATING IN ANY WAY.

>> THE REAL ANSWER WASSOUNDS VERY EROTIC SMILEY

MOTT I CON, MY EX USED TOLOVE WATCHING ME PEE TOO.

AH, THE MEMORIES.

>> MY EX.

>> THAT GUY WINS.

HE WINS.

>> INTERNET WINS THAT ONE,250 POINTS TO CAFE MOM.

>> GUYS, I'M VERY SORRY FORWHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY

OUTLOUD IN FRONT OF OTHERPEOPLE.

>> DURING PERIOD HAS ANYONEEVER HAD THIS HAPPEN?

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE NOTWRONG.

KRISTEN.

>> YES.

BUT IT WAS BY A BEAR AND NOWI'M DEAD.

>> I'M GOING TO GO AHEAD ANDGIVE YOU 250 POINTS FOR THAT

ANYWAY.

THE REAL ANSWER IS COMINGOUT OF IF YOUR MAN DOES THAT

HE IS NASTY, NO WAY NEARFUNNIER THAN ITS BEAR THING

THAT HAPPENED IN YOURSCENARIO.

NEXT ONE, HOW MANY MARYWOMEN MASTURBATE.

I FEEL GUILTY EVERY TIME IDO IT.

YES.

>> I FEEL LIKE DOING IN THECHURCH BATHROOM MAKES ME

FEEL BETTER.

>> THE REAL ANSWER ISNOTHING MORE DEPRESS THANK

GETTING HOT AND BOTHEREDWHILE FEEDING A TWO MONTH

OLD.

>> WHY IS THAT DEPRESSING?

>> I DON'T THINK -->> THERE IS NO REASON YOU

CAN'T PLEASURE YOURSELF ANDNURSE.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE BABY ISAWARE OF IT, HE'S TWO MONTHS

OLD.

IS THAT WRONG.

I'M NOT A MOM.

WILL THEY NOT LET ME BE AMOM NOW.

>> I WILL GIVE YOU 250POINTS FOR THE ANSWER AND AN

EXTRA 100 POINTS FOR MAKINGUS FEEL OKAY ABOUT THAT.

I'M GOING TOREAD THE HEADLINE FOR AN AAD,

250 POINTS YOU HAVE TO TELLME IF IT IS REAL OR FAKE,

YOU WOULD SAY FACEBOOK AADOR FAKEBOOK AAD.

TEACH YOUR HORSE TO DRIVE.

>> FACEBOOK.

>> FACEBOOK, THAT'S A REALAAD, TEACH YOUR HORSE TO

DRIVE.

THERE IT IS.

A 2-D VD SET, IT TAKES 2-DVDs TO TEACH YOUR HORSE HOW

TO DRIVE.

>> WHAT DO THEY MEAN?

>> LIKE A MOTOR PSYCHESNELL.

>> NO DON'T LOOK TOO FARINTO IT IT'S TEACH YOUR

HORSE TO DROICHLT IT'SCALLED BEING ABLE TO USE THE

CARPOOL LANE.

NEXT ONE, SINGLE GAYMILLIONAIRES, SINGLE GAY

MILLIONAIRES.

>> HOPEFULLY?

>> THAT'S A WEIRD ANSWER.

>> I LIKE WATCHING YOUHECKLE YOURSELF.

>> IT WAS EYE HOPEFULPRESENTATION.

I'M GOING TO SAY REAL.

>> YES, FACEBOOK AAD, SINGLEGAY MILLIONAIRE.

>> WHY THE-- ON THE NECK?

>> EASY ACCESS, I GUESS.

>> YOU GET POINTS FOR THATMIRMAN.

HIGH THOUGHTS OR PHILOSOPHYCLASS.

SO FOR 250 POINTS TELL ME IFTHE FOLLOWING TWEETS WERE

HASHTAGS HIGH THOUGHTS FROMSTONERS OR PHILOSOPHY CLASS,

PEOPLE JUST IN PHILOSOPHYCLASS THAT WAS MY MAJOR.

I COULD UNDERSTAND THIS GAMEPRETTY WELL, DOWLING, YOU

HAVE AN ADVANTAGE BECAUSEYOU ARE ALSO A PHILOSOPHY

MAJOR.

FIRST ONE, FIRST ONE,.

>> I SMOKE THEREFORE I AM.

>> I SHOULDN'T BE GETTINGTHIS MIND [BLEEP] ABOUT

SQUIRRELS.

>> EUGENE.

>> I'M GOING TO SAY HIGHTHOUGHTS.

>> NO, PHILOSOPHY CLASS.

PHILOSOPHY CLASS.

THANKS, IAN.

WHAT IF LOLLI POPES MOANEDEVERY TIME WE LICKED THEM.

>> YES, DOUG.

>> I JUST HAD THAT THOUGHT.

>> IF YOU ARE SAYING HIGHTHOUGHTS, YES, THAT'S THE

CORRECT ANSWER, HIGHTHOUGHTS.

250 POINTS, WELL DONE.

WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OFFRUIT, BANANAS DON'T GROW

LIKE APPLES, WHAT HAMSTERDOES WELL IS NOT THE SAME AS

CAT DOES WELL.

DOUG.

>> PHILOSOPHY CLASS.

>> YES.

>> YES, THAT IS PHILOSOPHYCLASS.

FOR 250 POINTS.

GOOD EYE RECOGNIZING THAT.

THIS IS BUZZ SPEED.

BUZZ SPEED.

ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVEBEEN ON BUZZ FEED.

THERE IS A LOT OF RIDICULOUSLISTS OUT THERE HERE ARE A

FEW THAT YOU MAY HAVECLICKED ON BEFORE.

12 CELEBRITIES YOU DIDN'TRELIZE HAVE LAZY EYES,

THAT'S ONE.

24 THINGS ONLY PEOPLE WITHSMALL HANDS WILL UNDERSTAND.

THAT WILL BE ME.

17 FUZZY CATERPILLARS WHOJUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

THOSE ARE ALL REAL LISTSTHAT THEY CAME UP WITH

MULTIPLE THINGS OF.

SO YOU GUYS WILL HAVE 60SECONDS TO COME UP WITH BUZZ

FEED LISTS THAT ARE EVENMORE RIDICULOUS THAN THE

ONES ACTUALLY ON BUZZ FEEDAND FOR EACH FUNNY ONE YOU

GET 2 -- 2350-- 2 PO PINTS.

TWO BEST MOVE YEAUXES IN THETAKEN FILM SERIES.

>> POINTS.

>>> 12 THINGS THAT ARETECHNICALLY BLOW JOBS.

>> WHAT?

>> 10 OF YOUR FAIR RITHFINGERS.

>> IT'S SO ADORABLE WHEN YOUSAY T POINTS.

>> YES, KRISTEN.

>> OKAY, HOW ABOUT 250 OFYOUR BEST SONGS.

26-- FORGET THAT ONE.

>> NO POINTS.

>> 8 FACIAL EXPRESSIONS CHERCAN'T MAKE ANY MORE.

>> THAT WOULD BE A REALLYGOOD ONE SHALL POINTS.

THAT'S LEGITIMATE.

>> NINE REASONS THAT FOURREASONS ARE BETTER THAN 12

REASONS.

>> YES.

>> AND THAT'S PHILOSOPHYCLASS, YES, DOUG.

>> TWO VOICE OVER ACKERSFROM BOB BURSERS WHO ARE

HORRIBLE PEOPLE.

>> OH, TAKING A SHOT.

NO POINTS DOUG, NO POINTS.

MIRMAN.

>> YES, 85 DOGS THAT ARE 24CATS.

>> POINTS.

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