Comedy Central Presents
Season 9

CC Presents: Godfrey

  • Season 9, Ep 4
  • 02/17/2005

Godfrey dodges surprise wushu attacks and incredulous friends who don't believe he's African.

I JUST GOT OFF THE SUBWAY.

WHO RIDES THE TRAIN HERE?

WHO RIDES THE...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]YEAH, IT'S NOT CUTE.

IT'S NOT CUTE.

THOSE PEOPLE IN THE BOOTH...

THAT'S WHY THAT BOOTH ISBULLETPROOF.

[LAUGHTER]THEY KNOW YOU LATE FOR A TRAIN.

THEY KNOW YOU'RE LATE.

THEY TAKE THEIR TIME WITHYOUR MONEY.

YOU GOING UP TO THE GLASS,YOU KNOW HOW YOU GO TO THE GLASS

AND TELL THEM, "HURRY UP WITH MYMETRO CARD, HURRY THE HELL UP!"

YOU GIVE 'EM THAT FACE.

[LAUGHTER]AND THEY KNOW, THEY'RE LIKE,

"AHHHH, HE'S LATE.

HMMM, I'LL COUNT HIS MONEYSLOWLY...

HMMM."

YOU LIKE WANT TO STICKYOUR MOUTH THROUGH THE SLOT,

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITHMY MONEY!

GIVE ME MY METRO CARD!"[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THEN YOU RUN GOTTA CATCHTHE TRAIN.

CATCHING THE TRAIN IS SOMETHING,HUH?

YEAH, IT'S AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

IT'S NOT A JOKE.

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU GOTTAGO DOWN THE STAIR.

THE TWO STAIR, NOT JUST ONE,I'M TALKING ABOUT THE TWO STAIR

LIKE-- THAT.

[LAUGHTER]AND YOU NEVER HAVE THE RIGHT

CLOTHES ON.

IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE THE NIKE"CHASE THE TRAIN" SHOES ON.

YOU ALWAYS GOT SOMETHING WEIRDLIKE A BAG AND A CAKE.

YOU ALWAYS GOTTA...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]AND THERE'S, AND THERE'S ALWAYS

AN OLD PERSON.

THERE'S ALWAYS AN OLD PERSON.

NO, NO, NOT LIKE, "HI I'M 65I CAN STILL WALK."

NO, IT'S USUALLY LIKE "AAA,WHERE IS THE TRAIN?"

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!"[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND WHEN YOU CATCH THE TRAIN,YO, CATCHING THE TRAIN, WHAT?

WHEW, YOU FEEL GOOD AS HELL.

[LAUGHTER]NO, NO, NO, I'M SIL...

MAN... YOU DON'T JUST GET ONHEY... NO.

YOU CROSS IT LIKE YOU FINISHEDA SPRINT IN THE OLYMPICS!

"AHHHH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]AND YOU DON'T SIT DOWN

RIGHT AWAY.

YOU GOTTA LET EVERYBODY KNOWYOU CAUGHT IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]"I THINK I'LL START STRETCHING

OUT.

YEAH, CAUGHT THAT TRAIN, BOY.

KNOCKED DOWN AN OLD MANAND THE WHOLE THING, YA KNOW

WHAT I'M SAYING?"THEN YOU START FEELING STUPID

'CAUSE THE TRAIN HASN'T MOVEDYET.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]THEN YOU HEAR THAT ANNOUNCEMENT

"THIS TRAIN IS NOT IN SERVICE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]"WE APPRECIATE YOUR RUN,

THAT WAS VERY GOOD.

I'M SURE YOU BROKE YOUR OWNRECORD, BUT UH GET THE HELL OFF

THE TRAIN.

THANK YOU."

[LAUGHTER]

WHY DON'T THEY FIX THE P.A.

SYSTEM, MAN?

COME ON NOW.

HEY, WHAT IS, YA KNOW

WHAT'S SO FUNNY, NEW YORKERS

GOT USED TO HOW BAD THE SYSTEM

IS THAT YOUR STOP, IS A SOUND?

[LAUGHTER]

"HEY, WHERE YOU GETTING OFF AT?"

[STRANGE NOISE]

[LAUGHTER]

"WHERE YOU GETTING OFF AT?

[STRANGER NOISE]

"WHAT ABOUT YOU?"

[DONKEY NOISE]

"OKAY, THAT'S EXPRESS,

THAT'S EXPRESS OKAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THEN YOU GET WEIRDED OUT

WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEBODY THAT

ACTUALLY SPEAKS PROPERLY.

"NEXT UP, 42nd STREET,

WATCH YOUR STEP!"

[LAUGHTER]

MUST BE HIS FIRST DAY,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL...

HE MUST BE TRYING TO GET

EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT...

[LAUGHTER]

OHHHH.

I REMEMBER I HAD AN INDIAN

CONDUCTOR.

WHY, WE CAN'T...

PEOPLE THAT SPEAK ENGLISH

DON'T SOUND RIGHT, WHAT MAKES

YOU THINK AN INDIAN DUDE IS...

[LAUGHTER]

[IN INDIAN ACCENT] "NEXT UP

BANANA.

NA-NA-NA-NA-NA, BANANA...

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

BANA-BANANA, NANANANA..."

IT'S LIKE, ARE WE GOING TO

CALCUTTA?

WHAT THE HELL IS TALK...?

AND THEN AT THE END IT'S

"STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING

DOORS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

UH, I LIKE THAT INDIAN ACCENT

MAN, THAT'S FUNNY.

IT'S FUNNY.

I EAT INDIAN FOOD, MAN.

YEAH, YOU LIKE INDIAN FOOD?

INDIAN FOOD'S GOOD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT CURRY WILL KICK YOUR ASS

THOUGH.

COME OUT YOUR ASS LIKE THE

MUSIC,

NA, LA, LA, LA LA

NA, HA, LA, LA,

LA, LA, HUMA, HA

BA, LA, LA HA

HAYA, HALLY,

BEERP, BEERP, BEERP

BEERP...

IT'S DIARRHEA SO I GOTTA

KEEP GOING.

MAHALLA, HYNMA, HALLA

HA, HALLA

LA, LA

I'LL DO THIS FOR 90 MINUTES

I DON'T CARE.

HALLA, HAMMA, HALLA

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THEY TRICK YOU, MAN.

IF YOU GO TO ONE OF THOSE

RESTAURANTS THEY TRICK YOU

THAT'S HOW COME YOUR ASS

IS LEAKING.

'CAUSE WHEN YOU GO TO THOSE

RESTAURANTS THEY NEVER TELL,

YOU EVER ASK, "IS THIS GOING

TO BE HOT?"

[IN INDIAN ACCENT] "DON'T WORRY.

TAKE.

NOT HOT."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S WHY THEY ALWAYS

GIVING YOU WATER.

"MORE WATER?

YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT,

MY FRIEND."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I KNOW INDIANS WELL.

[LAUGHTER]

I DO 'CAUSE I'M AN AFRICAN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S RIGHT.

I KNOW YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME

'CAUSE I GOT CLOTHES ON.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE LIKE, "OH MY GOD, WHERE

ARE YOUR FLIES ON YOUR BELLY?"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"WHERE'S, WHERE'S THE FLY,

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW ARE

YOU...?"

'CAUSE YOU KNOW YOU SAY

YOU'RE AFRICAN IN AMERICA,

THEY WANT THAT DISCOVERY CHANNEL

AFRICAN.

WA, LA!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND MY FRIENDS, YO, MY FRIENDS

DON'T BELIEVE ME.

MY BLACK FRIENDS IN AMERICA

DON'T BELIEVE ME.

I SAID, "DUDE, I'M NIGERIAN,

AMERICAN."

[CHEERING]

"WORD?

WE THOUGHT YOU WERE LIKE

REGULAR BLACK."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT THE HELL IS REGULAR BLACK?

CRAYOLA COMING OUT WITH COLORS

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?

REGULAR BLACK!

I SAID YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

CALL MY PARENTS' HOUSE.

MY FATHER PICKS UP THE PHONE

YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO THE

LION KING.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

RIGHT.

"CAN I SPEAK TO GODFREY?"

[IN AFRICAN ACCENT]

"GODFREY IS NOT HERE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"MUSAFA?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE]

AFRICANS GET A BAD RAP,

LIKE THE STARVING KIDS, MAN.

COME ON, MAN.

EVERY TIME ON TV I GOTTA SEE

THAT WHITE DUDE WITH THE LITTLE

BLACK KIDS.

AND THEY POSE 'EM UP.

I DON'T LIKE THE WAY THEY POSE

THE STARVING KIDS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHO THE HELL IS HUNGRY

AND TRYING TO BE SEXY AT THE

SAME TIME?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"GIVE ME FOOD."

NINE THOUSAND FLIES AND YOU

TRYING TO BE SEXY.

"I NEED FOOD."

[LAUGHTER]

AND HE ALWAYS GOT THAT BIG OLD

BOGGER RIGHT THERE ON THE NOSE.

I'M LIKE, "EAT THE BOGGER,

YOU STRAIGHT.

EAT THE BOGGER, EAT THE BOGGER.

I AIN'T SENDING YOU A

DAMN THING.

EAT THE BOGGER!"

[LAUGHTER]

I'LL GO BACK TO NIGERIA.

I'LL BE A WEATHERMAN.

YEAH.

IT'S AN EASY JOB.

YEAH MAN, IT'S LIKE [IN ACCENT]

"HERE IS THE FIVE YEAR OUTLOOK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HOT AS HELL.

BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO."

"OH, WE DON'T HAVE A NEWS TEAM,

BACK TO ME, I'M SORRY."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR PARENTS

ARE THE SAME WAY BUT IMMIGRANTS

ARE JUST LIKE THIS.

THEY'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT

MONEY.

THIS IS MY FATHER, THIS IS HIS

FAMOUS LINE, "WHO IS GOING TO

PAY FOR THIS?

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR THIS?"

I'M LIKE, "I'M TEN YEARS OLD,

YOU GONNA PAY FOR IT!

"WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING

ABOUT, YOU ARE GOING TO PAY,

"FATHER", YOU'RE GONNA PAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

'CAUSE I WAS HANGING OUT WITH

MY FRIEND SHAWN, HE'S AMERICAN

YA KNOW.

HE THINKS EVERY AMERICAN HAS A

KNIFE.

HE'S LIKE, "I, I DON'T LIKE THAT

BOY.

HE HAS A KNIFE.

AND HE WILL STAB YOU.

AND YOU WILL DIE.

AND WHO IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I CAN'T EVEN DIE YOU WON'T EVEN

PAY FOR IT!

SO I GOTTA STAY ALIVE IF I GET

STABBED, "OWEEEEE, HE'S NOT

GOING TO PAY FOR IT.

AHHHH!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

MY FATHER'S FUNNY WHEN HE'S ON

THE ANSWERING MACHINE, I DON'T

KNOW.

YOU DON'T LET FOREIGNERS

ON ANSWERING MACHINES.

'CAUSE MY FATHER, HE DECIDED

TO PUT SOME MUSIC ON THE

ANSWERING MACHINE TO BE COOL.

YA KNOW HE PLAYED SOME

AFRICAN MUSIC.

HE PLAYED THE WHOLE ALBUM.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I WAS ABOUT TO HANG UP

AND I HEAR HIS VOICE, "HELLO.

I KNOW THE MUSIC WAS VERY LONG,

BUT IT IS OKAY.

YOU HAVE REACHED THE DANCHIMA

FAMILY.

LET ME SPELL THAT FOR YOU...

[LAUGHTER]

NO FORGET IT THAT IS TOO LONG.

NOBODY IS HERE.

WE HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE.

NO THE DOOR IS LOCKED,

NO ONE CAN GET IN.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WE ARE NOT HOME!

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE A

LONG MESSAGE...

BECAUSE YOU WILL BE WASTING

OUR TAPE.

OH YEAH, HOLD ON, MY WIFE

WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING."

WHAT THE HECK...?

[CLICK]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU GOT COLLEGE STUDENTS

IN THE HOUSE?

COLLEGE?

YEAH?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHAT COLLEGE, MAN?

ALL RIGHT, THAT SUCKS.

LISTEN TO ME, MAN.

JUST SAY DEVRY DAWG,

KEEP IT REAL, JUST SAY DEVRY.

YOU KNOW YOUR SCHOOL IS CRAPPY

WHEN THEY ADVERTISE IT ON

THE SUBWAY.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU GOT A BIG POSTER WITH

A BUNCH OF MINORITIES ON THERE

WITH THEIR THUMBS UP.

"THANKS FOR LETTING MY DUMB ASS

IN."

THEN THEY TRY TO SNEAK AN ASIAN

ON THERE TO TRICK YOU.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ASIANS ARE SMART AS HELL.

NAH, THEY SMART.

ARE THEY HERE?

YUP, THEY DOING HOMEWORK,

SEE WHAT I TOLD YA?

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'RE SMART!

YOU EVER TRY TO MAKE AN ASIAN

BABY LAUGH?

IT'S HARD.

BLACK OR WHITE BABIES, "HA HA."

DUMMY.

"HA HA."

LAUGH AT ANYTHING.

ASIAN BABIES, UN-HUH.

[LAUGHTER]

"TWO TIMES TWO IS FOUR."

"HA HA HA HA."

THEY NEED EQUATIONS.

EQUATIONS.

BUT YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH

YOURSELF THOUGH YA KNOW WHAT

I'M SAYING?

BE HAPPY WITH YOUR STEREOTYPE.

ASIANS, EHH, THAT'S THE

STEREOTYPE I WANT, BEING THE

SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.

WHEW.

YOU'RE THE SMARTEST, WHAT ARE

YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I GET?

"WHAAAAAT'S UPPPPP?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CRAZY LAUGH]."

I WENT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF

ILLINOIS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YES, UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS,

BIG SCHOOL, 35,000 STUDENTS...

800 BLACK.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S WHAT I DID, I LAUGHED

TOO, WHEN I GOT ON CAMPUS.

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE

BASKETBALL TEAM WAS AWAY, I WAS

THE ONLY ONE LEFT ON CAMPUS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND I WAS THE ONLY BLACK

IN EVERY CLASS.

IT'S HARD TO BE ABSENT, HMM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"WHERE'S THE LITTLE NEGRO BOY

WE PUT IT THE MIDDLE, AHHH?

IT WAS BLACK HISTORY MONTH,

AHHH."

YEAH, THANKS FOR THE SHORTEST

MONTH, ASSES...

AND THE COLDEST.

"YEAH, LET'S KEEP IT IN

THE WINTER TIME, THEIR SKIN GETS

REALLY ASHY, THEY GO OUT THERE

THEN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT I WAS COOL, 'CAUSE I POSED

FOR THE BROCHURE.

[LAUGHTER]

EVERY COLLEGE HAS A MINORITY

PAGE.

I WAS THE BLACK DUDE STANDING

BY THE COMPUTER...

[LAUGHTER]

ALONG WITH MY INDIAN FRIEND

RAJI.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

AND I LIKE WHEN I SEE THUGS

IN COLLEGE.

WHY YOU TRYING TO BE A THUG

IN COLLEGE?

[LAUGHTER]

A THUG, A THUG, WHAT, HOW,

THAT DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT.

IT'S LIKE, "YO, WE GONNA

KICK HIS ASS AFTER MY FINALS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"I GOT TWO LABS, I'M A KILL HIM

RIGHT AFTER THAT."

I'M LIKE, WHAT?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I'M LOOKING FORWARD

TO HALLOWEEN.

MAN, I LOVE IT, CAUSE I'M

BIG NOW AND I CAN BEAT UP KIDS

AND GET THEIR CANDY.

WHAT?

BECAUSE...

'CAUSE WHEN I WAS SMALL

I ALMOST DIED TRICK-OR-TREATING.

I ALMOST DIED TRICK-OR-TREATING,

'CAUSE I HAD ASTHMA AND YOU KNOW

WHEN YOUR PARENTS BUY YOU THAT

CHEAP MASK, THE CHEAP PLASTIC

ONE YOU CAN BARELY BREATH IN IT.

AND THAT BAND IN THE BACK OF

YOUR HEAD MAKING YOU BLEED

THROUGH YOUR SKULL.

AND YOU KNOW THEY CAN'T

HEAR YOU SAYING TRICK-OR-TREAT.

[MUFFLED] TRICK OR...

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

[MUFFLED SPEECH]

AND HOW MUCH AIR DO THEY GIVE US

IN THE MASK, THAT LITTLE SLOT?

YOU CAN STICK YOUR TONGUE

THROUGH IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[GASPS] TRICK OR...

AND THEN YOU WOULD CUT

YOUR TONGUE 'CAUSE THAT WAS

RAZOR SHARP.

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEY SAY IT'S THE RAZORS

IN THE APPLES.

NO, IT'S YOUR MASK!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I KNOW IT'S ALL WARM OUT.

YOU LIKE THIS SUMMER?

YOU LIKE IT?

HUMIDITY, WHEN YOUR ASS IS WETFOR THREE HOURS, YOU LIKE THAT?

YOUR ASS IS DRIPPING.

YOU NEED A DIAPER.

YOU LIKE THAT?

YOUR UNDERWEAR GOES RIGHT UPYOUR ASS.

THAT FEELS GOOD?

DON'T YOU HATE THAT WHENYOU'RE WAITIN' ON THE TRAIN

AND IT'S 2000 DEGREES?

YOUR UNDERWEAR GOES RIGHT UPYOUR ASS.

YOU'RE LIKE, "DARN IT.

NOW HOW TO GET THIS OUT OFMY BUTT?

HMM.

I'LL ACT LIKE I'M LOOKINGFOR CHANGE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]"WHERE'S THAT QUARTER I WAS

LOOKING FOR?"AND SOMEONE ALWAYS BUST YOU OUT,

"YOU DIGGING IN YOUR ASS,AREN'T YOU?

YEAH, I'VE HAD MISSING CHANGE,TOO."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]THAT'S WHY WHAT PEOPLE DO

IS THEY START SLEEPING NAKEDWHEN IT GETS THIS HOT.

WOMEN CAN DO THAT, THAT AIN'TSEXY, STOP CLAPPING, THAT AIN'T

SEXY.

YOU GUYS YOU GET CAUGHT UPIN THAT, "YEAH, I SLEEP NAKED

WITH YOU, TOO."

DON'T SLEEP NAKED IN NEW YORK.

SOMEONE BREAK IN YOUR HOUSE.

[LAUGHTER]YOU BUTT ASS NAKED.

NOW YOU GOT FIGHT 'EM NAKED,THAT LOOKS WEIRD.

YOU'RE IN A KARATE STANCE NAKEDAND THIS IS SHRIVELED UP

'CAUSE YOU'RE A LITTLE SCARED.

[LAUGHTER]SO NOW YOU GOTTA USE YOUR LITTLE

PENIS AS A WEAPON.

HA, HA, HA, HA!

HA, HA, HA!

[LAUGHTER]I WISH I WOULD BREAK INTO

SOMEBODY'S HOUSE AND THEYBUTT ASS NAKED.

WHEW... I USE A BELT.

[LAUGHTER]THAT'LL WAKE YOUR ASS UP.

[WHIPPING SOUND]"WHERE'S THE MONEY, BOY?

WHERE'S THE MONEY?!""OWE."

BUT SEE WITH MY LUCK I MIGHTBREAK INTO THE WRONG MAN'S

HOUSE.

[WHIPPING SOUND]"WHERE'S THE MONEY?"

[LISP] "I DON'T KNOW.

[LAUGHTER][WHIPPING CONTINUES]

I HAVE NO IDEA.

HMMM.

I SPENT IT ALL.

OOOOH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I WANTED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.

YEAH.

I WANTED TO BE AN ASTRONAUT.

EVERYONE'S LIKE, YEAH RIGHT!

YEAH, BUT EVERY TIMETHE SPACE SHUTTLE BLOWS UP

THERE'S A BLACK DUDE ON IT.

[LAUGHTER]IT WAS LIKE IN 87, LAST YEAR.

I'M LIKE, "DOES NASA STAND FOR[BLEEP] AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE

ASTRONAUTS?"[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S IN TEXAS SO I WOULDN'TDOUBT IT.

"HOUSTON WE GOT A PROBLEM.

YEAH, THERE'S A BROTHER ON IT,BLOW IT UP."

"WE DON'T WANT NO GRAFFITION THE MOON, THAT'S ALL WE..."

[BREAKS INTO BANJO MUSIC][LAUGHTER]

THAT'S WHY THEY KEEP US OUT OFSTUFF MAN, 'CAUSE LIKE

THE X GAMES, I WATCH THAT.

I'M NOT IMPRESSED.

THAT'S A WHITE DUDE'SDESPERATION.

THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF SPORTS.

THEY GOTTA FIND SOMETHING THATBLACK DUDES WON'T TOUCH.

THEY'RE LIKE "I HAVE AN IDEA."

THEY'RE IN A HACKY SACK CIRCLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]"WE GOTTA FIND SOMETHING

THAT BLACK DUDES WON'T TOUCH.

"HOW'S THIS, LET'S GETA SKATEBOARD, JUMP OUT OF

A HELICOPTER INTO A GARBAGE CAN.

THEY'LL NEVER TOUCH THAT."

SEE LOOK AT GOLF, IT'S BLACKNOW.

SORRY, IT'S BLACK.

YES, WE'RE CHANGING THE NAME,G-O-F, YES.

[LAUGHTER]WHAT YOU PLAYING?

GOLF.

I DON'T SAY GALFA, NAH.

[LAUGHTER]CADDY CARS GONNA HAVE

SOUND SYSTEM, NICE, WE AIN'TCUTTIN' THE GRASS.

WE DID THAT WHEN WE WEREN'TINVITED SO...

AND LOOK AT WOMEN'STENNIS...MMM... YEAH.

WHEN I USED WATCH WOMEN'S TENNISIT WAS LIKE WATCHING A

SOFT PORN.

[LAUGHTER]I WOULD FADE TO BLACK AND JUST

LISTEN TO THE SOUND.

[POPPING NOISE] "AHH!"[LAUGHTER]

[POPPING NOISE] "AHH!"[POPPING NOISE] "AHHH!"

[POPPING NOISE] "AHHHH!"[POPPING NOISE] "AHHHHH!"

ADVANTAGE ME!

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER][LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU WATCH THE WILLIAMS SISTERS,THEY AIN'T NO JOKE.

THAT'S A WHOLE A DIFFERENTLEVEL.

[GROANING ANIMAL NOISES]

[GROANS LOUDER]

[GROANS LOUDER]

DRINKING FROM THE WIMBLEDON CUP.

[LAUGHTER]

STRONG AS HELL.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]FOR NEW YEARS I WENT TO TOKYO,

WHICH WAS DOPE.

I WAS GOING TO GO TO THEMIDDLE EAST YA KNOW.

[LAUGHTER]I WAS, BUT I CAN'T BE

COUNTING DOWN WITH NOBODYFROM THE MIDDLE EAST.

YOU'RE LIKE, "10, 9"--[ACCENT] "8, 7, 6"--

"WHAT THE HELL YOU COUNTING DOWNFOR?"

"OH I'M SORRY, 5, 4...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

SO SORRY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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