February 27, 2014 - Jeff Goldblum

  • 02/27/2014

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer vetoes anti-gay legislation, the KKK embraces sci-fi technology, and Jeff Goldblum discusses "The Grand Budapest Hotel."

>> Stephen: TONIGHT, WHATDOES THE MAN ON THE STREET THINK

ABOUT RACE IN AMERICA?

I DON'T KNOW.

I CROSSED IT TO AVOID HIM.

( LAUGHTER )THEN A SURPRISE MOVE FROM A HATE

GROUP.

GET READY FOR "THE ARYANBROTHERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING

PANTS."

AND MY GUEST, JEFF GOLDBLUM,STARS IN THE NEW WES ANDERSON

FILM "THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL."

THE INTERVIEW WILL HAVE A SOUNDTRACK OF MENDELSSOHN PLAYED ON A

TOY XYLOPHONE.

( LAUGHTER )THE OSCARS ARE ON SUNDAY!

DAMN!

I HAD TUESDAY IN THE OFFICE POOL.

( LAUGHTER )THIS IS THE THE "COLBERT

REPORT."

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THEREPORT.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, THANKYOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THANKS SO MUCH, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

AND, FOLKS, I ESPECIALLY WANT TOTHANK ALL THE BLACK PEOPLE

JOINING US TONIGHT.

THEI WILL GET TO MY COVERAGE OF

BLACK HISTORY MONTH IN JUST AMOMENT.

BUT I'M SORRY, APPARENTLY ALLSTRAIGHT PEOPLE

ARE NOW LEGALLY REQUIRED TO MAKEWEDDING CAKES FOR GAY PEOPLE.

BECAUSE LAST NIGHT, ARIZONAGOVERNOR AND DINER WAITRESS

WORKING A 60-HOUR SHIFT,JAN BREWER, VETOED SB1062,

A BILL PROTECTING MY RELIGIOUSRIGHT TO DENY SODOMITES PASTRY.

AND JUST LISTEN WHY.

>> SENATE BILL 1062 DOES NOTADDRESS A SPECIFIC OR PRESENT

CONCERN RELATED TO RELIGIOUSLIBERTY IN ARIZONA.

I HAVE NOT HEARD ONE EXAMPLE INARIZONA WHERE A BUSINESS OWNER'S

RELIGIOUS LIBERTY HAS BEENVIOLATED.

>> Stephen: EXCUSE ME,GOVERNOR.

JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEERELIGIOUS LIBERTY BEING

VIOLATED, DOESN'T MEAN ITDOESN'T EXIST.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE FAITH ANDBELIEVE THAT GAYS ARE DESTROYING

CHRISTIANITY.

( LAUGHTER )AND I HAVE THAT FAITH, AND I SEE

GAY ATTACKS EVERYWHERE I LOOK.

LIKE ON THIS MIRACULOUS IMAGE ONMY GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.

THERE IT IS.

LOOK AT THAT GAY ORGY RIGHTTHERE.

( LAUGHTER )PLAIN AS DAYS, FOLKS.

USUALLY, I ONLY SEE JESUS IN MYGRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH-- OH,

BOY, HE'S IN THERE, TOO.

I HAVE TO GET HIM OUT THERE.

JESUS IS SAFE NOW IN MY TUM-TUM.

LET'S GET BACK TO MY CELEBRATIONOF BLACK HISTORY.

I WILL BE DEDICATING THE REST OFFEBRUARY AFRICAN AMERICAN

HERITAGE.

IT IS SUCH A RICH, MULTIFACETEDCULTURE FOR WHITE PEOPLE TO

EMBRACE AND MAKE LESS BLACK.

FOR INSTANCE, JAZZ.

WE SMOOTHED THAT OUT FOR YOU,YOU'RE WELCOME.

( APPLAUSE )AND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHILE

NOT ALL OF US ARE BLACK WE AREALL VICTIMS OF RACISM.

SLAVERY IS AMERICA'S ORIGINALSIN, OUR PRIMAL WOUND, AND 150

YEARS LATER, ITS TERRIBLE LEGACYSTILL LOOMS OVER AMERICAN LIFE

SO LARGE THAT IT'S ALMOSTIMPOSSIBLE TO TALK ABOUT RACE

WITHOUT OFFENDING SOMEONE,ESPECIALLY KOREANS.

( LAUGHTER )THEY'RE A HUMORLESS PEOPLE.

BUT NOW SOMETHING CAN FINALLY BEDONE TO LIFT THE PAINFUL BURDEN

OF RACISM ONCE AND FOR ALL.

IT COMES FROM A STORY I HEARD ONNPR.

NOW, I KNOW, BUT I WAS DRIVING ARENTAL AND THE KNOB WAS TORN

OFF.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

IT WAS A REPORT ON THE NATIONALLONGITUDINAL SURVEY OF YOUTH,

WHICH TRACKED YOUNG PEOPLE OVER19 YEARS TO SEE HOW THEIR LIVES

HAD CHANGED, AND ONE OF THERESEARCHERS, STANFORD

SOCIOLOGIST ALIYA SAPERSTEIN,FOUND SOMETHING TRULY SHOCKING.

>> SAPERSTEIN FOUND THAT THERACIAL CLASSIFICATION OF PEOPLE

IN THE SURVEY SEEMED TO CHANGEOVER TIME.

>> WHAT OUR RESEARCH CHALLENGESIS THIS IDEA THAT THE RACE OF AN

INDIVIDUAL IS FIXED.

20% OF THE RESPONDENTSEXPERIENCED AT LEAST ONE CHANGE

IN HOW THE INTERVIEWER PERCEIVEDTHEM BY RACE OVER THE COURSE OF

DIFFERENT OBSERVATIONS.

>> Stephen: YES, YOUR RACECAN CHANGE OVER TIME.

MUCH LIKE HOW IN WINTER, JOHNBOEHNER FADES FROM PUMPKIN TO

BUTTERNUT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( LAUGHTER )

WHILE THIS IS AMAZING, IT'SEXTRAORDINARY STORY.

SO WHAT WOULD CAUSE SOMEONE'SRACE TO CHANGE I SAY YOU ASK?

WELL, IF SOMEONE IN THE STUDYWENT TO JAIL, THE INTERVIEWER

WAS MORE LIKELY TO SEE THEPERSON AS BLACK.

NO WONDER THOSE WHITE POWERPRISON GANGS ARE SO SCARY.

THEY'RE ALL BLACK GUYS.

( LAUGHTER )POINT IS, AMERICANS BELIEVE

BLACK PEOPLE DO CERTAIN THINGS.

THEREFORE, PEOPLE WHO DO THOSETHINGS MUST BE BLACK, OR AS NPR

PUT IT, "IT'S NOT JUST OURPERCEPTIONS OF RACE THAT DRIVE

OUR STEREOTYPES, BUT OURSTEREOTYPES THAT DRIVE OUR

PERCEPTIONS OF RACE."

YES, OUR PERCEPTIONS OF RACE AREDRIVEN BY RACIAL STEREOTYPES,

WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE ALWAYSGETTING PULLED OVER.

( LAUGHTER )NOW, INCREDIBLY, YOU CAN EVEN

UNDERGO A RACE CHANGE AFTERYOU'RE DEAD BECAUSE THE STUDY

FOUND THAT WHEN PEOPLE HAD TIEDAS A RESULT OF HOMICIDE, FUNERAL

DIRECTORS WERE MORE LIKELY TOLIST THE PERSON AS BEING BLACK

AND IF THE PERSON DIED OFALCOHOLIC CIRRHOSIS, THE FUNERAL

DIRECTOR WAS MORE LIKELY TO LISTTHE PERSON AS BEING NATIVE

AMERICAN.

AND THEY LIST YOU AS WHITE IFYOU CHOCKED ON KALE CHIPS WHILE

DANCING TO JASON MRAZ( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )STEREOTYPES CAN EVEN CHANGE WHAT

RACE YOU THINK YOU ARE BECAUSEWHEN PEOPLE WENT TO PRISON THEY

BECAME MORE LIKELY TO THINK OFTHEMSELVES AS BLACK.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, IT'S A TWO-WAYSTREET.

BECAUSE FOR POSITIVEEXPERIENCES, THE EFFECTS ARE IN

THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

FOLKS I BELIEVE WE CAN USEAMERICA'S INESCAPABLE RACISM TO

DEFEAT AMERICA'S INESCAPABLERACISM.

HERE'S HOW IT WOULD WORK.

MINORITIES HAVE TO BEHAVE INWAYS THAT CHANGE OUR PERCEPTION

OF THEIR RACE.

FOR INSTANCE, MEXICANS, YOU CANSEEM A LOT LESS MEXICAN IF YOU

COMPLAIN ABOUT ALL THE MEXICANSCOMING HERE TO STEAL OUR JOBS.

( LAUGHTER )THINK ABOUT IT.

RIGHT NOW, THERE'S A MEXICANDOING YOUR JOB, AND SLEEPING

WITH YOUR WIFE.

( LAUGHTER )AND, NATIVE AMERICANS, IF YOU

TURN THOSE CASINOS INTO TECHSUPPORT CALL CENTERS, SUDDENLY

YOU'RE AN ACTUAL INDIAN.

( LAUGHTER )OF COURSE, THE QUICKEST WAY TO

ACHIEVE RACIAL EQUALITY IS TOJUST SEND EVERYONE TO PRISON.

THEN WE WOULD ALL BE BLACK.

AND ONCE WE'RE ALL BLACK, MAYBEAMERICANS WILL FINALLY REALIZE

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT COLORYOU ARE.

SO I PICK WHITE.

I WONDER WHAT RACE THAT MAKES MESEEM LIKE?

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

LET'S GET BACK TO MY CELEBRATIONOF BLACK HISTORY.

I WILL BE DEDICATING THE REST OFFEBRUARY AFRICAN AMERICAN

HERITAGE.

IT IS SUCH A RICH, MULTIFACETEDCULTURE FOR WHITE PEOPLE TO

EMBRACE AND MAKE LESS BLACK.

FOR INSTANCE, JAZZ.

WE SMOOTHED THAT OUT FOR YOU,YOU'RE WELCOME.

( APPLAUSE )AND, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHILE

NOT ALL OF US ARE BLACK WE AREALL VICTIMS OF RACISM.

SLAVERY IS AMERICA'S ORIGINALSIN, OUR PRIMAL WOUND, AND 150

YEARS LATER, ITS TERRIBLE LEGACYSTILL LOOMS OVER AMERICAN LIFE

SO LARGE THAT IT'S ALMOSTIMPOSSIBLE TO TALK ABOUT RACE

WITHOUT OFFENDING SOMEONE,ESPECIALLY KOREANS.

( LAUGHTER )THEY'RE A HUMORLESS PEOPLE.

BUT NOW SOMETHING CAN FINALLY BEDONE TO LIFT THE PAINFUL BURDEN

OF RACISM ONCE AND FOR ALL.

IT COMES FROM A STORY I HEARD ONNPR.

NOW, I KNOW, BUT I WAS DRIVING ARENTAL AND THE KNOB WAS TORN

OFF.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

IT WAS A REPORT ON THE NATIONALLONGITUDINAL SURVEY OF YOUTH,

WHICH TRACKED YOUNG PEOPLE OVER19 YEARS TO SEE HOW THEIR LIVES

HAD CHANGED, AND ONE OF THERESEARCHERS, STANFORD

SOCIOLOGIST ALIYA SAPERSTEIN,FOUND SOMETHING TRULY SHOCKING.

>> SAPERSTEIN FOUND THAT THERACIAL CLASSIFICATION OF PEOPLE

IN THE SURVEY SEEMED TO CHANGEOVER TIME.

>> WHAT OUR RESEARCH CHALLENGESIS THIS IDEA THAT THE RACE OF AN

INDIVIDUAL IS FIXED.

20% OF THE RESPONDENTSEXPERIENCED AT LEAST ONE CHANGE

IN HOW THE INTERVIEWER PERCEIVEDTHEM BY RACE OVER THE COURSE OF

DIFFERENT OBSERVATIONS.

>> Stephen: YES, YOUR RACECAN CHANGE OVER TIME.

MUCH LIKE HOW IN WINTER, JOHNBOEHNER FADES FROM PUMPKIN TO

BUTTERNUT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( LAUGHTER )

WHILE THIS IS AMAZING, IT'SEXTRAORDINARY STORY.

SO WHAT WOULD CAUSE SOMEONE'SRACE TO CHANGE I SAY YOU ASK?

WELL, IF SOMEONE IN THE STUDYWENT TO JAIL, THE INTERVIEWER

WAS MORE LIKELY TO SEE THEPERSON AS BLACK.

NO WONDER THOSE WHITE POWERPRISON GANGS ARE SO SCARY.

THEY'RE ALL BLACK GUYS.

( LAUGHTER )POINT IS, AMERICANS BELIEVE

BLACK PEOPLE DO CERTAIN THINGS.

THEREFORE, PEOPLE WHO DO THOSETHINGS MUST BE BLACK, OR AS NPR

PUT IT, "IT'S NOT JUST OURPERCEPTIONS OF RACE THAT DRIVE

OUR STEREOTYPES, BUT OURSTEREOTYPES THAT DRIVE OUR

PERCEPTIONS OF RACE."

YES, OUR PERCEPTIONS OF RACE AREDRIVEN BY RACIAL STEREOTYPES,

WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE ALWAYSGETTING PULLED OVER.

( LAUGHTER )NOW, INCREDIBLY, YOU CAN EVEN

UNDERGO A RACE CHANGE AFTERYOU'RE DEAD BECAUSE THE STUDY

FOUND THAT WHEN PEOPLE HAD TIEDAS A RESULT OF HOMICIDE, FUNERAL

DIRECTORS WERE MORE LIKELY TOLIST THE PERSON AS BEING BLACK

AND IF THE PERSON DIED OFALCOHOLIC CIRRHOSIS, THE FUNERAL

DIRECTOR WAS MORE LIKELY TO LISTTHE PERSON AS BEING NATIVE

AMERICAN.

AND THEY LIST YOU AS WHITE IFYOU CHOCKED ON KALE CHIPS WHILE

DANCING TO JASON MRAZ( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )STEREOTYPES CAN EVEN CHANGE WHAT

RACE YOU THINK YOU ARE BECAUSEWHEN PEOPLE WENT TO PRISON THEY

BECAME MORE LIKELY TO THINK OFTHEMSELVES AS BLACK.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, IT'S A TWO-WAYSTREET.

BECAUSE FOR POSITIVEEXPERIENCES, THE EFFECTS ARE IN

THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

FOLKS I BELIEVE WE CAN USEAMERICA'S INESCAPABLE RACISM TO

DEFEAT AMERICA'S INESCAPABLERACISM.

HERE'S HOW IT WOULD WORK.

MINORITIES HAVE TO BEHAVE INWAYS THAT CHANGE OUR PERCEPTION

OF THEIR RACE.

FOR INSTANCE, MEXICANS, YOU CANSEEM A LOT LESS MEXICAN IF YOU

COMPLAIN ABOUT ALL THE MEXICANSCOMING HERE TO STEAL OUR JOBS.

( LAUGHTER )THINK ABOUT IT.

RIGHT NOW, THERE'S A MEXICANDOING YOUR JOB, AND SLEEPING

WITH YOUR WIFE.

( LAUGHTER )AND, NATIVE AMERICANS, IF YOU

TURN THOSE CASINOS INTO TECHSUPPORT CALL CENTERS, SUDDENLY

YOU'RE AN ACTUAL INDIAN.

( LAUGHTER )OF COURSE, THE QUICKEST WAY TO

ACHIEVE RACIAL EQUALITY IS TOJUST SEND EVERYONE TO PRISON.

THEN WE WOULD ALL BE BLACK.

AND ONCE WE'RE ALL BLACK, MAYBEAMERICANS WILL FINALLY REALIZE

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT COLORYOU ARE.

SO I PICK WHITE.

I WONDER WHAT RACE THAT MAKES MESEEM LIKE?

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

TO MY ONGOING COVERAGE OF BLACKHISTORY MONTH.

OF COURSE, A SAD AND REPULSIVECHAPTER OF BLACK HISTORY IS THE

KU KLUX KLAN.

LAST YEAR, I TOLD YOU HOWKLANSMEN WERE ARRESTED FOR

OFFERING TO SELL JEWISH GROUPSA WORKABLE DEATH RAY.

WELL, RECENTLY, THANKS TO MYLONGSTANDING GOOGLE NEWS ALERT

FOR "KLAN DEATH RAY," I LEARNEDTHERE WAS AN UPDATE.

>> AN UPSTATE MAN HAS JUST PLEDGUILTY TO HELPING BUILD A DEADLY

X-RAY MACHINE THAT USESRADIATION TO KILL PEOPLE.

>> AUTHORITIES SAY THEY WERETIPPED OFF TO THE PORTABLE X-RAY

DEVICE AFTER CRAWFORD APPROACHEDLOCAL JEWISH GROUPS BECAUSE HE

WANTED THEIR HELP IN KILLINGMUSLIMS.

>> Stephen: YES, JUSTICE WASDONE.

THEY'RE A VILE, DESPICABLE HATEGROUP, BUT I CAN'T HELP FEEL

A LITTLE INSPIRED BY THE WAYTHESE KLANSMEN OVERCAME THEIR

HATRED OF JEWS TO SERVE AGREATER CAUSE-- THEIR HATRED OF

MUSLIMS.

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF THE KLANAS A BUNCH OF REDNECKS FROM OUR

SHAMEFUL RACIST PAST.

WELL, IT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG.

BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OFREDNECKS FROM OUR SHAMEFUL

RACIST FUTURE.

I WAS SO MOVED BY THIS STORY OFHOPE THAT I DID THE OBVIOUS

THING-- I TURNED IT INTO ACARTOON.

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

A CARTOON THAT ANSWERS THEQUESTION-- WHAT IF THE KLAN

COMPLETED THEIR DEATH RAY ANDUSED IT FOR GOOD?

AS FOR THE OTHER QUESTION YOU'REASKING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW-- NO,

I'M NOT ( BLEEP ) YOU.

NOW, MY NETWORK DIDN'T WANT METO AIR THIS CARTOON TONIGHT,

SENDING THIS INFLAMMATORY E-MAILTHAT READS, "WE'RE A LITTLE

CONCERNED WITH THIS, ESPECIALLYBECAUSE IT IS AIRING DURING

BLACK HISTORY MONTH."

THAT'S RIGHT.

THE MAN IS TRYING TO KEEP MEDOWN!

NOW, WERE THEY POLITE ABOUT IT?

YES.

WERE THEY MAKING A REASONABLEPOINT?

ABSOLUTELY.

DO I HAVE A PROBLEM WHERE IOVER-REACT TO BEING TOLD WHAT TO

DO?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I BELIEVE I MUST AIR THIS DURING

BLACK HISTORY MONTH.

IF I DON'T, I'D BE TREATINGBLACK PEOPLE DIFFERENTLY, AND

THAT IS SOMETHING I ONLY DOSUBCONSCIOUSLY!

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

NOW, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU,NOKES, I MAY NOT LIKE WHAT THIS

CARTOON SAYS BUT I WILL FIGHT TOTHE DEATH FOR THE RIGHT TO AIR

IT BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVEANYTHING ELSE READY.

IS IT RIGHT TO RUN THIS CARTOONTONIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'LL LET HISTORY BE THE JUDGE.

BLACK HISTORY.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IGIVE TO YOU, LASER KLAN.

>> MR. PRESIDENT.

THE ALIEN WARSHIP WILL ENTER OURATMOSPHERE IN ONE HOUR AND ALL

OF OUR WEAPONS ARE USELESSAGAINST IT.

>> WE'RE THE MOST POWERFULNATION ON EARTH!

AMERICA MUST HAVE SOMETHING THATCAN STOP THEM.

WHAT WAS THAT?

>> WELL, THERE IS LASER KLAN.

( LAUGHTER )>> SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

>> MR. PRESIDENT, SOMETIMES YOUHAVE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO

DON'T LIKE YOU.

>> THAT'S ALL I DO.

( LAUGHTER )>> IF WE SET IT TO THE NINTH

POWER IN THE CYCLOTROMMICACCELERATION CENTER.

>> NOW WE'RE AT FULL WHITEPOWER.

>> ONE AAA TRANSISTENTRESTRAINT.

>> HELLO, THIS IS PRESIDENTBARACK OBAMA.

I'M LOOKING FOR THE LASERPEOPLE.

>> YOU MEAN LASER KLAN.

>> UH, YES.

>> CALEB, CODY, WHITEY,>> IT'S GO TIME.

>> MR. PRESIDENT, WE'RE HONORED TO HELP AMERICA IN ITS

TIME OF NEED.

BECAUSE WE GOT NOTHING AGAINSTBLACK PEOPLE.

>> WE ONLY WANT TO CELEBRATE OURHERITAGE.

>> UH-HUH.

>> CAN YOU DEFEAT THESE ALIENS?

>> YES, SIR.

JUST GOT ONE QUESTION?

WHAT COLOR ARE THEY?

>> WHO CARES, THEY'RE ALIENS.

THEY'RE GRAY.

>> OKAY, THAT'S NOT WHITE.

THEY'RE AFTER OUR WOMEN!

>> WHITE WOMEN.

>> LASER KLAN-- CONFEDERATE.

>> NO!

>> YAY!

>> WHITE POWER!

>> WELL, THAT HAPPENED.

>> MR. PRESIDENT, IT WAS ANHONOR TO SAVE AMERICA.

>> THANK YOU FOR GIVING US ACHANCE.

>> IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKETO SAY TO US?

>> YES.

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE MUST NEVERHEAR OF THIS BECAUSE THEY'LL

PANIC WHEN THEY FIND OUT ABOUTTHE ALIENS.

>> SURE.

>> THAT'S WHY.

>> YOU GUYS ARE THE LUCKIESTWHITE HOUSE TOUR EVER.

THE PRESIDENT IS MEETING WITHSOME ADVISERS.

>> NO, NO, NO.

WE JUST SAVED THE WORLD.

>> THANK YOU, MASKED STRANGERS.

>> DON'T THANK THEM.

>> WHAT A RACIST!

>> LASER KLAN!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: YEAH.

I'M NOT SURE IF THAT WAS THERIGHT THING TO DO.

ADULT SWIM-- I MIGHT BE LOOKINGFOR WORK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BLACK

ICON JEFF GOLDBLUM.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHTIS IN THE NEW WES ANDERSON

MOVIE, SO AT SOME POINT IN THISINTERVIEW, JASON SCHWARTZMAN

WILL PROBABLY SHOW UP.

PLEASE WELCOME JEFF GOLDBLUM.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )HEY, JEFF.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

NICE TO HAVE YOU ON.

>> NICE TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOUAGAIN, MAN.

OBVIOUSLY EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU'REA FRIEND OF THE SHOW.

IT'S YOUR SIXTH TIME ON THESHOW.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

FIRST TIME WE GOT TO HAVE ACONVERSATION TOGETHER.

>> I'M THRILLED, VERY HONORED.

>> Stephen: NOW, I'VE NEVERSAID THIS TO YOU, I'VE NEVER

SAID THIS TO YOU, BUT YOU KNOW IDON'T TRUST THE HOLLYWOOD ELITE.

>> YES, SIR...

>> Stephen: BUT YOU'REDIFFERENT.

>> REALLY?

THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE THEMARKET HAS SPOKEN AND YOU ARE

BOX OFFICE GOLD, OKAY?

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I BELIEVE IN THE FREE MARKET.

YOU'VE BEEN IN SOME OF THEBIGGEST MOVIES OF ALL TIMES.

DO YOU FIT IN OUT IN HOLLYWOODWITH ALL THE -- ARE YOU A

LIBERAL?

( LAUGHTER )>> I WASN'T GOING TO PRESS THE

ISSUE, BUT NOW THAT YOU'VEBROUGHT IT UP, YES, I WOULD SAY

THAT I'M-- IF I HAD TO PUT MYCARDS ON THE TABLE-- I'M ON THE

SIDE OF THE MORE PROGRESSIVETHINKERS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

I KNOW.

I'M SORRY.

>>>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO DO

YOU A FAVOR.

I'M GOING TO DO YOU A FAVOR.

JIMMY, LET'S CUT THAT PART OUT,OKAY?

YOU'RE IN THE NEW WES ANDERSONFILM "THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL."

OKAY.

I SAW THIS THING LAST NIGHT.

>> YEAH, THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: I WAS DEEPLYMOVED AND IT'S-- STUCK WITH ME

FOR THE LAST 24 HOURS.

WHY WAS I SO DEEPLY MOVED BY IT?

BECAUSE, WHILE THE MOVIE ISBEAUTIFUL, I THINK-- WHEN I

WATCH A WES ANDERSON MOVIE, THEEMOTIONAL MOMENTS -- THE MOMENTS

OF CRISIS FOR THE CHARACTERS,NOT A LOT GOES ON.

THE CAMERA JUST HANGS ON THEPERSON, AND THEN I START CRYING.

>> AND THEN YOU START CRYING.

>> Stephen: AND THEN I STARTCRYING.

>> I FELT VERY MOVED BY IT, TOO.

I WAS VERY KNOCKED OUT BY IT,TOO.

IT'S MYSTERIOUS.

HE'S A GENIUS.

HE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A MOVIETHAT WORKS, THAT DOES SOMETHING

TO YOU MYSTERIOUSLY.

ALTHOUGH, HE'S DEVOTED HIS LIFETO CRAFT AND TO PASSION AND TO

MAKING THESE-- TELLING THESESTORIES.

SO, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEYOND ME ANDMY UNDERSTANDING, BUT I FEEL THE

SAME WAY THAT IT'S VERYEFFECTIVE.

THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT-- ISN'T THISWHAT IT'S ABOUT?

IT'S ABOUT--( LAUGHTER )

IT'S ABOUT THE TELLING OF ASTORY BY A WONDERFUL

STORYTELLER, REMEMBERING A GREATSOUL WHO IS THE EMBODIMENT OF

LOVE, AND YOU LEAVE THE THEATERFILLED WITH A KIND OF UNUSUAL

ECSTASY AND ENLIGHTENMENT.

SO-CALLED.

ISN'T THAT TRUE?

>> Stephen: I DIDN'T FOLLOW ALOT OF THAT.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

I THOUGHT IT WAS-- I THOUGHT ITWAS FUNNY.

>> IT'S HILARIOUS.

>> Stephen: I THOUGHT IT WASFUNNY.

>> IT'S HILARIOUS.

>> Stephen: IT REALLY IS.

THE WHOLE MOVIE IS-- AND YOU CANSAY THIS ABOUT A LOT OF HIS

MOVIES -- IT'S A CONFECTION.

THE HOTEL LOOKS LIKE A "CAKEBOSS" CAKE.

>> I DON'T KNOW "CAKE BOSS."

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW"CAKE BOSS?"

WHO KNOWS "CAKE BOSS?"( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OFNOT MANHATTAN, JEFF.

>> I'M SORRY.

>> Stephen: "CAKE BOSS" IS ASHOW-- IT'S THE GREATEST SHOW ON

TELEVISION, NEXT TO MINE,REALLY.

WE HAVE VERY SIMILAR VALUES.

IT'S LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW, SORTOF-- THIS CONFECTION OF A HOTEL,

ALMOST LIKE IT'S MADE OUT OFFROSTING IN SOME WAYS.

IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT CAKE FOR AGAY WEDDING, IS WHAT IT WOULD

DO.

>> IT CERTAINLY WOULD.

>> Stephen: THE STORY ITSELFIS SOMETHING OF A CONFECTION,

BUT WHEN YOU CUT INTO IT,THERE'S MEAT THERE.

IT'S A MEAT CAKE.

>> IT'S A MEAT CAKE.

WELL PUT, WELL PUT.

TRUE ENOUGH.

>> Stephen: YEAH, HE'S-- IT'SAN ART INSTALLATION TO SEE HIS

THINGS AND TO WORK ON THESEMOVIES IT'S BEAUTIFULLY

DESIGNED.

>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU GETINVITED?

HOW DO YOU GET INVITED TO DO IT?

DOES AN ANCIENT INDIAN MAN SHOWUP ON A HUFFY BICYCLE WEARING A

VERY TINY SUIT AND HAND YOU ACALLIGRAPHYED INVITATION, THAT

SEES, "PLEASE TIP THIS MAN, HETHINKS HE IS A CHILD.

DO NOT DESTROY HIS ILLUSIONS."

>> YOU JUST MADE THAT UP.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM?

YES-- THAT'S FANTASTIC.

>> Stephen: I'VE READ HISNEXT SCRIPT.

>> FANTASTIC.

YES, I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN,BUT THE GENERAL POETIC

IMPRESSION IS CORRECT.

IT'S LIKE COSMIC TRANSCENDENTALINVITATION TO TAKE AN ACID TRIP

OF SOME KIND.

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHATAN ACID TRIP IS.

IS THAT LIKE DRINKING THESLURPEE TOO FAST?

>> SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET A BRAINFREEZE.

>> Stephen: DO YOU GET ABRAIN FREEZE?

>> YES, I DO.

>> Stephen: ALL THE PEOPLE INTHIS FILM LOOK SO FUN.

DO YOU SPEND TIME TOGETHER ATNIGHT?

DO YOU GO OUT EATING ORDRINKING?

>> IT WAS FANTASTIC.

WES ANDERSON, GENIUS THAT HE IS,WANTS TO MAKE NOT ONLY A VERY

PARTICULAR, FINISHED, BEAUTIFULFILM, BUT HE WANTS TO MAKE THE

SHOOTING AN ART PROJECT INITSELF.

THAT IS TO SAY, EVERY DAY IS AWONDERFUL, SPECIAL EVENT, AN

EXPERIENCE.

SO WE WENT TO THIS GREAT PLACE,AND HE GATHERED THIS GREAT BUNCH

OF PEOPLE-- EDWARD NORTON, JASONSCHWARTZMAN --

>> Stephen: HARVEY KEITEL.

>> AND RAIN FINES, BEAUTIFULPERFORMANCE.

AND WE TAKE OVER THIS HOTEL, WEWERE ALL EXCLUSIVELY IN ONE

FAIRY TALE HOTEL, AND-- LIKE ADORM.

I WAS DOWN THE HALL FROM WILLEMDAFOE.

AND EACH NIGHT AFTER SHOOTING,WES HAS A CHEF OF HIS COME AND

PROVIDE A VERY SPECIAL,INTERESTING DINNER AT A CERTAIN

TIME RIGHT AFTER SHOOTING.

AND WE TALK.

AND I WAS THERE FOR SIX WEEKS.

>> Stephen: DO YOU NEEDSOMEBODY TO JUST, LIKE, CARRY

THE SCRIPTS AROUND BECAUSE THATSOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN?

>> IT'S THE MOST FUN YOU CANPOSSIBLY HAVE.

BESIDES THIS.

ASIDE FROM THIS.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: JEFF, THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR JOINING ME.

JEFF GOLDBLUM, EVERYBODY.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT!