May 21, 2014 - Patrick Stewart

  • 05/21/2014

Eccentric candidates dominate Idaho's gubernatorial debate, a Middle Eastern virus migrates to the U.S., and Patrick Stewart chats about "X-Men: Days of Future Past."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BOOM, RIGHT THERE!

COME ON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WHOOO!

WELCOME TO THE REPORT,EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

I THANK YOU.

I THANK YOU ALL.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

>> THANK YOU, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN.

OH MY GOSH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I GOT TO TELL YOU, FOLKS, I

GOT TO TELL YOU, FOLKS, WITHTHAT KIND OF RECEPTION, WITH

THAT KIND OF ENERGY WITH THATKIND OF LOVE I CAN DO THIS

TWICE A NIGHT!

NATION, AS YOU KNOW I'M APOLITICAL JUNKIE AND TONIGHT

I'M RIDING HIGH BECAUSE IHAVE BEEN SNORTING PURE,

UNCUT BUNTING.

YOU SEE IT IS PRIMARYSEASON WHICH THANKS TO

GLOBAL WARMING WILL SOON BEOUR LAST REMAINING

SEASON. AND YESTERDAYREPUBLICAN VOTERS WENT TO

THE POLLS IN SIX STATES TOCHOOSE WHICH CANDIDATES USED

OUTSIDE MONEY TO AIR THEMOST COMMERCIALS.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE MEDIA ISA BUNCH OF TEA PARTY POOPERS.

>> BREAKING NEWS OVERNIGHT.

A BIG VICTORY FOR THE GOPTAKING DOWN TEA PARTY

CHALLENGERS ACROSS THECOUNTRY.

>> THE TEA PARTY IS BEATENBACK.

>> TEA PARTY SHUTOUT LASTNIGHT.

>> VOTERS HAVE SAID NO TOTEA PARTY CHALLENGERS ALMOST

ACROSS THE BOARD.

>> YES.

>> CHOOSING INSTEAD TO GOWITH THE TRIED, THE TESTED,

THE ESTABLISHMENT.

TAKING INCUMBENTS OVERUPSTARTS.

SO IS THE TEA PARTY OVER?

>> NO, THE TEA PARTY IS NOTOVER!

ANY MORE THAN THE DONNERPARTY IS OVER.

(LAUGHTER)-- HOW ARE THEY DOING, BY

THE WAY.

THEY DIDN'T BRING A LOT OFFOOD UP THERE.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT THOSEGUYS.

AND IF YOU NEED MORE PROOFTHAT THE TEA PARTY SPIRIT OF

ANTI-GOVERNMENT LIBERTYFREEDOM IS ALIVE AND WELL IN

THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, LOOKNO FURTHER THAN MITCH

McCONNELL'S VICTORY PARTYLAST NIGHT.

NO, JIMMY, LATER ON, DURINGHIS SPEECH.

>> FOR FIVE AND A HALF YEARSTHE POWERS THAT BE IN

WASHINGTON HAVE TREATED THEPEOPLE OF THIS STATE WITH

CONTEMPT.

AND TONIGHT I HAVE A SIMPLEMESSAGE FOR ALL OF THEM.

THOSE DAYS ARE NUMBERED.

>> Stephen: YEAH, OH YOU'REGOING GET IT, WASHINGTON

POWERS THAT BE.

I FEEL SORRY FOR WHATEVERJERK HAS REPRESENTED

KENTUCKY FOR THESE PAST 30YEARS.

IF MITCH McCONNELL CATCHESSIGHT OF THAT GUY IN SAY A

MIRROR IT'S ON.

BUT OF COURSE THE BIGGESTPRIMARY WAS IN THE GREAT

STATE OF IDAHO.

ALSO KNOWN AS THE PILLOWMONTANA USES TO PRACTICE

KISSING.

(LAUGHTER)SEE THAT UP THERE.

(APPLAUSE)THE GUBERNATORIAL REPUBLICAN

NOMINATION WAS SEEN AS ACONTEST BETWEEN INCUMBENT

GOVERNOR AND WIND IN THEWILLOWS CHARACTER BUTCH

OTTER AND HIS CONSERVATIVEOPPONENT RUSS FULCHER WHO

IS RUNNING TO THE RIGHT SOMAYBE BADGER.

SO LAST THURSDAY'S PRIMARYDEBATE WAS DOMINATED BY TWO

OTHER CANDIDATES, HARLEYBROWN, FORMER COMMANDING

OFFICER OF NAVALCONSTRUCTION SERVICES AND

MR. WALT BAYES, A GREATGRANDFATHER AND HIGH SCHOOL

GRADUATE.

NOW THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL ABIG TENT.

BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE WALTBAYES LIVES IN A TENT MADE

FROM THE SKIN OF A BEAR HEFOUGHT FOR A GOLD NUGGET.

AND FOLKS, EVEN AN OTTERHEAD LIKE ME WAS CHARMED

WHEN I HEARD HARLEY BROWN'SOPENING REMARKS EXPLAINING

WHY HE IS RUNNING.

>> I WAS AT THE LOW POINT OFMY LIFE.

I MEAN THINGS WERE BAD. AND ICRIED OUT TO GOD. I SAID,

GOD HOW ABOUT PUTTING MEBACK ON ACTIVE DUTY AND

MAKING ME A BATTALIONCOMMANDER. LONG STORY SHORT,

HE SAYS NO, SON, I GOT AHIGHER RANK FOR YOU, I WILL MAKE

YOU THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF.

AND I STAGGERED NOT ON HISPROMISE. I'LL GET INTO

THAT MORE WITH YOU.

DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY 'CAUSEI'M NOT.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, WHEN IT COMES TO

REASSURING OPENINGSTATEMENTS, THAT IS RIGHT UP

THERE WITH I KNOW WE JUSTMET BUT I DON'T HAVE A HUMAN

HEAD IN MY FREEZER.

ALL RIGHT.

RIGHT OFF THE BAT I WASSOLD.

HARLEY BROWN WAS MY GUY BUT THEN WE HEARD FROM WALT

BAYES COMING AT YOU HOT ANDHARD LIKE A VENGEFUL BACKWOODS

SANTA.

>> JIM.

>> GOVERNOR OTTER, ABOUT THEEMISSIONS HE TRIED TO MAKE

ME TAKE AN EMISSIONS TESTAND I TOLD HIM WHAT TO DO

WITH IT.

I DROVE THREE YEARS AND MYWIFE DROVE THREE YEARS WITHOUT

ANY LICENSE OVER IT. NOBODY DONEANYTHING.

I STAND ON PRINCIPLES.

I WENT TO JAIL FOR HOMESCHOOLING.

I DID KILL A WOLF WHILE ITWAS STILL AN ENDANGERED

SPECIES.

>> Stephen: SMART MOVE,SMART MOVE, WALT, OPEN WITH

YOUR CRIMINAL HISTORY.

GET IT OUT THERE BEFORE THELANE STREAM MEDIA HITS YOU

WITH ALL THOSE GOTCHAQUESTIONS ABOUT SHOOTING

WOLVES.

OKAY THIS ROUND POINT BAYES,ESPECIALLY AFTER BROWN

ALMOST LOST ME WHEN HE CAMEOUT AS SOFT ON GAY MARRIAGE.

>> I USED TO DRIVE TAXIS INBOISE FOR 20 YEARS AT NIGHT.

AND I PICKED UP MY FAIRSHARE OF THE GAY COMMUNITY.

AND THEY HAVE TRUE LOVE FORONE ANOTHER.

I'M TELLING YOU, THEY LOVEEACH OTHER MORE THAN I LOVE

MY MOTORCYCLE.

(LAUGHTER)>> OKAY.

ADMITTEDLY THAT PULLS AT THEHEART STRINGS.

BUT AS A CONSERVATIVE I DIDNOT EXPECT TO HEAR PRO GAY

SENTIMENTS FROM A BURLYMAN IN A TINY LEATHER HAT AND

VEST.

(LAUGHTER)BUT THEN HARLEY WON ME BACK.

>> THE KEY IS GETTING OURLAND BACK FROM THE FEDS.

AND HERE'S MY PLAN OFATTACK.

YOU BIND THOSE EVIL SPIRITSTHAT ARE BEHIND THE FEDS

WITH THE BLOOD OF JESUS, THENAME OF JESUS, THE POWER OF

THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE POWEROF AGREEMENT, THE WORD OF

GOD.

TAKE AIR SUPERIORITY ANDTHEN ROLL IN WITH YOUR TANKS.

>> MR. BROWN.

>> BLITZKRIEG.

>> MR. BROWN, THE QUESTIONWAS ABOUT TAXES.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: MAYBE, MAYBE SO.

AND HE WAS GETTING THEREBEFORE YOU SO RUDELY

INTERRUPTED HIM.

CLEARLY HIS POINT WAS THATIF YOU USE IT TO BIND THE

EVIL SPIRITS BEHIND THE FEDSTHE BLOOD OF CHRIST SHOULD

BE TAX DEDUCTIBLE.

WELL, FOLKS, BEFORE LONG ANDTHEN AFTER LONG, IT WAS TIME

FOR CLOSING STATEMENTS.

WALT, STICK THE LANDING.

>> DO YOU REMEMBER CHERNOBYL?

WHERE THE RUSSIANS HAD ALITTLE PROBLEM WITH THEIR

ATOMIC ENERGY?

CHERNOBYL, WHEN YOUTRANSLATE THAT INTO ENGLISH

IT COMES OUT WORMWOOD,WORMWOOD IS MENTIONED IN THE

BIBLE A WHOLE LOT WHEN YOU'RESTUDYING THE LAST DAYS AND IT IS

RADIATION. THEY GAVE THOSEPEOPLE THAT WORK THERE

SOMETHING CALLED POTASSIUMIODIDE AND IT PLUGS

UP YOUR THYROID GLAND SO ITWON'T TAKE THIS RADIATION IN.

AND ANOTHER THING YOU WANTTO KNOW IS OUR ENERGY PLANTS

THAT IS RUN BY ATOMIC, THEYCAN STAND 1/15 OF AN

EARTHQUAKE LIKE THAT ONE INJAPAN AND MY BIBLE SAYS IT WILL

GET WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE.

WE BETTER GET US SOME,FOLKS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> Stephen: NOW THAT IS ACAMPAIGN SLOGAN THAT

AMERICANS CAN RALLY BEHIND.

WALT BAYES, YOU REMEMBERCHERNOBYL WHEN YOU TRANSLATE

THAT IT COMES OUT WORMWOODWHICH IS MENTIONED IN THE

BIBLE A WHOLE LOT, POTASSIUMIODIDE WE GETTER GET US SOME

2014.

NOW FOLKS-- (APPLAUSE)

BUT FOLKS EVEN WALT'SMESSAGE OF HOPE PALED IN

COMPARISON TO THE POWER OFHARLEY BROWN'S CLOSER.

>> AFTER GOD TOLD ME WASGOING MAKE ME PRESIDENT I

WENT OUT AND GOT THEPRESIDENTIAL SEAL TATTOOED

RIGHT HERE ON MY SHOULDER.

I WAS LIVING IN FAT JACK'SCELLAR BECAUSE MY EX-WIFE

HAD GIVEN ME TRUMPED UPRESTRAINING ORDERS.

I COULDN'T SEE MY KIDS.

IT WAS A MESS. FAT JACK'S OLDLADY,

FAT JACK'S WIFE SAID GET THISLUNATIC OUT OF MY CELLAR.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE, FOLKS. ACOWBOY, A CURMUDGEON, A BIKER

OR A NORMAL GUY. TAKE YOUR PICK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, WE'RELEAVING IT UP TO YOU.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: YEAH!

WHO INVITED THE NORMAL GUY.

YOU GOT A COWBOY, ACURMUDGEON AND AN OLD COOT.

THEY WERE ONE CONSTRUCTIONWORKER AWAY FROM BREAKING

INTO YMCA.

WELL, FOLKS, SHOCKINGLYNEITHER OF THESE TWO WON THE

PRIMARY LAST NIGHT.

AND NEITHER DID TEA PARTYCANDIDATE RUSS FULLCHER.

THE NOMINATION WENT TOGOVERNOR OTTER.

BUT TEA PARTY FOLKS, THEFIGHT IS NOT OVER.

WE STILL HAVE THE GENERALELECTION.

AND AFTER WATCHING THATDEBATE IT IS CLEAR TO ME

THAT THE CANDIDATE IDAHONEEDS IS FAT JACK'S OLD

LADY.

(LAUGHTER)SHE-- FAT JACK'S OLD LADY--

(APPLAUSE)HAS A MESSAGE THAT RESONATES

WITH AMERICA.

GET THIS LUNATIC OUT OF MYCELLAR.

-- CELLAR, THAT IS THEMESSAGE THAT CAN DEFEAT NOT

JUST GOVERNOR OTTER BUTALSO IDAHO'S DEMOCRATIC

NOMINEE POTATO WITH AMUSTACHE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODYTHANK YOU SO MUCH.

NATION, I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS,WE ARE ON THE BRINK OF AN

EPIDEMIC. IF YOU'RE NOTWATCHING THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW

IT IS PROBABLY BECAUSEYOU'RE ALREADY DEAD.

A DANGEROUS NEW INFECTIOUSDISEASE IS SPREADING ACROSS

AMERICA, IT'S CALLED MERSAND IT'S ALREADY INFECTIONED

OUR TV NEWS.

>> THE MERS VIRUS THAT BROKEOUT IN THE MIDDLE EAST HAS

NOW FOR THE FIRST TIMESPREAD FROM ONE PERSON TO

ANOTHER IN THE UNITEDSTATES.

APPARENTLY THROUGH AHANDSHAKE.

>> THE SYMPTOMS INCLUDEFEVER, COUGH AND SHORTNESS

OF BREATH.

>> A CREEPING, CONTAGIOUSAND POTENTIALLY DEADLY

RESPIRATORY VIRUS HASREACHED THE U.S.

IT STANDS FOR MIDDLE EASTRESPIRATORY SYNDROME IT

STARTED IN THE SAUDIPENINSULA BUT HAS NOW SPREAD

AROUND THE GLOBE.

>> THAT'S RIGHT, MIDDLE EASTRESPIRATORY SYNDROME HAS

INFILTRATED AMERICAN LUNGS.

IT'S MICROSHARIA.

(LAUGHTER)OUR CELLS COULD BE THE

SLEEPER CELLS.

ACCORDING TO THE CDC,SYMPTOMS OF MERS INCLUDE

FEVER, COUGH AND SHORTNESSOF BREATH BUT ALSO WARN THAT

SOME PEOPLE INFECTED WITHMERS SHOW NO SYMPTOMS AT

ALL.

SHOWING NO SYMPTOMS COULD BEA SYMPTOM

SO IF YOU ARE FEELING GREATRIGHT NOW IT MAY BE TOO LATE.

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE THE CDC CD-SAYS

THERE'S NO REASON TO PANICBECAUSE THERE HAVE ONLY BEEN

THREE KNOWN CASES OF MERS INTHE UNITED STATES.

BUT LOOK AT THE PERSON TOYOUR LEFT, THEN LOOK AT THE

PERSON ON YOUR RIGHT.

THERE'S THREE PEOPLE RIGHTTHERE AND ONE OF THEM IS

YOU.

AND WHILE SCIENCE MAY NOTKNOW HOW IT SPREADS, THEY

HAVE PINPOINTED THE ORIGINOF MIDDLE EAST RESPIRATORY

DISEASE.

AND ON THIS ONE SCIENCESOUNDS A LITTLE RACIST.

>> EXPERTS SAY IT MAYORIGINATE WITH CAMELS.

>> ABOUT TWO YEARS AGOPERSONS HAVING CLOSE CONTACT

WITH CAMELS EITHER INCARING FOR THE CAMELS OR IN

PARTICULAR CONSUMING CAMELPRODUCTS BEGIN TO DEVELOP

THIS INFECTION.

>> SAUDI ARABIA WARNS THOSEDEALING WITH CAMELS TO TAKE

PRECAUTIONS.

THE MINISTRY OF AGRICULTUREURGE PEOPLE WHO COME IN

CONTACT WITH CAMELS TOEXERCISE CAUTION AND FOLLOW

PREVENTIVE MEASURES.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE BLAMINGCAMELS.

NOW PEOPLE ARE GOING TOASSOCIATE JOE CAMEL WITH

RESPIRATORY DISEASE.

(LAUGHTER)AND FOLKS, I--

(APPLAUSE)>> I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO

IS UPSET HERE.

CAMEL OWNERS ALL OVER THEMIDDLE EAST ARE PROTESTING

THIS SLUR BY FLOODINGTWITTER WITH CAMEL-SMOOCHING

SELFIES LIKE THESE.

NOT TO MENTION ALL THEDISTURBING PHOTOS LIKE THESE

OF DRY HUMPING.

BUT NATION, I'M NOT TAKINGTHAT KIND OF RISK.

I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO BREAKUP WITH MY CAMEL CAMIE.

CAMIE, COME ON OUT HERE.

IT'S CAMIE "THE COLBERTREPORT" CAMEL, EVERYBODY.

(APPLAUSE)NOW CAMIE AND I, CAMIE AND I

MET AT A PARTY LAST YEAR, IFORGET WHEN T WAS SOMETIME

IN VERY, VERY LATE OCTOBER.

IT WAS THE SAME NIGHT I METMY GOOD FRIENDS BATMAN AND

SEXY PIRATE.

BUT WE HAVE BEEN INSPARABLEEVER SINCE.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CAMIE.

YEAH.

WELL, GIRL, GIRL, I'M AFRAIDI'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO SIT DOWN.

(LAUGHTER)CAMIE, CAMIE, I'M AFRAID

THIS IS THE END.

IT'S NOT YOU, NO, CAMIE, IT'SNOT YOU.

IT'S ME BEING DEATHLY AFRAIDOF YOU.

(LAUGHTER)BUT DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT

LOOK.

DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK.

YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT'SALWAYS ON YOUR FACE BECAUSE

IT NEVER MOVES.

CAMIE THIS IS BOUND TOHAPPEN.

AND PLUS IT'S JUST COSTINGME TOO MUCH MONEY ANYWAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY A CAMELNEEDS TO STAY AT THE RITZ

CARLTON.

IN TWO DIFFERENT ROOMS.

I GOTTA SAY FOR SOMEONE WHOHAS GOT A HUMPFUL OF WATER

YOU SURE GO THROUGH A LOT OFMINIBAR BOURBON.

IN FACT, CAMIE, I'M GOING TOHAVE TO ASK YOU FOR MY

CREDIT CARD BACK.

SO I GUESS THIS IS GOOD-BYE.

BUT CAMIE, BEFORE WE GO,MAYBE ONE LAST KISS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW GO! GO BEFORE I CHANGE MYMIND.

CAMIE, WAIT.

I'M GOING TO NEED THE OTHERCREDIT CARD.

NOW GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY,MY GUEST TONIGHT STARS IN

THE NEW MOVIE X-MEN DAYS OFFUTURE PAST, AS PROFESSOR X.

I WILL ASK HIM THE QUESTIONWHY.

PLEASE WELCOME PATRICKSTEWART.

HEY!

PATRICK STEWART, THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR COMING ON.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

NOW PATRICK, OBVIOUSLY ANAWARD WINNING ACTOR OVER THE

YEARS.

YOU'VE HAD THE HONOR OFPLAYING JEAN LUC

PICARD ON STAR TREK THE NEXTGENERATION.

PROFESSOR XAVIER IN THE X-MENFILMS

YOUR LATEST IS X-MEN DAYS OFFUTURE PAST, OPENS THIS

FRIDAY.

THE PLOT OF THE FILM ISYOU SEND A MESSAGE TO

YOURSELF BACK IN TIME,CORRECT?

>> YOU SOUND PUZZLED.

>> WELL, THAT'S A PUZZLINGIDEA IS THAT YOU SEND A

MESSAGE TO YOURSELF BACK INTIME.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: IF YOU PATRICKSTEWART COULD SEND A MESSAGE

BACK TO YOUNGER PATRICKSTEWART, WHAT WOULD YOU WARN

PATRICK STEWART ABOUTPATRICK STEWART'S FUTURE.

>> VERY, VERY SIMPLE.

>> Stephen: WHAT.

>> BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE MUCHFUN WHEN I WAS A KID.

I WAS ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE.

I WAS MADE A PREFECT ATSCHOOL TWO YEARS EARLY.

>> YOU WERE A PREFECT? DID YOUGO TO HOG WARTS?

>> NO, NO.

>> IT IS PAINFUL YOU SHOULDBRING THAT UP, YOU KNOW.

BECAUSE I MEAN IAN MCKELLENAND MYSELF, WOULDN'T YOU

THINK THAT WE WERE SHOE-INSFOR THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES?

>> Stephen: WELL, I GOT TOSAY.

>> NOT ONE PHONE CALL.

>> Stephen: I GOT TO SAY, IGOT TO SAY, THAT WOULD BE A

GREAT THING FOR THE NEXTX-MEN IF YOU GET THE X-MEN

TO GO AS HARRY POTTER ANDTHE LORD OF THE RINGS, THEN

YOU CAN REPRESENT EVERYBRITISH ACTOR WHO WORKED FOR

THE LAST 50 YEARS.

DID IT HURT TO NOT GET ACALL FOR EITHER ONE OF THOSE

MOVIES.

>> IT HURT.

IT STILL HURTS.

>> Stephen: I MEAN WHY HAVESUCH A DEBILITATING SPEECH

IMPEDIMENT LIKE THAT ACCENTOF YOURS AND NOT HAVE IT PAY

OFF WITH A LITTLE BIT OFTHAT HARRY POTTER COIN.

>> YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHE WAY I SPEAK?

>> Stephen: NOT AT ALL.

>> YOU WERE ASKING AQUESTION.

>> Stephen: ABOUT TALKING TOYOUR YOUNGER SELF.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

IT WAS-- I WAS TELLING YOUHOW RESPONSIBLE I WAS AS A

KID I NEVER HAD CRAZYTEENAGE YEARS.

I WOULD GO BACK AND I WOULDSAY PATRICK, CHEER THE

[BLEEP] UP!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: NOW WE'VE GOT A

CLIP FOR THE MOVIE, YEAH,YEAH, WE STOLE ONE.

>> OH.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

JIM, LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> SO I WAKE UP INMY YOUNGER BODY, GOD KNOWS

WHERE, THEN WHAT.

>> YOU NEED TO GO TO MYHOUSE AND FIND ME.

CONVINCE ME OF ALL OF THIS.

YOU NEED ME AS WELL.

>> WHAT?

>> IT'S GOING TO TAKE THETWO OF US,

SIDE-BY-SIDE AT ATIME WHEN WE COULDN'T BE APART.

>> YOU'LL HAVE TO BEPATIENT.

>> PATIENCE ISN'T MYSTRONGEST SUIT.

>> BASICALLY YOUR BODY WILLGO TO SLEEP WHILE YOUR MIND

TRAVELS BACK IN TIME.

AS LONG AS YOU ARE BACKTHERE PAST AND PRESENT WILL

CONTINUE TO COEXIST.

>> DO YOU REALLY THINK THISWILL WORK?

>> I HAVE FAITH IN HIM.

>> IT'S NOT HIM I'M WORRIEDABOUT, IT'S US.

WE WERE YOUNG,WE DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER.

>> WE WILL NOW.(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> WE HAD AN ALTERNATIVELINE WHEN WE WERE REHEARSING

THAT SCENE.

AND YOU REMEMBER THAT I SAYI NEED YOU TO GO TO MY

HOUSE.

AND OUR FAVORITE ONE WASI'LL NEED YOU TO GO TO MY

HOUSE BECAUSE 35 YEARS AGO ITHINK I LEFT THE GAS ON.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF 35

YEARS AGO, IS THERE ANYCHANCE THAT YOU, IS THERE

ANY CHANCE YOU YOURSELF AREA TIME TRAVELER?

BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO SHOWYOU SOMETHING.

THIS IS A PHOTO OF YOU 24YEARS AGO.

AND THIS IS YOU THIS YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)DO YOU BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF

THE INNOCENT?

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

(APPLAUSE)>> WELL, CLEAN LIVING, CLEAN

THINKING.

IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE.

KEEPS MY FLESH, MY SKINTONED AND CLEAN.

>> Stephen: WOW.

REALLY?

HEALTHY MIND, HEALTHY BODY.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.

DOES BEING A SIR COME WITHANYTHING S THERE A

MEMBERSHIP CARD?

DO YOU GET 20% OFF OF FIGGIEPUDDING AND STUFF LIKE THAT?

ARE YOU ALLOWED TO KILLONE KNAVE OR CUR WITHOUT ANY

REPERCUSSIONS.

>> YEAH, UPGRADES ON BRITISHAIRWAYS.

>> Stephen: NO, REALLY?

THAT COMES WITH?

>> WELL, THE LAST TIME I HADONE IT CAME THE DAY AFTER MY

KNIGHTHOOD WAS ANNOUNCED.

AND I IMAGINED A MEMO HADGONE OUT THROUGHOUT THE

ORGANIZATION, YOU KNOW.

IF THIS GUY SHOWS UP, YOUKNOW, GET HIM OUT OF COACH

AND PUT HIM IN FIRST CLASS.

>> Stephen: THAT MEANS YOUBOOKED A FLIGHT FOR YOURSELF

COACH.

I RESPECT THAT MORE THANANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE SAID

HERE TONIGHT.

THAT'S TRUE COURAGE, MYFRIEND.

>> I LIKE-- AND THIS WILLREPRESENT TO YOU WHERE I

STAND POLITICALLY.

I LIKE TO BE CLOSE TO THEPEOPLE, TO THE REAL PEOPLE

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I DON'T BELIEVE

SO YOU WILL ASK ME WHY DIDYOU ACCEPT THE KNIGHTHOOD,

PATRICK THAT WAS ON YOURLIPS.

I ACCEPTED A KNIGHTHOOD ONBEHALF OF THE PEOPLE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT?

SAME THING MERE, I GET PAIDA LOT OF MONEY TO DO THE

SHOW AND I ACCEPT IT ONBEHALF OF THE PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER)WELL, THANK YOU, PATRICK

STEWART.

>> THANK YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: PATRICK STEWART,

X-MEN DAYS OF FUTURE PAST.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FORTHE REPORT, EVERYBODY, GOOD

NIGHT.