Gay Weddings & Cheech Marin

  • Season 4, Ep 6
  • 06/25/2008

Cheech Marin and Carlos come to terms with gay marriage; Carlos ridicules emo music and flees a hungry crocodile.

YOU SAVE A LOT OF MONEYON THE BACHELOR PARTIES.

BOB AND MIGUEL ONLY HAD TO PAYFOR ONE STRIPPER.

DID SOMEBODY CALL NINE-ONE-FUN?

HA, HA, HA.THERE YOU GO.

♪ [UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

[CHEERS AND CATCALLS]

HEY, DID YOU GUYSSEE THAT GUY'S BOOTS?

THAT'S WHAT I WAS LOOKING AT!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WELL, NOW IT'S TIMEFOR THE REHEARSAL DINNER.

ALL RIGHT.I'M MIGUEL'S FATHER.

- [Sobbing] CABRóN.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND, I REMEMBER MANY YEARS AGOWHEN MY SON WAS FIRST BORN,

I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES

AND I ASKED GODTO SEND ME A MAN'S MAN.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

TO BOB,

I'LL TELL YOU THE SAME THINGI TOLD HIS LITTLE LEAGUE COACH:

MY SON IS ANATURAL BORN CATCHER...

BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILELET HIM PITCH, OKAY?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE BIG DAY.

I'M NOT GONNA BORE YOUWITH THE WHOLE CEREMONY,

THERE'S REALLY ONLY ONE IMPORTANT PART.

["WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS]

IF ANYONE HERE OBJECTS,SPEAK NOW

- OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.- [PARENTS FIRING OUT QUESTIONS]

PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!

YOU SHOULD BEASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

THIS IS MY SON,AND IT TAKES A REAL MAN

TO COME OUTAND ADMIT WHO HE IS

AND COME OUT OF THE CLOSETIN THE THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.

AND...I'M PROUD OF HIM.

THANKS DAD.SHUT UP, PUTO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOUMAN AND MAN.

YOU MAY NOW KISS THE GROOM.

- [WEDDING MARCH PLAYS]- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HEY, DID YOU GUYSSEE THE BLACK GUYS BOOTS?

'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WAS LOOKING AT!

I WANNA KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRICK ME.

ALL THESE THINGS I MENTIONED,GUESS WHAT,

THEY'RE NOT NEWS, OKAY?SO STOP WITH IT.

IT'S LIKE THIS ONE."OH MY GOD. OBAMA WON.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?"

UM, YEAH ACTUALLY,NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.

A BLACK GUY WON OVER A WOMAN?

UM-- I DON'T KNOWIF YOU GUYS KNOW THIS OR NOT,

BUT IT'S PART OF OUR HISTORY.IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

WATCH.

THROUGHOUT AMERICAN HISTORY

BLACK MEN HAVE CONSISTENTLYFINISHED AHEAD OF WOMEN.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.CHECK THIS OUT. TAKE VOTING.

BLACK MEN GOT THE RIGHTTO VOTE IN 1870.

WOMEN, NOT UNTIL 1920,50 YEARS LATER! BUT SINCE IT

TAKES A WOMAN ABOUT 50 YEARSTO MAKE A DECISION ANYWAY...

[OH'S...CHEERS,WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S NOT ONLY IN GOVERNMENT,BUT MEN HAVE ONE UP.

LET'S JUST BE REAL, OKAY?

LET'S TAKE, I DON'T KNOW,AH-- A TIME IN HISTORY

WHEN ALL OF AMERICA PICKEDA BLACK MAN OVER A WHITE WOMAN.

LIKE ON AMERICAN IDOL,WHEN RUBEN STUDDARD DEFEATED,

AH, WHAT'S-HER-NAME.AH...CLAY AIKEN.

- THAT'S RIGHT.- [LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

[CHUCKLES]

BUT!...

THERE IS ONE MORE.

IT IS THE MOSTUNFORGETTABLE MOMENTIN AMERICAN HISTORY

WHEN A BLACK MAN WASPICKED OVER A WHITE WOMAN:

Jury Foreperson: ORENTHAL JAMES SIMPSON NOT GUILTY

- OF THE CRIME OF MURDER.- [OH'S...APPLAUSE & WHISTLES]

♪ WAKING UP FOR ANOTHER DAY

♪ IS THE WORSE HELLTHERE IS TO ME ♪

♪ I CRIED MYSELFTO SLEEP AGAIN ♪

♪ I COULDN'T WAKE UP TO PEE

♪ DON'T WANNA BE LIVING HERE

♪ I DON'T WANNA BE ALIVEAT ALL ♪

♪ 'CAUSE LIVIN' ONA CUL-DE-SAC ♪

♪ IS THE COLDEST-SAC OF ALL

♪ PUTTING ON MY MAKEUPJUST AIN'T WORTH IT ANYMORE ♪

♪ THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE IS MY

♪ PRESCRIBED LEXAPRO

♪ I-I-I CAN'T GO ON

♪ WAY TOO MANY HUGSI GOT FROM MY MOM ♪

♪ AND I-I-I CAN'T GO ON

♪ GETTING ORAL FROM SO MANY

♪ HOT GIRLS FEEL SO WRONG

♪ HOW DO YOU EXPECT METO GO ON? ♪

♪ PHOTOGRAPHS OF MEMORIES

♪ TELL THE STORY OF MY LIFE

♪ WHEN I SEEHOW BAD THINGS WERE ♪

♪ IT CUTS ME LIKE A KNIFE

♪ I HATE USINGMY MOM'S GOLD CARD ♪

♪ WHILE SHOPPING AT THE MALL

♪ NO MATTER WHAT I DOI FEEL LIKE

♪ I'M JUST FOUR FEET TALL

♪ I LIVE HERE WITH MY FAMILYBUT I STILL FEEL ALL ALONE ♪

♪ I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A PRISON

♪ SHAPED LIKE A4,000 SQUARE FOOT HOME ♪

♪ I-I-I CAN'T GO ON

♪ GETTING ORAL FROM SO MANY

♪ HOT GIRLS FEEL SO WRONG

♪ HOW DO YOU EXPECT METO GO ON? ♪

♪ IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY

♪ BUT I CAN'T BELIEVETHAT THEY DON'T SEE ♪

♪ THEY GET ME ALL THESE GIFTS

♪ BUT NOBODY GETS ME

♪ NOTHING CAN FILL MY SOUL

♪ IT'S AS EMPTY AS THIS POOL

♪ WISH I COULDDROWN IN MY TEARS ♪

♪ THAT WOULD BE SO COOL

♪ BREAKING UP WITH MY GIRL

♪ SHE DOESN'T HEAR ME,IT'S LIKE SHE'S DEAF ♪

♪ INSTEAD OF UNDERSTANDINGWHO I AM ♪

♪ SHE JUST SHOWS MEHER PERFECT BREASTS ♪

♪ YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HAPPYWITH SOMETHINGTHAT YOU GET AT A STORE ♪

♪ HOW CAN I LIVE LIKE THIS,I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE ♪

♪ I-I-I CAN'T GO ON

♪ WAY TOO MANY HUGSI GOT FROM MY MOM ♪

♪ AND I-I-I CAN'T GO ON

♪ GETTING ORAL FROM SO MANY

♪ HOT GIRLS FEEL SO WRONG

♪ HOW DO YOU EXPECT METO GO ON? ♪

MAN, YOU NEEDTO SHUT THE HELL UP.

YOU GOTTA GREAT LIFE,A GREAT FAMILY.

LOOK AT ALL THIS MONEY.YOU MAKE ME SICK.

I WOULD'VE THOUGHT A BLACK MANWOULD UNDERSTAND MY PAIN.

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