Extended - Thursday, May 26, 2016 - Uncensored

  • 05/26/2016

Jim Norton, Jim Florentine and Bonnie McFarlane anticipate the Big Game in L.A., dine with Hillary Clinton and sing #MillionaireSongs in this extended, uncensored episode.

It was announced this week thatLos Angeles will host Super Bowl

55!

Uh, that's...

(laughter)Half a person giving a shit in

true Los Angeles style.

(laughter)"Oh, it's in, like, five years.

I don't give a shit."

(applause and cheering)Let's-let's create more traffic

in this fucking traffic suckhole that is our town.

(laughter)Uh, multiple cities bid for the

right to host, and L.A. soundlybeat out Tampa, though "better

than Tampa" is the leastcomplimentary thing you can say

about a city.

(laughter)But before Angelinos all clear

out our schedules and juicecleanses and surf yogas, the big

game is still five years away,so, comedians, please give me a

prediction for something that wewill see at Los Angeles Super

Bowl in 2021.

Jim Norton, go.

>> The losing team is put todeath as per President Trump.

>> HARDWICK: All right. Yup.

That...

(applause and cheering)Oh, in five, yeah, 'cause he'll

get a second term.

Jim Florentine.

>> People in L.A. still won'tgive a fuck about football.

>> HARDWICK: Yeah, right.

(laughter)(applause and cheering)

Bonnie McFarlane.

>> Um, a half-time show starringMadonna, and she still looks

great, except for her neck.

(laughter)

Do you enjoy awkwardconversations with members of an

entrenched political dynasty,but you're also very hungry?

Well, great news.

Now you can enter to win adinner with distinguished lady

Magneto Hillary Clinton.

(laughter)It'll just be like eating a meal

with your mom if 54% of Americahated your mom.

(laughter)All you got to do...

Well...

>> Stop.

(applause and cheering)>> HARDWICK: (as Clinton): "What

do I want?

What's your favorite thing?"Uh...

(laughter)All you need to do is give her

your e-mail address, so, if youdon't want a free meal, you'll

still get served some spam.

Comedians, what will they serveat dinner with Hillary Clinton?

Bonnie.

>> Uh, pants soup.

>> HARDWICK: Yes. Perfect.

(laughter)Jim Florentine.

>> Bull shit on a stick.

>> HARDWICK: All right.

All right, points. Points.

(laughter)(applause and cheering)

It is now time for tonight'sHashtag Wars.

(applause and cheering)Now it's time for some

groundbreaking research out ofthe Harvard Business Review that

everyone saw coming.

People who grew up super richare more likely to be

narcissistic blowhards who don'tcare about anybody else, and

narcissism makes people badleaders.

Now...

(laughter)N-Not all of 'em.

(laughter)I know what you're thinking--

this is all leading to some kindof Trump thing, and we're gonna

be making fun of him for being apampered narcissist-- but no!

Because you know what?

I don't think all people whogrew up like that are bad.

Sometimes... their daughters aregood people who enrich the world

with weird taxidermy and... andprops from horror movies for

cable game show hosts. So...

(whooping, applause)Yeah! Yeah, exactly!

Yeah! Yeah! Fuck, yeah!

Yeah!

You know what? The one percentof the one percent's not so bad.

So, uh, instead of bashingTrump, let's celebrate wealth in

beautiful song with tonight'shashtag #MillionareSongs.

Examples better be: "Bank BetterHave My Money," or ♪ I believe I

can gentrify... ♪(laughter)

I'm gonna put 60 seconds on theclock, and begin.

Florentine.

>> "Papa Was in the RollingStones."

>> HARDWICK: Points!

Bonnie.

>> "Monsanto Got Run Over by aReindeer."

>> HARDWICK: Points.

Bonnie again.

>> "Walk Like a Caucasian."

>> HARDWICK: Points! Jim Norton.

>> ♪ God bless Bank ofAmerica... ♪

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points.

Norton again.

>> ♪ Mama said price you out. >> HARDWICK: All right, points.

(laughter)McFarlane.

>> "Contacts Make Your BrownEyes Blue."

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Norton.

>> ♪ Private jets are watchingyou. ♪

(laughter)>> HARDWICK: Points.

Norton again.

>> ♪ Under my corporateumbrella, ella. ♪

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points.

Points. Norton again!

>> ♪ Then I saw her faceHer coat's made of beaver. ♪

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Bonnie.

>> ♪ A long and windingdriveway. ♪

>> HARDWICK: Yes, points.

Florentine.

>> "Lucy in the Sky With BloodDiamonds."

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

(laughter, applause, whooping)Very good. Yes, points.

>> Good!

>> HARDWICK: Bonnie.

>> ♪ You down with IPOYeah, you know me. ♪

>> HARDWICK: All right, points.

Uh, Florentine.

>> "All You Need Is Love and anIronclad Prenup."

>> HARDWICK: All right, good,points.

>> And I should know.

>> HARDWICK: I should know.

Points.

Norton.

>> "I Bought the Sheriff."

>> HARDWICK: All right, perfect!