Monday, February 10, 2014

  • 02/10/2014

Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer and Hannibal Buress mourn the death of the game Flappy Bird, come up with Olympic event-themed movies and learn some important skills from YouTube.

>> RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

>> JOHN QUIN A MEMBER OF THEAMERICAN

BOBSLED TEAM GOT TRAPPED IN THEBATHROOM AT SOCHI AND HAD TO

BREAK THE DOOR DOWN TO GET OUTND TWEETED PHOTOS OF HIS ORDEAL

THAT IS LIKE A TURBO GLORY HOLE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

QUINN TWEETED THIS PICTURE ALONGWITH THE HASHTAG,

SOCHIJAILBREAK.

COMEDIANS GIVE US ANOTHERHASH TATION FOR THIS PHOTO.

>> HASHTAG, I AM THE REALKOOL-AID MAN.

>> HASHTAG, OH, YEAH.

ESPY NATION TWEETED OUT A MEMEOF ASHLEY WAGNER GETTING IN ON

THE ACTION.

THERE SHE IS!

THAT WAS THE FIRST HALF.

LET'S SEE HOW SHE REACTED WHENSHE WAS INSIDE.

MEME FOR LIFE, ASHLEY.

MEME FOR LIFE.

ONE OF THE BIGGEST NEWS STORIESOF THE WEEKEND WAS.

HE NGUYEN HA DONG DECIDED TOPULL THE GAME THAT MADE HIM

$50,000 A DAY SAYING HE COULDNOT STAND THE ATTENTION THE

POPULAR GAME WAS RECEIVING, INPARENTHESES, FROM NINTENDO.

BECAUSE THAT IS DEFINITELY SUPERMARIO WORLD.

A MAN TRYING TO CAPITALIZE ONFLAPPY BIRD'S SUCCESS, AUCTIONED

OFF WHAT E-BAY ITEM FOR$350,000?

A. AN OLD PHONE WITH THE GAMEDOWNLOADED

B. THE ORIGINAL ARTWORK ANDCONCEPT DESIGNS BY HA DONG

C. THE RIGHTS TO A KNOCK-OFFGAME CALLED "HAPPY TURD"

AND I DON'T WANT TO GIVE IT AWAYBUT IT'S NOT THE THIRD ONE

WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IT IS?

HANNIBAL

>> I HEARD YOU, BUT I'M GOING TOGO WITH THE THIRD ONE.

>> OKAY.

FULLY AWARE OF THAT.

THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.

>> I DON'T THINK I WAS SUPPOSEDTO PRESS THAT.

>> I DON'T WANT TO TRY TO DIRECTPEOPLE.

IF YOU HAVE A STRONG CONNECTIONTO THAT, I WON'T-- THE CORRECT

ANSWER IS A.

THERE IT IS, 350,000 FOR APHONE.

BUT YOU GET THE PHONE, TOO.

>> BUY NOW FOR 5 MILLION.

>> I'M REALLY IMPATIENT.

IT MIGHT GO FOR $5 MILLION.

#HASHTAGWARS.

THE SOCHI WINTER OLYMPICS AREHAPPENING AS WE SPEAK.

THEY ARE RUNNINGLIKE A WELL-OILED MACHINE THAT'S

ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

BUT WE CAN'T STOP WATCHING.

WITH THAT IN MIND, TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS #OLYMPICMOVIES.

EXAMPLES: WHAT ABOUT BOBSLED?

ENEMY OF THE FIGURE SKATE.

SNOWBOARD AND THE SEVEN DWARFS.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK, GO.

>> SCHINDLER'S LISTLESSTRAINING FOR RUNNING ON SNOW.

>> I'LL GIVE YOU POINT FOR THAT.

YEAH.

>> ABBI.

>> SOCHI'S CHOICE.

>> YES, POINT!

( APPLAUSE )>> IT'S A TOUGH CHOICE, TOO.

>> HANNIBAL

>> WHITE MEN CAN'T SKI JUMP.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUTTHAT IS THAT THAT RULES OUT ALL

OF SCANDINAVIA.

ABBI.

>> LOOK WHO'S CURLING 2.

POINTS, YOU MADE IT A SEQUEL.

>> FROM RUSSIA WITH HATE ANDHOMOPHOBIA

>> POINTS.

INSIDE LUGING DAVIS

ABBI.

>> SPEED.

SKATING.

TWO

HOW-TUBE.

HOW TUBE.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE EXCITED.

IF YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DOSOMETHING, YOU SHOULD DO

ANYTHING BUT GO TO YOUTUBE.

I'LL SHOW YOU A FEW SECONDS FROMA TUTORIAL VIDEO, AND YOU TEL

ME WHAT YOU THINK THE FUNNYSUBJECT OF THE VIDEO SHOULD BE.

IF YOUR ANSWER MAKES US LAUGH,YOU GET 250 POINT.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

HANNIBAL?

>> HOW TO RUIN HALLOWEEN FOREVERYBODY.

>> POINTS.

( APPLAUSE )LET'S FIND OUT WHAT IT ACTUALLY

WAS.

>> YOU HAVE TO COVER UP YOURFACIENT HAIR.

>> YOU CAN JUST COVER UP YOURGOATEE WITH MAKEUP, RIGHT.

>> SPRAY-ON STUFF.

>> NOW YOU YOU KNOW.

>> I THINK YOU SHOULD JUSTSHAVE.

( LAUGHTER )>> NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE.

>> HI, I'M ANDREW.

>> AND THIS IS SHANE.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT BRAINTRUST IS ALL ABOUT, HANNIBAL?

>> HOW TO MURDER YOUR FRIEND INTHE WOODS UNDER THE GUISE OF

MAKING A YOUTUBE VIDEO.

>> POINTS, POINTS FOR SURE.

LET'S FIND OUT WHAT THISACTUALLY IS.

>> TREMENDOUS BLOW TO THEGENITAL AREA.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> THE GRIZZLY WOULD HAVE NOCHOICE BUT TO TURN AROUND AND

WALK AWAY IN PAIN.

>> OR YOU COULD REREPEL THE BEARWITH BAD BRITISH ACCENTS.

ABBI?

>>IG THIS IS HOW TO GET ME, ABBIJACOBSON, TO IMMEDIATELY WANT TO

GIVE YOU MY PHONE NUMBER.

>> REALLY?

>> IT HAPPENED BEFORE.

>> OKAY, GOOD, FINE, I'LL GIVEYOU POINTS FOR THAT.

LET'S FIND OUT WHAT THISACTUALLY IS.

>> SEE?

>> HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?

>> WHERE IS THIS PERSON?

( LAUGHTER )THIS HAPPEN HAPPENED BEFORE.

HE'S RIGHT THERE!

HE'S RIGHT THERE!

>> YOU HAVE MY NUMBER ALL RIGHT.

>> SO YOU HAVE WATCHED THISVIDEO, THEN.

>> I WATCHED THIS VIDEO, YES,MAN.

>> I GOTTA GIVEYOU POINTS FORTHAT.

>> WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY.

>> ABBI?

>> HOW TO PUT ON GLASSES?

( LAUGHTER )>> I WILL GIVE YOU POINT FOR

THAT.

THIS LITERALLY COULD BE HOW TOPUT ON GLASSES.

>> YOU TRY IT ON AND GET STUCKAND WHAT CAN I DO?

>> CHRIS, I THOUGHT THAT WAS HOWTO REINVENT YOURSELF AS A

PET OR FURRY.

PET OR FURRY.

THE DESCRIPTIONS OF PEOPLE ONTHE FURRY DATING SITE ON FURRY

DATE.COM ARE EERILYODDLY SIMILAR TO THE

DESCRIPTIONS OF PETS UP FORADOPTION ON PETFINDER.COM.

I'M GOING TO READ YOU THE NAMEAND DESCRIPTION OF AN ANIMAL,

AND YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF IT'SA PET OR A FURRY.

CORRECT ANSWERS ARE WORTH 250POINTS.

SMASH-- "A WOLF BUILD WITH A REDFOX'S COLORS AND MARKINGS."

ABBI?

>> OKAY, PET, BECAUSE I BET IT'SNAMED AFTER SOMEONE WHO LOVED

THAT SHOW, AND IT'S LIKE, I'MREALLY INTO THIS NEW-- THE SHIBA

EMU.

>> I LIKE HEARING YOUR PROCESS.

BUT THE CORRECT ANSWER IS FURRY.

>> I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LIKEOPPOSITES, BASICALLY.

HE'S BASICALLY A WOLF-- IT SAYSA MORE COMPLEX DESCRIPTION.

BUT BASICALLY, IT'S A FOX--OKAY, OKAY.

>> THE ONLY FOX PARTS ARE IN THECOLORING.

>> HE'S GOT, LIKE, A GENITALIMPRINT, RIGHT?

>> I WOULD SAY HE IS A WOLFFILLED WITH FOX MARKINGS AND A

LITTLE BIT OF CAMEL.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> BLITZ-- "HE IS VERY LONELYAND HAS NO ONE TO GIVE HIS LOVE

TO."

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITHADOPTABLE PET?

>> NO, IT'S A FURRY.

IT'S A FURRY.

>> OH, MAN!

>> I CALL THIS ONE HAIRY STYLES.

H-A-I-R-Y.

IT'S GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE.

>> HE, LIKE, SAFETY PINNED IT TOTHE BACK OF HIS JEANS AND PUT IT

TO THE SIDE AND TAKE THEPICTURE.

>> TEDDY-- "OKAY, OKAY, SO I'M ALITTLE CHUNKY.

THAT'S JUST MORE OF ME TO LOVE.

I KNOW, THAT, TOO.

I GET A LITTLE SASSY.

WELL, HEY, I HAVE A LITTLESPUNK.

MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS.

GEEZ, WHAT'S A GUY TO DO?">> I THINK A PET.

>> YES, IT'S A PET.

( APPLAUSE )>> COVER THAT UP!

THERE ARE KIDS HERE!

SERIOUSLY!

>> I WAS LIKE, WHAT?

>> I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THIS, YOUGUYS.

>> I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSIONTHAT THE PEOPLE THAT ARE WRITING

THE FURRY DESCRIPTIONS ARE THEWAY LESS CREEPY THAN PEOPLE

CRAIGSLIST ROOMMATES.

I'M EXCITED, TOO.

>> THANKS TO CRAIGSLIST, FINDINGSCREENING QUESTIONS LIKE

"ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO CATS?"HAS BECOME "ARE YOU HIDING A

PREGNANCY?"OR MAYBE BOTH.

REMEMBER THIS?

YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GONE FOREVER.

SURPRISE!

WE PAINTED IT BACK INTO YOURNIGHTMARES.

( LAUGHTER )COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO RING IN

WITH SOME ROOMMATE SCREENINGQUESTIONS YOU NEVER WANT TO BE

ASKED.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDS ONCLOCK.

HANNIBAL.

>> ARE YOU CHILL?

>> HOW FAST DOES IT TAKE TO YOU( BLEEP )?

>> POINTS.

LLANA.

>> CAN I SNIFF YOUR ( BLEEP )?

>> YOU MEAN LITERALLY, OR JUSTSTUFF?

>> AT FIRST I MEANT STUFF, ANDTHEN IT WAS TAKEN AS ( BLEEP ),

AND I'M GOING TO GO WITH( BLEEP ).

>> OKAY, POINT.

ABBI.

>> WHERE DO YOU STORE YOURSCABS?

>> IN MY TUMMY.

POINTS.

HANNIBAL?

>> ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITHALANIS MORISSETTE'S DEFINITION

OF IRONY?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> POINTS.

ABBI.

>> HAVE YOU EVER BEFORE GOTTENAN AMATEUR PAP SMEAR?

>> POINTS, YES, POINTS.

HANNIBAL.

>> DO YOU BELIEVE 9/11 WAS ANINSIDE JOB?

>> POINTS.

POINT.

( APPLAUSE )ABBI?

>> HYPOTHETICALLY, HOW FAST CANYOU GET OUT OF A BURNING

BUILDING?

>> POINTS.

HANNIBAL.

>> HOW MANY EPISODES OF "COUGARTOWN" HAVE YOU WATCHED?

>> MY QUESTION IS WHAT ANSWERARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

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