Wednesday, May 7, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01061
  • 05/07/2014

Marc Maron, Nate Bargatze and Natasha Leggero list #FoodComedians, guess what Internet users are really doing with their cats and come up with weirdly specific dating sites.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNNTHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

( APPLAUSE )THE NFL DRAFT STARTS TOMORROW,

SO LEAGUE COMMISSIONER ANDAPPARENT STRANGER TO TWITTER,

ROGER GOODELL LENT TIME FOR AQ&A TO PROMOTE THE EVENT BUT

APPARENTLY HE FORGOT THATPEOPLE DON'T LIKE HIM SO MUCH

BECAUSE HE MAKES LIKE $40MILLION A YEAR AND REFUSES TO

CHANGE A RACIST TEAM NAME.

DURING HIS Q&A, WHICH HASHTAGGED#ASKCOMMISH,

GOT THE MOST FAVES? >> A. WHY DO YOU HATE FUN?

B. DO YOU THINK CONCUSSIONSCAUSE SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS?

DO YOU THINK CONCUSSIONS CAUSESHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS?

C. IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON AISLAND WITH ONLY ONE BOOK

TO KEEP YOU COMPANY, WOULDN'TTHAT BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE?

>> MARC MARON.>> I THINK IT WAS B.

>> THE CORRECT ANSWER IS IN FACTC!

IF I WERE STRANDED ON A DESERTISLAND-- YOU DON'T LEAVE NOW.

>> OKAY.

>> IT'S STILL WIDE OPEN AT THISPOINT.

>> I SHOULD HAVE WATCHED THESHOW ONCE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

COMEDIANS, IF YOU COULD ASK THECOMMISSIONER OF THE NFL ANYTHING

WHAT WOULD IT BE?

MARC MARON.

>> HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TOHAVE A PLAYER COME OVER AND

EXPLAIN WHY I SHOULD GIVE A( BLEEP ) ABOUT FOOTBALL?

>> POINTS FOR THAT.

I KNOW, I'M NOT MUCH OF ASPORTS-VIEWER, AND WHENEVER

I SAY THAT PEOPLE SAY SHUT UPABOUT IT, YOU DON'T GET SPORTS.

THE FEW TIMES I'VE SAID THAT(BLEEP) PALE IN COMPARISON

TO HOW MUCH I HAVE TO HEARABOUT SPORTS IN THIS COUNTRY.

>> I AGREE.

>> DO PEOPLE TRY TO BOND WITHYOU ABOUT FOOTBALL?

>> I LIKE SPORTS, BUT I'M FROMAMERICA. ( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )>> NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> WHICH TEAM LEADS THE LEAGUEIN MURDER?

>> IT'S TOUGH AT THIS POINT,IT'S TOUGH TO KEEP --

ONE VIDEO IS COMPLETELYOVERTAKEN VINE THIS WEEK AND AS

MUCH AS WE HAD HOPED IT WOULD GGAWAY, SADLY, WE CAN'T BURY IT

WITH A SHOVEL BECAUSE THE GIRLIN THE VIDEO IS HOLDING THAT

SHOVEL AND HITTING THE OTHERGIRL IN THE SKULL WITH IT.

IT'S DISTURBING, BUT THE GIRL INTHE VIDEO IS OKAY-ISH, PROBABLY.

IT'S DISTURBING, BUT THE GIRL INTHE VIDEO IS OKAY-ISH, PROBABLY.

SHOVEL-GIRL HAS SPAWNED HUNDREDSOF PARODIES AND REMIXES.

THIS IS BASICALLY WHAT WOULDHAPPEN IN GANGAM STYLE AND

BACKYARD WRESTLING HAD A BABYAND THE MOTHER DRANK 4LOKO.

WHAT YOU DIDN'T SEE WAS THEFIGHT RIGHT BEFORE THIS.

THERE'S SHOVEL GIRL BEATING THECRAP OUT OF SHARKEISHA.

NOW THERE'S A RUMOR THERE'S AREMATCH BETWEEN THESE TWO.

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO NAMETHIS PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT.

>> THE SHOVEL VS. THE HOE.

>> SO GOOD.

POINTS. NATE.

> THE ALTERCATION ON PROBATION.( LAUGHTER )

>> POINTS.

ON A SIDENOTE THANKS TO TUMBLRUSER DEUCE-LOOSELY FOR THIS.

POINTS!

AND NOW GUYS, IT'S TIME FORTONIGHT'S #HASHTAGWARS

THE TUMBLR AWKWARD ELEVATORCREATED AN AMAZING MEME

FEATURING COMEDIANS EATING ICE CREAM BY REPLACING THEIR

MICROPHONES WITH ICE CREAMCONES.

FOR EXAMPLE, HERE'SWANDA SYKES-CREAM

WE LIKED THE IDEA SO MUCH, ITINSPIRED TONIGHT'S HASHTAG.

#FOODCOMEDIANS. EXAMPLESWOULD BE, SAM KINISH-SON.

OR KEVIN ARTICHOKEHART OR CHRISLARD-LICK.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON HECLOCK, AND GO. NATE.

>> CHEESE AND CHONG.

>> YES, POINTS. NATASHA.

>> SARA SILVER-MANICHEFITZ.

>> POINTS.

NATE.

>> NEAL HAMBURGER.

>> POINTS, ALREADY DONE. MARCMARON.

>> BILL BURR-ITO.

POINTS. NATE.

>> PAUL F. CHANGS

>> SLOPPY JOE ROGAN

>> SNACKS GALIFIANAKAS

>> LARRY THE CABLE GUYFIERI TEQUILA POPPERS.

>> ELLEN DEGENERAS PORTIONS.

YES, OF COURSE, POINTS. NATASHA.

>> MARC MARON-ONADE.

>> WE'RE STEWING IN IT NOW.

MARC.

>> NATASHA LEGGO-MY-EGGO.

>> I LIKE THE BACK-AND-FORTH ONTHAT.

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

>> YOU GUYS DO ME NOW.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY "SCAREB.N.B."

AIRBNB.COM IS A GREAT RESOURCEFOR PEOPLE WHO WANT ALL THE

DISCOMFORT OF NOT STAYING IN AHOTEL,

COMBINED WITH ALL OF THE FEAROF SLEEPING NEAR STRANGERS.

PEOPLE LIST THEIR ACTUAL HOMESAND THEN PEOPLE THEY

DON'T KNOW COME AND STAY THERE.

IT'S LIKE GOLDILOCKS WITHPAYPAL.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A PICTUREFROM AN AIR B.N.B. LISTING

AND I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A LINEFROM YOUR REVIEW AFTER

STAYING THERE. HERE'S THE FIRSTONE.

THIS COZY SUITE THAT SHARESGROUND WITH A FOX NAMED RABIES

AND SOME CREEPY ARTINSTALLATIONS.

>> HARD TO ( BLEEP ) WHENOMINOUS CHILDDEN'S LAUGHTER

BEGINS AT MIDNIGHT.

POINT!

THIS ONE IS IN SEOUL, AND ITLOOKS LIKE A PRISON CAMP.

NATASHA.

>> EASILY THE NICEST SHOERACKI'VE EVER SLEPT IN.

ALSO, I HEART THE SMELL OFKIMCHI FARTS.

>> THIS IS FINE BUT THE MAIDSWORE WHITE LAB COATS AND THE

FREE BREAKFAST WAS AT THE END OFA MAZE.

POINTS.

THIS CREEPY ROOM RENTED BY THISNOT-AT-ALL-CREEPY GUY.

>> HA-HA-- GOT YOU PREGNANT.

>> MARC.

>> REASONABLE RATES BUT I GOTTIRED OF PUTTING THE LOTION IN

THE BASKET.

( APPLAUSE )>> POINTS.

>> HE CALLS IT A DETACHEDSHACK-TEAU.

THE ROOM IS VERY SPACIOUS WHICHIS NICE, BECUASE THE SMILING

LUNATIC NEVER LEAVES THE ROOM.

>> HE JUST HANGS OUT WITH YOU.

>> "YOU WANT ME TO WAKE YOU UPAT ANY TIME."

THE OTHER PART OF THAT PICTUREIS HIS HALF OF THE BED

IT LOOKS LIKE A SMALL BED, BUTTHAT'S LITERALLY--

>> HAD A GREAT STAY UNTIL MYUNBORN CHILD WAS RIPPED FROM MY

WOMB AS I SLEPT

>> CLOSE TO SUBWAY.>> POINTS.

"ROCK N' TROLL CATS."

( APPLAUSE )IN THE POST-KEYBOARD CAT ERA,

THE INTERNET FELINE MUSICALNICHE FACED A LONG DROUGHT. BUT

THANKS TO THE INSTAGRAM,HASHTAG #CATBANDS, PLAYING YOUR

CAT LIKE AN ISTRUMENT HASBECOME AN INTERNET HIT!

THIS IS GOING TO BE A LOT OFFUN.

THIS WILL BE FUN FOR YOU, TOO,MARC.

>> WHY DO YOU SAY FOR ME TOO? --WHERE'S THE BELL --

NO HE INSULTED ME!

>> I WASN'T INSULTING YOU.

>> YOU'RE A VERY GOOD HOST.>> THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE --

( BELL )I THINK IT'S JUST BECAUSE YOUR

TONE IN GENERAL COMES OFFABRASIVE.

COMEDIANS, I'LL SHOW YOU A CAT,YOU GUESS WHETHER IT'S A "ROCK

CAT" OR A CAT BENG USED N SOMEOTHER WAY LIKE A TROLL CAT.

FIRST ONE, ROCK CAT OR TROLLCAT?

MARC.

>> TROLL CAT.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

YEAH A TROLL CAT.

>> WHAT IS THAT?

>> IT'S AN ASSAULT WEAPON. IT'SNOT A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.

SHE'S HOLDING THE WRONG END OFIT.

>> OH, YEAH-- SHE GOT SHOT INTHE FACE.

>> SHE'S TRYING TO KILL HERSELF>> I THINK THE CAT IS, TOO.

ROCK CAT OR TROLL CAT? ROCK CATOR TROLL CAT?

>> I'M GOING ROCK CAT.>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> YEAH!

>> WHAT INSTRUMENT WAS THAT?>> A HARMONICA.

>>>THAT'S THE HARMONICA FROM THEBAND MEWS TRAVELER

( APPLAUSE ).

>> DON'T ENCOURAGE.

>> I THINK THAT'S A STRETCH.

I LIKE THE PICTURE OF HER WHENSHE GETS DONE LIKE, DID YOU GET

IT DID YOU GET IT?

I'LL DO IT AGAIN.

YOU GET IT? WAS GOING FOR IS DIDDID YOU GET IT?

OH, WAIT, I LIVE ALONE.

LAST ONE, ROCK CAT OR TROLL CAT?

NATASHA?

>> TROLL CAT.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

♪ ♪( LAUGHTER )

>> WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING?

HE'S BLASTING HIS QUADS THERE,BRO. WITH A CAT ON HIS BACK.

>> THAT'S LIKE THE LONELIEST GUYIN THE WORLD VIDEO.

>> THIS IS A PICTURE THATHAPPENS AT YOUR HOUSE?

>> NO, NO.

SPEED DATING.

SPEED DATING.

DATING WEBSITES ARE NOT JUSTPLENTIFUL.

THEY'RE HIGHLY SPECIFIC.

NOT ONLY IS THERE J. DATE ANDCHRISTIAN MINGLE, BUT NOW YOU

CAN FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE ONGLUTEN-FREE SINGLES DOT COM,

FARMERSONLY.COM, OR A SPECIALTWOSOMES FOR A THREESOME

ON TREENDR DOT COM. THAT'STOTALLY REAL.

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO COME UPWITH AS MANY NEW AND SPECIFIC

DATING SITES AS YOU CAN.

I'M PUTTING 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

>> WHO WANTTTO ( BLEEP ) MARCMARON DOT COM.

OR YOU CAN JUST GO TOMARCMARON.COM

>> NATE?

>> IN BETWEEN JOBS DOT BIZ.

>> NATASHA.

>> DEAF AND HORNY.

>> POINTS, POINTS.

NATE.

>> GENIOLOGY DOT COM BACKSLASHARKANSAS

>> POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> COMPOSTING RACIST.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> POINTS.

NATE.

>> MYSPACE.COM.

>> SAD DIVORCED AND DESPERATEDOT ME

OR YOU CAN JUST GO TOMARCMARON.COM

>> MY GRANDSON SET THISUP GOT OLD PEOPLE

NATASHA.

>> PRO-LIFE SLUTS DOT COM

>> AVERAGE BULL WILLING DOT COM.

>> DEFINITELY POINTS.

NATASHA.

>> MARC MARON'S EX-GIRLFRIENDS

>> POINTS, MARC, ONE MORE.

>> I DON'T LIKE NATASHALEGGERO DOT COM.

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