September 29, 2015 - Awkward U.N. Summit & Water on Mars

  • 09/29/2015

President Obama and Vladimir Putin face off at the U.N. summit, and Larry discusses the discovery of water on Mars with Bill Nye, Michelle Buteau and Ricky Velez.

>> Larry: WELCOME TO "THENIGHTLY SHOW."

YOU'RE A GREAT CROWD.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR COMING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I AM LARRY WILMORE.

BIG NEWS WITH THE U.N. GENERALASSEMBLY IN NEW YORK THIS WEEK.

I LIKE IT WHEN ALL THESE WORLDLEADERS GET TOGETHER, YOU KNOW,

WITH ALL THESE STRANGE ACCENTSMIXED WITH AWKWARD INTERACTIONS

BETWEEN WORLD LEADERS.

SO NOTHING AS AWKWARD AS LASTWEEK.

DO YOU REMEMBER LAST WEEK WHENBIDEN TRIED TO STRIKE UP A

CONVERSATION WITH THE POPE TESWORST POSSIBLE TIME.

( LAUGHTER )HORRIBLE!

"JOE, MY HAT'S UP HERE.

JOE!"( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )NOT GOOD.

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ISYESTERDAY'S SIT-DOWN BETWEEN

BARACK OBAMA AND VLADIMIR PUTIN,THE RUSSIAN PRESIDENT AND NOTED

BEASTMASTER.

OCCASION FOR MONDAY'S MEETINGWAS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO COMBAT

ISIS IN SYRIA.

NOW, UNFORTUNATELY, OBAMA ANDPUTIN CAN'T EVEN AGREE ON WHOSE

SIDE TO TAKE IN SYRIA'S ONGOINGCIVIL WAR.

>> PRESIDENT PUTIN, WHO WANTS TOINCREASE HIS POLITICAL POWER IN

THE REGION IS PROPPING UPDICTATOR BASHAR AL-ASSAD BY

SENDING IN WARPLANES ANDEQUIPMENT.

OF COURSE, THE U.S. HAS BEENINSISTING ASSAD MUST GO FOR FOUR

YEARS NOW.

>> Larry: OKAY, SO OBAMA WANTSASSAD GONE BUT PUTIN IS

SUPPORTING ASSAD'S REGIME WITHMILITARY EQUIPMENT AND ALL THREE

MEN WANT TO DEFEAT ISIS. IT'SLIKE THAT OLD SAYING:

THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY WHO ISALSO FRIENDS WITH ANOTHER ENEMY

IS SORT OF MY FRIEND, BUT NOT ACLOSE FRIEND.

NOT A FRIEND WHO WOULD HELP YOUMOVE.

( LAUGHTER )MORE LIKE THE WORK BUDDY YOU

INVITE TO YOUR BIRTHDAY DINNERAFTER TWO OTHER PEOPLE CANCELED.

( LAUGHTER )SORRY, MARK, THAT'S JUST HOW I

FEEL.

ANYWAY, SYRIA AND ISIS ARECOMPLEX ISSUES AND OBAMA AND

PUTIN NEED TO COME TOGETHER TOTRY AND SOLVE THEM.

THE PROBLEM IS HISTORICALLY THEYDON'T GET ALONG SO WELL.

FOR INSTANCE, HERE'S A MEETINGTHEY HAD IN 2013.

I MEAN...

( LAUGHTER )THEY LOOK LIKE THEY JUST BROKE

UP ON VACATION AND NOW THEY HAVETO SIT TOGETHER ON THE FLIGHT

HOME OR SOMETHING.

( LAUGHTER )WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THESE

TWO GUYS SHOULD MIX PERFECTLY,RIGHT.

LET'S EXPLAIN THIS IN A WAY MYAUDIENCE WILL REALLY UNDERSTAND,

IN ALCOHOL TERMS.

ALL RIGHT, SO, LET'S IMAGINETHAT-- ALL RIGHT, PUTIN IS

RUSSIAN.

SO HE WOULD BE VODKA, RIGHT?

AND OBAMA IS BLACK, BUT, HE'SFROM HAWAII, SO KAHLUA.

( LAUGHTER )AND OH, FORGOT HIS MOM IS WHITE,

SO WE ADD A LITTLE CREAM HERE.

( LAUGHTER )RIGHT, OKAY.

( BLEEP ).

OKAY.

MIX THAT UP.

YEAH!

ALL RIGHT, NOW WHAT WE SHOULDHAVE HERE NORMALLY-- THERE WE

GO.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

YEAH.

SEE?

THIS SHOULD BE A NICE DELICIOUSSUMMIT MEETING, RIGHT?

WHITE RUSSIAN.

FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO GET VERYDRUNK AND HAVE DIARRHEA.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

MMM.

MMM.

BUT, BUT INSTEAD OF THEDELICIOUS, ALL THESE GUYS EVER

GET IS THE THE DIARRHEA.

LISTEN TO HOW OBAMA, LIKE, SLILYTHROWS RUSSIA UNDER THE BUS WHEN

HE'S TALKING ABOUT SYRIA.

IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THEIRDIPLOMATIC TIT FOR TAT.

>> IN ACCORDANCE WITH THISLOGIC, WE SHOULD SUPPORT TYRANT

LIKE BASHAR AL-ASSAD, WHO DROPSBARREL BOMBS TO MASSACRE

INNOCENT CHILDREN BECAUSE THEALTERNATIVE IS SURELY WORSE.

>> Larry: DAMN, OBAMA, THATWAS SOME COLD TIT.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

ALL RIGHT.

OOOH.

AAAAH!

OKAY, SO OBAMA'S TIT WAS SAYINGVLADIMIR PUTIN SUPPORTS A

CHILD-MURDERING WHACKO.

NICE TIT, OBAMA.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, PUTIN, GIVE ME SOMETAT.

>> TENS OF THOUSANDS OFMILITANTS ARE FIGHTING

UNDER THE BANNER OF THESO-CALLED ISLAMIC STATE.

ITS RANKS INCLUDE FORMER IRAQISERVICEMEN WHO WERE THROWN OUT

INTO THE STREETS AFTER THEINVASION OF IRAQ IN 2003.

>> Larry: IRAQI SERVICEMEN. HEJUST TATTED YOUR TIT, OBAMA.

BLAMING AMERICA FOR ISIS. BUT HEWASN'T FINISHED TATTING

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALUNCH TOGETHER AND PUTIN PULLED

THIS.

>> THE TWO OFFERED EACH OTHERTHIS TERSE TOAST OVER LUNCH

AFTER PUTIN SAT DOWN 20 MINUTESLATE.

>> Larry: 20 MINUTES LATE!

THAT'S A BLACK MOVE.

( LAUGHTER )OH, MY GOD.

WHO IS THIS PUTIN?

HE JUST TURNED C.P. TIME INTOC.C.C.P. TIME.

GOOGLE IT.

YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT.

IT IS SO DISRESPECTFUL TO DOTHAT.

BUT THAT'S JUST HOW PUTIN ROLLS,MAN.

>> PUTIN WILL GO INTO THISMEETING COCKY AND CONFIDENT.

>> Larry: COME ON, PUTIN GOESTHROUGH HIS ENTIRE LIFE COCKY

AND COMPETENT.

THIS IS HOW HE SHOWED UP TOHIS FIRST DAY OF NURSERY SCHOOL.

THAT'S A REAL PHOTO.

WE DID NOT DOCTOR, THAT YOUGUYS.

THAT'S A REAL PHOTO.

SADLY, BOTH PUTIN AND OBAMABROUGHT THAT NURSERY

SCHOOL-LEVEL SOPHISTICATION TOTHESE MEETINGS.

>> PUTIN SAYS THE U.S. ASKED FORTHIS MEETING BUT THE WHITE HOUSE

HAS REPEATEDLY CALLED PUTINDESPERATE TO TALK TO PRESIDENT

OBAMA AND SAYS HE HAS TRIED FORTHIS MEETING A NUMBER OF TIMES.

>> Larry: WHAT THE ( BLEEP ).

YOU'RE WORLD LEADERS.

I DIDN'T CALL THE MEETING.

YOU CALLED FOR THE MEETING.

"I DID NOT CALL FOR THE MEETING.

YOU CALLED FOR THE MEETING."

YOU TWO, WHY DON'T YOU GET AROOM?

ACTUALLY, THEY DID GET A ROOM.

THEY JUST DIDN'T LET ANY MEDIAIN BECAUSE THESE ARE HIGH-LEVEL

DIPLOMATIC TALKS SO IT'S ALLSPECULATION AS TO WHAT WENT ON.

LITERALLY, NOBODY KNOWS WHATHAPPENED IN THAT ROOM EXCEPT FOR

OBAMA, PUTIN, AND THEIR AIDES.

BUT THAT DID NOT STOP TELEPATHICFOX NEWS FROM--

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

FROM PROCLAIMING BARACK OBAMATHE DECISIVE LOSER WHO

EMBARRASSED THE UNITED STATES.

>> THERE'S SUCH A GROSSDISPARITY IN BALANCE BETWEEN THE

BOTH OF THEM.

PUTIN SITS THERE AND IS INCOMPLETE CONTROL.

AND UNFORTUNATELY THE GUY WEHAVE SITTING IN THE OVAL IS WAY

OUT OF HIS LEAGUE.

AND I HATE TO SAY THAT BUT IT'SSO BLATANT, IT'S RIDICULOUS.

>> Larry: IT-- IT DOESN'T SEEMLIKE YOU HATE TO SAY THAT.

IT SEEMS LIKE YOUR HATE ISRESERVED IF FOR SOMETHING ELSE.

>> THE BODY LANGUAGE ISRIDICULOUS.

LIKE THE KID ABOUT TO GET BEATUP BY THE SCHOOL YARD BULLY.

>> FOX IS AMAZING TO ME.

THEY EVEN FIND SO-CALLED EXPERTSWHOSE ONLY EXPERTISE IS FUELING

DOUCHEY BLACK PRESIDENTBASHING TALKING POINTS.

MY FINAL ANALYSIS IS OBAMA IS AMUSLIM KENYAN SOCIALIST.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME, MONEYHONEY.

YOU KNOW FOR THE NETWORK THATPRIDES ITSELF ON ITS UNABASHED

PATRIOTISM, YOU SEEM TO SPEND ALOT OF ENERGY BASHING THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

FOX, WHEN YOU WATCH ROCKY IV

DO YOU TURN IT OFF AFTER DRAGOKILLS APOLLO CREED?

FANTASTIC MOVIE.

YOUR HATRED FOR OBAMA HAS MADEYOU FALL IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO

IS COMPLETELY AND OUTWARDLYANTI-AMERICAN.

HE MAKES NO BONES ABOUT IT.

I KNOW YOU GUYS LOVE THE REDSTATES.

I JUST DIDN'T REALIZE HOW REDTHAT STATE COULD REALLY GET.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK!

I HAVE TO SAY, YOU ALL KNOW I'MA HUGE SPACE NERD.

LOVE SPACE.

SOMETHING ABOUT THAT COLDLIFELESS VACUUM JUST MAKES ME

FEEL ALL WARM INSIDE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW EXCITED IWAS ABOUT YESTERDAY'S BIG NEWS.

>> A MAJOR DISCOVERY TODAY THATCOULD POINT TO THE POTENTIAL FOR

LIFE ON MARS.

NASA REVEALED A SHORT TIME AGOTHAT RESEARCHERS FOUND EVIDENCE

OF BOTH FROZEN AND LIQUID WATERON THE PLANET.

>> Larry: YES, YES, YES, YES!

THIS IS SO AWESOME MAN.

AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYSHAVE HEARD, BUT THERE IS A HUGE

POSSIBILITY THAT THEY HAVE FOUNDSIGNS OF LIFE IN THESE WATERS OF

MARS.

I THINK WE MAY HAVE SOMEEXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE, ACTUALLY.

( LAUGHTER )OKAY, I THINK I'VE BEEN TOLD A

LIE.

SPEAKING OF PRIMITIVE ANIMALSSEEKING ATTENTION, RUSH

LIMBAUGH-- IT'S TRUE.

HE HAS TAKEN SOMETHING ASEXCITING AND FUN AS FINDING

WATER ON MARS AND TURNED IT INTOSOMETHING DIRTY.

>> THEY'RE JUST MAKING UP THEAMOUNT OF ICE IN THE NORTH AND

SOUTH POLES, MAKING UP THETEMPERATURES, THEY'RE LYING AND

MAKING FALSE CHARGES AND SOFORTH.

SO WHAT'S TO STOP THEM FROMMAKING UP SOMETHING THAT

HAPPENED ON MARS THAT WILL HELPADVANCE THEIR LEFT-WING AGENDA

ON THIS PLANET?

>> Larry: WHAT-- YOU THINKNASA MADE THIS UP?

THEY CALLED A PRESS CONFERENCEAND MADE THIS UP TO FURTHER

LEFTEST AGENDA?

I MEAN, EVERY DAY, ALL DO ISFURTHER A RIGHTIST AGENDA.

IF THEY SAID THEY FOUND KARLMARX'S BONES ON MARS OR NOAM

CHOMSKY RUNNING AROUND, THEN HEMIGHT HAVE A POINT, RIGHT.

BUT WATER IS PUSHING A LEFTISTAGENDA

YOU KNOW, JUST STOP IT.

JUST STOP IT, OKAY!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )RIGHT.

FOR GOSH SAKE, IT'S JUST WATERON MARS!

CAN'T PEOPLE JUST BE EXCITEDABOUT THAT?

THAT'S ALL IT IS.

ALL RIGHT, ONE WE FOUND TWOASTRONAUTS GENUINELY EXCITED

ABOUT THIS AMAZING DISCOVERY.

JOINING ME TO TALK ABOUT THEIRUPCOMING PLANS TO VISIT THE

PLANET, TWO ASTRONAUTS, ALANBLASTOFFSEN AND STEVE

SHUTTLEMAN.

THANK YOU.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE SPACE.

IT'S A REAL HONOR TO HAVE YOUBOTH HERE.

TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS MISSION.

>> WELL, I WANT TO GO TO MARS.

THERE'S WATER THERE.

THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE THERE'SINTELLIGENT LIFE AND WE WANT TO

COLONIZE AND START A WHOLE NEWCIVILIZATION.

>> Larry: WOW, REALLY, MAN,THAT SOUNDS AMBITIOUS.

JUST THE TWO OF YOU.

>> WE CAN BUILD AN UNBELIEVABLECIVILIZATION ON THE BACKS OF

MARTIAN CREATURES.

>> HOLD ON, I DON'T KNOW IF THISSOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA, GUYS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE NASA IS FUNDINGTHIS?

>> WE DON'T WORK FOR NASA.

WE WORK FOR THE MARS AERONAUTICSAND SPACE ADMINISTRATION.

>> YEAH, MASA.

MASA. HOLD ON, GUYS, THIS SOUNDSLIKE YOU'RE SETTING UP SLAVERY

ON MARS.>> NO, NOT AT ALL

>> WHO'S GOING TO PROVIDE

THESE ALIEN CREATURE WITH FOOD,LIKE, CLOTHING, SHELTER.

>> MASA. OKAY, I SEE WHAT YOU'RESAYING.

>> I TOLD YOU THAT WAS A BADNAME.

>> YOU'LL BE REPEATING THE EXACTSAME MISTAKES WE MADE HERE

AND TAKING THEM TO A NEW PLANET

>> WHATEVER, I JUST KNOW WE HAVEGOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

>> WITH YOUR GAMBLING DEBT ANDDANITA KICKING YOU OUT, YOU

CAN'T GET TO MARS FAST ENOUGH.

>> HEY, ( BLEEP ) YOU MAN.

YOU'RE THE ONE WANTED IN THREESTATES FOR WRITING BAD CHECKS.

>> Larry: GUYS!

IT SOUND LIKE YOU'RE ONLY GOINGTO MARS TO GET AWAY FROM EARTH.

WHEREVER YOU GO YOUR-->> I CANNOT SEE YOU, LARRY.

THE SPACE LINK ON THE FRITZ.

IT'S BEEN CUT.

>> Larry: I CAN SEE YOUCLEARLY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL.

"THE NIGHTLY SHOW" CONTRIBUTORTHE VERY FUNNY RICKY VELEZ.

AND YOU WATCH HER HALF-HOURCOMEDY SPECIAL ON HULU, VERY

FUNNY COMEDIAN MICHELLE BUTEAU.

AND HE'S THE C.E.O. OF PLANETARYSOCIETY, AND HIS NEW BOOK

"UNSTOPPABLE: HARNESSING SCIENCETO CHANGE THE WORLD" IS OUT

NOVEMBER 10.

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WHY DO WE HAVE THE SCIENCE GUY

ON TONIGHT?

WE ALL KNOW NASA MADE THE BIGANNOUNCEMENT YESTERDAY, THEY

DISCOVERED LIQUID WATER ON MARS.

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THISMYSELF BUT I KNOW NOT EVERYBODY

IS.

BILL NYE, I'LL ASK YOU FIRST,SHOULD WE GIVE A ( BLEEP ) ABOUT

WATER ON MARS.

>> YEAH!

IT'S NOT JUST THAT THERE WASWATER.

THERE IS EVERY YEAR, EVERYMARTIAN YEAR.

SUPER SALTY WATER.

WHEREVER WE FIND WATER ON EARTH,WE FIND LIVING THINGS.

IF WE WERE TO DISCOVER SOMETHINGLIVE ON MARS, SOME MARS MICROBE,

A MARS CROBE, IT WOULD CHANGETHE WORLD.

IT WOULD.

EVERYBODY WILL -->> IT WOULD CHANGE THE WORLD.

>> AB-SO-FREAKING-LUTELY.

EVERYBODY WOULD THINKDIFFERENTLY ABOUT WHAT IT MEANS

TO BE A LIVING THING IN THECOSMOS.

IF YOU WENT TO MARS AND LOOKEDAT THESE MICROBES, DO THEY HAVE

D.N.A.?

DO YOU WANT TO GET FREAKED?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET FREAKED?

>> WHERE ARE WE GOING WITH THIS.

>> THREE BILLION YEARS AGO MARSGET HITS WITH AN IMPACTOR, A

ROCK -->> I LOVE IMPACTORS.

>> WHO DOESN'T?

THERE ARE A LOT OF JOKES WE'LLLEAVE ALONE NOW, LATER MAYBE.

ON THE WEB VERSION.

SO THE THING -->> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST

SAID.

>> A JOKE LIKE, "THAT'S WHAT SHESAID."

>> Larry: GOT YOU, GOT YOU.

SO ABOUT THE IMPACTOR.

>> YOU CAN GET MARS ROCKS, THEYFALL ON THE EARTH--

>> Larry: OKAY, I JUST GOT IT,I'M SORRY. I'M SO STUPID

>> IT'S ALL GOOD.

SO WE FIND MARS ROCKS ON EARTH.

>> Larry: YES!

>> BECAUSE THERE ARE CERTAINORBITS, HOME IN ORBITS, EXCEPT

IN OUTER SPACE THERE'S NO SOUND.

THEY LAND ON EARTH.

IT IS NOT CRAZY TO SUGGEST--IT'S EXTRAORDINARY, BUT NOT

CRAZY-- TO SUGGEST THAT LIFESTARTED ON MARS THREE BILLION

YEARS AGO WHEN IT WAS VERY WET.

YOU AND I, EVERYBODY, OAK TREES,SEA JELLIES, EVERYBODY IS

DESCENDED FROM MARTIANS.

IT IS WILD.

AND SO THERE ARE TWO QUESTIONSTHAT EVERYBODY ASKS.

ARE WE ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE?

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, PERHAPS,WHERE DID WE ALL COME FROM?

>> Larry: OKAY, SO NOW I ASKYOU, DO YOU GIVE A ( BLEEP )

ABOUT ALL THAT?

>> YES.

>> Larry: THAT'S WHAT I'MTALKING ABOUT!

>> I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT MARS!

WHY WOULD I BE EXCITED ABOUTMARS!

I'M BARELY EXCITED ABOUT EARTH!

I'M TELLING YOU-- TRUMP IS FIRSTIN POLLS RIGHT NOW!

I DON'T CARE ABOUT MARS!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

DEFEAT ISIS.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

YOU GOT IT, IT'S ALL YOURS.

>> IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHAT'SGOING ON, YOU KNOW, IN THE

UNIVERSE.

I'M GOING TO SAY I LOVE YOU.

YOU JUST DR. PHIL'D SCIENCE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ( BLEEP )YOU JUST SAID.

HONESTLY, I'M KIND OF WITH YOU,TOO.

AMERICANS, WE DON'T CARE-->> YES, THEY DO.

>> IF IT'S CAITLIN JENNER'STEARS, YEAH, TELL ME ALL ABOUT

THAT WATER ON MARS.

>> IF THERE'S ANOTHER LIFE FORM,YOU THINK-- PEOPLE DON'T EVEN

LIKE EACH OTHER HERE!

( LAUGHTER )>> WE SHOULD GET MAURY POVICH TO

TEST THAT D.N.A.

>> YES!

>> Larry: BILL, I DID NOT KNOWWE WOULD HAVE SUCH MARS HATEIN'.

I HAVE TO SAY-->> NO, I'M NOT HATE AGO.

>> Larry: HOLD ON-->> PUT SOME MARS SCIENCE ON THEM

RIGHT NOW, GO AHEAD, BILL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> YOU GUYS, I DON'T KNOW YOU.

DO YOU USE A MOBILE PHONE?

>> YES.

>> YOU'VE SEEN ONE.

>> YOU WANT MY NUMBER?

>> NO.

>> AREN'T YOU MARRIED ON SOMEGUY?

>> I CAN HAVE FRIENDS.

>> Larry: LET'S KEEP IT ONMARS.

LET'S KEEP IT ON MARS.

NOT VENUS AND MARS, JUST MARS.

>> YOU EVER USE THE ELECTRICINTERNET AND THE COMPUTER

MACHINES THE KIDS ALL HAVE?

HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?

>> I'VE ORDERED STUFF FROMAMAZON.

>> THAT WOULDN'T EXIST WITHOUT ASPACE PROGRAM.

>> BILL, YOU'RE SPACE SMART.

>> I'M OKAY.

>> I'M NEVER GOING TO GO TOSPACE.

>> YOU HAVE TO.

>> I'M NEVER GOING TO GO TOMARS.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET TOMARS?

>> IF YOU PUNCH IT, SEVENMONTHS.

>> I HATE THE FLIGHT TO L.A.

>> HOW DO YOU GET THERE?

HOW DO YOU GET THERE?

ON AN AIRPLANE. SOMEBODY FIGUREDIT OUT - YOU'RE JUST MESSING

WITH ME>> RICKY IS ACTUALLY VERY

SERIOUS ABOUT THIS.

>> HE HATES THE FLIGHT TO L.A.

>> Larry: HE HATES THE THOUGHTOF ANY FLIGHT THAT LASTS OVER 20

MINUTES.

>> YOU TRUST THAT AIRPLANES FLY.THAT'S THE RESULT OF THE SAME

SCIENCE.>> I DON'T TRUST, I JUST DO IT

>> DID IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TOANYBODY THAT, LET'S SAY --

>> WHAT ARE THE POSSIBILITIES?

LET ME ASK YOU THIS-- WHAT ARETHE POSSIBILITIES THERE COULD

ACTUALLY BE BE LIKE LIFE WECOULD RELATE TO ON MARS.

I DON'T THINK PEOPLE ARE EXCITEDABOUT MICROBES.

>> I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHINGPEOPLE WOULD BE EXCITED ABOUT.

>> Larry: GO FOR IT.

>> REAL PEOPLE, KIDS WHO ARE INSCHOOL TODAY, PEOPLE WHO ARE IN

EIGHTH GRADE TODAY ARE GOING TOBE ASTRONAUTS ON 2033-- 2039,

THAT WOULD BE EXTRAORDINARY.

THOSE PEOPLE WOULD BE HEROES.

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT MATTDAMON, WHO IS REQUIRED TO BE IN

EVERY MOVIE.

IT'S ALL GOOD FOR HIM.

>> I HEARD HE'S HIRING, SO.

>> HE DOES A WORKMAN-LIKE JOB.

>> Larry: I WANT TO GET THEMEXCITED.

I WAS EXCITED AS A KID.

>> THE NASA BUDGET USED TO BEFULLY 10 TIMES WHAT IT IS TODAY.

USED TO BE 4% OF THE U.S.

BUDGET.

NOW IT'S .4%.

DISCOVERIES MADE ON MARS AREMADE WITH 9% OF .4%.

>> Larry: BILL, I HAVE TOINTERRUPT--

>> IT CHANGED THE WORLD, MAN!

IT'S COOL.

>> Larry: HERE'S THE THING, BYTHE THIRD-- NO, NO, I AGREE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME SAY IT.

I AGREE WITH THAT.

I LOVE ALL THIS STUFF.

I'M EXCITED BY IT.

BUT I REMEMBER BY THE THIRD MOONMISSION PEOPLE WANTED TO WATCH

"I DREAM OF JEANNIE."

PEOPLE WERE DONE BY THE THIRDMOON MISSION.

HOW DO WE GET THIS EXCITED?

HOW TO WE GET THAT EXCITED?

>> I HAVE A QUESTION.

THIS IS HOW I WILL GET EXCITEDABOUT MARS.

CAN YOU MAKE A SEX TAPE ON MARS?

>> I THINK SO.

40% OF THE GRAVITY.

>> OKAY.

>> YOU WOULD BE NOT FLOATING-->> WHAT'S THAT?

>> LESS THAN HALF.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Larry: OKAY.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?>> WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

WHAT KIND OF QUESTION ISTHAT? HELP ME OUT HERE!

>> Larry: I THINK I FINALLYGET THE IMPACTOR JOKE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.