to make the show a success here.
And sometimes it looks a littleslap dash but we plan that.
Uh, hit it!
It seemed like the band hadno idea uh, I was going to do
that, but we workedthat out ahead of time.
Anyway, it's just a fewshopping days until Christmas.
And uh, we uh, youknow, we're really
looking forward to the holidays.
ANNOUNCER: It's--it's early May.
I-- that's Harvey, our director.
But I-- yeah, I know that.
Don't worry, they'lledit this out.
Anyway, Harvey, I know that.
But you know, theyair these shows
over and over all the time.
So it's bound to be on nearChristmas sometime, right?
Like the stopped clockis right twice a day.
Um, so, anyway, and,and besides, I always
wanted to have myown Christmas show.
You know what I mean?
They always just MerryChristmas, everybody.
They're always so sincere likethey really care about you.
They don't care about you.
Not-- I do.
They don't I care about you.
Not in that cheap sexual waylike those other hosts, either.
I mean-- like Bing Crosby.
He loved those kids!
So anyway, don't you justhate it when you go out
and you go out shoppingfor your Christmas tree
and uh, you gottago see the tree
guy who was alsothe pumpkin guy.
Don't think I'm notwise to that game.
Happy Halloween, by the way.
And uh, the uh, theuh, the pumpkin guy.
I got a theory that Halloweenwas started by the pumpkin guy
a long time ago.
You know how greeting cardcompanies and flower companies
get-- start this Grandparents'Day and Secretary's Week.
Pretty soon there'll beso many bogus holidays,
that a normal relaxing weekendwill be a holiday that you
celebrate by having a cup ofcoffee in your underpants.
"Underpants" is afunny word, by the way.
Uh, even like in anormal sentence, right?
Like I answered thephone in my underpants.
I'm so trendy.
But I am not astrendy as some people.
My best friend is so trendy.
She has everything on her headpierced that you can pierce.
Like her eyebrow, hernose, her lip, her tongue.
Everything except her ears.
I'm like, why don'tyou pierce your ears?
Oh, that's not really me.
What are you talking about?
You look like you wereattacked by a BeDazzler.
My name is MargaretCho and I'm Korean.
I am so Korean.
I even have a Korean name.
My Korean name is Moran.
Which is a pretty name but youhave to understand I've heard
my mother scream itfrom across the hills.
I'm sure you can relate.
My mother has a problemwith blind intersections
she will sit there for avery long time and rant.
[korean accent] Theynever give you a chance!
[normal voice] I used to getso busted when I was a teenager
because I was so into thefilm "Flashdance," that I cut
the neck out ofall my sweatshirts.
My mom was overit. [korean accent]
Why you cut theneck out the shirt?
Why you cut the-- oh.
Well, I think youare the maniac.
[normal voice] Sheused to spoil me.
She got me a FarrahFawcett fashion head.
Just her head on a platter.
It was like this weird Barbieas John the Baptist kind
of a-- Bring me thehead of Skipper!
One time I took a magicmarker and I tried
to make Egytptian eyelineron her eye and I messed up,
so I tried to take it offwith nail polish remover
and I accidentallyremoved her entire eye.
very into like early '80s stuff.
Like early '80s music.
I loved the musicthen because it
was such an Oh, MickeyYou're So Fine time.
It was such andEye of the Tiger,
Thrill of the Fight time.
My family neverhad any money then.
So I couldn't buy recordsor tapes or anything,
so I would tapesongs off the radio.
I'm sure you didthat before, right?
Except I didn't have aradio inside my tape deck,
so I'd have to hold theradio up to the tape deck.
So on all my old tapes you couldhear my mother screaming at me:
[korean accent] Moran!
This is the best jobI've ever had in my life.
I've had somereally strange jobs.
Like I used to workat this S & M store.
Like adult bookstore place.
And it was kind of weirdbecause I got that job right
after working ata clothing store.
So the adjustmentwas not that simple.
Oh, wow that dildo goesreally good with your eyes.
I think I would beinto deviant sex
if I had somebodyto have sex with.
I just have problemswith that, you know?
I-- the last guyI went out with he
was just so-- I don'tknow-- he was hopeless.
He said if I broke up with himthat he would kill himself.
And I broke up with himbut he's not dead yet.
And I wanna call him up andgo, you know, what's the deal?
I thought we had an agreement.
Thank you very much, everybody.