October 9, 2014 - Robert Plant

  • 10/09/2014

Seattle puts an end to Columbus Day, two toddlers argue about rain, political ads humanize Republicans, and Robert Plant shares songs from "lullaby and... The Ceaseless Roar."

>> Stephen: TONIGHT, APERSECUTED MINORITY FIGHTS BACK.

WE'RE HERE.

WE'RE UNABLE TO RHYME.

ENJOY THAT FACT!

THEN THE SPORTS WORLD IS ROCKEDBY SCANDAL, OR AS IT'S SOMETIMES

CALLED, FOOTBALL SEASON.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS FORMER LEDZEPPELIN FRONT MAN ROBERT PLANT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

I'VE GOT BAD KNEES, SO I'LL ASKHIM IF THERE'S AN ESCALATOR TO

HEAVEN.

A NEW STUDY SAYS ON AVERAGE MENNEED 7.8 HOURS OF SLEEP A DAY.

REALLY, ON TOP OF THE 12 HOURS IGET EACH NIGHT?

THIS IS THE "COLBERT REPORT."

( AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!" )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

HOLD ON A SECOND, FOLKS.

FOLKS.

I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A SECOND.

I JUST HAVE TO FINISH UP HERE.

FOLKS, THE WHITE CHRISTIANESTABLISHMENT IS UNDER ATTACK

AGAIN AND I AM JUST WHITTLINGMYSELF A LITTLE PERSONAL DEFENSE

CROSS, OKAY.

AND IF ANYBODY COMES AT ME I CANGIVE THEM A LITTLE SALVATION

RIGHT IN THE JUGULAR.

ALL RIGHT.

IF THEY GET PAST THAT, I'VE GOTTHIS KNIFE.

FOLKS, I MIGHT HAVE TO DO IT,BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN, THE SECULAR

PROGRESSIVES ARE COMING FOR THEMOST SACRED AMERICAN HOLIDAY IN

THE FIRST HALF OF OCTOBER.

JIM.

>> THE SEATTLE SCHOOL BOARDGIVING CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS THE

BOOT?

IN ORDER TO CELEBRATE THEINDIGENOUS PEOPLE OF THE SEATTLE

AREA, THE SCHOOL HAS UNANIMOUSLYVOTED TO HAVE THE SCHOOL OBSERVE

INDIGENOUS PEOPLE DAY EVENTHOUGH THE REST OF THE COUNTRY

WILL OBSERVE COLUMBUS DAY

>> Stephen: YES, SEATTLE ISREPLACING COLUMBUS DAY WITH

INDIGENOUS PEOPLE'S DAY.

WHY?

THEY DIDN'T DISCOVER AMERICA.

AND IT WAS RIGHT UNDER THEIRFEET THE WHOLE TIME.

HOW LAZY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TONOT EVEN LOOK DOWN?

AND THEY CLAIM-- THEY CLAIM IT'SABOUT FIGHTING RACISM, BUT TELL

THEM WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HEREPETER JOHNSON JR.?

>> IT'S A SOCIAL AND POLITICALSTATEMENT THAT SAYS THAT

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WAS AVIOLATOR OF INDIGENOUS PEOPLE.

>> IT'S A SLAP.

>> IT'S AN ATTACK ON COLUMBUSDAY.

>> Stephen: YES, IT'S ANATTACK ON COLUMBUS...

DAY.

( LAUGHTER )OR TO PUT IT IN A WAY THAT FIT

MY PREEXISTING GRAPHIC, IT'SCOLUMBUS DAY UNDER ATTACK.

>> MAMA MIA.

>> JESUS AND COLUMBUS SIDE BYSIDE, JUST LIKE THEY WERE ON THE

"NINA" AND "PINTA."

, OF COURSE, ST. MARY ON ON THE"SANTA MARIA."

NATION, I TAKE THIS ASSAULT ONCOLUMBUS PERSONALLY.

AS AN AMERICAN PATRIOT IIDENTIFY WITH AN ITALIAN

EXPLORER EMPLOYED BY SPAIN.

THIS IS THE GOOD KIND OFIMMIGRANT.

I WOULD BE FINE WITH THE BORDERJUMPERS IF THEY WERE JUST TRYING

TO FIND SPICE ROUTES TO ASIA.

AND NOW SEATTLE WANTS ME TO FEELGUILTY JUST BECAUSE COLUMBUS'

ARRIVAL USHERED IN CENTURIES OFSUBJUGATION AND GENOCIDE.

IT'S OVER.

WE'RE MAKING AMENDS.

JUST THIS WEEKEND WE'RE SENDINGREBA TO MOHEGAN SUN.

WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT?

WORST OF ALL, IF THIS CATCHESON, WE STAND TO LOSE ALL OF OUR

MOST CHERISHED COLUMBUS DAYTRADITIONS.

IT ALL STARTS BRIGHT BRIGHT ANDEARLY ON COLUMBUS DAY MORNING

WHEN THE KIDS RUSH DOWNSTAIRS INTHEIR P.J'S TO SAY, "WE'RE OFF

FROM SCHOOL!

WHY DOES DAD HAVE TO WORK?

THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT."

NO, IT DOESN'T.

IT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT AT ALL,KIDS.

THEN WE GO TO THE PARADE AND EATOUR WAY THROUGH SAUSEECH.

... I THINK RIGHT NOW, ALL OF USFEEL LIKE THAT ITALIAN GUY WHO

PLAYED THAT INDIAN GUY IN THOSEPOLLUTION COMMERCIALS.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

DAY BREAKS, YOU STAY BRAVE, IRONEYES.

WE MAY FORGIVE, BUT WE MUSTNEVER FUGHET ABOUT IT.

NATION, I LOVE INTERNET MEMES.

THEY TEACH US ABOUT HUMANNATURE.

IN FACT, I LEARNED THAT FROM ANINTERNET MEME.

AND A VIRAL VID-CLIP RECENTLYBURNING UP THE HASH-WEB IS AN

ARGUMENT OVER THE WEATHERBETWEEN TWO TODDLERS.

>> IT'S SPRINKLING.>> IT'S RAINING.

>> NO,.

>> IT'S SPRINKLING.

>> IT'S RAINING.

>> NO, IT'S SPRINKLING!

>> NO, IT'S RAINING.

>> MY MOM TOLD ME IT'SSPRINKLING!

>> IT'S RAINING.

>> NO-->> YES, IT IS.

>> MY MOM TOLD ME IT WASSPRINKLING, NOT RAINING.

>> MY MOM SAID IT'S RAINING.

>> Stephen: IT'S A CLASSICCASE OF HE-SAID-MOM-SAID,

SHE-SAID-MOM-SAID.

AND TALK ABOUT PRECOCIOUS.

THESE KIDS ARE APPEALING TOAUTHORITY TO ARGUE OVER

SOMETHING THEY ACTUALLY KIND OFAGREE ABOUT.

JUST LIKE CABLE NEWS DOES.

YOU SEE, MSNBC--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

MSNBC SAYS IT'S SPRINKLING, FOXNEWS SAYS IT'S RAINING AND CNN

SAYS WHATEVER, IT'S WET.

THROW ANDERSON COOPER OUT THEREIN A TIGHT T-SHIRT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

NOW, UNFORTUNATELY,UNFORTUNATELY, WHAT SHOULD HAVE

BEEN A CIVIL SHOUTING MATCHERUPTED INTO VIOLENCE.

>> IT'S RAINING!

IT'S RAINING.

>> NO, IT'S NOT!

>> IT'S RAINING.

OW!

>> ARE YOU OK?

IT'S RAINING.

>> YOU POKED MY HEART

( LAUGHTER )>> Stephen: I'M NOT CRYING.

MY FACE IS JUST SPWINKLING.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )OKAY, JIM, LET'S GO OVER HERE.

NATION, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY TIMEYOU TURN ON THE NEWS LATELY, YOU

HEAR SOMETHING THAT SHOCKS YOUTO YOUR CORE.

JUST THIS MORNING, I WASHORRIFIED TO FIND OUT THERE IS

AN ELECTION NEXT MONTH!

AND THIS MIDTERM SEASON, THEBEST POLITICAL AD DOES NOT

PROMOTE A CANDIDATE.

IT PROMOTES A DEMONIZEDMINORITY.

♪ ♪>> Stephen: YES, REPUBLICANS

♪ ♪>> Stephen: YES, REPUBLICANS

ARE PEOPLE, TOO.

I HAVE NOT SEEN SUCH COURAGEOUSREBRANDING SINCE WHITE CASTLE'S

"IT IS FOOD."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND THE MAN RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS

AD, VINNY MINCHILLO, HAS VASTEXPERIENCE MAKING REPUBLICANS

SEEM HUMANS BECAUSE HE ONCEWORKED FOR MITT ROMNEY.

VINNY SAYS HE MADE THE ADBECAUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA, "I'VE

BEEN CALLED EVERY NAME IN THEBOOK.

IT'S BECOME SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLETO TALK ABOUT REPUBLICANS IN THE

MOST EVIL TERMS POSSIBLE."

OR TO PUT VINNY'S EXPLANATIONANOTHER WAY--

>> YOU POKED MY HEART.

>> Stephen: YOU POKED HISHEART.

AND JUST LIKE THAT LITTLE BOY,REPUBLICANS HAVE HAD A HARD TIME

COMMUNICATING WITH WOMEN.

I TONIGHT KNOW WHY.

FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW WHY.

REPUBLICANS CAN BE ANYBODY.

THEY CAN BE WOMEN.

MEN.

BUT MOSTLY STOCK PHOTO MODELS.

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT WECHECKED WITH THE PHOTOGRAPHERS

AND FOUND OUT THAT THE GUY INFRONT OF THE PRIUS IS NOT A

REPUBLICAN, AND LIVES IN SWEDEN.

( LAUGHTER )AND THAT THE REPUBLICAN READING

THE "NEW YORK TIMES" DOES NOTAFFILIATE WITH EITHER PARTY AND

IS ACTUALLY READING THE "WALLSTREET JOURNAL."

I JUST THINK THAT THIS AD, THISJUST ADDS TO THE MESSAGE OF

INCLUSIVENESS.

REPUBLICANS CAN BE PEOPLE THATTHEY'RE NOT.

AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND THE RIGHTSTOCK PHOTO, I BELIEVE

REPUBLICANS CAN BE PEOPLE WHO DOYOGA ON PRODUCE.

REPUBLICANS CAN BE WOMEN WHO EATSALAD IN THE BATH TUB.

REPUBLICANS CAN BE ASTRONAUTSWHO TAKE THEIR HELMETS OFF IN

SPACE.

REPUBLICANS--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

REPUBLICANS CAN GET TANGLED INYARN.

AND REPUBLICANS CAN EVEN BE TVHOSTS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

I AM, I, STEPHEN COLBERT HAVE ACONFESSION TO MAKE.

FOR NINE YEARS NOW I'VE BEENTELLING YOU I'M AN INDEPENDENT

CONSERVATIVE, BUT THAT WAS ALIE.

>> OOOHHH!

>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, ITHOUGHT I WAS FOOLING EVERYONE.

LAST NIGHT WHEN I FINALLY CAMEOUT MY FAMILY AS OPENLY

REPUBLICAN, THEY SAID THEYALWAYS KNEW.

THEY COULD TELL.

THIS COMMERCIAL HAS INSPIRED METO ENCOURAGE ALL CLOSETED

REPUBLICANS WHO ARE AFRAID TO BETHEMSELVES TO JOIN ME.

I'M LOOKING AT YOU, PAPA BEAR.

>> AWNS, I'M AN INDEPENDENT.

I'M AN INDEPENDENT, BUT I KNOWBOTH PARTIES PRETTY WELL.

>> I'M AN INDEPENDENT, I'M ANINDEPENDENT, ALL RIGHT.

>> Stephen: OKAY, GIRLFRIEND,WHATEVER HELPS YOU.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WHARF HELPS YOU CRY YOURSELF TO

SLEET AT NIGHT.

WE CAN TALK WHEN YOU'RE READY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> WELCOME BACK, MY GUEST IS A

ROCK 'N' ROLL LEGEND WHO'SNEWEST RELEASE IS CALLED

"LULLABY AND THE CEASELESS ROAR"

I BELIEVE IT'S A CONCEPT ALBUMABOUT A WHITE NOISE MACHINE.

PLEASE WELCOME ROBERT PLANT!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )BOOM, BOOM. COME ON!

WHAT -- WHAT'S HAPPENING?

ROBERT, GOOD TO SEE YOU. SITDOWN, MY FRIEND.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU NEVER THOUGHT-- I NEVERTHOUGHT I WOULD START AN

INTERVIEW BY SAYING, "I JUSTTOUCHED ROBERT PLANT'S BUTT."

ROBERT, THANK YOU SO MUCH FORBEING HERE.

>> IT GOT WARM.

>> Stephen: I HAVE VERY GENTLEHANDS.

ROBERT, MY LIEGE LORD, THANK YOUFOR BEING HERE.

HOW HAS YOUR ROCK-TOBER BEENTREATING YOU?

>> SO FAR, SO GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE CAME FROMRECENTLY.

♪ YOU CAME FROM THE LAND OF THEICE AND SNOW ♪♪

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CANADA.

>> YEAH, EXACTLY.

SOMEBODY CALLED IT SOMETHINGELSE THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE

IN TORONTO BUT THAT'S ANOTHERSTORY.

WE CAME FROM JAPAN THROUGHMOROCCO, UP TO ESTONIA-- WE GOT

LOST.

>> Stephen: IS THAT JUST FORFUN OR IS THAT BUSINESS?

>> THAT'S BECAUSE I'M STILL ON AMISSION.

>> Stephen: A MISSION OR AQUEST?

BECAUSE I SEE YOU-- YOU'RE ACOMMANDER OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE,

RIGHT?

YOU'RE A C.B. E, RIGHT?

>> WE'RE NOT SURE ABOUT EMPIRES,ARE WE?

>> Stephen: NOT MUCH ANYMORE,NO, NO.

WHAT'S THAT?

HOLY--( LAUGHTER )

YOU TOOK OUT MY PET FLAG"FLAGWORTH"

ARE YOU A KNIGHT ERRANT ON AQUEST?

>> I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GOINGTO MAKE THE FULL GRADE,

ACTUALLY, TO BE PERFECTLY FRANKWITH YOU.

IT'S BEEN A LONG JOURNEY, AND ITHINK C.B. E IS.

AS FAR AS I CAN GET.

>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT IN YOURHEART?

WHAT ABOUT AS AN ARTIST?

ARE YOU ON A QUEST OF YOUR OWN?

>> I THINK I MANAGE TO EAT ALOT OF CEREALS IN THE MORNING.

>> Stephen: SO YOU HAVE PLENTYOF FIBER, VERY IMPORTANT.

>> AND IT KEEPS ME REGULARLYMARCHING FORWARD.

SO MY QUEST BASICALLY-- I'MGOING TO GET TO THE END OF THIS

SOMEHOW OR OTHER-- IT'S A LONGONE AND HAS NO END.

IT'S A WONDERFUL THING TO DOSURROUNDED BY GREAT PEOPLE.

I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE PRESENTFROM THE STOCK ROOM.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT?

( APPLAUSE )I'M NOT-- LET'S FIND OUT WHAT

THIS IS LATER.

>> OKAY, YEAH.

>> Stephen: SHALL WE?

>> I THINK IT'S ONE OF THEACCESSORIES OF BEING NOT QUITE

A KNIGHT OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE,BUT ON THE WAY.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, WELL,THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

AND FOR THE PURPOSES OF MYLAWYER AND MY NETWORK, THIS IS A

CIGARETTE.

OKAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

NOW, YOU-- BESIDES BEING A ROCKGOD, BESIDE BEING THE ORIGINAL

ROCK GOD, YOU ARE ALSO A-- AHUGE FAN OF POETRY.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE ENGLISHPOET OR A STYLE OF POETRY?

>> YEAH, I THINK WILLIAM BLAKE.

( APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: TIGER, TIGER,

BURNING BRIGHT.

>> YEAH, BUT THE KIND OF GRIPTHAT HE HAS, THAT GREAT--

STIRRING THE NATION.

STIRRING PEOPLE BY THE FIRESIDE.

BEAUTIFUL STUFF, REALLY GREAT.

>> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE THEROMANTIC POETS, THE GOTHIC

POETS.

>> I LIKE THE PRE-RAPHAELITEPOETS VERY MUCH.

YOU'LL FIND THEM ALL INSIDE THATALBUM.

>> Stephen: NICE SEGUEWAY.

THE AMBUM ITSELF IS CALLEDLULLABY AND THE CEASELESS

ROAR."

WHAT IS THE LULLABY?

IS THE CEASELESS ROAR THELULLABY ITSELF?

>> IT'S ALL LIFE.

IT'S THE RICOCHET AND THE THECOLLISION OF ALL THE ADVENTURES

I'VE HAD, I SUPPOSE.

IT'S TIME TO WRITE SOME OF THEMDOWN.

>> Stephen: SO THE SEA SHELLON THE COVER HERE, IS THE

CEASELESS ROAR THE SOUND WE HEARWHEN WE LISTEN TO THE SEA?

>> IT'S A PARALLEL TO THAT,YEAH.

IT'S A PLACE TO TAKE STOCK.

>> Stephen: I HEARD THATTHAT-- THAT CRASHING WAVE SOUND

AND NTHE SEA SHELL IS ACTUALLYUS HEARING OUR OWN BLOOD

POUNDING IN OUR EARS ECHOEDTHROUGH THE SHELLS.

>> THAT'S A RELIEF, ISN'T IT,REALLY?

>> Stephen: YOU'RE RIGHT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS MAGIC.

>> YEAH YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHTPLACE.

>> Stephen: IS THERE A TIMEWHEN YOU'RE NOT IN FULL ROBERT

PLANT-NESS.

BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, I'M STILLGET-- I'M STILL GETTING THE FULL

ROBERT PLANT.

IS THERE A CASUAL ROBERT PLANTIN SWEAT PANTS AND FLIP-FLOPS

WALKS HIS DOG MAYBE WITH AHANDFUL OF POOP IN A PLASTIC

BAG.

IS IT OUT THERE SOMEPLACE?

DOES IT EXIST?

>> BACKSTAGE AT THE FILLMORE IN1970, I THINK.

>> Stephen: AND THERE WASN'T ADOG.

>> THERE WAS.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A DOG?

>> YEAH, I DO.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR DOG'SNAME?

>> HIS NAME IS ARTHUR.

AND HE'S THE FUTURE DOG.

>> Stephen: IF YOU COULD BE ACHARACTER FROM AN ARTHURIAN

LEGEND, WHO WOULD YOU BE?

WOULD YOU BE ARTHUR, LANCE LOT.

>> I WOULD BE DERVELE.

HE IS THE ONLY GUY-- YOU READYTO HAVE A LITTLE SNOOZE?

>> Stephen: ALWAYS.

>> HE'S THE ONLY GUY ACTUALLYWRITTEN ABOUT FROM THE LAST

BATTLE BEFORE HE TELEPORTED OFFWITH THE THREE CHICKS.

>> Stephen: ON THE BOAT.

>> DERVELE SURVIVED AND HEWENT ON TO BE SOMEWHERE IN A

MONASTERY ON THE WELSH BORDER ORSOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> Stephen: YOU WANT TO BE HIMBECAUSE HE LIVES?

>> HE LOST HIS RIGHT HAND, BUTHE HAD A LEFT ONE.

HE KEPT GOING.

>> Stephen: ALWAYS NICE TOHAVE A SPARE.

WELL, ROBERT, WOULD YOU ROCK USOUT?

>> I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THATTHAT. AM I EQUIPPED?

>> Stephen: WE HAVE ATAMBOURINE. WHAT MORE NEED YOU?

>> I'D BE HAPPY TO DO THAT.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ROBERT PLANT.

THE ALBUM IS "LULLABY AND THECEASELESS ROAR."

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

"LULLABY AND THE CEASELESSROAR."

GOOD NIGHT.