Monday, October 28, 2013

  • 10/28/2013

The contestants generate BuzzFeed lists and give advice to women on a mommy message board.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S START WITH OUR

FIRST GAME.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNET

HEADLINE OOTDZ TIME FOR "RAPID

REFRESH."

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A QUESTION

WITH THREE POSSIBLE ANSWERS.

THE FIRST TO BUZZ IN GETS 100

POINTS.

THE N.B.A. SEASON STARTS TONIGHT

ENDING A BUSY OFF-SEASON EXPECT

FOR NEW YORK NICK J.R. SMITH.

WHAT PICKUP LINE DID HE USE TO

FLIRT WITH A FEMALE FAN.

YOU TRYING TO GET THE PIPE?

B, CAN I HOLLA AT YOUR GINA?

OR C, SUP?

MEET AT CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

NIKKI GLASER.

>> C?

>> NO THE CORRECT ANSWER IS A.

>> NO WAY!

>> YES!

>> I LOVE IT!

>> HE'S PLUMBING HIS PENIS--

>> I CALL MY VAGINA THE

CHEESECAKE FACTORY.

THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT-- THAT'S

WHY I THOUGHT IT WAS C.

>> WELL, I'VE HEARD--

>> I CALL VAGINAS TRYINAS.

>> THE "X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE

PAST" TRAILER WAS RELEASED AND

HOLY CRAP IS THE INTERNET

EXCITED THE TRAILER EVOKED

DISTURBINGLY SEXUAL RESPONSES

FROM THE TWITTER VERSE.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING REAL

TWEETS WAS FROM A FEMALE FAN.

THE XMAN TRAILER IS OUT AND I'M

AT SCHOOL.

( BLEEP ) ME IN THE ASS.

I WONDER IF THE MARKET RESEARCH

PEOPLE ARE LIKE WHERE DO WE PUT

THAT ON A CHART?

B, JUST WATCHED THE TRAIL FOR

"X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST," BE

RIGHT BACK WHILE I JUICE FOR JOY

IN THIS WHOLE FOODS CHECKOUT

LINE.

C, JUST WATCHED THE NEW X-MEN

TRAILER AND I THINK I JUST TOOK

A ( BLEEP ) OUT OF MY DICK.

I THINK.

I THINK I DID.

YOU'D KNOW.

PATTON.

>> I HAVE TO BOW OUT OF THIS

ROUND.

THE SECOND ONE'S MINE.

( LAUGHTER )

SORRY.

>> YEAH, IT'S NOT FAIR.

>> YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TAKE

A GUESS?

>> NO, NO, NO.

>> NIKKI.

>> LADIES FIRST.

>> I'M GOING TO DEFINITELY SAY

A.

>> YES, THAT IS THE CORRECT

ANSWER.

IS THAT AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE

GEE WHEN, WHEN YOU'RE AT SCHOOL

AND MISS SOMETHING WANT TO GET

( BLEEP ) IN THE ASS.

>> GIRLS DON'T TAKE ( BLEEP )

OUT OF THEIR DICKS BECAUSE THEY

DON'T HAVE DICKS.

>> AND YOUDICKS.

>> DRIKS LIKE THAT.

>> IF A VAGINA IS A CHEESECAKE

FACTORY, SHE WANTS TO GET

( BLEEP ) IN HER DENNYS.

>> TO BE FAIR.

NO, HER OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE.

>> AAHH!

>> THIS BABY IS GONE!

>> IT'S OVER THE GREEN MONSTER.

MOM, SEX ADVICE FROM YOUR

MOM.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE BEEN TO

CAFE MOM BUT A WEB SITE

WHERE MOTHERS GIVE ADVICE TO

OTHER MOTHERS.

AND NATURALLY THERE IS A

MESSAGE BOARD ABOUT SEX ON

IT.

SO I'M GOING TO READ A REAL

POST ON THE MESSAGE BOARD

AND IF YOU CAN COME UP WITH

A FUNNIER ANSWER WITH ITS

WEB SITE'S BEST ANSWER YOU

WILL GET 250 POINTS, ALL

RIGHT.

HERE WE GO.

HERE IS THE FIRST QUESTION

ON CAFE MOM.

MY HUSBAND IS INTERESTED IN

SEEING ME PEE.

NOT ONLY OF ME IN THE AC OF

SITTING AND PEEING BUT

SEEING MY STREAM FLOW FROM

ME UP CLOSE.

YES, KRISTEN, KRISTEN.

>> PLEASE.

>> WHAT'S THE QUESTION,

SOUNDS LIKE HE'S TRYING TO

SEE INSIDE OF YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN UP A

LITTLE YOU COLD BITCH.

HE'S TRYING TO SEE INSIDE OF

HER AND HE'S TRYING TO SEE

HER PEE AT LEAST BECAUSE I

DONE KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON

IN YOUR HEAD.

>> YOU FEEL LIKE HE WANTS TO

GET MORE INTO THE

RELATIONSHIP URETHRALLY.

>> YEAH, THEY ARE NOT

COMMUNICATING IN ANY WAY.

>> THE REAL ANSWER WAS

SOUNDS VERY EROTIC SMILEY

MOTT I CON, MY EX USED TO

LOVE WATCHING ME PEE TOO.

AH, THE MEMORIES.

>> MY EX.

>> THAT GUY WINS.

HE WINS.

>> INTERNET WINS THAT ONE,

250 POINTS TO CAFE MOM.

>> GUYS, I'M VERY SORRY FOR

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY

OUTLOUD IN FRONT OF OTHER

PEOPLE.

>> DURING PERIOD HAS ANYONE

EVER HAD THIS HAPPEN?

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE NOT

WRONG.

KRISTEN.

>> YES.

BUT IT WAS BY A BEAR AND NOW

I'M DEAD.

>> I'M GOING TO GO AHEAD AND

GIVE YOU 250 POINTS FOR THAT

ANYWAY.

THE REAL ANSWER IS COMING

OUT OF IF YOUR MAN DOES THAT

HE IS NASTY, NO WAY NEAR

FUNNIER THAN ITS BEAR THING

THAT HAPPENED IN YOUR

SCENARIO.

NEXT ONE, HOW MANY MARY

WOMEN MASTURBATE.

I FEEL GUILTY EVERY TIME I

DO IT.

YES.

>> I FEEL LIKE DOING IN THE

CHURCH BATHROOM MAKES ME

FEEL BETTER.

>> THE REAL ANSWER IS

NOTHING MORE DEPRESS THANK

GETTING HOT AND BOTHERED

WHILE FEEDING A TWO MONTH

OLD.

>> WHY IS THAT DEPRESSING?

>> I DON'T THINK --

>> THERE IS NO REASON YOU

CAN'T PLEASURE YOURSELF AND

NURSE.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE BABY IS

AWARE OF IT, HE'S TWO MONTHS

OLD.

IS THAT WRONG.

I'M NOT A MOM.

WILL THEY NOT LET ME BE A

MOM NOW.

>> I WILL GIVE YOU 250

POINTS FOR THE ANSWER AND AN

EXTRA 100 POINTS FOR MAKING

FAKEBOOK AAD I'M GOING TO

READ THE HEADLINE FOR AN AAD,

250 POINTS YOU HAVE TO TELL

ME IF IT IS REAL OR FAKE,

YOU WOULD SAY FACEBOOK AAD

OR FAKEBOOK AAD.

TEACH YOUR HORSE TO DRIVE.

>> FACEBOOK.

>> FACEBOOK, THAT'S A REAL

AAD, TEACH YOUR HORSE TO

DRIVE.

THERE IT IS.

A 2-D VD SET, IT TAKES 2-D

VDs TO TEACH YOUR HORSE HOW

TO DRIVE.

>> WHAT DO THEY MEAN?

>> LIKE A MOTOR PSYCHE

SNELL.

>> NO DON'T LOOK TOO FAR

INTO IT IT'S TEACH YOUR

HORSE TO DROICHLT IT'S

CALLED BEING ABLE TO USE THE

CARPOOL LANE.

NEXT ONE, SINGLE GAY

MILLIONAIRES, SINGLE GAY

MILLIONAIRES.

>> HOPEFULLY?

>> THAT'S A WEIRD ANSWER.

>> I LIKE WATCHING YOU

HECKLE YOURSELF.

>> IT WAS EYE HOPEFUL

PRESENTATION.

I'M GOING TO SAY REAL.

>> YES, FACEBOOK AAD, SINGLE

GAY MILLIONAIRE.

>> WHY THE-- ON THE NECK?

>> EASY ACCESS, I GUESS.

WAIT UNTIL YOU READ THE

CATEGORY.

HIGH THOUGHTS OR PHILOSOPHY

CLASS.

SO FOR 250 POINTS TELL ME IF

THE FOLLOWING TWEETS WERE

HASHTAGS HIGH THOUGHTS FROM

STONERS OR PHILOSOPHY CLASS,

PEOPLE JUST IN PHILOSOPHY

CLASS THAT WAS MY MAJOR.

I COULD UNDERSTAND THIS GAME

PRETTY WELL, DOWLING, YOU

HAVE AN ADVANTAGE BECAUSE

YOU ARE ALSO A PHILOSOPHY

MAJOR.

FIRST ONE, FIRST ONE,.

>> I SMOKE THEREFORE I AM.

>> I SHOULDN'T BE GETTING

THIS MIND [BLEEP] ABOUT

SQUIRRELS.

>> EUGENE.

>> I'M GOING TO SAY HIGH

THOUGHTS.

>> NO, PHILOSOPHY CLASS.

PHILOSOPHY CLASS.

THANKS, IAN.

WHAT IF LOLLI POPES MOANED

EVERY TIME WE LICKED THEM.

>> YES, DOUG.

>> I JUST HAD THAT THOUGHT.

>> IF YOU ARE SAYING HIGH

THOUGHTS, YES, THAT'S THE

CORRECT ANSWER, HIGH

THOUGHTS.

250 POINTS, WELL DONE.

WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OF

FRUIT, BANANAS DON'T GROW

LIKE APPLES, WHAT HAMSTER

DOES WELL IS NOT THE SAME AS

CAT DOES WELL.

DOUG.

>> PHILOSOPHY CLASS.

>> YES.

>> YES, THAT IS PHILOSOPHY

CLASS.

SPEED ROUND.

THIS IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER.

THIS IS BUZZ SPEED.

BUZZ SPEED.

ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE

BEEN ON BUZZ FEED.

THERE IS A LOT OF RIDICULOUS

LISTS OUT THERE HERE ARE A

FEW THAT YOU MAY HAVE

CLICKED ON BEFORE.

12 CELEBRITIES YOU DIDN'T

RELIZE HAVE LAZY EYES,

THAT'S ONE.

24 THINGS ONLY PEOPLE WITH

SMALL HANDS WILL UNDERSTAND.

THAT WILL BE ME.

17 FUZZY CATERPILLARS WHO

JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

THOSE ARE ALL REAL LISTS

THAT THEY CAME UP WITH

MULTIPLE THINGS OF.

SO YOU GUYS WILL HAVE 60

SECONDS TO COME UP WITH BUZZ

FEED LISTS THAT ARE EVEN

MORE RIDICULOUS THAN THE

ONES ACTUALLY ON BUZZ FEED

AND FOR EACH FUNNY ONE YOU

GET 2 -- 2350-- 2 PO PINTS.

TWO BEST MOVE YEAUXES IN THE

TAKEN FILM SERIES.

>> POINTS.

>>> 12 THINGS THAT ARE

TECHNICALLY BLOW JOBS.

>> WHAT?

>> 10 OF YOUR FAIR RITH

FINGERS.

>> IT'S SO ADORABLE WHEN YOU

SAY T POINTS.

>> YES, KRISTEN.

>> OKAY, HOW ABOUT 250 OF

YOUR BEST SONGS.

26-- FORGET THAT ONE.

>> NO POINTS.

>> 8 FACIAL EXPRESSIONS CHER

CAN'T MAKE ANY MORE.

>> THAT WOULD BE A REALLY

GOOD ONE SHALL POINTS.

THAT'S LEGITIMATE.

>> NINE REASONS THAT FOUR

REASONS ARE BETTER THAN 12

REASONS.

>> YES.

>> AND THAT'S PHILOSOPHY

CLASS, YES, DOUG.

>> TWO VOICE OVER ACKERS

FROM BOB BURSERS WHO ARE

HORRIBLE PEOPLE.

>> OH, TAKING A SHOT.

NO POINTS DOUG, NO POINTS.

MIRMAN.

>> YES, 85 DOGS THAT ARE 24

CATS.

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