January 19, 2016 - Donald Trump's Bible Gaffe & Oscar Debate

  • 01/19/2016

Donald Trump makes a clumsy effort to win the hearts of evangelical voters, and Larry discusses a boycott of the Oscars with Romany Malco, Holly Walker and Robin Thede.

-Welcome to the show!-(audience chanting "Larry!")

Oh, thank you very much.Such a great audience tonight.

-MAN: La-La-Larry!-(chuckles)

Oh, I like the stutter."La-La-Larry."

I am Larry Wilmore. We've gota great show for you tonight.

This is a... You cameon a very special night.

And I know what you're thinkingat home.

"Are you talkingabout Kira's birthday?" No.

I'm not. I'm not.

No. I'm not.

It makes sense.

It does make sense.It does make sense.

But one year ago tonight,

we started doing this show.

(cheering and applause)

One year ago. Wow!

Man! Can you believe it?

Whew! That's right, man.

It's our one-year anniversary.

You know what, I have to say,

we got a-a very, very thoughtfulgift.

Um, Donald Trump was kind enoughto talk about religion.

Mm-hmm. Very nice.

Which brings usto tonight's Unblackening.

(dramatic music playing)

(humming)

Now, one of the key,uh, constituents

that Donald Trump has to winover are the evangelicals.

Now, they make up 57%of the caucus-goers in Iowa.

And according to Trump,he's in good standing.

I have a very great relationshipwith God.

And I have a very greatrelationship with evangelicals.

If Trump and God havea great relationship,

it's probably becausethey never see each other.

That can work, right?

All right. So he is winning oversome of the evangelical vote,

but, uh, I thinkhe's (bleep) about God.

I'm wondering what one or twoof your most favorite

-Bible, uh, verses are and why.-Well, I-I wouldn't want

to get into it, because, to me,that's very personal.

Are you an Old Testament guyor a New Testament guy?

Uh, probably... equal.

Probably equal?

Am I the only one seeinghow transparent this is?

You've never read the Bible,Donald Trump!

I mean, come on. IfTrump ever even touched a Bible,

it probably sizzled.

But Donald Trump's gotto convince the an...

the evangelicals that he'sas full of Jesus as they are,

so yesterday he tookhis dual-testament-loving self

to Liberty University.

Now, the first thing he did,of course, was brag

about the crowd size.

We broke the record.You know, we had the record

for about three or four yearsthe last time.

And the first thing I said toJerry and Becki when I got here,

"Did we break the record?"

They said, "Yes, you did,by quite a bit."

So we'll dedicate that toMartin Luther King, a great man.

Dr. King?

How did he get in this?

What do you mean, dedicate?

Dr. King's notyour 16-year-old girlfriend.

What does that mean?(groans)

But let me just break down thatentire statement for you guys.

Okay, Liberty studentsare required by the university

to attend these rallies.

So if Trump broke a recordfor attendance,

it's only becauseLiberty enrollment is up,

not because every studentactually wanted to be there.

So he's basically talking outof his ass, which, by the way,

he wants to dedicateto Dr. King.

-Mm. But Tru...-(awwing)

(laughing):Okay.

"Aw, Larry."

But Trump vowed to fightfor this religion

he so clearlynever thinks about.

We're goingto protect Christianity.

And I can say that. I don't haveto be politically correct or...

Or correct-correct.

All right, Donald. You're beinga little too general.

You need to be more specific,Donald.

You know, quote something.I... You know, I got an idea.

Quote something every Christianwould know--

or even non-Christians--you know,

somethinglike Second Corinthians, right?

I mean, who hasn't heardof Second Corinthians?

I hear this is a major themeright here,

but Two Corinthians, right?Two Corinthians 3:17.

That's the whole ball game.

"Where the spiritof the Lord..." Right?

"Where the spirit of the Lordis, there is liberty."

And here there isLiberty College, but...

Liberty University,but it is so true.

You know, when you think...And that's really...

Is that the one?Is that the one you like?

(groaning)

There is so much wrongwith that.

You know what I love about this?

He doesn't even know

how wrong "Two Corinthians"sounds, right?

He's oblivious to it.And when people laugh,

he acts like he wasthe originator

of that mysterious joke.

Now,for you non-religious people,

let me seeif I can give you an analogy.

Let's sayyou're a big Star Wars fan,

and someone comes to speakto your Star Wars group.

Um, in this scenario,you have no life, okay?

They say they'rea huge Star Wars fan,

that they have a greatrelationship with Star Wars,

okay? Mmm.

And then they say, "Okay, I wantto talk about the Farce, right?

"We're all strongwith the Farce, right?

"That's what you guys like, theFarce. You know what I'm saying?

"I know. You're laughing.'Cause we love the Farce.

"Who doesn't love the Farce?Yeah, you're still laughing

"'cause the Farce is awesome.The Farce is strong

"with Luther Vandross Skywalker,right?

Am I right? The Farce."

(groaning)

Okay.

It's clear that Trumpdoesn't know the Bible,

but there is a bookthat, uh, he knows very well.

I wrote The Art of the Deal.

Who has read The Art of the Deal in this room?

Everybody.

I think three people clapped.

Trump says, "Everybody."

I'm sorry. But I interrupted.You were in the middle

of some (bleep).Please continue.

Who has read The Art of the Deal in this room?

Everybody. I always say...

I always say a deep, deep secondto the Bible.

The Bible is the best.The Bible.

The Bible blows it away.There's nothing like the Bi...

Please stop it. Juststop him from talking, please.

I can't take it anymore.Come on, God, what,

are you out of lightning bolts?

Don't you smite anymore?

He just elevated his crappybook, The Art of the Deal,

to just below the Bible.

Can't you see what he's tryingto do, Liberty U?

He's trying to close the dealon you guys.

He's trying to convince youthat he's just like you.

Evangelicals,you have to listen to me.

Look, you can be forgiven forfalling in love with Ted Cruz

and Black Droopy the Dog.

Hmm? But you'll neverbe forgiven

for falling in lovewith this troll.

You know what?

It's probably hard for you tohear me when I talk like this.

You know, let me say itmore evangelically, all right?

(organ music playing)

(laughter,applause and cheering)

I'm talking to you,evangelicals.

You know you make up 57%of the caucus-goers,

-so you are our last hope.-(audience shouting out)

For the bulwarkagainst the creep of evil ivy

-that is Donald Trump.-(audience chatter)

And he is growing wild!Can I get an amen?

AUDIENCE:Amen!

He is a snake in the grass,

and you must cast him outlike the devil!

-(audience shouting out)-"2 Corinthians"?

What man of God can't namea bible verse?

(audience shouting out)

How about... how about...how about, "Jesus wept?"

(whoops and shouting)

'Cause Jesus himself is weeping

at how big an assholeDonald Trump is.

Did I say asshole?Yes, I did.

But God will forgive me 'causeI'm talking about Donald Trump.

I'm gonna need another "amen"over here very quickly!

-AUDIENCE: Amen!-All right.

And who in the nameof the Almighty

doesn't know the New Testamentfrom the Old?

WOMAN:You tell 'em, Preacher.

The Old Testament is the onewith all the damn smiting.

Some of us knowsthere is a difference!

-(audience shouting)-WOMAN: There's a difference!

What I challenge you to do,evangelicals,

is to smite downDonald Trump's campaign!

MAN:Hallelujah!

Smite it down!

Give me an amenfor the smiting down!

AUDIENCE:Amen!

Smite down the Trump campaign

and loose ourselves of the gripthat this-this...

MAN:Take your time now.

WOMAN:Take your time! Take your time!

-(applause)-I can't do this.

-WOMAN: Take your time.-I will.

(overlapping shouting)

Hold on.

WOMAN:Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

-That this... that this falseprophet. -(whooping)

This idolater has on the caucus.

He is a fever that must be broken,

-and the only cure is truth!-WOMAN: Truth!

-Am I right about the truth?-(overlapping shouting)

Then how did I not get an amenfor the truth?

AUDIENCE:Amen!

-Y'all don't hear me thismorning! -(overlapping shouting)

Now let's exorcisethis demonic abomination

from our national conversation!

Remove this devil-uhfrom the... from the...

-from the voting booth-uh!-(audience voicing assent)

Cast him-uh forth!Cast him...

Let me hear you say"Cast him-uh."

AUDIENCE:Cast him-uh!

-Let me hear you say "Forth-uh!"-AUDIENCE: Forth-uh!

-Let me hear you just say "Uh!"-AUDIENCE: Uh!

-(laughter, overlapping shouts)-Yeah.

Yield... yield notto the temptation of Trump,

but be sureto send along your donations

-to The Nightly Sh ministries.-(laughter)

No donation is too big or toosmall in the eyes of the Lord.

Much like Jesus,we'll be right back.

-(cheers and applause)-Can I get an amen? Uh...

-(cheers and applause)-Welcome back.

There's a new trendhitting the kids' books section,

and it's called"whitewashing slavery."

A children's picture book

-about George Washington makingthe feeds... -Yeah, I saw this.

...after the publisherhad to pull it

for sending the wrong message.

The book made it seemlike the slave was happy,

a perceptionthat many believe tries

to sanitize slavery in general.

Um, let me just clear somethingup for anyone out there

who might be confusedabout the disposition of slaves.

They were not happy.

Now, the story is narratedby the daughter of the slave

who's baking a birthday cakefor George Washington.

And in almost every pictureof the book, the slaves are

ridiculously happybecause they're making a cake.

And right out of the gate,the sweet child says,

"There is one problem.We are out of sugar."

No.

That's not the problem.

The problem is you're slaves!Ugh!

All right,here with more thoughts

on these happy slave books isour own Mike Yard.

-Mike, welcome to the show.-(applause and cheering)

Thank you for having me, Larry.

So, Mike, uh...

Yeah, I-I can't evenget over that.

What did you thinkof these books?

They're cute, Larry.

Wait. Cute?You've got to be kidding me!

No, I'm not.In fact, they're so cute,

they inspired me to writea whimsical tale of my own.

(laughter)

Really? Whimsical?

Whimsical, Larry.

It's about a slave uprising.

And it's called Massa Dies.

(laughter and applause)

-WILMORE: Oh.-Spoiler alert: Massa dies.

Uh, Massa Dies?

Mike, are... are you surethis is a kids' book?

Hell, yeah.It's for the kids, Larry.

-It's for the (bleep), kids!-Okay, all right, okay.

-(applause)-Okay, calm down, Mike. Wait.

Um... this doesn't soundappropriate for children.

-Oh, it's very wholesome, Larry.Look. -WILMORE: Okay, all right.

-Oh.-Here's the happy kitchen slave

serving Massa his birthday cake.

-(laughter)-WILMORE: All right, that seems

harmless enough.Um, why is he smiling?

Well, Larry,the slave is smiling

'cause he added a little secretingredient to the batter.

-WILMORE: Oh, my God.-(laughter and groaning)

YARD:Now he's watching Massa eat it.

Oh, my God, Mike,that's disgusting!

You can't read that to kids!

Sure you can, Larry.Look, it's very educational.

And if you're gonna showslaves happy,

they need to be happyfor a reason.

And what could makea slave happier

than knowingthere's a little piece of him

in every sliceof cake Massa eats?

(laughter)

All right, so he peesin Massa's cake. Great.

-Mm-hmm.-Uh, so is that how it ends?

The end of Massa Dies isthat he eats peecake, Larry?

Well, I didn't know.I-I forgot, yeah.

-Think about what you just said.-I know. I'm sorry.

-You're right. You're right.-Bam!

(laughter)

WILMORE: Oh, my God.They lit the house on fire?

Yeah, that's a little Django(bleep) I threw in there.

But why are there... why arethere chains on the door?

'Cause Massa's in there, Larry.

The book is not called Massa Gets Out.

Okay, I got it. I got it.

-I understand. Massa dies.I got it. -Absolutely.

Uh, Parents,you might want to monitor

what your kids are reading.

-Massa Dies, everybody!-Okay, that's enough.

-Mike Yard, everybody. We'll beright back. -(cheers & applause)

No, no, no. That's notappropriate. That's clearly...

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Holly Walker.

(cheers and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorRobin Thede.

-(applause and cheering)-Hi.

And you can seehis new show Mad Dogs,

which debuts on Amazon,uh, January 22,

actor Romany Malco.

(cheering, applause)

For everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShowusing #Tonightly.

Okay, so tonight I'm gonnato talk about them Oscars.

THEDE: Mm-hmm.

-Uh, what? That's, like, what?-That's a good hashtag--

-"them Oscars."-Yeah, them Oscars.

Especially, okay,since you guys have heard

the, uh, #OscarsSoWhitehashtag's gone viral.

There are no people of colorfor the major nominations.

Okay, I'm gonna show youtwo competing views on this.

First, Jada Pinkett Smith.This is what she said.

Is it time that people of color

recognize how much power,

influence that we have amassed?

Maybe it is time that we pullback our resources.

I will notbe at the Academy Awards

and I won't be watching.

Okay, and now here'sWhoopi Goldberg.

Chris Rock is the host

-of the Academy Awards.-WOMAN: Right, right.

And so to boycott him

seems just as bad

as what everybody's saying.

You want to boycott something,don't go see the movies that

-don't have your representationin it. -I-I agree.

Hmm. Two differentpoints of view.

All right, first of all, is toomuch being made of all this?

Yes or no?

Yeah, I mean, look,

I don't think a boycott'sgonna change anything.

You know what I mean?It's like, they didn't

see us to nominate us.If we're not there,

they're actuallynot gonna see us.

Like, you know,I mean, I don't...

I-I just think it's a little...

It's not likethe bus boycott, right?

No, exactly, exactly.

You know... You know, I don'tknow-I don't know who...

I don't know who it matter...You know, look,

I d-I d... I've neverwatched the Oscars.

-Never? -Never.-THEDE: Really?

-I've never, ever watchedthe Oscars, 'cause... -Wow.

You're an actor and you'venever watched the Oscars.

It's not my club.It's just not my club.

I've-I've... I don't... And I-Ididn't start thinking about it

till recently. Maybe I've neverwatched it because there was

never nothingthat really ap... ref...

Now, not to diminishwhat, you know,

Mo'Nique and-andWhoopi Goldberg, you know,

have accomplished,you know, through the Oscars,

but for myself, it just...I've never...

You know, it's just neverbeen my thing.

And maybe because it doesn'treally reflect anything like me.

I don't look at, like,some-some all-white golf club

and be like,"Man, I'm gonna get in there."

Why would I... I might not makeit out of that (bleep).

Sorry, excuse my language.

-No, no, but...-No, no, please, it's all good.

But if you played golfyou might think of that.

No, I do play golf. But I don'twant to play golf that...

My dad always said this--he'd be like,

"You know, people thinkthat moving into a neighborhood

where your children might getlynched is an accomplishment."

I don't reallyget that sensibility.

But be honest, some peopleare only into this

because it's become a topic.

They didn't give a (bleep) aboutthe Oscars, either.

-Yeah. -You know what I'msaying? -Right, I... Yeah...

-It's a bandwagon thing. Justbe real. -I think... I think...

I think a lot of peoplewant to be the best.

It's why Tiger Woodsis there, it's why

Serena Williams is there.It's why we win these Oscars.

-It's like...-In that lynching golf club?

-In the l... in thelynching golf club. -Exactly.

I think you can't say in onebreath how proud we are

when Halle and Mo'Nique andDenzel and all those people win

but then when we're not in theresay that we don't care.

You know, I feel likewe're always gonna care,

it's just the system is-is...

Why do you thinkit happens, Robin?

-Do you think it's the... -Well,I think... Look, the voter base

is 94% white and 103% old.

-So...-Yes.

-That's howthat math works. -Yes.

And so when they're watching...They get the screeners,

they get the... you know,they get to see these movies.

When they see a moviecome through that says

Straight Outta Compton, they're, like, "Next".

Like, they just... they feellike they can't relate to that.

-This is going straight backto Compton. -Yeah. No, they...

-Yeah, it's... Yeah. -WALKER:It's all about the voters.

-It's all... Yeah.-Yeah.

WALKER:Absolutely, it's...

Yeah, the first black friendthey found,

-they gave that to like-likethat. -But wait a minute.

-Yo, I might... I needan education. -It might...

it might-it mightgo in cycles, though, too.

I think, like... I mean,people could be exhausted

with black people right now.Black lives matter.

Bl... We're tired,black people, we're just tired.

-THEDE: That's true. That'strue. And... -We can't vote for

black people right now. We'redoing too much black stuff.

And Three 6 Mafia got an Oscarfor Hustle & Flow,

-so they still matter.-We're still paying for that.

-We're still paying for that.-Yeah. Yeah.

'Cause it seems to methat a lot of...

let's just say white actorsget some more complex roles

-more of the time.-THEDE: Yeah.

The same thing with mentend to get more complex roles

than it seems women get,

-you know, in the acting field,you know. -Right.

Like, I don't knowif people would be concerned

if Kevin Hart was left on Mars.I'm just saying. You know.

-Oh.-What are you saying?

I would watch it.That would be hilarious.

Dude, I'm gonnaget my ass kicked if I don't

say something backabout that. Like, if I...

-Yeah. -If I don't come upwith a wisecrack, you know...

He would be great. I'd...Listen, I want an Oscar,

why not? I can't get an Oscarfor doing what I do,

but everybody wants one.Like, it's cool.

I would absolutely goand I would absolutely get it.

-Yes, everybody wants one.-And I would absolutely go.

I don't see whywe're boycotting it now.

It's been the same wayfor years.

It's always that way.It's always kind of white...

That's what cracks me up--when people-when people...

when people act surprisedby-by racism. (gasps)

-WALKER: Yeah.-WILMORE: What?! -What?!

They don't let (bleep) in here?Why the...

I'm like, you know, th-thatleaves me baffled, and so...

WILMORE: What if nominationsstarted announcing that way?

Uh, we're gonnaannounce the Oscars.

Uh, spoiler alert:no (bleep).

Here's my big...2009 was the funniest Oscars

because Robert Downey Jr.gets nominated

for playing a white guy

-who's pretendingto be a black guy. -THEDE: Yup.

And it's like, that is...Look, being a black man,

that's got to be the biggestacting job ever.

-Yeah. -You know?I mean, that's amazing to me.

He gets nominated for an Oscarfor that in a comedy.

-Yeah.-Bu-But...

-It's the biggest stretch.-But it's not the first time,

-though. I mean, you know...-No.

Uh... That's-that'swhat white people do.

-They play amazing black people.-WILMORE: Westwood...

That's-that's whatwhite people do-- they play

amazing black people andwin awards for that (bleep).

-You know?-THEDE: It's true. Maybe...

Well, the same's not true--a black person can't play

a white person and win an Oscarfor that, I don't think.

-WILMORE: No? -I don't know,we should try it, guys.

We... I-I would love to do it.

-You want to do that? You wantto start... -Absolutely.

I would be the bestShirley Temple

-that you've ever seen.-Oh, my God!

-I... -You would be very goodat that. -Damn, I was hoping

y'all would go in the range

of, like, Thelma and Louise, but that was good.

-But that was good,that was good. -Nope,

Shirley Temple. A little whitegirl, I would absolutely do it.

Right, right. And then you can'ttake your makeup off

until you win the Oscar,and then, like, "Ha-ha!"

Exactly. And I will-I willtap dance with Kevin Hart.

-It'll be great.-Oh, God,

-how did he get in there?-Sounds good.

We'll be right backright after this.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)

ANNOUNCER:Grab some free tickets to attend

an upcoming tapingof The Nightly Show.

Go tothenightlyshow.com/tickets.

Thanks to my panelistsHolly Walker, Robin Thede

and Romany Malco.We're almost out of time,

but before we goI'm gonna Keep It 100.

Keep It 100, right?Okay, tonight's question

is from @robbiefarmer.They ask,

"If it took killing Mike Yardand Ricky Velez..." -Oh, Jesus!

"...to keep Trump from beingpresident, would you?"

YARD: Oh, (bleep)!

"Sorry. I love them both. LOL."

-Um, sorry, Mike.-Aah!

-No, come on!-Sorry, Ricky...

-but absolutely! -I wouldn'teven have weak tea anyway, man.

-Nope... I think...-I have to do whatever it takes.