Extended - Thursday, December 11, 2014 - Uncensored

  • 12/11/2014

Kurt Braunohler, Megan Neuringer and Doug Benson write nontraditional church sermons, learn about odd wedding themes and list gaseous art in this extended, uncensored episode.

RIPPED FROM THE INTERNETHEADLINES TODAY, IT'S RAPID

REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: SO, YOU KNOW, WE'RESTARTING OFF THE DAY LIKE WE DO

EVERY OTHER DAY-- BROWSINGAL.COM-- YOU KNOW ALABAMA'S

NUMBER ONE LIFESTYLE WEB SITE,AND...

>> IT'S THE BEST.

>> HARDWICK: THE BEST!

AND WE FOUND A STORY ABOUT ACHURCH IN HOOVER COUNTY THAT'S

NOW HOLDING SERVICES AT BUFFALOWILD WINGS.

THERE IT IS.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)>> I'M IN, I'M IN.

>> THANK GOD.

PRAISE AMERICA.

>> HARDWICK: EVERYONE TAKE NOTE.

AMERICA HAS OFFICIALLY BECOME ACARTOON OF ITSELF.

OPEN...

EVEN FROM A TYPOGRAPHYSTANDPOINT, IT PISSES ME OFF

THAT THEY DIDN'T MAKE THESECONSISTENT.

(LAUGHTER)>> OH, NO, NO.

OH, NO, THAT'S JUST CRUCIFIXIONHE STREAM.

>> HARDWICK: CRUCI...

>> YEAH. HE STREAM.

(LAUGHTER)>> THAT'S WHERE JESUS JUST PEES

BEER INTO THEIR MOUTHS.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: ANOTHER POINT FORKURT FOR THAT IMAGERY.

(APPLAUSE)(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT): YOU KNOW

WHEN JESUS WAS UP ON THE LOWERCASE "T," I WAS, LIKE...

>> "WIGS, PRAYER, SPORTS" ISLIKE THE MEN VERSION OF "EAT,

PRAY, LOVE."

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: ANOTHER POINT FORDOUG.

>> I LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUTMYSELF.

>> HARDWICK: VERY NICELY DONE.

AND NOW, AND NOW, LET US OPENOUR HYMNALS TO SING OUR MOST

HOLY OF SPIRITUALS AT THEBUFFALO WILD WINGS SERVICE.

BAH WITH THE BAH, DA-BANGA-DANG, DIGGY DIGGY.

SAID-SAID THE BOOGIE, SAID UPJUMP THE BOOGIE!

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)>> AMEN.

>> HARDWICK: AMEN.

>> AMEN.

>> HARDWICK: COMEDIANS, WHATWOULD A LINE BE FROM A SERMON

THAT YOU MIGHT HEAR AT BUFFALOWILD WINGS?

KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> OH, UH... ♪ AND HE WILLRAISE YOU UP

ON WILD WINGS... ♪(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> THAT'S FOR MY CATHOLICS OUTTHERE!

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: MEGAN.

>> UH, TO BE HONEST, THEY WOULDPROBABLY SAY, "WHO LET THIS JEW

IN OUR CHICKEN CHURCH?"(LAUGHTER)

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(APPLAUSE)>> NO REASON FOR ME TO BE THERE.

>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD, MEGAN,REFERRING TO BUFFALO WILD WINGS

AS CHICKEN CHURCH IS MY NEWFAVORITE THING.

UH, POINTS. DOUG BENSON.

>> ♪ AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY...

GOD CREATED POPCORN SHRIMP. ♪>> HARDWICK: HE DID.

IT WAS TIME.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> HARDWICK: IT WAS TIME TOSNACK. POINTS.

>> THAT'S JUST TRUE.

>> HARDWICK: CHRISTMAS SWEATERSARE GREAT WHEN YOU'RE COLD, BUT

THEY ALSO NEED TO LOOKRIDICULOUS, BUT WHY SHOULD

LOOKING RIDICULOUS STOP AT YOURWAIST?

THESE FESTIVE CHRISTMAS SUITSFROM SHINESTY.COM.

(LAUGHTER, WHOOPING)LET YOUR ENTIRE BODY LOOK LIKE A

HIPSTER ASSHOLE.

(LAUGHTER)YOU'RE RUNNING THE GAMUT OF THE

ONLY TYPES OF WHITE GUYS THEREARE.

(LAUGHTER)>> SHORT HAIR AND LONG HAIR.

>> HARDWICK: SHORT AND LONGHAIR.

>> IT'S LIKE GETTING DATE-RAPEDBY KRIS KRINGLE.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YEAH. REDDIT'S STOCKING HAS BEENSTUFFED WITH PICTURES OF PEOPLE

WEARING THESE CHRISTMAS SUITS,WHICH ARE THE PERFECT WAY TO LET

EVERYBODY KNOW YOU'RE OLD ENOUGHTO TIE A TIE BUT STILL BELIEVE

IN SANTA CLAUS.

SO, COMEDIANS, PLEASE TELL METHE NAME OF THE CHRISTMAS SHOP

WHERE YOU'D FIND THESE SUITS FORSALE. KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> UH... FUN BUN... UH, WHICH ISFOR NERDS BY NERDS.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, OKAY.

FUN BUN. SURE. POINTS.

MEGAN.

>> UH, BURLINGTON SHIT FACTORY.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

DOUG.

>> UH, OF COURSE, THEY BOUGHTTHOSE AT, UH...

HUGO BOSS IN WHOVILLE.

>> HARDWICK: OH, JESUS CHRIST,YES, POINTS.

ALL RIGHT.

(APPLAUSE)>> THEY GOT ONE AT LAX NOW.

>> HARDWICK: NO, THEY DON'T.

NOW IT IS TIME TO PLAY WEDDEDMISS.

WEDDED MISS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)WHEN A MAN AND WOMAN LOVE EACH

OTHER VERY MUCH, THEY SOMETIMESGET MARRIED IN SOME REALLY

ILL-ADVISED THEMED WEDDINGS, ANDTHEN THESE PHOTOS LIVE FOREVER

ON PINTEREST.

(LAUGHTER)UH, LIKE THIS FLOWER GIRL

DRESSED AS A DALEK FROM A DOCTOR WHO -THEMED WEDDING, WHICH...

(LAUGHTER)...I ACTUALLY THINK IS SUPER

ADORBS, BY THE WAY.

SHE'S GOT THE LITTLE WHISKER!

UH, THIS IS PERFECT, BECAUSE,LIKE A DALEK, TODDLERS FEEL NO

COMPASSION OR REMORSE. UM...

(LAUGHTER)SO, COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA READ

YOU TWO WEDDING THEMES, AND FOR250 POINTS, I WANT YOU TO GUESS

WHICH ONE IS REAL AND WHICH ONEWE JUST MADE UP, ALL RIGHT?

FIRST ONE, A WEDDING AT THECHEERS BAR WITH EVERYONE DRESSED

UP AS CHARACTERS OR...

A KLINGON WEDDING?

DOUG.

>> UH... (LAUGHS)AS MUCH AS I'D HAVE LOVED TO

ATTEND EITHER...

(LAUGHTER)...I'M GONNA GO WITH KLINGON

WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

KLINGON!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)>> WE'RE TOO UGLY TO GET

MARRIED, SO LET'S MAKE OURSELVESUGLIER.

(LAUGHTER)>> WE'LL BE PRETEND UGLY AND

REAL UGLY.

>> HARDWICK: UH, LITTLE KNOWNFACT-- KLINGON WEDDINGS ARE

INCREDIBLY POPULAR. UH...

>> OH, MY GOD, I CANNOT BELIEVETHOSE PEOPLE HAVE FOUND TRUE

LOVE.

>> BUT IS IT... INSTEAD OF,LIKE, BREAKING A GLASS, DO THEY

JUST, LIKE, KILL A BABY ANDDRINK ITS BLOOD?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH. MM-HMM.

>> IT'S, LIKE, YOU CAN ONLY GETHOTTER FROM HERE.

(LAUGHTER)>> MOST COUPLES WANT TO HAVE THE

SAME FOREHEAD.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT'S A PERSONAL CHOICE, DOUG,

IT'S A PERSONAL CHOICE.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE.

A FREAK SHOW WEDDING WITH THEBRIDE AND GROOM HANGING FROM

HOOKS, OR... A FAULT IN OURSTARS WEDDING WITH THE BRIDE AND

GROOM WEARING OXYGENTANKS? MEGAN.

>> THE FREAK SHOW WEDDING, COMEON.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

THE FREAK SHOW WEDDING!

>> WHOA, OH, MY GOD, THEY'REFLOATING.

>> I JUST LIKE THAT SHE'SWEARING THE TRADITIONAL HOT

GREEN.

>> SO THE VOWS WERE, "OW."

>> HARDWICK: OW.

>> "DO YOU TAKE THIS... OW."

>> HARDWICK: BONUS POINTS, NAMESOMETHING ON THEIR REGISTRY.

MEGAN.

>> UH, NEOSPORIN?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, SURE.

>> OW.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS, YEAH.

PROBABLY.

DOUG.

>> UH, THEY PUT, UH, STOOLS ONTHEIR REGISTRY SO THEY COULD GET

DOWN.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> OH, I HOPE SOMEBODY GETSTHOSE.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG.

>> UH, THEY FOUND EACH OTHER'CAUSE THEY'RE BOTH SWINGERS.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, POINTS.

NEXT ONE, STAR WARS WEDDING WITHADMIRAL ACKBAR BEING MARRIED BY

THE OFFICIANT SLAVE LEIA...

(BELL DINGS)OR...

>> I'M READY.

>> HARDWICK: SAVED BY THE BELLWEDDING WITH THE COUPLE BEING

MARRIED BY THE ACTUAL DUSTINDIAMOND.

KURT.

>> GOD DAMN IT, STAR WARSWEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

YES, STAR WARS WEDDING.

BUT, WAIT...

>> HE'S-HE'S SO EXCITED.

>> HARDWICK: WAIT... BUT...

WHEN ADMIRAL... RIGHT BEFORE HEPUTS THE RINGS ON HIM, HE GOES,

"IT'S A TRAP!"AND THEN NO WEDDING.

>> IT'S A TRAP!

>> HARDWICK: IT'S A TRAP!

>> HE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF SAYINGIT: "IT'S A TRAP!"

>> HARDWICK: IT'S A TRAP!

IT'S A TRAP!

>> IT'S A TRAP!

HE COULDN'T... THEY COULDN'TJUST GET ORANGE PAINT FOR HIS

HANDS-- HE HAD TO HAVE GLOVES.

>> HARDWICK: GLOVES.

>> GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, STARWARS WEIRDOS.

>> HARDWICK: I... NO.

MY HANDS WERE TERRIBLY BURNED--IT WAS A TRAP.

(GRUNTS)>> HE CAN'T WAIT TO SLITHER HIS

JABBA THE HUT UP INSIDE HERSAND...

>> HARDWICK: 100 POINTS TO KURT.

UH...

COMEDIANS, WHY DOES THIS COUPLEEND UP GETTING DIVORCED?

KURT.

>> OH, UM, YOU KNOW, THEY JUSTGREW APART, IT'S ACTUALLY KIND

OF A SAD STORY, I DON'T THINK WESHOULD JOKE ABOUT IT, BUT HE DID

HAVE A REALLY TINY LIGHTSABER!

GOD DAMN IT, YOU MADE ME JOKEABOUT IT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS, OH,OKAY, POINTS.

MEGAN.

>> WELL...

LIKE, NOT TO GET TOO SERIOUS,BUT, LIKE, HE IS MON CALAMARI

AND SHE'S PRESBYTERIAN, AND THEYJUST HAVE...

THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CORE VALUES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> NOT THE SAME.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG.

>> THEIR FIRST MISTAKE WASHONEYMOONING IN THE SARLACC PIT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH.

THAT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

YEAH.

UH, THEY WERE MARRIED FOR AWHILE WHEN THEY SPLIT UP, BUT

NOW THAT GUY IS SOLO.

ALL RIGHT, UM...

NEXT ONE.

A BEAUTY AND THE BEAST WEDDINGWITH THE GROOM IN FULL BEAST

MAKEUP...

(BELL DINGS)OR PULP FICTION WEDDING WITH THE

BEST MAN DRESSED AS THE GIMP.

DOUG.

>> (LAUGHS)THIS TIME THERE'S ONLY ONE THAT

I WOULD LIKE TO BE AT.

AND THAT WOULD BE THE BEAUTY ANDTHE BEAST WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: LET US FIND OUT.

>> SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL.

>> HARDWICK: YES, OF COURSE.

FOR BONUS POINTS, PLEASE GIVE MEA TOAST AS THE BEST MAN.

KURT.

>> UH, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?

MORE LIKE BOOTY AND THOSE TEATS,YOU SEE... I'M DRUNK, I'M SORRY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

MEGAN.

>> IT'S A GOOD THING STACY LIKESDOGGY STYLE, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE

ONLY WAY I DO IT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> 'CAUSE I... 'CAUSE I'M REALHORNY.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG.

>> TALE AS OLD AS TIME.

SONG AS OLD AS RHYME.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT A COP-OUT.

>> THAT'S A VERY...

>> THE PERFECT TOAST FOR THEOCCASION.

>> HARDWICK: A LITTLE TOOPERFECT.

ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

LAST ONE, A KNIGHT RIDER WEDDINGWHERE THE COUPLE IS MARRIED BY

KITT OR A GHOSTBUSTERS WEDDINGWHERE THE GROOMSMEN AIN'T AFRAID

OF NO GHOSTS.

KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> GHOSTBUSTERS WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, PROBABLY.

LET'S FIND OUT.

YES, OF COURSE.

WHEN WAS DAVID SPADE AGHOSTBUSTER?

>> HE CAN'T WAIT TO GET HISSTREAM SLIMED.

FOR BONUS POINTS, WHAT WOULD THETHEME OF YOUR DREAM WEDDING BE,

KURT?

>> OH, UH, OH, IT WOULD BE, UH,UH, TICKLE ME FELCHMO.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT-- IT'S AREAL COMMON WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: UH, MEGAN.

>> I WOULD-I WOULD MARRY ARESCUE PUPPY.

I WOULD.

>> MEGAN, WHAT'S YOUR DREAMWEDDING?

"OH, SOMETHING SAD AND NOTALLOWED BY LAW."

"OH, SOMETHING SAD AND NOTALLOWED BY LAW."

>> THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

NOW IT IS TIME TO PLAY WEDDEDMISS.

WEDDED MISS.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)WHEN A MAN AND WOMAN LOVE EACH

OTHER VERY MUCH, THEY SOMETIMESGET MARRIED IN SOME REALLY

ILL-ADVISED THEMED WEDDINGS, ANDTHEN THESE PHOTOS LIVE FOREVER

ON PINTEREST.

(LAUGHTER)UH, LIKE THIS FLOWER GIRL

DRESSED AS A DALEK FROM A DOCTOR WHO -THEMED WEDDING, WHICH...

(LAUGHTER)...I ACTUALLY THINK IS SUPER

ADORBS, BY THE WAY.

SHE'S GOT THE LITTLE WHISKER!

UH, THIS IS PERFECT, BECAUSE,LIKE A DALEK, TODDLERS FEEL NO

COMPASSION OR REMORSE. UM...

(LAUGHTER)SO, COMEDIANS, I'M GONNA READ

YOU TWO WEDDING THEMES, AND FOR250 POINTS, I WANT YOU TO GUESS

WHICH ONE IS REAL AND WHICH ONEWE JUST MADE UP, ALL RIGHT?

FIRST ONE, A WEDDING AT THECHEERS BAR WITH EVERYONE DRESSED

UP AS CHARACTERS OR...

A KLINGON WEDDING?

DOUG.

>> UH... (LAUGHS)AS MUCH AS I'D HAVE LOVED TO

ATTEND EITHER...

(LAUGHTER)...I'M GONNA GO WITH KLINGON

WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

KLINGON!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)>> WE'RE TOO UGLY TO GET

MARRIED, SO LET'S MAKE OURSELVESUGLIER.

(LAUGHTER)>> WE'LL BE PRETEND UGLY AND

REAL UGLY.

>> HARDWICK: UH, LITTLE KNOWNFACT-- KLINGON WEDDINGS ARE

INCREDIBLY POPULAR. UH...

>> OH, MY GOD, I CANNOT BELIEVETHOSE PEOPLE HAVE FOUND TRUE

LOVE.

>> BUT IS IT... INSTEAD OF,LIKE, BREAKING A GLASS, DO THEY

JUST, LIKE, KILL A BABY ANDDRINK ITS BLOOD?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH. MM-HMM.

>> IT'S, LIKE, YOU CAN ONLY GETHOTTER FROM HERE.

(LAUGHTER)>> MOST COUPLES WANT TO HAVE THE

SAME FOREHEAD.

(LAUGHTER)>> IT'S A PERSONAL CHOICE, DOUG,

IT'S A PERSONAL CHOICE.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE.

A FREAK SHOW WEDDING WITH THEBRIDE AND GROOM HANGING FROM

HOOKS, OR... A FAULT IN OURSTARS WEDDING WITH THE BRIDE AND

GROOM WEARING OXYGENTANKS? MEGAN.

>> THE FREAK SHOW WEDDING, COMEON.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, LET'SFIND OUT.

THE FREAK SHOW WEDDING!

>> WHOA, OH, MY GOD, THEY'REFLOATING.

>> I JUST LIKE THAT SHE'SWEARING THE TRADITIONAL HOT

GREEN.

>> SO THE VOWS WERE, "OW."

>> HARDWICK: OW.

>> "DO YOU TAKE THIS... OW."

>> HARDWICK: BONUS POINTS, NAMESOMETHING ON THEIR REGISTRY.

MEGAN.

>> UH, NEOSPORIN?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, SURE.

>> OW.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS, YEAH.

PROBABLY.

DOUG.

>> UH, THEY PUT, UH, STOOLS ONTHEIR REGISTRY SO THEY COULD GET

DOWN.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> OH, I HOPE SOMEBODY GETSTHOSE.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG.

>> UH, THEY FOUND EACH OTHER'CAUSE THEY'RE BOTH SWINGERS.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, POINTS.

NEXT ONE, STAR WARS WEDDING WITHADMIRAL ACKBAR BEING MARRIED BY

THE OFFICIANT SLAVE LEIA...

(BELL DINGS)OR...

>> I'M READY.

>> HARDWICK: SAVED BY THE BELLWEDDING WITH THE COUPLE BEING

MARRIED BY THE ACTUAL DUSTINDIAMOND.

KURT.

>> GOD DAMN IT, STAR WARSWEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: LET'S FIND OUT.

YES, STAR WARS WEDDING.

BUT, WAIT...

>> HE'S-HE'S SO EXCITED.

>> HARDWICK: WAIT... BUT...

WHEN ADMIRAL... RIGHT BEFORE HEPUTS THE RINGS ON HIM, HE GOES,

"IT'S A TRAP!"AND THEN NO WEDDING.

>> IT'S A TRAP!

>> HARDWICK: IT'S A TRAP!

>> HE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF SAYINGIT: "IT'S A TRAP!"

>> HARDWICK: IT'S A TRAP!

IT'S A TRAP!

>> IT'S A TRAP!

HE COULDN'T... THEY COULDN'TJUST GET ORANGE PAINT FOR HIS

HANDS-- HE HAD TO HAVE GLOVES.

>> HARDWICK: GLOVES.

>> GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, STARWARS WEIRDOS.

>> HARDWICK: I... NO.

MY HANDS WERE TERRIBLY BURNED--IT WAS A TRAP.

(GRUNTS)>> HE CAN'T WAIT TO SLITHER HIS

JABBA THE HUT UP INSIDE HERSAND...

>> HARDWICK: 100 POINTS TO KURT.

UH...

COMEDIANS, WHY DOES THIS COUPLEEND UP GETTING DIVORCED?

KURT.

>> OH, UM, YOU KNOW, THEY JUSTGREW APART, IT'S ACTUALLY KIND

OF A SAD STORY, I DON'T THINK WESHOULD JOKE ABOUT IT, BUT HE DID

HAVE A REALLY TINY LIGHTSABER!

GOD DAMN IT, YOU MADE ME JOKEABOUT IT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS, OH,OKAY, POINTS.

MEGAN.

>> WELL...

LIKE, NOT TO GET TOO SERIOUS,BUT, LIKE, HE IS MON CALAMARI

AND SHE'S PRESBYTERIAN, AND THEYJUST HAVE...

THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CORE VALUES.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> NOT THE SAME.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG.

>> THEIR FIRST MISTAKE WASHONEYMOONING IN THE SARLACC PIT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, YEAH.

THAT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

YEAH.

UH, THEY WERE MARRIED FOR AWHILE WHEN THEY SPLIT UP, BUT

NOW THAT GUY IS SOLO.

ALL RIGHT, UM...

NEXT ONE.

A BEAUTY AND THE BEAST WEDDINGWITH THE GROOM IN FULL BEAST

MAKEUP...

(BELL DINGS)OR PULP FICTION WEDDING WITH THE

BEST MAN DRESSED AS THE GIMP.

DOUG.

>> (LAUGHS)THIS TIME THERE'S ONLY ONE THAT

I WOULD LIKE TO BE AT.

AND THAT WOULD BE THE BEAUTY ANDTHE BEAST WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: LET US FIND OUT.

>> SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL.

>> HARDWICK: YES, OF COURSE.

FOR BONUS POINTS, PLEASE GIVE MEA TOAST AS THE BEST MAN.

KURT.

>> UH, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?

MORE LIKE BOOTY AND THOSE TEATS,YOU SEE... I'M DRUNK, I'M SORRY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

MEGAN.

>> IT'S A GOOD THING STACY LIKESDOGGY STYLE, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE

ONLY WAY I DO IT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> 'CAUSE I... 'CAUSE I'M REALHORNY.

>> HARDWICK: DOUG.

>> TALE AS OLD AS TIME.

SONG AS OLD AS RHYME.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

>> HARDWICK: WHAT A COP-OUT.

>> THAT'S A VERY...

>> THE PERFECT TOAST FOR THEOCCASION.

>> HARDWICK: A LITTLE TOOPERFECT.

ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

LAST ONE, A KNIGHT RIDER WEDDINGWHERE THE COUPLE IS MARRIED BY

KITT OR A GHOSTBUSTERS WEDDINGWHERE THE GROOMSMEN AIN'T AFRAID

OF NO GHOSTS.

KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> GHOSTBUSTERS WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, PROBABLY.

LET'S FIND OUT.

YES, OF COURSE.

WHEN WAS DAVID SPADE AGHOSTBUSTER?

>> HE CAN'T WAIT TO GET HISSTREAM SLIMED.

FOR BONUS POINTS, WHAT WOULD THETHEME OF YOUR DREAM WEDDING BE,

KURT?

>> OH, UH, OH, IT WOULD BE, UH,UH, TICKLE ME FELCHMO.

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT-- IT'S AREAL COMMON WEDDING.

>> HARDWICK: UH, MEGAN.

>> I WOULD-I WOULD MARRY ARESCUE PUPPY.

I WOULD.

>> MEGAN, WHAT'S YOUR DREAMWEDDING?

"OH, SOMETHING SAD AND NOTALLOWED BY LAW."

"OH, SOMETHING SAD AND NOTALLOWED BY LAW."

>> THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

BEFORE THE BREAK, I GAVE YOU ALLCHATTERMITTS, A RIDICULOUS

TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT THATALLOWS YOU TO FIELD CALLS VIA

YOUR FINGER AND THUMB SO YOULOOK LIKE A SCHIZOPHRENIC IMPROV

TEAM, UH, AND I ASKED YOU GUYSTO GIVE ME A LINE FROM A

CONVERSATION YOU MIGHT HAVE ONTHAT DEVICE.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH.

MEGAN NEURINGER, LET'S STARTWITH YOU.

>> UH, IT'S HPV, AND IT'S YOURS.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

DOUG BENSON.

>> (MOUTHING): I DON'T KNOW WHATTHE BIG DEAL IS, US MIMES HAVE

HAD CHATTER GLOVES FOR YEARS!

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT.

KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> HEY, OKAY, NO, THAT'SPROBABLY HIM ON THE OTHER LINE.

HEY! YEAH, NO, LET ME CONFERENCEYOU IN.

HEY! YOU BOTH THERE?

WHO POOPED IN MY TUBA?!

>> HARDWICK: NICE.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> THAT'S WHERE MY GLOVE WENT.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)IT'S TIME NOW FOR GREAT WORKS OF

FART.

GREAT WORKS OF FART.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)THE SUPER TRENDY ART BASEL

FESTIVAL WAS THIS PAST WEEKENDIN MIAMI, WITH THE WORLD'S

HOTTEST ARTISTS DISPLAYING THEIRWORKS, UH, AND ONE CLEVER

INSTAGRAMMER FARTING ALL OVERTHEM.

YES, THE ACCOUNT @FARTBASEL TOOKPICTURES OF ART BASEL EXHIBITS

AND THEN ADDED WHIMSICAL LITTLEPOOT CLOUDS LIKE THIS ONE.

SHWEE...

THEN THERE'S THIS.

THEY CALL THIS EXPOSITION THEWINDY CITY.

(GROANING)>> THAT CAMEL HAD BROCCOLI.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: 100 POINTS TO KURT.

SO IN HONOR OF THESEWIND-BREAKING WORKS OF ART,

WE'RE GOING HIGHBROW WITHTODAY'S SPEED GAME.

I WANT YOU TO COME UP WITH ASMANY PIECES OF

FLATULENCE-INSPIRED ART ORFARTISTS, UH, IF YOU CAN.

WE'VE GOT SOME PROPERLYSOPHISTICATED MUSIC CUED UP.

CAN WE GET THAT? THERE WE GO.

>> OH, CLASSY.

>> HARDWICK: AND 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK STARTING NOW.

(BELL DINGS)YES, MEGAN.

>> ANDY WARHOLE.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)KURTIS.

>> GEORGIA O'QUEEF.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)MEGAN.

>> CHUCK CLOSE... TO POOPING MYPANTS.

>> HARDWICK: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)KURT.

>> DONATELLO ANYONE I FARTED.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DOUG.

>> STANKSY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)KURT.

>> UH, BASQUAT.

>> HARDWICK: YES. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DOUG.

>> UH, THE BLAST SUPPER.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DOUG.

>> PABLO PICASSO'S BROWN PERIOD.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)KURT.

>> UH, THE AROMA LISA.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)DOUG.

>> RODIN'S THE STINKER.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

THAT'S GOOD.