New York

  • 07/08/2014

Frederic Bartholdi struggles to sell the U.S. Congress on the Statue of Liberty, Sybil Ludington takes her midnight ride, and Nellie Bly goes undercover at Blackwell's Island.

OF THE UNITED STATES, ALL HE HASDONE IS AN ARM HOLDING A TORCH.

BUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLEARE LIKE, HOLY [bleep].

THIS IS [bleep] GREAT.

LIKE, I WONDER WHAT THISENTIRE STATUE IS GONNA

LOOK LIKE WHEN IT'S DONE.

AND CONGRESS GOES, ALL RIGHT,

WE WILL ACCEPT YOUR GIFT.

BARTHOLDI IS OVER THE MOON.

OH, THIS IS SO GREAT.THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WE SHOULD PROBABLYTALK ABOUT THE PEDESTAL.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.HOLD ON A SECOND.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT,"PEDESTAL"?

I NEED A PEDESTALTO PUT MY STATUE ON.

AND THE UNITED STATESCONGRESS SAYS,

UM, [bleep] NO.

I'M NOT PAYING FOR [bleep].

BARTHOLDI IS FURIOUS.

I'M GOING THROUGHALL THIS TROUBLE,

AND YOU WON'T EVEN GIVE MEA PLACE TO PUT MY STATUE?

AND CONGRESS SAYS,THAT'S [bleep] RIGHT.

- I LOVE PLAY-DOH.

- THE THING IS--HERE'S THE THING.

BARTHOLDI IS STILL BUILDING,AND EVENTUALLY A STATUE IS DONE.

AND IT'S JUST SITTING HERE,BUT THERE'S NOWHERE TO PUT IT.

[clatter]

- WATCH IT.

- WAS THAT EXPENSIVE,[indistinct]?

IT'S AROUND THAT TIME THAT ANAMERICAN NAMED JOSEPH PULITZER

STEPS IN AND SAYS,THIS IS [bleep] CRAZY.

WE WON'T ACCEPT IT?

WHAT IS GOING ON?

ALL WE HAVE TO GIVE THEMIS A PLACE TO PUT IT.

SO PULITZER MOUNTSA TOTALLY NEW CAMPAIGN.

LOOK, [bleep] CONGRESS.FORGET THE PRESIDENT.

I THINK WE SHOULD BUILDTHIS PEDESTAL.

IF YOU AGREE,I WANT YOU TO GIVE SOME MONEY.

DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A LOT.

EVEN IF YOU GIVE A PENNY, I'LLPRINT YOUR NAME IN MY NEWSPAPER.

AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLESTEP UP ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

SENDING 5¢, 10, 50¢.

120,000 PEOPLE DONATE,AND PULITZER'S GOING,

YEAH.YEAH.

MY [bleep] NEWSPAPER.

YEAH.

AND EVENTUALLY THEY HAVETHIS PEDESTAL BUILT.

- YOU KNOW WHATI USED TO DO AS A KID?

I LOVED EATING PLAY-DOH.

- DID YOU REALLY?- OH, YEAH.

MM.

- THAT'S [bleep] TERRIBLE.

- [laughs]

- [gags]

I'M NOT EATING PLAY-DOH.- [laughs]

- ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME?

ANYWAYS, THE STATUE OF LIBERTYIS UNVEILED

TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WITHBARTHOLDI ON THE TORCH BALCONY.

LIKE, LOOK AT THIS [bleep].

LOOK AT THIS [bleep]--

[gags]

OH, MY GOD.

- [laughs]- [coughs]

- COME ON.THAT'S THE [bleep] ARM.

AND THE BRITISH ARE TEARINGTHROUGH THE COLONIES.

BLAP, BLAP.

KGGH!

SYBIL LUDINGTONJUST HAD HER 16TH BIRTHDAY.

HER DAD, HENRY LUDINGTON, ISTHE HEAD OF THE LOCAL MILITIA,

FENDING OFF THE BRITISH.

SO ON THIS PARTICULAR NIGHT,SHE'S TUCKING IN HER BROTHERS

AND SISTERS,AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,

KA-KA, KA-KA.

THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

THIS MAN IS AT THE DOOR--OH, MY GOD.

HE'S SO OUT OF BREATH.

THE BRITISH ARE BURNINGDANBURY, CONNECTICUT.

OKAY. OKAY,SO HENRY LUDINGTON IS LIKE,

I NEED TO GO KNOCKON EVERY DOOR,

GET OUR MILITIA,AND SAVE OUR COUNTRY.

WELL, HERE'S THE THING THOUGH.

I HAVE TO STAY HERE TO,LIKE, RALLY THE TROOPS,

AND MAKE THE PLAN.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CANSEND AN E-VITE OUT.

SO WHO'S GONNA DO IT?

I'LL DO IT,COMES A PEEP FROM THE NIGHT.

HEY.

BLAH BLAH.

I GOT IT.

SYBIL COMES PEEP-PEEP-PEEPINGDOWN THE NIGHT,

AND HER DAD'S LIKE,SHE'S 16 YEARS OLD.

SHE'S A GIRL.

IT'S A [bleep]HARD-ASS NIGHT OUTSIDE.

IT'S 40 MILES.

WELL, [bleep].WE DON'T HAVE A BETTER OPTION.

SO YEAH,WE'RE GONNA LET HER DO IT.

SHE SETS OUT INTO THE NIGHT.

SO GUESS WHAT HAPPENS.

IT STARTS RAINING.

WELL, SNAP.IT'S RAINING.

IT'S, LIKE, WIND-Y TRAILSAND BOULDERS.

SHE GRABS A STICK, ANDSHE'S--CHA-CHA--WHACKING IT

ON ALL THE DOORSSHE PASSES BY.

KA-KA-KA.

SHE'S LIKE,THE BRITISH ARE COMING!

IF YOU--THE BRITISH ARE COMING!

YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW ME.

COME BACK TO THE LUDINGTON'S.

AND IF YOU'RE NOT COMING,THEN YOU'RE A MOTHER[bleep].

GO! GO! GO!

THIS IS THE MOMENTWHERE I'M LIKE,

"OH, I REALLY AM DRUNK."[giggles]

UM...[blows raspberries]

I'M DRUNK AS [bleep].

WHOO!

SO SHE WAS EXAMINED BY A DOCTOR.LIKE, HOW TALL IS SHE?

AND THE NURSE WOULD BE LIKE,COME AND LOOK AT HOW TALL

THIS NELLIE IS.

AND DOCTOR WOULD SAY, LIKE,

WHAT ARE YOU DOINGAFTER WE MEASURE NELLIE BLY?

AFTER THE NURSE AND DOCTORFLIRTED FOR, LIKE, A HALF-HOUR,

THE DOCTOR'S LIKE,OH, MY GOD.

THIS NELLIE BLY,SHE IS A CRAZY, CRAZY PERSON

THAT NEEDS TO BE HERE FOREVER.

AND NELLIE BLY WAS LIKE, YES!

I'M SO HAPPY.I'M SUCH A GOOD JOURNALIST.

SHE STARTED TO SEE HOW [bleep]THE CONDITIONS WERE.

THE NURSES WOULD JUST BEATTHE [bleep] OUT OF PEOPLE.

KNOCK THEM IN THEIR EARS.

[blows raspberries]

HITTING THEM LIKE CRAZY.

LIKE, YOU WOMEN ARE ALL CRAZY,AND YOU SUCK.

AND NELLIE BLY WAS LIKE,AW, [bleep].

THAT AIN'T COOL.I'M GONNA WRITE THAT DOWN.

THESE LADIES ARE GONNA GETA WORD FROM ME.

SHE SEES PERFECTLY SANE WOMENWHO JUST DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

THE DOCTORS WERE LIKE,WE DON'T SPEAK GERMAN.

YOU'RE CRAZY.[blows raspberries]

YOU GO TO THE ASYLUM FOR LIFE.

AND THERE WAS A WOMAN,

SHE WAS LIKE, I JUSTGOT A LITTLE OVERWHELMED.

I'M NOT CRAZY.

AND THEY WERE LIKE,THIS WOMAN IS IN--SO INSANE.

THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO BUTKEEP HER LOCKED UP AT THIS

IN-SYLUM FOREVER.

THE INSANE ASYLUM WAS HORRIBLE.

AND THEN THERE'S THE--THE BATHS.

THE NURSES WOULD JUST SCRUBTHE [bleep] OUT OF THEM,

AND NELLIE BLY WOULD BE LIKE,THIS KIND OF HURTS A LITTLE BIT.

SHE WAS LIKE, YOU BE QUIETOR I WILL--I WILL--I WILL

MAKE YOU WISH YOU NEVERSAID ANYTHING TO ME.

I'LL SCRUB YOU SO HARD.

- WOW.

- I GOT AT LEASTTWO BATHING SUITS.

SHOULD WE PUT THEM ONAND GET IN THE TUB?

- REALLY?

- YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLSTO GET IN THE TUB WITH ME

WITH A BATHING SUIT, DO YOU?

- [laughs]

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